


Faultlines

by RRediKON



Category: Multi-Fandom, iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alot of bro Junbin, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Big mess of interactions, Donghyuk is fls angel, Drama & Romance, F/M, Family, Family Issues, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Jundongbin are friendship goals, Junrosé is the prettiest straight ship you can get, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Really big massive splash of characters surrounding DoubleB, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Smut, Teacher-Student Relationship, Yundong are relationships goals, a lot of side characters and side stories with relationships/friendships, also shittones of angst coming later, and triggers, detailed sex, doubleb – Freeform, everything is leading to something specific, just sayin, long chapters, or more like surrounding Hanbin, will add tags later to not spoil anything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2020-07-27 14:27:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 125,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20047555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RRediKON/pseuds/RRediKON
Summary: It was all good, Hanbin thought he had the life everyone wished for, good grades, amazing friends, people who appreciated his hard efforts.He thought if he lived up to everyone’s perfect image then he would be satisfied with his life.As much as Hanbin was confident in these words, he was oblivious to the hidden faultlines in his life, existing way down, unnoticed and unseen deep underneath many layers of crust he thought was his perfect life.It was all quiet until a foreshock hit him in the form of a stranger he spent the night with.Said stranger brought an earthquake to his life, showed him how real living supposed to be when you stop pretending to be someone you weren’t.Hanbin struggles to accommodate the rapid changes in his life when the stranger turned out more than a one nightstand in a random club he hit with his squad.Everything becomes a massive chaos; a gay apartment, random neighbours and a fairy landlord.It all started within that rundown apartment building that fated their odd meetings.Or was it the calculus hall?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I’m a new author contributing to the iKON and doubleB tag~  
You will get to know me over the time, but let’s just begin with my name, Ala’a but call me Allo or Aloosh <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —I still remember that night precisely; the loud beats of music, the liquor in my veins and your hands all over my body  
The way I entrusted myself  
To you  
A stranger

_._

_._

_It all started that day… last day of winter break, senior year of college._

_He came into my world, flipped it upside down, changed my life, changed me in ways I could never wish for or imagine I would ever do._

_I was thankful all this while, these were the best days of my life but how I wish I could take everything back now and end it where it all started._

_We were two worlds apart, we should have stayed like that._

_I ruined everything._

_It was all my fault._

_The fault lines within me that I couldn’t see, the cracks I didn’t know about until I saw the world crumble around me._

.

.

.

Hanbin felt arms wrap around him, smiled as he heard the words following, basically his mom showering him with encouraging words and goodbyes.

He was leaving his home because finally winter holiday was done and senior year started next day.

Packing his bags, Hanbin bid his farewell to his mom and little sister, barely making it out of their arms as he ran for the private car parked outside their mansion, with one last bright smile he was on his way to his rented apartment.

After an hour drive the car stopped by a house “Hey man!” His best friend Junhoe greeted him as loud as he could get. He was used to it so he didn’t mind when he hugged his friend.

“Hey asshole, missed me much.” Hanbin smacked his shoulder playfully and Junhoe wasn’t far short behind when he returned the smack on the head.

“Not at all, one more year and I will get rid of you for good!” They both knew so well none of them meant the jokes, knowing each other for four years now, sharing the same apartment all this time made them close enough to brothers by birth.

The drive was full of jokes and laughs, they didn’t notice the sun setting when it crossed three hours and half drive on the roads.

“Bet that idiot is waiting for us by now.” Junhoe said as he checked his wrist clock, ten more minutes to arrive; streets already recognizable as they got closer to their destination.

“Dongi is probably has unpacked and hogging the TV and PlayStation.” Hanbin snorted. Arriving shortly after, both struggled to drag their bags up the four story building, apartment number 30, last one at the end of the corridor. It was a cheap one for their rather very good financial status but they had been there since first year college and Donghyuk had a four year crush on the guy living next door. Yeah no lies, they were stuck.

What they didn’t know and no one warned them about was Donghyuk making out with his crush in the living room when they got in, not even noticing the intrusion more busy sucking each other’s faces.

“Yikes.” Junhoe scrunched his face, “Gotta agree friend, big yikes.” Hanbin patted his shoulder.

“They aren’t even planning on noticing our arrival.” Junhoe was trying his hardest not to ruin their moment by shouting at the top of his lungs.

“I can see that couch getting ruined from now.” Hanbin grabbed Junhoe by the shirt so he wouldn’t scare the shit out of the two.

“It will, I can see it too.” Both men let out an embarrassing startled yell when they heard a voice behind them.

“Hey, I’m Chanwoo, his bro.” The guy said monotonously, sipping his juice as if his brother wasn’t making out with another man in front of him.

“You are a fighter.” Junhoe recovered from his shock with a dumb remark.

“Nah, I’ve been calling this one years from now, my Yunni bro finally grew the balls to confess.” Chanwoo shrugged his shoulder.

“You should both get ready we have to be out here in…” he trailed off checking his phone, “Ten minutes.”

“What Where?” Hanbin questioned him looking down at their bags. “We haven’t even unpacked yet.” Junhoe agreed with him.

“Erm, guys… when did you arrive?” Yunhyeong, the guy making out with their best friend said, was he embarrassed?

“FINALLY!” Junhoe exclaimed and everyone groaned at his disastrous loud voice.

“Guys!” Donghyuk ever the bright guy jumped his friends, pulling them for a group hug “God I missed you both.” Faking annoyance, they tried to act offended by the hug but both couldn’t help the longing they had for each other.

“Missed ya pal, we left for couple months and you have a boyfriend now?” Hanbin grinned at the beaming man in front of him.

“Yo neighbour!” Junhoe gave the older man a shove to the shoulder, “About time you save us from this helpless romantic.” Junhoe cracked a laugh and Yunhyeong returned it as brightly, his smile alone was enough reason to gain approval from both friends.

“Sorry for taking long to claim what is mine,” Yunhyeong shrugged and both Hanbin and Junhoe exchanged a known smile, nodding at things being fine.

“Hate to break this lovely family moment, but we have a car waiting downstairs to pick us up.” Chanwoo interrupted the mood.

“Yes! We are going to the club downtown to celebrate last day of freedom before senior year!” Donghyuk exclaimed excitedly, hands circling the waist of his boyfriend.

“That’s the most stupid idea y’know that?” Hanbin told him only to receive a whine back from the guy.

“You want us to go first day suffering from hangovers!” Junhoe threw his hands up, he knew better because he was a heavy drinker and he was well aware of the consequences of their suggestion.

“I will make sure you get back alive, I’m not one for drinking and I’m used to secure my bro back safe.” Chanwoo shrugged, sipping his juice only to hear whistling sound from the empty packet. “This is a sign, let’s go.” He turned his back and walked out of the door.

“C’mon don’t be kill joy!” Donghyuk pulled his lover with him out the door.

“Y’know my only complaint in the hangover…” they glanced at each other as if communicating with their eyes.

After a moment of silence, “To fuck with it let’s go.” They cracked a stupid smile as they went out not forgetting to lock the door behind.

The ride was ridiculous, you can only imagine a ride with five boys, both Hanbin and Donghyuk sticking out the window, their upper body out, Hanbin had his legs on Junhoe’s lap while Donghyuk throwing his own on his lover’s one, Yunhyeong having his hands wrapped at his thighs in case the excited guy dropped out.

Music was loud, the driver probably cursing himself for the ride he got.

Winds blew Hanbin’s hair, one hand in the air as he sang at the top of his lungs to the music blowing from the car mixed with Junhoe’s voice which was louder than the booming speakers.

Hanbin smiled, ‘one more year’

Arriving at the club, high on adrenaline after their fun ride, Hanbin jumped out of the window and the rest existed after.

“Look, drink act stupid get laid but don’t get anyone killed okay?” Chanwoo was too mature to be the youngest amongst them. The stupid four didn’t mind the funny scene as they grinned at him.

“Yes sir! Please take care of us!” Chanwoo couldn’t help finally cracking a smile, but only after he made sure everyone were out of his sight, he grabbed his phone and sat down by the sidewalk, not really interested to go in.

Chanwoo didn’t know how much time passed scrolling on his smartphone when someone called out to him.

“Hey boy.” He lifted his bored eyes to meet him, the guy seemed like a guard based on his dark outfit and the wireless radio on his hip he bet there was some weapon hiding somewhere under the baggy clothes.

“You don’t seem any older to call me that.” Chanwoo replied as he returned his eyes to the phone, “I don’t know your name so?” The guy sat down beside him, Chanwoo didn’t want to act annoyed but the guy started to get on his nerves.

“Shouldn’t you be guarding the entrance?” Chanwoo threw him a glance, he wondered why the guy was smiling, he reminded him of someone but he didn’t want to dwell on the thought right now.

“Nah, I’m just an extra, there are two already securing it.” He could hear the bubbly tone in his voice, “I’m Moonbin by the way.” He offered a hand and Chanwoo stared at it for couple seconds before deciding he wasn’t that rude to act bratty right now so he took the hand in his.

“Chanwoo.” He simply said as he retreated his hand fast.

“I have been watching you for a while now, why don’t you go in, it’s already one in the morning.” The guy tilted his head to stare at Chanwoo, both knew Chanwoo was scrolling mindlessly just to not engage more in the conversation but dammit if Moonbin wasn’t persistent.

“I don’t like loud places,” Chanwoo finally dropped his phone, “and loud people.” The moment Chanwoo met his eyes with a cold stare, Moonbin beamed brighter at him.

“I might be going out of my way to say this, but your eyes are huge!” Chanwoo was slightly taken back by the comment, wasn’t expecting it actually so when he stared almost in a dumb way at the guy he received one of the most prestigious laughs he did ever hear and see.

It echoed though the silent empty night street and throughout the chill air, Chanwoo found himself stuck with the guy for the next couple hours, dealing the loudest mouth he didn’t think he could tolerate before.

\--------------------------------

Everything was loud, music so brash that Hanbin could feel it throughout his whole body, he loved clubs, loved the temporary freedom it had, he got to drink whatever he liked, dance to his heart content, rode beats and free vibes.

The place was as lively as any club he hit before with his friends, popping his head to the music as he swayed his body lazily while striding his way with Junhoe to the bar, the couple already hitting the dance floor ahead of them, if he remembered correctly, that was one of Donghyuk’s favourite songs.

Only because they used to hear it blasting from Yunhyeong next door apartment. Man was whipped.

“Ready to drop it?” Junhoe said over the music after placing their order, bartender sending flirty glances Junhoe’s way making Hanbin laugh under his breathe.

“You bet I am, this place is my forte.” Hanbin sipped on the drink being slipped in front of him.

“Hah, like shit it is, you never even get laid always wasted yourself dancing then ended up on the side walk ranting about your next projects and your mom blowing her lungs at you.” Junhoe snorted which only gained him a glare in exchange, “Says the manwhore here, bet you will be fucking that bartender behind these closed doors.” Hanbin pointed to the doors leading to the storage then eyed the said bartender who winked when Junhoe threw her a glance.

“She is hot though.” Hanbin scrunched his face, “Not interested sorry.”

“Your gay ass can’t relate, maybe find some hot guy to fuck you good and get you outta that tight knot you have.” That completely gained him a punch on his shoulder making the man wince.

“That was a strong one asshole.” Hanbin only drunk his mix of alcohol “You owned that bitch.” Now Hanbin made a mental note to slow down his drinking because he already started to feel the buzz through his system.

“Come find me at the dance floor if I took long.” Hanbin got up, “More like by the sidewalk.” Too bad he was gone before he got to hear the rude remark of his friend.

Once he stepped out to the dance floor, All The Stars by Kendrick Lamar started to play and it sure casted the mood for him along the vibrations of the speakers and blinding disco lights.

He closed his eyes as he started to sway to the beat, everyone around him moving in waves, touching and pressing against each other lost on the beat and high.

He grinned because he liked how everyone around him gave no shit about everything and he wanted to blend in that crowd, even if it was only within the night, he knew by day he needed to come back to reality and everything his life putted on his shoulders.

Lost in his thoughts, one person grabbed his attention from the crowd.

Man was hot, his ripped black jeans, leather boots, low-neck loose white shirt and his mob of hair, his wild hair moving with every move he made, the piercing on his left brow, the rings decorating his ears, the black shadow at the corners on his small yet sharp eyes and his lips, the way he bit it as he rode a rough beat.

The way the man in front of him had that aura, almost addictive, girls around him trying to win him over, one of them running her hand over his crotch and up, his eyes following the movement as it went higher and higher, pulling the shirt slyly along it, revealing the toned abs and tan skin. As if it wasn’t obvious the man was built but that v line under his hung-low jeans and veins running down under that belt, Hanbin unconsciously bit his lower lip.

Hanbin never was a man to be attracted to strangers, didn’t even like one nightstands or lousy relationships like these, never bothered perusing his search for a perfect match because his two experiences in relationships before proved to be total failures, none satisfied him the way he wanted, wasn’t estimable enough at all also it brought more trouble than it was worth it.

Busy trying to achieve the perfect student picture for his loving mother, he didn’t find it worth the time to waste on relationships that would probably end up with meaningless awful separations.

To cut it short, he hadn’t got laid in two years. Yup.

How many songs did it pass while he ogled the perfect man in front of him?

He didn’t know he was still staring, eyes trailing up to only meet the ones belonging to the hot guy, time froze for a second and the man smirk shattered it to reality, _Hanbin felt his whole world shake with the trance of it. _

That was the cue for Hanbin to make a ran for it, embarrassment was yet to fully kick in thanks to the alcohol so he decided to make a beeline for the bartender and maybe order some more alcohol to get more wasted before he let himself dwell in self-humiliation because he was caught by a hot guy probably eye-raping him through the crowd.

“Oh god fuck my life!” Hanbin slammed his head facedown with the surface of the bar, seeing the drink getting slipped in front of him, he immediately lifted his head up and drowned the strong liquor, and another two shots made sure no self-pity was presented in his head.

A small conversation with the sweet bartender and alcohol dancing in his system made him forget the presence of that guy. The bartender was different than the last one, Junhoe probably fucking her now if he got lucky which he always did.

“Hey you mustn’t doze off here.” The bartender spoke softly, he knew her by the name Dahyun now, man she was so beautiful he would have fell for her if he had a single straight hair in his system but he didn’t. That didn’t forbid him from spotting her beauty, he wondered how she ended up locked in such work and unsafe place.

“Hmm, my friend will come take me soon.” Hanbin slurred the words as he fought himself not to fall out of it.

Finding Hope - 3:00 AM (Background Music)

The music slowed down on the dance floor and Hanbin felt his head slowly drop down to rest over his folded forearms, he just had to wait for one of the boys to fetch him up.

His feet slowly popped to the slow beat, so calming in contrast to the playlists before.

“You don’t go to clubs for naps y’know.” A rough teasing voice said, Hanbin was half out of it to know if the voice was real or just his brain conjunction some messy shit because Junhoe would have ruffled him up by now.

“You know the guy Sir?” That was the bartender voice, he still didn’t feel like waking up, might as well the man give up and leave him alone for his sweet dreams and later one hell of a hangover.

“Well, thought I would get to know him, since he spent ten minutes eying me there.” Wait… oh god oh god ohhh fuckinnn gooodddd. Alarm bells rang in Hanbin’s head. He was suddenly all wide awake and yup he snapped his head up and was staring like some fucking dumb loser at the god of a man above him.

The man had the audacity to grin lopsidedly at him?! The offense! He didn’t need any more humiliation someone can come and save his ass please he would pay anything for that serves dammit.

“Cute.” Oh God.

“What?” it came out more rushed than intended, Hanbin’s ears were red by now, the man was so close, well maybe not, but for him he was, and dammit that jawline can cut.

“Wanna touch?” No he did not say that out loud.

“You did again.”

“God please spare me my remaining dignity please.” Hanbin slammed his head down again with a whine and the man hollered with laughter, Hanbin found himself peering up at the guy under his lashes and the laugh he saw was so blinding he wondered if a sun had shined in the club somehow. The crooked teeth were hot.

The man leaned down so close, Hanbin’s heart beat so loud when his lips touched his ear “Bet they are hotter when I bite down on those lips of yours.” And he bit his ear.

Hanbin was fucked.

“Okay just kidding, or maybe not.” The man grinned at him playfully and he could bet his cheeks were red by now, he lifted his hands to touch them and yup, they were definitely red.

“Come have a dance with me, I loved the way you moved there.” The man was flirting with him, why was a hot man flirting with him and even inviting him for a dance, everyone was over him there so can he maybe like spare him his life and some of his dignity?

But he was persistent and Hanbin had enough of his embarrassment, noticing the shot class he forgot to drown he took it and drunk it before getting up, legs slightly wobbly but he could make it out of that man’s reach, maybe hide in the crowd or find one of the boys.

He didn’t know that his choice of action was more like an invitation to the stranger.

DJ playing Allan Walker mix and the club was blasting with Specter.

He pushed through the crowded floor, trying to get the farthest away, but then Hanbin felt a body press against his back and large hands laid on his waist, the body swayed and he couldn’t fight his instinct and love for music, freedom, dance as his body moved on its own he started to rave with the beat.

He leaned back, one hand going up to thread through the mob of messy hair and he threw his head back on the man’s shoulder, the man pulled him closer if possible, one of his hands went from his waist up his abdomen and over his chest, his heart probably was beating so loud under his balm.

Hanbin let a groan out when he felt him grind against his ass and he pushed on him more, the beat getting too hot for their movements and he felt teeth sink in his neck, he would be surprised but the lick that came after drowned a hot moan out of his mouth, he let his weight fall to be cared by the strong man behind, his hand dropped from his hair down to his neck and he turned around, he came face to face with the stranger. Eyes locked and Hanbin felt caged yet so exposed under those hunting stares.

He dropped his face to rest on his shoulder, bodies still moving when he whispered “Hanbin.”

He heard him.

The man grabbed his face with both hands, mouth pressing kisses along his long neck and he threw his head back at the pleasure, he hadn’t been touched in so long and this man sure knew how to do it so good.

The kisses moved from his neck to his jawline and over his ear, “Bobby.”

And then soft mouth was over his, kissing him roughly and he withered under the touch, maybe it was the alcohol or maybe the man was an expert in pleasuring, maybe because he hadn’t been laid in a really long time, but Hanbin felt himself give up control so easily when he moaned into Bobby’s mouth when he felt him bite on his lower lip, and that was hot, the way he bit and dragged his lip away with him, sucking it before letting it go.

Hanbin’s mind was half a haze yet so focused, focused on every touch and every word the man chanted on him.

He was so aware of the lips moving on his skin, the strong arms keeping him on his feet, wrapped around his waist in a lock hold. The way their chests pressed close and music blaring deafeningly around them.

“Come with me.” The man told him and he felt the command in his veins when he followed obediently after him, Bobby’s hand held his own smaller one in his.

Fresh air hit his face when they stood outside the club, suddenly his ears felt relived at the quietness of the night. Chill air calming his hot nerves a little.

Though Bobby’s arm over his waist sideway was the only thing kept him on his feet.

“Hey, wait for me here, I will be back in a minute.” The man hands were at his shoulders to keep him from leaning his whole weight on him, he didn’t notice the grin on the man’s face, Hanbin only nodded as he pulled back and tried to function his own muscles to stand on their own.

Bobby was out of his sight and he found himself sitting by the side walk, he rubbed his arms as the chill air of the night started to seep through his skin, he was sleepy.

He let a yawn out, he squinted his eyes open to find the stranger crouched down in front of him, fond smile on his face.

“Get up, the night is still young for you to spend it sleeping.” Hanbin got a flick to his forehead and he whined, “Here.” Bobby slide a black helmet over his face, peaking his confused face on the lips before he fastened it and pulled Hanbin up with him, he dragged him to the motorcycle parked close; when did it arrive? The ride was expensive, the metal matt black, the shiny glossy lines running over it in smooth curves. It was beautiful, and it was just like its owner, resembled him so much in rough edges yet elegance and smooth features.

Hanbin couldn’t help stare at the way Bobby threw his long legs over the motorcycle, winds playing with his hair in the most beautiful way.

“C’mon stop staring and hop on.” Bobby threw him a lopsided smile and the engine roared through the quiet night.

Hanbin half dazed rode behind him, suddenly aware of how his chest was pressed against the wide back in front of him, he didn’t even notice he was running his hands over his shoulders, shivers running through Bobby went unnoticed by Hanbin, “Stop touching and hold on tight.” Bobby reached for Hanbin’s hands and laid them on his toned stomach, Hanbin could feel the hard muscles beneath the thin shirt.

Hands wrapped tight, head laid on the back of Bobby’s neck, not really minding the tingling feeling of Bobby’s hair tickling his nose and cheeks.

The loud sound of the engine cut through the air and everything was moving so fast, the rush of adrenaline suddenly blowing him awake as he tightened his hold on Bobby more, head buried in Bobby’s back and eyes shut.

“You won’t enjoy it unless you get rid of the fears you have.” Bobby shouted at the top of his lungs for Hanbin to hear him.

Hanbin didn’t know why he felt obligated to listen to the stranger’s words. He slowly lifted his face from Bobby’s back to actually enjoy the sceneries.

And everything was beautiful, the chill winds, the blinding lights, the empty streets, as if they owned the city for themselves and everything was stunning, freedom.

He didn’t realize his hold getting loose only when one of Bobby’s hands reached for one of them instantly to keep him in place.

“Heyy be careful!!” Bobby shouted loud, scolding but Hanbin only grinned with a laugh, “NOPE!” He finally said as he untied his hands, Bobby freaked out for a moment, slightly slowed down when Hanbin got up behind him, one hand fisting Bobby’s shirt by the shoulder and the other free in the air.

“Woohoooo!!” Hanbin shouted over the winds and Bobby cracked a laugh, one of his hands going over Hanbin’s leg behind him to hold his thigh in case Hanbin over-excited himself and fell over.

Hanbin’s chest pressed against Bobby’s head, Bobby’s hair playfully blown by the wild winds and his laugh, everything seemed so dreamy for a night with a stranger.

“Careful there little one.” The grin could be heard in the words even when Hanbin couldn’t see it, “I’m being careful Bob—bbyaa!” Hanbin was like a child when he dragged the name, throwing his other arm down to hold Bobby with both around the neck, chin resting at the top of Bobby’s head.

Hanbin didn’t know how long the ride was, singing stupidly over his lungs, not really minding the fact he sucked at it and he was probably making fun of himself in front of the hot man. But he was buzzed and happy so he didn’t mind at all. Also the man singing with him as well encouraged him more to chant louder. Maybe that was a side effect of being Junhoe’s friend for four years.

Arriving at a tall striking building, Bobby leapt off first before he helped Hanbin take off the helmet and put it down, their eyes met, Hanbin’s cheeks flushed red from the chill air and his hair kind of sticking down because of the helmet, Bobby smiled softly at him and Hanbin couldn’t help his cold skin being overcome by a rush of heat.

Rough fingers going through his hair to mess it up to its original muddle before both hands reached Hanbin’s waist to lift him off the motorcycle.

“Let’s go Hanbin.” His voice was beautiful, especially when he said his name in such a meaningless way.

Following behind him again, hand in hand, Hanbin felt his fingers being threaded and held firmly, he blushed, suddenly nervous and sober about everything going to happen.

He was hyperaware of his appearance, would the guy find him attractive in bed? Well his body was built too but nothing compared to the god escorting him to his apartment. But did he smell good? He fought himself not to take a sniff, god he would die from embarrassment if he ever got caught doing it. Oh _thanks god I shaved before coming to town._

He was anxious, his sexual life has been the most boring it could ever get and really, no one fucked him in two years, he almost felt like he forgot the trick, he hoped Bobby would do all the work and spare him the poor attempts he would display.

Yes he was confident, but not sexual wise, nor love wise too. If ever there was a thing he absolutely sucked at it would be relationships.

Oh how he hoped he had a little of Junhoe’s experience or maybe Donghyuk’s too.

He didn’t notice himself being led to the elevator, building was fancy, well Bobby didn’t look any less than a heir to some fortune.

Hanbin felt a hand at the small of his back leading him when he started to lag behind and his cheeks warmed up at the gesture.

Just as the elevator’s doors slid close behind them, Hanbin was pushed against the mirrored wall and Bobby kissed him hard, almost desperate.

Bobby’s heavy body pressed more and more against him and he felt out of breath, letting a throaty moan when he felt short on air and Bobby let his mouth go not before lettering kisses over his cheek and the corners of his lips, nose nuzzling his own and Hanbin only panted, hands fisted in Bobby’s shirt so tight.

A bell rang and Bobby pulled back, looking straight in Hanbin’s shaky eyes and Hanbin felt shivers crawling his skin. Bobby’s eyes kept trailing from Hanbin’s eyes to his red glossy lips and up again to his eyes and they almost missed the door but Bobby stuck his foot last moment to keep it open.

“Let’s go.” His voice was a drop above a whisper, nudging Hanbin’s nose with his own before pulling away. Not without dragging the dazed guy behind him.

Entering the fancy apartment, Hanbin eyed the view outside, the curtain walls showing a panorama view to the lights of the city, minimum furniture yet so elegant.

Dim lighted, low background music playing though hidden speakers, a big flat TV playing news on mute.

There was hip hop inspired paintings hanging on the walls, fitted with gray sofas and… lots of pillows there.

Kitchen on the other far side of the apartment, simple yet expensive with a bar and lots of wine bottles.

There was a glass stair leading to an open second story, he can tell it is a bedroom opened on this living room.

“Like the place?” Bobby finally broke the silence after he returned with a cup of water, drinking a little from it before handing it to Hanbin.

“Yes, such a beautiful place you have.” Hanbin said in awe, he handed the cup back and Bobby just dropped it on the coffee table.

“Yup, my personal space.” Bobby grinned, “Here let me show you the upstairs.” Bobby led Hanbin up the stairs and yes it was an open bedroom as he assumed, with a really wide wall of books, an indoor closet with fancy outfits.

And class-wall leading to a bathroom. He needed to go there now.

“Emm, I guess I’m gonna’ go check the bathroom.” Hanbin stammered slightly as he made a straight line there. “Sure go ahead.” Bobby replied amused by how worked up Hanbin was, it was almost funny how Hanbin stopped midway suddenly and turned around.

“Can you like, uggghh get down or something. These glass walls won’t censor anything y’know.” Hanbin blushed and Bobby let out the most stunning laugh that Hanbin ever heard.

“Nothing I’m not gonna see later but okay.” Bobby shrugged as he dropped on the massive bed, back turned to Hanbin.

“You won’t turn around!” Hanbin pointed a finger he knew Bobby didn’t see.

“Yes Yes I won’t~” Bobby said in a sing-song voice and Hanbin let a sigh out, he had to believe him, not like he had any other choice?

He went inside, he looked around, part of the space was concealed but the shower and basin were in view.

“How one can get comfortable in this shit.” Hanbin ranted to himself as he washed his face, brushed his teeth with one of the many extra brushes laid there, he smelled himself only to realize he might be seen, he snapped to look at Bobby and true to his words he had his back turned on him.

He sighed in relief then he decided to take a piss, he drunk so much, he washed then decided on cleaning there some more before taking one last look at the mirror, he looked as presentable as he could get in his situation.

Oh how he wished he wore something better than the road clothes he had on, simple faded black ripped jeans and loose short sleeved shirt also black with some random quote on it in small letters reading as ‘My Youniverse’

Ruffling his hair a little, Hanbin stared closely at the mirror, he touched some pimple he had a massive grudge against “Just what did he see in me really?”

He slapped his cheek a little more roughly than intended “Confidence bitch.”

He decided he might have took a little too long in the bathroom, Hanbin let another sigh out for the umpteenth time, he stepped carefully out. Bobby didn’t notice, or maybe he fell asleep?

Hanbin made a small noise with his feet, still no reaction.

He faked a cough next which was so obvious but still, no reaction.

Hanbin eyed the digital clock on the wall and it read past two in the morning.

Hanbin hung his face down, tried his best not to dwell on the disappointment bubbling in. He walked around the bed and saw Bobby had his eyes closed, head rested on his biceps and lips letting out soft breathes.

Hanbin sat by the side of the bed, hands went up to run gently through the rather soft messy hair. He decided he didn’t feel like messing the peaceful slumber Bobby was having.

He reached over Bobby’s body and grabbed the covers to tuck him in, Hanbin still felt the disappointment fizzing inside him as he fiddled with his own fingers on his lap, no longer under the spell of sleep and he didn’t know what to do, not to mention all the preparation he did in the bathroom which was now all gone to waste. Yes he lost his perfect chance to get laid he might as well get up and grab a cab to head home.

Hanbin decided for one last glance at Bobby, nah he won’t go home without a try with this god he better wake up or he would try it with force. Not really though.

Hanbin’s hand laid softly on Bobby’s waist under the covers, slowly trailing up, still part of him feeling guilty for trying to wake him up but nah, he asked for it.

He leaned down, nosing at his jawline, for a moment he was lost in the masculine scent he actually buried his face in the crook of Bobby’s neck, hands unconsciously fisted the shirt on his waist before dragging it up mindlessly, he pressed himself more, lips going in contact with skin and Hanbin trailed soft kisses over his throat, he heard his breath hitch and Bobby let a soft grunt slip his mouth but Hanbin didn’t stop going all the way up and kissed his jawline, tongue out to give kitten licks and soft pecks.

“Thought you wanted to fuck me hmm?” Hanbin whispered quietly as he pressed his lips over Bobby’s ear, aware he had the guy awake when he felt a big hand reaching his waist, lying flat on his back and then he was pushed down closer.

Hanbin had to use both hands on the bed to keep himself from falling down, “Hmm, sorry you took so long I didn’t notice.” His raspy low voice sent shivers down Hanbin’s spine, Bobby nuzzled Hanbin’s shoulder, hugging him now with both arms as he inhaled a deep breathe, taking in Hanbin’s smell before hands went under Hanbin’s shirt, trailing with ghost tips over hot skin all the way up his spine and Hanbin’s breathe hitched, hiding his face in Bobby’s neck.

“Sorry I had to wake you up…” Hanbin breathed the words and felt the deep rumble in Bobby’s chest, the beautiful laugh echoing in his ears “Nah, it’s okay I’m the one who brought you here.” Bobby used one hand to tilt Hanbin’s face and they locked eyed, faces so close.

Hanbin saw Bobby’s eyes drop to his lips and he closed his own, ever so softly brushing their lips together and he moved slowly, Bobby only parted his own, eyes watching Hanbin as he kissed him tenderly, _delicately_.

Hanbin jokingly licked Bobby’s lips but yelped when he was attacked and Bobby wrapped his lips around it and sucked it into his mouth.

Hanbin let a throaty moan, lost balance and fell on top of Bobby, bodies tangled together in a beautiful mess.

Hanbin felt how Bobby’s hands kept on touching him, moving all over his body, one over his neck and through his hair and the other over his back and waist all the while mouth being devoured by Bobby, biting and sucking.

Everything started to shift and temperature turned hot when Bobby licked his way down, “This sinful neck of yours…” he whispered as he mouthed over his pulse and Hanbin moaned softly which only turned Bobby on more as he grabbed his waist and throw him on his back before he crawled on top of him, eyes hunting as he stared down at Hanbin, straddling his stomach.

Hanbin watched as Bobby pealed his shirt off and shook his head to raffle his hair, throwing the shirt somewhere, leaving his upper body naked and Hanbin felt his mouth water at the ripped muscles, necklaces hung low his neck, and those collarbones and wide shoulders, Hanbin couldn’t help groaning as he reached out and Bobby smirked at the desperate man beneath him.

“Don’t be hasty, I’m gonna fuck you… so… good.” Bobby whispered the last four words wickedly with a smirk that Hanbin couldn’t see and he withered, Hanbin’s weak spot was dirty talk and dammit if Bobby wasn’t in his forte.

“Show me your body baby.” Bobby eyed him as he ran his rough hands over Hanbin’s abs under his shirt, Hanbin tried his best to not get conscious of his own body, forcing his mind to keep his hands off and not pull his shirt down.

Bobby noticed the hesitation and his smirk dropped to a smile, taking both of Hanbin’s hands and pulling him into sitting position “You are beautiful,” The words were whispered in his ears and Hanbin blushed fighting the urge to bury himself in Bobby’s chest, he felt hands pull his shirt up slowly, “Hands up,” and Hanbin obligated, “Good boy.” Hanbin’s face couldn’t get any more red.

Just as the shirt was off Bobby laid him back down with a soft kiss before pulling back to look him all over, big hands holding Hanbin’s wrists down and Hanbin watched the man’s stares darkened.

“Goddammit.” Bobby cursed as he eyed the slim waist, abs, and muscles, smooth skin ready to be touched and kissed in all ways possible.

“S-Stop staring.” Hanbin cursed himself for stuttering, tugging at his hands to cover himself but Bobby only tightened his hold, almost painfully but immediately they loosened when he dropped down and was mouthing at his collarbone, tongue out to lick his way down over the tattoo there and Hanbin let a soft whimper out as he threw his head back on the fluffy pillows, closing his eyes and let himself get lost in pleasure.

Hanbin felt his body was being kissed in every place possible, his neck down his shoulder and there was a bite there, definitely a mark left behind, the touches of lips and teeth graze moved down to his collar bone and another rough suck, another mark and moving way down and there was an open wet mouth over his hardened nibble, he arched his back with a gasp, Bobby let his hands go and moved them to hold his waist, loving the grip there so much.

“Keep making those noises dammit,” Bobby breathed as he moved back and kissed Hanbin’s mouth “Your lips, your damn lips,” Bobby said between rough kisses, “I just wanna bite them so hard,” and he did to receive a low whimper, Hanbin felt so hot, he wanted so desperately to drag the zipper of his pants down, it was getting so painfully tight there and Hanbin moved his hips up to grind against Bobby’s ass, Bobby returned the favor with a firm drag of his hip from up and slowly down ripping a loud cry from the man beneath him.

“You want me to touch you there?” Bobby teased as he rubbed slowly against him again all the while holding Hanbin’s hips down, staring at his flushed face and panting mouth.

Hanbin couldn’t look him up, sweat dripped down his face and he felt hot, so hot, “Want me to slip your cock out and rub it for you baby?” Hanbin struggled beneath him, he was desperate and so hard he might even cum embarrassingly in his pants.

And true to his words Bobby popped the button open, drew the zipper down and with each move, there was a hitch coming out Hanbin’s mouth.

“Or better you prefer a hot wet mouth all over it hmm?” the smile could be heard in Bobby’s voice when he moved his hand down and palmed him over his underwear and Hanbin squirmed against him but Bobby this time moved his knee between Hanbin’s thighs and over the jeans piled up at his knees to keep him still in place.

“I bet your cum tastes as delicious as your mouth.” Hanbin withered down, pants coming out hot as his glazed over eyes finally met Bobby’s and electricity shot down his nerves.

Bobby moved his hand below his underwear and finally his cock was out and Hanbin let a relived deep inhale out.

Bobby ran his fingers in ghost touches and one finger ran over the red flushed head, gathering the leaking cum, he moved his hands up and Hanbin watched him lick the cum off his finger and he swore he could have come from the mere sight of Bobby letting a fake moan when he sucked his own finger, all the while his eyes hunting him down fiercely and suddenly there was a wicked smile on his face and a hand gripping his cock so tight so rough.

Hanbin felt the air rush out his throat, a sob ripped out of his lips when he felt his dick pressed on his stomach and a hand laid flat rubbing it up and down.

“You are gonna come in my mouth, hold it in for me.” Bobby ordered as he used his other hand to get his jeans button and zipper open, not yet taking it off just lessening the pressure as he scooted down and teased Hanbin with feather kisses along his tight legs making him thrash under him but he easily held his hips down.

Light kisses turned open mouthed and Hanbin’s inner thighs were covered in wet red marks.

Bobby slowly moved up, hand still rubbing Hanbin’s dick while he buried his face down there, leaving a mark just beside his dick and another one on his hip beside the intoxicating tattoo there, a lick and bite were the last before Bobby looked up to meet eyes with the moaning mess above him.

An idea crossed Bobby’s mind and he suddenly felt like making Hanbin watch himself come in his mouth.

Hanbin’s eyes were shut, barely focusing on not coming any second then when he felt the weight shift above him and he was slightly lifted up, there were pillows piled underneath his back, he opened his eyes in confusion and was met with Bobby’s lips on his own immediately.

Pulling back, “Watch me make you come…” Bobby nudged his nose with his own and the gesture was so soft for what they were doing, Hanbin though felt like burying himself, the last thing he wanted to do now was watch his dick go down this god’s throat, just because he knew he would come instantly and that thought was embarrassing as fuck on its own.

He shut his eyes but the order of ‘Open your eyes’ Made him snap them open again, “Don’t close them,” another order and once again Hanbin felt himself being obligated to follow, letting a whimper out, Hanbin kissed him softly on his jaw seeking approval and just to receive the “Good boy.” Yup he wanted the praise, another kink he was doubting he had along his willing submission and dirty talk ones but it seemed he surely had it when he found himself craving these words out of the man above him.

“Be a good boy for me and I’m gonna suck you… so good…” the sultry tone made another whimper fall out his lips and Bobby was feeding off those reactions he was getting.

“You have some kink for dirty talk?” What? Hanbin wasn’t expecting the question amidst what they were doing, especially when it sounded so amusing, Bobby literally was beaming at him and he really wanted to dig a hole and bury himself.

By now his cheeks were aflame, Hanbin raised his hands and covered his face and a short nod followed.

“I-I d-do..?” Hanbin voice trembled and Bobby had the sudden urge to collect the man below him in his arms and hold him so tight, god how he got off on innocent gestures and childlike characteristic and dammit if Hanbin didn’t own him by being this effortlessly adorable, Bobby wanted to devour him right there and then.

“So you are telling me,” his teasing voice was back again and Hanbin braced himself of what was coming next.

“You are gonna come with only me talking?” amused words and thumbs ran unconscious circles on his waist and Hanbin once again let a soft “I m-might d-do..? if y-you are good a-at it..?”

‘Fucking adorable dammit.’ Bobby fought the urge to pinch him really, how did he pick up such a gorgeous company with him.

Bobby uncovered Hanbin’s face from his hands and Hanbin gathered all his will to meet his eyes, “Okay, I’m actually a specialist in dirty talk.” He gave Hanbin a hot flickering kiss and when the man below him ran short on air he moved to his cheek, littering kisses and nibs over his jaw and over his neck before he reached his ear and whispered breathily “Bet you want me to run my tongue over your dick now,” Hanbin stuttered a breathless moan.

“You want me to run it over the tip… wrap it in my mouth… and suck the cum out of you…” Hanbin squirmed underneath him, imagines of Bobby’s words invaded his mind and he moaned, biting his lips to quieten himself, Bobby’s hands running his hot skin with rough fingers and it was getting so painful, he wanted to come so bad but there were hands settled on his hips forbidding him from moving and the hot breath over his ear and neck didn’t help the growing pressure in his gut.

Bobby stuck his tongue out giving a slow thick lick along his long neck “I would swirl my tongue before taking your flushed dick in my mouth… all the way… down and down my throat… and you would scream my name so loud…” Hanbin was seconds away from losing his mind, hands holding so tight over Bobby’s back, ripped muscles under his nails and there were definitely glaring red lines over Bobby’s skin but he wasn’t really conscious to notice that.

“You would moan, and beg… beg so loud… so fuckin’ loud… just to let you come…” Hanbin’s breathing grew faster and faster, chest heaving up and down caged under Bobby’s heavier body, nails kept on digging in skin, “I would let you fuck my mouth… and I would moan around your dick while you make me gag one it…” Bobby’s hands ghosted over his hips, holding them down there touching everywhere except where Hanbin wanted the most.

“And I would love it… all the way down… my throat …” Bobby settled his hip over Hanbin’s and Hanbin’s body shook beneath Bobby’s, there was a loud cry cut through the quiet room as he threw his head back, cum getting all over his stomach and Bobby’s and Hanbin only wanted air, he wanted to calm down, Bobby’s arms were around him and his face on his shoulder, cheeks pressed on Hanbin’s shoulder.

Bobby waited for him to calm down, littering soft kisses to calm the overwhelmed guy, Hanbin couldn’t believe he came untouched, just like this from only lewd talk, he knew it turned him on so much but to think Bobby got him to actually come like this.

“I can’t believe you came from only talking,” Bobby’s voice was breathless, “That was so hot…” Bobby said as he dragged his fingers over Hanbin’s stomach, he leaped his finger over the hot cum and there he was sucking his fingers again, Hanbin groaned, trying to cover the embarrassment he felt “S-Stop doing that.” He whined.

“Stop what? Eating you?” Bobby picked his head up to look at Hanbin, brows raised “But you are delicious.” Bobby smirked when he saw Hanbin’s ears gain back the red color, adorable.

“You said you fucked two before but you act like a virgin.” Bobby wondered as he helped take off Hanbin’s jeans with his feet.

“Well, one was through high school and that was years ago, kids stuff.” Hanbin stared at the ceiling as he felt Bobby return to rest his head on his shoulder with a hum.

“The second was two years ago, didn’t satisfy me really, lots of trouble.” Hanbin didn’t feel like getting into unnecessary details.

“And what does satisfy you?” Bobby said quietly, fingers ghosting over Hanbin’s chest tattoo, eyes half-dazed out over it.

“What?” Hanbin blushed, “Not gonna list my preferences for you.” He didn’t notice his own hand was around Bobby’s shoulder, his fingers mindlessly playing at the hair on his nape.

“Hmm, let me guess then, you like to be dominated, someone to take off the weight of you and carries it,” Bobby traced his hands up and down his abdomen and Hanbin suddenly was aware of the moves.

Bobby’s leg going to lay over Hanbin’s “Well… kind o-off?” Hanbin didn’t know why he still felt embarrassed of this, the man literally ate him up.

“And you like dirty fantasies, dirty talk, the kind of rough senseless sex.” Hanbin’s breathing hitched when he felt the hand move way down now.

“You like control ripped off you and you seek validation.” and Hanbin felt his hand going between his legs, “You like something out of this world and,” Hanbin arched his back in shock when a finger buried inside his hole halfway, “Someone to take you apart.” Bobby kept his spell as he talked quietly, total contrast to the way Hanbin was panting under him.

“And then pick you up again,” Bobby whispered as he looked up at Hanbin who had his head thrown back on the pillows “Like this,” Bobby laid his lips over Hanbin’s exposed neck and he was kissing him slowly, gently all the way over his throat.

Hanbin’s chest heaved up and down jaggedly, feeling the fingers prod at his rim, he squirmed under Bobby, everything so overwhelming and raw to him.

“You want someone capable to please you…” Bobby continued his assault on his throat, sucking bruises slowly and agonizingly over his skin.

Hanbin really wanted to focus on the words, but he was crushing, all his senses hyperaware of all the places Bobby was touching him.

“You are attracted to men with experience ‘cause they know how to pleasure you so… well…” and Bobby blew over his wet skin, Hanbin dragged a moan out.

All words felt nonsense to Hanbin, he wanted to be touched so badly, everything was too much and not enough.

“Please p-please B-Bobby…ahhh…” Hanbin was falling apart when he felt the finger buried deeper and deeper inside of him.

“Yeah baby, beg for it.” Bobby’s voice almost felt chilling to Hanbin when he lifted his weight off and his hand and now was towering over him, eyes lust clouded and glazed.

Hanbin whimpered under him, felt like a pry under those hunting eyes.

Bobby took his jeans off and Hanbin suddenly was aware of the tear about to come, he wasn’t a fan of the burn even though he did it few times before but each time felt just as painful, he wondered how much more painful it was going to be after not getting anything up his ass for two years, he might as well consider his ass a virgin and dammit if he wasn’t feeling the nervousness creeping in.

He watched Bobby grab lube and condoms? He thought Bobby was the type to like his cum dripping someone else’s ass, that was a shock but he didn’t want to question it, he had plenty on his mind especially when he took notice of Bobby’s dick and dammit how was he about to fit that big one in.

“Something wrong?” Bobby said when he noticed how still Hanbin was, he climbed on top of him, hand softly laid on Hanbin’s cheek and Hanbin couldn’t resist burying his face in the big warm palm, pressing a soft kiss on it.

“Oh god how beautiful you are.” Bobby was breathless as he dipped down and kissed Hanbin hungrily, Hanbin soft moans filled him as his tongue licked the insides of Hanbin’s mouth.

“Tell me what is wrong?” Bobby nudged his nose yet again, Hanbin found himself enchanted by the gesture, dammit he loved it.

“Well… ughh… I…” Hanbin wanted to slap himself over his stupidity, how the fuck was he going to tell him he was scared of being torn apart because he has a big dick?

That was so embarrassing dammit, he was about to ruin the mood, by being a total wimp god.

Suck it up Hanbin he will make it feel good, trust him with that, Hanbin reasoned with himself, he was lost in thoughts he didn’t notice the frown taking over Bobby’s face until he felt the weight lift off his body and he panicked, eyes wide and yup he ruined the mood either way.

“It is okay, you don’t have to force yourself.” Bobby casted him a small soft smile, hand ruffled his hair and Hanbin wanted to speak but couldn’t because everything sounded so awful in his head what was he supposed to say??

Just when Bobby was about to reach for his shirt, Hanbin threw his arms around his neck from the back and he hugged him, cheek rested on Bobby’s shoulder, he didn’t need to look to know Bobby was confused by his actions.

“I want you…” Hanbin whispered, planting soft kisses over broad back.

“You need to tell me what is bothering you then.” Bobby grabbed his hand and pulled him in front of him, Hanbin blushed as he realized he was sitting over Bobby’s lap and dammit he loved how collected he felt, Bobby all around him, and he felt small in his arms yet so warm especially with the concerned look in Bobby’s eyes.

“Well… ughh it is embarrassing y’know…?” Hanbin was flustered, and Bobby’s gaze didn’t help at all.

“Don’t care, you better tell me so I can put it in mind.” Bobby yet again nudged his nose with his and Hanbin literally melted in his arms, letting his weight fall on Bobby.

Weird how Bobby made him feel safe, like he knew him for a lifetime, strange feelings filled Hanbin as he hid his face in the crook of Bobby’s neck and started talking.

He wanted to know, then to hell with it Hanbin didn’t care if he ruined the mood whatsoever because he asked for it.

“Emm… y’know it’s been two years… and I’m not y’know… can you treat me like a virgin when you fuck me?” Hanbin looked into Bobby’s eyes with the most unguarded stares and realization hit Bobby that Hanbin was nervous of being fucked.

God if his heart didn’t do a twist at that exact moment.

“Gosh is there a limit to how adorable you are?” Hanbin yelped when Bobby crushed him with a hug, well that wasn’t what he expected, what?

“Is that a good thing?” Hanbin blushed and Bobby hollered with laughter, “Goddammit it is! You have no idea how much I wanna eat you right now.” And Bobby was kissing him again, “You could have told me to be gentle with you.” Bobby rubbed his sides soothingly, one of his hands going to rub his thigh on one side of his waist.

“It’s embarrassi--”

“I don’t care,” Bobby hushed him, “I’m not gonna do anything you don’t like.”

“Just tell me okay?” Bobby scolded lightly and Hanbin never felt this care before, none of his relationships treated him this preciously. Everything was warm.

He slowly nodded.

Legs straddling Bobby’s waist, Bobby pushed him close and he felt big palms ran down his back in the gentlest touches.

“Just trust me hmm?” Hanbin felt the vibrations over their pressed chests and he nodded once again, losing his voice as goosebumps littered his naked skin.

He was lost in Bobby’s sinful kisses he didn’t notice Bobby covering his fingers in lube, it only drowned on him when he felt wet fingers at his hole, skimming lightly, and he squirmed against Bobby, trying to press more against them but Bobby used his other hand to circle his waist and hold him tight.

And the fingers slipped in at the same time Bobby sank his teeth in his neck and Hanbin gasped in Bobby’s ear.

Fingers worked him in the most easing yet agonizing way, for a moment he forgot there was a slight sting even when Bobby slipped a third finger in Hanbin didn’t really care.

His mind was filled with Bobby holding him tight, Bobby pressed against him, Bobby’s harsh breathes in his ear, every exposed skin touching, naked, intertwined. And Hanbin was far gone in Bobby all over him.

Moans slipped his swollen lips uncontrollably as Bobby fingered him open, “So good… you are so good baby…” Bobby cast mindless words which Hanbin drunk on them, letting out soft whimpers over Bobby’s shoulder.

Hanbin’s arms were loosely splayed over Bobby’s shoulder while his face buried in his neck, cheek resting on collarbone and mouth panting hot buffs.

Bobby sunk his fingers deeper and Hanbin withered over him, back arching and mouth gasping, “Ahhh! B-Bobby-!” Nails dug in Bobby’s back and the wince went unnoticed by Hanbin as he fucked himself over Bobby’s fingers, going up and down moaning throatily over each drop.

He didn’t even notice he was grinding over Bobby’s hard cock or even his own leaking so much, he was lost in the intoxicating feeling, Bobby’s fingers felt so good, so long, so rough yet all over gentle.

“C’mere baby…” The words were the farthest away from the composed Bobby. Breathless.

He pulled his fingers out and Hanbin whimpered at the loss of connection, Bobby used his hands to lift Hanbin’s hips.

Hanbin’s eyes didn’t meet Bobby’s, all dizzy and flushed, he cast them down and Hanbin was staring at their both naked sweaty bodies, how close, how hot, how attached.

“Help me put this on,” Bobby said as he grabbed a condom, ripping the foil with his teeth and Hanbin slowly used one of his shaky hands to slide it over with the help of Bobby, all the while silently staring down at his flush hard veiny dick.

Bobby grabbed the lube, “Your hand,” the words were kind of distant and Hanbin offered his hand shakily and Bobby poured lube on it.

“Do the magic.” Bobby joked, a small breathless laugh escaping his mouth and Hanbin shivered, if not for Bobby’s hands on his hips he would have collapsed on the man by now.

Lube dripped on Bobby’s dick and he hissed, Hanbin immediately followed with his fingers, upon contact Bobby let a soft moan slip his parted lips and Hanbin was entranced, fingers moving slow and with each stroke, Bobby’s breathe hitched until he felt a large hand stopping him.

“O-Okay that’s enough,” Bobby smiled weakly and Hanbin curious eyes stayed on his then dropped down.

“… since you are cautious of the pain, do it at your pace,” Bobby whispered, his eyes fixed on Hanbin’s which were still dazedly looking down.

“I will help you…” Bobby helped keeping Hanbin’s body up since he couldn’t stay composed on his shaky legs. Hanbin nodded, “’key…” he whispered feebly.

Hands on Bobby’s shoulders, he felt the tip at his rim and Bobby holding his hips firmly, he met Bobby’s eyes, glazed over and lust clouded.

Hanbin leaned down to softly lay his lips on Bobby’s, slowly sinking down on Bobby’s dick and Hanbin groaned over Bobby’s mouth, the feeling of being filled to the brim was overwhelming, it was a hot stinging stretch but it wasn’t all unwelcomed, a little more painful but he just needed to adjust a little.

Bobby let a deep grunt out, echoing through his chest, few minutes went still and then Bobby was kissing his mouth, Bobby fucking him slowly, Bobby digging his fingers in his hips.

Hanbin didn’t have any power to even kiss back, mouth gapped as Bobby devoured him, biting sucking whispering filthy words that got him so strung out.

Thrusts were slow yet deep, so deep that Hanbin wondered how far he was filled, all lost with each pound against his bundle of nerves. He couldn’t do anything except letting lewd noises and barely hold on to Bobby’s shoulders.

“Fuck me Bobby, harder, faster ahh-!” and Bobby did, arms locked around his back, pressing him flushed skin against skin so tight so strong, and Bobby was fucking him so roughly he thought he might break any second.

Whimpers and cries fell out his lips along Bobby’s deep groans, everything was hot, everything was devastating, and everything was _perfect_.

“Yes baby yes… so fuckin tight.” Bobby muttered the words but only received choked moans, Hanbin was crumpling in his arms.

“Touch me…” Hanbin barely found his voice, throat suddenly scrapped dry, “Touch me please please… ahhh please Bobby…” he begged but Bobby didn’t comply, he only fucked him harder, “No baby, too early for that, you are gonna’ come _with me.”_ and Bobby thrust deeper, Hanbin let out a muted gasp, nails digging in Bobby’s shoulders, he tried to maintain a breathe but how could he when Bobby pounded him mercilessly.

Hanbin lost sense of time and everything around him, his body felt weak and overly sensitive and really he just wanted to come and sleep for a couple days.

Head resting on Bobby’s shoulder, he was gasping softly, whining with each rock, his body hot, sweat slipping down, cum leaking and slithering down his cock.

“Bobby… Bobby… Bobby…” He chanted the name over and over and Bobby’s movement lost their rhythm.

“C’mom baby… come for me…” Bobby’s hand flattened on his sweaty lower back and Hanbin shuddered, his teary eyes falling shut, his breathe ragged, “_Hanbin_.” And Hanbin came with a muted gasp, out of air, trembling, the tight feeling in his stomach unfolding and he was whimpering lowly, cum all over his skin as Bobby fucked him through his orgasm, clenching and unclenching around Bobby’s dick and Bobby lost it, biting down harshly on Hanbin’s shoulder to quieten himself as he came so hard inside the condom.

Hanbin was limp in his arms, almost passed out, only his eyes gazing tiredly at Bobby, enchanted by the hot boy who was struggling to calm himself, panting with sweat falling and sliding down his jawline and Hanbin found himself following that drop with his eyes.

He watched how flushed, how disorientated Bobby was, chest going up and down, _hot_. _Flawless_.

After couple minutes of silence Hanbin felt Bobby calm down under him, he wondered how Bobby still handled his weight on his lap, that shit was tiring.

Bobby pulled out of him slowly and he bit his lip after a small whimper fell out of his lips.

Bobby turned to look at him at an awkward angle, cheek squished on Bobby’s shoulder and Bobby smiled at him.

“Sorry can’t keep my dick in all night, you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.” Bobby teased and Hanbin didn’t find it in him to reply back or feel embarrassed, he was tired. He only turned his face and buried it in his shoulder.

Hanbin almost missed the kiss pressed on his head, smile helplessly broke tiredly on his face and he pressed a kiss back on his shoulder.

Bobby slowly helped the dozed off guy to lay on the bed, Hanbin wasn’t really awake but he was kind of aware when Bobby cleaned him up, even wiped the sweat from his face.

He was still naked but Bobby covered him in some really warm covers, smelled strongly of Bobby and Hanbin found himself fighting not to fall asleep, he was waiting for Bobby to join him.

He heard a little noise and he slowly turned on his side and cracked an eye open, Bobby actually was collecting their discarded clothes and that was his phone in his hand, oh glad he didn’t lose it at lease.

“Babbii…” Hanbin’s voice was barely audible but Bobby immediately snapped his head up to look at Hanbin, when did Bobby wear clothes?

“C’mere~” the words came out as a whine and Bobby expression softened, moving to lay behind Hanbin.

Just as Hanbin felt the strong arms wrap around him, he let himself fall under the spell of sleep, allowing himself to be spooned into his chest, missing the way Bobby buried his face in his neck and kissed his skin softly with a goodnight.

\----------------------

Ringing.

Ringing Ringing.

More ringing.

Hanbin wanted to grab whatever device that was and smash it across the wall because dammit if his head wasn’t about to be split in two and the massive headache behind his eye sockets didn’t help his awful morning mood.

The ringing stopped and Hanbin sighed in relief, that didn’t last couple seconds though before it blared again across the quiet room.

“Fuck…” yeah fuck, wait. That wasn’t him, there was movement behind him; phone stopped ringing.

Hanbin heart drummed in his chest when the body behind him groaned before settling down, he dared to look around and god it was the guy from the club.

Correction; The _hot_ guy from the club.

Hanbin gawked at him, his naked chest, his messy hair sprawled on the pillow that he was hugging with those guns- sorry biceps. The parted plump lips, swollen a little, soft breathes falling off them, _so beautiful._

He stared for couple minutes, till he took notice of his naked body and then the marks covering the guy’s neck and collarbones.

“Holly shhhhiit-!” Hanbin got hit with the train of yesterday’s memories and he flushed from head to toe, _fuck fuck fuck_ what was he supposed to do now mind you?

And heck he felt the crumps in his whole body, it felt like he worked out for ten hours, his muscles locked and tired, he also felt the dull pain in his hips and lower back. He was fucked, literally and Hanbin groaned quietly, he hoped he would be able to walk like a decent human being when he got up.

The ringing came back and now the curse fell loud off his mouth, he reached for it, covers sliding to rest over his bruised hips as he took it from the night stand.

Hoe missed calls (8)

Dongtoppi missed calls (10)

Unkown number missed calls (7)

Hanbin looked confused, for a minute he forgot about the guy, why all the ruckus it wasn’t like this was the first time he got off with someone. Wait, maybe it was.

Hanbin fought the urge to face palm as he stared at the clock to see it was 10 am, shit.

He slide his phone open to check the messages.

**Hoe:** Fucker where are you?!

**Hoe:** Answer the fuckin phone bitch!

**Hoe:** Okay are you dead?

**Hoe:** I’m calling the police if you are not back by noon

**Hoe:** Bitch answer dammit.

**Dongtoppi:** Hey where are you??

**Dongtoppi:** We are fuckin worried answer the goddamn phone

**Dongtoppi:** Y’know the phone is there for a purpose??

**Dongtoppi:** Dammit I wanna believe you only got laid but heck the chance you got killed is higher than this

**Dongtoppi:** Answer for fucks sake Junhoe won’t stop blowing our ears.

**Unknown Number:** Hey I’m Yunhyeong

**Unknown Number:** The kids are freaking out here, make sure to call us soon.

_ New received message _

**Hoe:** Fucker the opening ceremony in one hour the fuck you are at?!

Hanbin immediately bolted off the bed, _fuck fuck fuck_ he totally forgot today was the first day in college.

“Oh my god!” Hanbin inner nerd freaked out, he started pacing to search for his clothes not noticing them folded by the bed.

He also didn’t notice Bobby waking up, he found his clothes and Bobby only stared at him confused, he probably looked like he was running for his life.

“Hey, no need to hurry, I won’t hunt you down.” Bobby gruff voice sounded upset, he misunderstood Hanbin’s actions for sure but the offense in his tone went unnoticed by Hanbin.

At the presence behind him, Hanbin yelped, almost tripping on his pants which were halfway up.

“Sorry sorry mannnn…” Hanbin was in hurry he wore his jeans without his underwear and threw a shirt on, gripping his phone as he turned around.

“Thanks for everything and sorry for being trouble!! Bye!!” and he sprinted down the stairs leaving the dumbfounded guy alone.

.

.

.

.

* * *

**Faultlines:**

A fault or fault line is a crack in the Earth's crust. Typically, faults are associated with, or form, the boundaries between Earth's tectonic plates. In an active fault, the pieces of the Earth's crust along a fault line move over time, the moving rocks can cause _earthquakes_

The title _faultlines _is a metaphorical use of the term; I took the metaphor as in each person have these hidden lines within them, it represents the elements that fractured them over the time; trauma, pain, fear, anger, what would affect their world and shake their existence, what would break them down; knowing that these cracks hide beneath layers and layers of crust, quiet but be present.

Each person has them, no matter how concealed and buried, they do exist and when they are provoked, they are deadly and drastic, could damage beyond repair and shift one’s world to a new shape and form; new different persons, they want or wouldn’t want to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If sum are interested I go with RREDiKON on twitter  
You can go and check it out for more snippets of the story and sometimes light spoilers and clarifications  
And I definitely need to put my thanks for my friends there on tw, Min, Ebba and Rafe, I wouldn’t be inspired to write this if not for them and their continuous support, so special shout out to them!
> 
> EDIT ❗️(19.Sep.9)  
Hey everyone just a quick warning ⚠️  
Pls if you are looking for a db centric fic then this is not the one for you;  
They are the main pair yes but the story won’t process without the other characters, they make the universe for doubleB to exist. This is a whole life. 
> 
> This story gonna be a slow burn, slow based and—  
REALLY HEAVY ON SIDE CHARACTERS  
-This is a ‘whole world’ type of fic; not one storyline- 
> 
> If you can’t appreciate the whole universe and other genres outside the romance and can’t tolerate other characters getting attention then you have been warned,  
Db gonna get their really big spotlight but when I decide to give it to them  
This is a healing fic with lessons and real issues aside from the romance so I will be happy if you enjoyed everything more than only seeking Db hookup,  
You will get them trust me but you gotta be patient and enjoy it as it is  
Thanks everyone <33
> 
> Edit: Story picks up around chapter 8-10, or goes downhill from there, the story will be heavy on doubleB after, the more you proceed from there.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —I was dumb, but life was much dumber than me  
That’s when it threw you over as my teacher  
I would call it weird but dumb fits much better  
Sorcery

Hanbin waited for a taxi and jumped the first one that stopped, telling the driver to take him back home, his head was pounding a little and his back wasn’t in any better state but all was forgotten when his phone rang and he picked it up, he thanked god it was Yunhyeong greeting him with quiet concern instead of loud mouths, that didn’t last long because he was soon replaced by Junhoe’s yelling blowing his ears.

“You fuckface where were you!!!” if Hanbin wasn’t freaking out himself he would have teased Junhoe for caring that much about him. But he was certainly losing it and plus he was getting late, he was supposed to be there to be amongst the honorable students who will give their speeches.

_Oh god I won’t make it._

“I’m on my way, I will tell y’all everything when I make it outta this shit.” Hanbin tried to calm down through the ten minutes’ drive, his friends taking rounds in talking on the phone, yelling at him and scolding him for being reckless and irresponsible. Donghyuk even sniffled and Hanbin felt his heart drop at the sound, one second Donghyuk was yelling his lungs at him and the next he went quiet and there he was slightly weeping, he wanted to feel warm inside but the guilt was much bigger.

“Don’t do this again asshole.” And another sniffle, Donghyuk was always the softie in them, but to have him cry because he didn’t comeback for the night, Hanbin smiled to himself, he loved how he had people genuinely care about him.

“Sorry Dongi, won’t do it again ‘kay?” Hanbin said a little brightly to lift up the mood.

“You are still an asshole.” Hanbin cracked a stupid smile, “Nothin’ new here hun.” Hanbin teased him and he once again got yelled at.

He soon arrived at their apartment building and just when he was about to bolt out he noticed his wallet was nowhere to be found, “Fuck me.” He face-palmed.

“Hey sir, wait a minute I will go grab some bills and come back.” Hanbin smiled politely and dashed out.

He entered the building and was welcomed by Jinhwan, their landlord.

The guy was the most bipolar person one could meet, he can be the sweetest guy then suddenly transform to monster, well more like short tempered hotheaded guy.

Hanbin was glad Jinhwan couldn’t read his thoughts.

“Hey hyung!” Hanbin greeted with a wide smile, Jinhwan’s eyes landed on his before they dropped to glance at him funny he then shook his head with a small bffttt.

“Hey Hanbin, aren’t you late for something.” Jinhwan teased and Hanbin whined, he fought the urge to slam his own face down on the reception desk.

“Hyung I know I know! Land me some money I lost my wallet.” Hanbin said in hurry.

“Well that sounds like a good laid night, I’m happy.” Jinhwan teased him some more while he grabbed some bills for the troubled guy.

Hanbin decided he was too late for all the bullshit in the world, took the money and dashed out to pay the taxi before he ran back in and sprinted up the stairs, missing the way Jinhwan was cackling at him.

Hanbin busted through the door panting, he was welcomed yet again by yells and scolds.

“I understand guys just give me a second.” Hanbin breathed heavily before he raised his head and the boys went quiet, Hanbin received gapped mouths and wide eyes.

“Guys?” Hanbin was getting creped out, “What is wrong?” and Junhoe gasped dramatically, Donghyuk was literally wiping his eyes and Yunhyeong patted his head while nodding at him.

“The fuck guys say something?!” Hanbin yelled at them and Junhoe finally responded with “Someone fucked you up so well it seems.” And he was smirking cheekily.

“I can’t believe he got laid, we need a celebration.” Donghyuk’s remark popped a vein in Hanbin’s head.

“The f-” before he could finish Junhoe taunted him, “I suggest you pick a mirror ‘cause I don’t think you will be standing in front of a crowd with that neck of yours.” And he burst out laughing.

Hanbin’s eyes widened before he dashed for the bathroom soon his voice echoed through the apartment and the boys split out in laugher.

“Oh godddd ohhhhmyyy goddd no no no nononononooo!!” Hanbin stared at himself in the mirror, his neck and collarbone were covered in bruises and red purplish marks, from his jaw down under his shirt, he pulled said shirt off and he felt fresh heat cruise throughout his body.

His fingers tripped over the marks, over his waist, his hips, but worst was the bite on his shoulder, the skin was broken there and Hanbin felt his ears turn red and they were when he eyed them in the reflection and dammit details of the past night flashed through his head and he felt his knees go weak he had to settle his hands on the sink.

“Oh… god…” Hanbin face palmed but was snapped by the sound of the door opening, he raised his flushed face and there was Junhoe leaning by the doorframe.

Junhoe eyed him and Hanbin last care in the world was hiding from his best friend.

“How am I gonna go to the ceremony Junhoe…?” at the nervous tremble of Hanbin’s voice Junhoe’s expressions softened and he moved forward to sit on the closed toilet seat, eyeing Hanbin through the mirror.

“Well I honestly don’t know too, unless the perfect student in you decides to give zero shit finally and open the ceremony like this.” Hanbin groaned at him, “You know I can’t do that right? My mom will see this and she will be disappointed in me, also my perfect honorable image?? I maintained that for four years June! My pictures with these wild bruises will be all over the campus dammit.” Hanbin was freaking out throwing hands in the air.

A head then popped in through the door and Donghyuk’s sunshine smile appeared.

“Hello guys~ your conversation has reached down the hall y’know.” he got in and closed the door behind him. He then noticed Hanbin’s half state of nakedness and whistled, “Wowwww~”

“Just shut the fuck up Dong I’m struggling here,” Hanbin whined at the grinning boys “Focus on the ceremony the fuckin’ ceremony!”

“At least tell us first he was worth the two years you kept your ass shut.” Junhoe cracked a smile at him and Hanbin froze in place before a mad blush covered him.

“Wohoo~” Donghyuk whistled again and Junhoe hollered with laughter, Hanbin shrunk down, remind him again why he chose these fuckers as his friends?

“Well he was actually… not gonna lie to you.” Hanbin covered his face with both his hands and leaned back on the sink.

“I can see that, I mean the fuck look at these bruises, how did you get him this strung out?” Junhoe eyed his naked upper body and all the red and blues covering his skin.

“I didn’t…?” Hanbin peaked from the cracks between his fingers, honestly he didn’t even know what that hot guy saw in him.

“How are you even walking?” Junhoe looked curiously at him and Hanbin wanted to bunch him real bad.

“C’mon we have been waiting for this day since forever!” Donghyuk gushed out loud.

He sighed helplessly, “I asked him actually… to go easy on me…?” Hanbin found the words so embarrassing and yet again covered his face with his hands.

“Cute.” Donghyuk was almost squealing at him.

“Wow such a gentleman, did you get his number at least?” Junhoe fought the urge to smack his head when Hanbin told him he actually ran off for the ceremony.

“Useless, stupid dumb as fuck Hanbin, you finally got the perfect guy to fuck your brains out and you waste the chance like this? Ughhhh stupid!” at Junhoe’s outburst and the obvious disappointment on Donghyuk’s face, Hanbin was starting to feel the regret, why he didn’t ask for it? Oh he didn’t even have a normal sociable conversation with the guy, he only got his name and heck he didn’t even remember where that apartment complex was, not like he could go either way and say come and fuck me let’s know each other.

Hanbin decided he had enough of feeling bad about the guy for now and returned to his main issue, “Stop it June, focus on the right subject!” Hanbin yelled frustratingly.

“Dong! Have you tried covering bruises like these before?” Hanbin tried the other guy and Donghyuk shook his head “Honestly I was never fucked this bad.” And he really pouted over that whispering ‘gotta tell yoyo’ under his breathe and Hanbin figured the guy was as hopeless as he could ever get.

“You can either walk the ceremony,” and Junhoe eyed his phone “Which is in half an hour like this or just give it up y’know.”

This was the last year in college, he was one of the ten honorable students of this year, always made it the top, even though he wasn’t smart by default but he always went out of his way to pull all-nighters and held study sessions for his IQ, he did his best to make his mother proud after his father turned out a total disappointment, he wanted to satisfy her, to please her.

She was always happy when she received news from college, always contacting her to tell her he was a perfect son and she did amazing job rising him up. Which she did it on her own.

He couldn’t imagine her seeing him in the state he was in, impossible.

“I won’t go.” Hanbin said sullenly, head hung low and sad.

“Really you won’t?” both boys looked kind of worried and sad, it was at that moment he noticed them prepared and they were wearing their formal attires. He felt a tug in his heart, he really wanted to go, to think he even fixed himself a speech, the clown he was.

Was last night worth it?

“I won’t go too.” Hanbin’s eyes widened, “What June are you serious?” Donghyuk watched him take off his jacket and loose the shirt around his neck.

“Yup, I only go for these boring ass ceremonies to make fun of Hanbin, what is the point now?” the warm feeling in Hanbin’s heart swelled so big he thought he might tear up.

“No June, you can’t miss it like this for me, you are prepared and all.” Hanbin tried but Junhoe shook him off, “I rather stay and hear your adventure of last night than go today.” He shrugged off and Donghyuk bust with laugher, so much for Junhoe being Junhoe.

“Hate to break it for you guys, I want to stay but can’t ditch my boyfriend, his lil’ bro will do one of the speeches too.” Donghyuk said sheepishly.

“Well the kid sounded smart.” Hanbin smiled a little, he didn’t know Junhoe staying with him would lessen the bad feelings he had that much.

But it did and he was happy for having Junhoe as his best friend, even though sometimes he acted like a total asshole but he wouldn’t trade him for anyone.

Junhoe definitely didn’t need to know about these extra informations though, his tongue wouldn’t stop rolling off for days and Hanbin was having enough on his plate already.

“Go now you will be late.” Junhoe dismissed him and Donghyuk went out with one last smile and a goodbye.

“You know this bathroom had enough of our conversation right?” Hanbin elbowed Junhoe, “Get out I need to shower.”

“Nothing I haven’t seen but it’s okay if you want to hide your fucked ass.” Junhoe deserved the kick he received to be honest.

Just as the door closed, Hanbin was left again with his depressed thoughts and he was yet again reminded of the dull pain in his back and ass, somehow being distracted got his mind off from his fucked out body.

He decided for a hot bathtub, he filled it with warm water and stepped in, soaking himself in the warmth, he felt his body relax and his mind wonder over so many things.

He had to call the dean and tell him why he ditched his speech, he would probably fill in with a lie and an apology but that was definitely better than the embarrassing truth, he wasn’t about to show the whole campus he was fucked this bad.

Thoughts kept swimming his head as he mindlessly stuck his leg out of the water, running his fingers over the marks left on his thighs, so prominent, so strong.

_He liked them._

He also had to call his mom and fill her in with another lie, he hated lying to his mother, but he hated seeing her disappointed face more.

So the lie felt better for him.

His hands moved from his thighs to run over the light marks on his wrists he just noticed them, was last night that rough?

He remembered how he was held, touched, kissed, fucked so hard and Hanbin shuddered at the memory as he pulled his hands close to his heaving chest.

Suddenly his heart was beating way faster than it was supposed to.

The way the firm back muscles felt under his fingertips, the feeling of his thighs tight around his waist, their chests naked and sweating hot pressed against each other’s.

Overwhelmed and worked over, his skin tingled and hot sparks spread throughout his veins.

He made the mistake of closing his eyes and Bobby’s raspy voice filled his mind, the taunting tease, the lewd words, the dirty really dirty talk that got him off untouched.

Hanbin’s whole body shuddered and he slipped in the water, his skin burning and shudders filled him up, the images behind his closed eyes got him breathless.

It was such a long time since he last felt so strung out and in need to get himself off, his hands touched his own body but he refused to open his eyes, deluding himself with the fresh memories and lingering touches on his skin.

His hand went under water and he wrapped his slender fingers over his hardened dick, one leg held up on the edge of the tub, a low whimper fell his lips and he imagined Bobby’s hands in place, the way he would grab it and rub it roughly and Hanbin’s hand moved along to pleasure himself the same.

Breathe coming out in weak pants, the sudden memory of Bobby tasting his cum got a moan out of his lips and he sunk more under the water, he immediately snapped his eyes open, eyes shaky and body trembling, so hot so needy.

Hanbin looked down at his own hand jerking his dick, the red and blues covering the skin beside his dick and all over his hips, he whined because he really needed _Bobby_ right now.

He threw his head back, eyes hazy staring at the ceiling, soft sounds slipped his mouth weakly as he rocked himself to orgasm.

His hips moved shallowly at the images of him fucking down on Bobby’s dick, so hard and way too deep inside of him and he wanted that fullness so bad he groaned so loud.

“Ahh… ughh… B-Bobby…” At the realization he was moaning Bobby’s name so desperately he shuddered and came so hard underwater.

Trying to calm his rapped heartbeats and tight lungs, his eyes stayed blindly staring on the ceiling.

What was he doing? What came over him beating out to the imaginaries of some one night stand?

Ridiculous.

Few minutes passed before he decided he needed to get out of the gross water.

He stayed under the hot shower for some ten minutes and then stepped out wrapped in a towel around his hips.

Fun fact about him, Hanbin always felt sleepy after showering, just so clean and cozy he would really just make a run for the bed and sleep within all the content feelings.

So he yawned.

“No Hanbin, first deal with your shit and then go sleep.” Hanbin scolded himself.

He went out and made a line for his own room, he owned the single one while Donghyuk and Junhoe shared the other because he always spent the nights studying and he had a habit of memorizing out loud so the boys gave up the room wholeheartedly for him.

He pulled a shirt with some sweatpants before he noticed something strange, weirdly there was a lump or something on his bed, he made his way and picked the covers slightly to take a peak, who the fuck is this?

He got out to see Junhoe stuffing his face in front of the TV, “Y’know there is some random guy crashing on my bed.” Hanbin said drearily eying Junhoe from the hallway who was no longer in his formal clothes but now he wore sweats only, displaying his abs proudly.

Junhoe was hot, Hanbin always wondered why his gay ass never got attracted to him. He cringed at the thoughts instantly.

“That’s Chanwoo’s friend Moonbin who helped search and pick up three drunk guys from the club last night.” Junhoe munched on his food and Hanbin’s tummy grumbled instantly, yup he was hungry as fuck and also sleepy.

He might need to chaise the guy from his bed if he wanted to sleep but poor one had to deal with his drunk friends, he deserved a good quality sleep.

Hanbin found some left out pancakes from breakfast and a banana laying deserted in their empty fridge, he updated his to do list with taking Junhoe out to grab some food for them. If they wanted to survive that is.

He went back to the living room and dropped beside Junhoe.

“Wear a shirt this is not a strip club.” Hanbin threw a shirt that was laying abandoned on the armrest of the sofa in Junhoe’s face.

Junhoe only shot him a glare before wearing it.

“Satisfied?”

“You can’t imagine.”

“So what’s the plan?” Junhoe said, mouth half full with his almost finished pancake.

“Now that I’m noticing, none of us know how to make food for shit.” Hanbin stared blankly at his plate, sniffing it a little, it suspiciously smelled good. Unconsciously ignoring Junhoe.

“Yunhyeong did it, he owns a bakery and a café.” Junhoe stuffed his face with the last bite, Hanbin mouth formed a perfect ‘O’ before he took a bite, “Dammit Donghyuk hit the jackpot.” He hummed at the delicious taste.

“You didn’t answer me.” Junhoe eyed him, “We have to find a white lie and call the dean and my mom.” Hanbin took a bite of the banana, he gazed at the clock and sighed deeply, his turn already passed.

“Tell them you fell sick or sumthin’.” Junhoe suggested, “Then you talk to them and tell them I’m bedridden and can’t really talk.” Hanbin said, finishing his plate and setting it down on the floor beside Junhoe’s.

“Why the fuck, you can talk yourself.” Hanbin tried to lean down on Junhoe’s lap but Junhoe smacked his head.

“C’mom you are specialist in lying.” Hanbin groaned, feeling sleepy and he just wanted Junhoe’s thighs for pillows, he tried again and they were both now wrestling mindlessly while having their conversation.

“The fuck, you know I can’t lie to your mom she has detectors.” Junhoe whined, hand still struggling to push his clingy friend’s face, a memory of one time he tried to sneak out Hanbin for a party but got caught out for lying over study sessions got him to let another whine.

“I will back you up just complete your fuckin’ favor.” Hanbin pleaded out finally winning over and plunged his head on Junhoe’s lap.

“Why do I even get dragged into your shit all the fuckin’ time, you are using me, literally.” Junhoe picked his head and dropped it again on his lap to emphasis his words.

Hanbin only yawned and buried his face in Junhoe’s stomach, he just wanted to sleep, everything had been too much and tiredness finally caught up to him.

“Cause you luv me.” Hanbin mumbled sleepily, Junhoe almost pushed him down to the floor.

“Your gayness is showing.” Junhoe faked disgust at him, “Didn’t love you for four years, not gonna love you now, so just shut up bitch.” Despite the words, their meaning was lost in the drowsiness of Hanbin’s voice.

Junhoe let him be and gave up the pointless argument.

Hanbin didn’t know how much time he had spent sleeping but he woke up to the sound of Junhoe talking on the phone.

“Yes sir he is very sick and passed out couple hours ago, no no he actually was wailing over the speech but couldn’t walk two steps without fainting out...” the fake sincerity in Junhoe’s voice was astonishing.

“Thank you for understanding, I will tell him this certainly, I will make sure he can attend classes by next week.” Hanbin smiled to himself, nuzzling his face more in Junhoe’s tummy, the boy above him noticed and glared at him.

“I will call his mom, don’t worry…” Junhoe slapped the hand that tried to sneak around him and Hanbin pouted at the glaring man “Yeah no trouble sir, thanks again.”

Just as the line closed Junhoe cursed Hanbin, “Fuck you this was really embarrassing I really made you one step away from deathbed for this lie.” Junhoe wiped fake sweat, “Well I didn’t think you would really go on with it to be honest.” Hanbin met Junhoe’s upset eye and cracked him one of his infamous cute smiles and Junhoe immediately closed his eyes, pushed Hanbin off and stormed off.

For the bathroom.

Hanbin laughed at him, to think he really wanted to piss but still stayed because Hanbin was snuggling on his lap, he was one step away from falling for his best friend but nah, that’s big yikes, Hanbin cringed so hard.

On a random thought, he wondered if the Moonbin guy in his bedroom had left or still there.

Junhoe’s phone rang beside him and it was Donghyuk calling, he picked up “Hey there,”

“Oh Hanbin!” Donghyuk chirping sounded from the other line, Hanbin could make out the noise of the place, it seemed the ceremony already ended, he eyed the clock and yes it did and he spent that time sleeping.

“The ceremony was boring without you.” He tried but Hanbin scoffed at him, “Fat liar you sound so happy.”

“Hehehe, actually it was fun, you missed the guy filling in your place, man he is hot as fuck you wouldn’t believe it.” Hanbin felt the bang in his chest, so they made another student fill in his place.

Junhoe returned and frowned at the sad face he was making, he put the phone on speaker and Junhoe settled in beside him.

“But this time he isn’t a student, actually a new teacher enrolled for an internship in our college, a two years old graduate student, if you had seen his face you wouldn’t think he was a honorable student for shit.” Donghyuk filled in the informations amusedly.

“The whole crowed was enchanted, girls acting like they had seen an idol or something, I wouldn’t blame them though the way the guy handled himself was cool as fuck I might have a crush- ouch!” Junhoe and Hanbin cracked at the quarreling that broke on the other line, Yunhyeong sounded so jealous and that was so adorable.

“Anyways hahaha, hopefully he takes one of our classes, try your luck with him.” Donghyuk sounded so hopeful.

“Like fuck I would want a relationship with my teacher, yikes, what would everyone think of me and my four years old pure image?” Hanbin dismissed the idea.

“Talking about images, the guy looks like a total punk, heck he presented himself proudly with low cut shirt while his neck covered in hickeys, man is confident as fuck.”

“Hanbin can’t relate- owww!” Junhoe yelped in pain when Hanbin pinched him.

“I don’t care about him whatsoever, I’m shutting the phone bye!” He didn’t wait for a reply before closing the line.

“You see that bitch, one can be both honorable student and a sophisticated guy.” Hanbin ignored him as he dialed a number, it rang, “Tell that to my mom.” Junhoe’s eyes widened when the phone was thrown at him, “Bitc- h-hi mother…” Junhoe fumbled with the phone, mixing glares and soft voice when Hanbin’s mother answered the call.

The next couple minutes Junhoe was sweating while trying to convince Hanbin mother he was sick but fine and it wasn’t necessary for her to talk to him now. Hanbin freaking out silently in front of him, hands waving frantically each time she asked to talk to him, he honestly didn’t trust himself with lies at the moment.

“I will try waking him up, wait a sec.” Hanbin’s eyes widened in shock, mouthing a ‘traitor!’ he was about to bolt off when Junhoe grabbed his shirt.

“Hanbin, wake up, your mom is on the phone… Hanbin.” Junhoe faked his voice, he looked mischievously at the poor guy freaking out under him, Junhoe pinned him when he tried to run off again, now Hanbin was face down on the ground and Junhoe straddling his back.

Phone on the ground, “Here he is awake,” and that was the death blow, Hanbin slumped down.

“H-hi mom…” he didn’t have to fake his voice since Junhoe’s heavy weight already crushing his lungs.

‘Oh poor baby why your voice is like this?!’ ops he didn’t even try.

“Ughh… just woke up, sorry I couldn’t make it to the ceremony.” He couldn’t fake the sadness either because he really felt that sincerely, guilt already bubbling up inside him.

‘It’s okay baby, it doesn’t matter as long as you get better but really what got you sick overnight you were fine yesterday.’ Her worried voice sounded from the other line and Hanbin bit his lip, racking his brain fast for an excuse.

“Ughh, Junhoe bought takeovers yesterday and I woke in the morning with some stomach bug.” Junhoe slapped his back in return for that lame ass excuse.

‘Be careful honey, don’t let me worry about you more, I will call the dean for you so it wouldn’t affect your perfect record.’ Somehow the words stung at Hanbin’s heart, exactly what matters the most, perfect record, in the end that’s the only thing that made her happy.

He knew she cared about him, but she cared about his degrees and image much more.

She didn’t want the real him, she wanted the perfect son she dreamt of having all along.

“No need, I already talked to him.” Hanbin’s sullen voice was so evident yet his mother didn’t even notice, ‘that’s my good boy, you can make up for it once you get well.’

“I will, need to go mom, say hi to Byul for me, bye.”

‘I will honey, take care.’ And he closed the line, suddenly he didn’t even feel like getting up and even push Junhoe off him but the guy already stepped down off him, he poked his cheeks but really Hanbin didn’t feel like humoring Junhoe right now.

“You are a good guy Hanbin, with or without those grades.” Junhoe’s voice held sympathy he hadn’t heard in a long while, “One day she will realize that.”

Hanbin turned his head to bury his face in Junhoe’s palm and Junhoe let him take the comfort he needed from him.

“At least she is there and she loves you.” Now that stung Hanbin.

Because Junhoe didn’t have a mother.

Hanbin suddenly felt like such an ungrateful person, he should be thankful for what he had because others didn’t have half what he did.

Hanbin found himself hugging Junhoe, “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry Junhoe and thank you for all of this.”

\-------

“What should we take?”

“Everything.”

“Yes like what is this everything?”

“Everything eatable.”

“We are at fuckin’ supermarket, everything is supposed to be eatable here.”

“Then we take everything.”

By now everyone was looking at them strangely, because Hanbin was strangling Junhoe in the midst of the vegetable aisle and Junhoe choking while holding a set of onions in his hands.

“Fucker you get on my nerves ugh!” poor Junhoe was running short on air, face red.

“Hey are these two okay?”

“Should we call security?”

“Calm down boys…?”

“Hanbin let go!” and he did, Junhoe heaved up, trying to catch some breathe while coughing.

“Boys? Is everything okay? You can’t cause a scene here.” A guy around their age appeared after the commotion, a part time employee.

“Don’t worry, this is daily routine,” Hanbin offered the brightest smile in hopes to shrug the guy off, he squinted a little at the name tag, “Park Jimin?”

“Bitch two hours ago you were kissing my ass!” Junhoe lunged for him but he ducked now he was hiding behind the Jimin guy.

The guy blushed at the words, “Uhh boyfriends shouldn’t treat each other like this y’know…?” the awkwardness in his voice was evident as he stood between the boys.

“What the fuck man?” Junhoe sent him incredulous look, Hanbin peered over the guys shoulder to look at him too, “You what?”

“You know, couples and such?” Jimin fumbled with his words under their gazes, Hanbin figured he might be a new part-timer here or he mistook the marks over his neck from Junhoe, ridiculous.

“Like shit my bi self would date his gay ass.” Junhoe scoffed, feeling offended all over.

“Not in your wildest dreams.” Hanbin retorted.

“A-Anyway boys, be quiet, the customers getting kinda upset so…” he trailed off as he stepped away from Hanbin.

Hanbin sighed deeply, “Truce?”

“I get to buy snacks.”

“Fine asshole.”

“Truce.”

By the time they made it alive to the casher Hanbin felt like his whole soul got drained out, not only they were dragging two full carts behind them, they spent the past 40 minutes bickering over anything and everything.

“Is this a year supply or sumthin’?” the casher joked with them as he started heaping the stuff they brought.

Hanbin eyed the name tag again, “Well Kim Taehyung, have you ever tried living in an apartment with three healthy men in their twenties?” Hanbin joked.

“That wouldn’t last ten days, if we got lucky that is.” Junhoe leaned on the casher table, popping a lollipop in his mouth, “Put this with the check.” Junhoe motioned the boy with the lollipop before he returned it to his mouth.

“Well, as you can see we are rising a pig in our house.” Hanbin sighed dramatically and the casher was now cackling at them, they didn’t knew they were putting a funny show for everyone.

The boy from earlier reached the casher and whispered something in his ears and the casher laughed along with him, he turned his face and they both held a staring contest.

The Taehyung guy totally forgetting the items and both kept waiting for the young boys to snap out of their trance.

“Are we watching some kdrama now?” Junhoe sucked on the lollipop.

“They are whipped.” Hanbin sighed as he eyed his phone for the time, they were late, “Hey, lovebirds?” Hanbin tried and the part-timer turned instantly, smile so blinding Hanbin was struck for a second.

“Hate to ruin the moment but can you like, check the rest of the stuff for us?” Hanbin didn’t know why he felt bad for busting their bubble but they looked so beautifully in love it was actually pleasing to stare at them.

Or maybe because of Jimin’s smile.

“What? This is my childhood friend, lover what?” Jimin shrugged them off casually, “Look what these two are saying now, stop being whipped!” Jimin joked with the guy as he smacked his arm playfully, receiving a pinch on the cheek back.

“That’s you now go back to your work we aren’t about to get fired second day at this shit.” Taehyung gave him a push and the other guy dragged himself away, he was few steps away when he turned at them and waved at Hanbin and Junhoe.

“See you guys again, make sure you behave next time!” and he was gone.

They couldn’t even get upset because the way he said it was overly adorable.

“You love each other but keep faking it.” Hanbin finally said as Taehyung returned to check the second cart, picking some lotion and condoms in hand, he sent them a knowing look before replying “I do love him, so much.” The way he smiled at the words before his voice dropped down a little.

“But I’m painted to be his childhood friend forever, he is already in a relationship.” Hanbin didn’t know why or how the guy maintained a smile while saying the words because that sounded painful as fuck.

“Who are you both kidding,” Junhoe’s bored voice snapped the sullen mood, “He is all over you it’s just you both are hopeless cowards I bet if one of you confessed you would be fucking by now.” And he cracked the lollipop between his teeth, grapping most of the bags while leaving two only for Hanbin.

He turned to leave before the surprised boy could answer.

Hanbin put the bills out and paid for their purchases, “With that I have to agree with him to be honest.” Hanbin smiled knowingly as he picked the bags, “Thanks for the advice I guess?”

But Hanbin had already waved him goodbye and left after Junhoe.

Walking their way back home, the night had already fallen and it was eight pm.

Hanbin having it easy while Junhoe carried most of the bags.

Having some random conversation by the sidewalk.

“Did the guy leave?” Hanbin asked him.

“What guy?”

“Chanwoo’s friend.”

“Yeah, he wanted to say hi to you but you were sleeping, he was curious after all the commotion, since we basically freaked out when we woke up with you missing.” Junhoe sent him a side annoyed look and Hanbin returned it with a cheeky smile, Junhoe sighed helplessly at him.

“Told you to not buy these how are we supposed to carry them back home?!” the voice of an angry girl grabbed their attention.

“How would I know we would pile up that much stuffs!” another retorted just as heatedly and they squinted their eyes to see from afar.

“Dumb ohh goddd~ my hands already rubbed dry~” the girl whined loudly.

As they got closer the two bickering girls got louder.

Junhoe and Hanbin eyed them curiously, one had black hair held in two buns, cat eyes, slim body, she was beautiful while the other was taller, slimmer, had short golden hair and straight bangs falling over her eyebrows.

And a lot of bags around them.

The girl with buns was whining while the other tried to pick the bags up, was that three full boxes of beer?

“Yes it is.” Hanbin really needed to get rid of the habit of voicing his thoughts out loud, such an embarrassment god.

The girl with bangs was basically glaring at him after her defensive response.

Talking about defensive, he noticed the way she stepped in front of the other girl.

“Do we look like we gonna mug you or sumthin’?” Junhoe scoffed at the girl and she eyed them all over.

“Sorry but you seemed in trouble and maybe we can help?” Hanbin offered the two girls and the one with buns peered at him over her friend’s shoulder.

“How do we trust you?” she really tried, “Dummy look at these bags I’m barely able to hold them up.” Junhoe mocked her as he rolled his eyes.

“Junhoe stop being annoying, they are girls.” Hanbin scolded him but he only shrugged.

“Your friend is rude.” The girl with bangs said, arms crossed over her thin waist, glares all over Junhoe.

“I got used to it.” A vein popped in Junhoe’s head.

“Anyways, if we are going the same way I can hold the boxes for you and you can carry these two bags.” Hanbin offered them the help.

“We are going this way.” The blonde girl motioned to their left and Hanbin beamed at her, “Let’s go then,” he want and picked the heavy box and they started walking together.

After few silent minutes Hanbin finally said “I’m Hanbin, Kim Hanbin by the way.”

“Lisa, and this is my bestie, Kim Jennie.” The girl with buns stuck her head from behind Lisa and offered a bright smile, “Hey there~”

“And you?” Jennie looked at Junhoe.

“Koo Junhoe.” He told her the name, just for the sake she sounded sweeter than her friend.

“Don’t be upset over Lisa’s aggressiveness, she gets to be really overprotective of us girls.” At the words Lisa’s cheeks were tainted the slightest pink and for a second there Junhoe found her cute when he eyed he from the corner of his eyes.

“Well if she is not naturally like that I can let it pass.” Junhoe shrugged and Lisa was now the one scoffing at him, “As if that would matter to me, jerk.”

“I’m not a jerk.”

“Well you sure act like one.”

“Woww Junhoe finally gaining another bickering buddy.” Hanbin mused out and Jennie giggled softly, “I can say the same about Lisa, it’s one of her hobbies.”

“Jennie Kim are you badmouthing me for a stranger?” Lisa was half scolding half pouting and Jennie’s hands were busy carrying the bags but she still elbowed her teasingly.

“So much for being besties.” Lisa sighed dramatically, “I could say the same about my Kim.” Junhoe shrugged as he fixed the heavy bags in his hands.

“Try finding someone better then we can talk.” Hanbin really had the guts to say the words proudly and Junhoe faked gagging at him.

The girls bust out with laugher at them.

As the short ten minutes’ walk went fast with light jokes and fake bickering, the two pairs found themselves standing in front of the same building’s entrance.

“Wow, world is really a small place.” Junhoe mused out loud, girls agreeing with him, “How much were the odds we would end up living within the same building.” Lisa replied, opening the doors and everyone followed after her.

“Actually we just moved in couple days ago, we were supplying our apartment as you can see.” Jennie raised her arms to show the big bags she was holding.

“We’ve been here for four years now, bet you will love it under this rooftop,” Hanbin beamed at them, “The landlord is small beautiful fairy too.” Junhoe laughed at the comment, just because he knew if Jinhwan heard him he would flip him over.

“Ohh, hopefully it turns out good, I mean you stuck for four years?” Lisa led the way upstairs and they followed her again.

“You are welcome to crash at our apartment if you are bored.” Hanbin offered just to receive a suspicious stares from the girls.

“Don’t worry, it is basically a gay apartment.” Junhoe butted in and Hanbin didn’t know why he was suddenly blushing at the knowing stares the girls sent him.

“So those marks you…?” Lisa smiled slyly, pointing between the boys and again they mistook Junhoe for the one who littered Hanbin’s neck with bruises.

“What’s with everyone mistaking me for this shit?” Junhoe snapped tiredly, “I’m not going out again this whole week.” Hanbin sulked down.

“What so he is not?” Jennie was amused at their moodiness, “Nah not at all yikes.”

“Too bad you both look good together.” Junhoe was seconds away from strangling the teasing blonde girl and she rushed forward laughing at him, she stopped in front of a door and Jennie followed after.

“This is our hideout.” She beamed at them, “Thanks for the help.”

Hanbin dropped the boxes by the door, “Well we are one level apart.”

Lisa leaned down and grabbed two cans of beer, throwing them and Junhoe caught them by reflex.

“See you around guys, bye.” She winked at them and went through the door, Jennie followed after her with a wave of hand.

“See you.” They waved back at them.

\------

The next couple days felt weird for Hanbin, waking up at noon on weekdays, empty apartment; both his friends out for classes.

He would wait for them to comeback but they would crash tiredly and spent the rest of the day sleeping, he would only catch them around eight at dinner.

Strangely he felt lonely, he wanted to go out too, but he didn’t feel like it when his friends were busy, he still had another three days to dwell alone in his solitude.

He stared at the mirror on the back of his bedroom door, shirtless, the marks started to turn bluish greenish. He sighed, tried not to remember that guy.

How they oddly clicked.

What were the chances they would meet again?

Hanbin wanted to meet him again.

But he tried not to indulge too much in the thoughts because he wasn’t up for any disappointment. He decided these thoughts were hunting him because he was lonely, jobless and just had too much free time at hand.

On the next day Hanbin decide for a morning jog, blasting his ears with uplifting music, his feet took him around the empty morning streets, fresh air, early morning birds, slowly rising sun.

He eyed details, people starting to roam around, some going out for daily jobs, some escorting their kids to school, some taking their pets for a morning jog too.

He felt a little calmer, he needed that slight peace of mind.

By the time he went back to their apartment building, he saw grumpy Jinhwan at the reception desk, Jinhwan hated early mornings and everyone in the building knew about this.

“Mornin’ hyung.” Hanbin took off his ear buds, leaning on the desk to greet the older guy.

“I can’t handle bright morning people y’know.” Jinhwan sipped on his bitter coffee and Hanbin bust with laugher.

“About time you get used to your life routine.”

“I hate this life routine.” Jinhwan slumped down in his seat.

“At least you don’t have classes to keep you up.” Hanbin tried but that only got the guy crankier, “I would forsake this shit for classes believe me.”

Hanbin was about to dig a little more in but three guys interrupted them.

“Hey, we are looking for rental apartment.” Hanbin took a step aside, he watched Jinhwan do his job as the three guys listed what they needed.

He decided to leave after noticing Jinhwan won’t be free for a while.

“I will go now, talk to you later Jinani hyung.” Hanbin received a quick nod and he jogged his way up the stairs.

Hanbin unlocked the door and got in, the place was already empty, everyone was out.

By the noon Hanbin was mopping around in boredom, he decided he might try his luck in kitchen and try cooking something for the boys.

Two hours later, everything was a disaster Hanbin wondered why he even bothered even.

He sighed, at least he killed some time.

He displayed the poorly made food on the kitchen island before he started to clean the unnecessary mess he made.

By the time the clock ticked 3:44 Junhoe’s steps interrupted Hanbin’s cleaning sessions.

He actually went out of his way to wash their clothes, dust the house he even tidied the boy’s messy room.

Hanbin had music blasting so loud in his ears he didn’t notice Junhoe’s arrival till he came face to face with him and he yelped in surprise.

Junhoe eyed him suspiciously, “What came over you?”

“Just be thankful.” Hanbin huffed dramatically, another footsteps followed after and Donghyuk’s always the bright smile guy welcomed them.

“Hey guys!” he dropped his notebooks by the sofa.

“How do you mange that bright face after a deadass tiring day of classes.” Junhoe dropped his stuff by the sofa too, taking off his jacket and shirt before dropping to lay on it.

“To be honest, Yun makes it suck less.” Donghyuk picked Junhoe’s clothes before heading to their shared room.

“Woww someone did some amazing cleaning, thanks hyung!” Hanbin heard Donghyuk’s voice from down the hallway.

The hyung used only in occasions when they rarely feel grateful for something.

Hanbin decided they needed to try his food to see how it was.

He went to the kitchen and brought a small plate.

He crouched beside Junhoe.

“I cooked something.” Junhoe cracked on eye open, he eyed the offered bite suspiciously before raising his eyebrow at Hanbin.

“Since when you cook?”

“Tried my luck today, c’mon it’s good.” Obviously Hanbin was lying, he didn’t dare even taste it.

“You didn’t taste it.” Junhoe narrowed his eyes, four years of friendship got him all the hooks and nooks of Hanbin.

“Just stop bitching and take one bite.” Hanbin stuck the spoon so close Junhoe had no choice.

He took it, Hanbin’s eyes watching him closely, looking curiously while anticipating the reaction.

“Not bad, it is actually good.” Junhoe said and Hanbin beamed, if Junhoe said it was good then it must be good despite its poorly shape and appearance.

“Really?” Hanbin said excitedly, eyes darting from his plate to Junhoe then back to the plate in his hand.

“Yup, for a first attempt, not bad.” Hanbin grinned at the comment before taking a bite too, he immediately choked at the sour salty taste he received.

Before he could react Junhoe bolted for the kitchen, chugging several glasses of water.

“You shithead!” Hanbin ran after him, grabbing the glass of water from his hand and chugging some too.

“You thought I wouldn’t know you were lying!” Junhoe couldn’t help laughing, his triumph overcoming his annoyance.

“It’s only fair you eat this shit too!”

After minutes of getting rid of the awful taste, they heard Donghyuk’s footsteps from the hallway, suddenly Junhoe got an idea.

He eyed Hanbin meaningfully but Hanbin was confused by the gestures, he squinted at him, eyes speaking through signals.

“What are you doing guys?” Donghyuk arrived at the kitchen wrapped only in a bath towel hanging low on his hips.

He eyed the silent boys suspiciously.

“Hanbin made us food, you should taste it, you would be surprised Hanbin was even able to make it.” Junhoe faked excitement as he took hold of the plate.

Hanbin tried to go along with the prank though he felt awful deep down because that shit tasted horrible, no one deserved to take a bite of it.

“Really? Since when you know how to cook?” Donghyuk eyed the wary substance on the plate, it was iffy as fuck and both Junhoe and Hanbin hoped he would buy it.

“Uhh thought I would try my luck jealous of your chief boyfriend.” Hanbin shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Junhoe liked it so much, it can’t be the other way for you.” Hanbin tried his luck this time, Junhoe offering the plate wholeheartedly.

Donghyuk contemplated the boys with skeptical stared before taking a bite.

One, two seconds and Donghyuk was choking on the sink with two guys hollering with laughter at the background.

He tried rinsing his mouth from the dreadful taste, spiting multiple times, curses fell his lips in between which only made Junhoe laugh louder and Hanbin feel sorry about it.

“It was Junhoe’s idea, sorry Dongi.” Hanbin tried only to receive a teary glare.

“I hate you, this taste like fuckin’ shit!” Donghyuk fumed at them, hand going out to clutch the towel about to fell down his naked hips.

“Okay, it was worth it but I will make it up for you with takeout’s.” Junhoe said after calming down only to receive a halfhearted scowl in return.

“Gonna go wear something assholes.” Junhoe and Hanbin eyed each other, slightly guilty they did the poor guy like this.

“Just don’t cook again and everything is good.” Junhoe lastly said before taking his phone to order some food and head to his room.

By the time the food arrived, the three boys were crowded in front of the TV watching a rerun of some old show.

“Forget to tell you Hanbin, you remember the teacher I told you about in the ceremony?” Donghyuk talked with mouthful of the pizza in his hand.

“What about him, still not interested.” Hanbin shot him a look.

“I saw him today, actually he takes the calculus lecture.” Junhoe munched on his food.

“Even Junhoe admitted he looked hot.” Donghyuk gushed out loud.

“Well can’t lie about that, the whole class was trying to flirt with him, you should have seen the girls throwing themselves at him.”

“Yikes, he must be some arrogant guy.” Hanbin looked repulsed, “Imagine his big head.”

“He sounded like a chill guy to me though? Not so sure don’t want to do the guy dirty based on his looks.” Donghyuk said, “His name is Kim Jiwon.”

“Normally I find all Kims annoying but he can be an exception.” Junhoe mused and Hanbin eyed him sideways, “Are you gonna charm him or something?”

“Too bad not my type, don’t worry he is all yours,” before Hanbin could reply Junhoe added “If you get a chance that is.”

“I can but I don’t want to!” Hanbin stressed each word out and the boys cracked at him.

\-------

The phone alarm rang loud through the quiet room, Hanbin groaned under his covers before his hands went out to search for the blasting phone somewhere within his messy pillows.

After some struggle he found it, eyeing the bright screen with eyes barely open, he decided for a five minutes snooze before getting up.

He was finally going to college, big yay! Nope, Hanbin wasn’t happy in the slightest, not when he had to leave his comfy covers at early hours of the morning. That was the hardest part of it all, the rest could be handled.

He dragged himself to the bathroom, almost dozing off on the toilet seat but Junhoe’s emerging sleepy figure invading his privacy snapped him awake.

Both were sleepily brushing their teeth over the sink.

“It’s your turn today, go wake Dongi up.” Junhoe mumbled with mouth full of foam and Hanbin groaned, Donghyuk was always a heavy sleeper, it was all thanks to his dancing classes, he would fall asleep dead from exhaustion leaving the task of waking him up to them poor guys.

What Hanbin didn’t expect was the knock at the front door and Yunhyeong coming in with some mouthwatering smell of food.

“Good mornin’ Bin, brought you guys some food before heading to work.” Hanbin almost jumped the guy over the sweetness in his voice.

“Thank you Yun hyung!!!” Hanbin snatched the food, mood suddenly ten times better, Yunhyeong cracking at him as he took off his shoes and got in.

“Do us another favor and go wake your boyfriend!” Hanbin shouted across the apartment from the kitchen, “What is this?” Junhoe came out wrapped in a towel around his hips, dripping shower water.

“Yun hyung brought us breakfast aww.” Hanbin gushed, “Really?!” Junhoe the ever hungry guy beamed.

“If I knew it would make you both this happy I would have brought you food the couple past days too.” Yunhyeong eyed the childish grown up men fusing over the food, Junhoe not even bothering to wear clothes, digging his way through the honey and cream pancakes, even coffee was prepared.

“Thank you hyung, you already have my blessings go marry that asshole.” Junhoe munched the food and Yun laughed so loud, “That was easy though.” He lastly said before he sneaked his way to wake up his boyfriend.

After ten minutes of gushing over the delicious food, Hanbin made his way to change his clothes but stopped midway at the slightly opened door of the boys’ room.

He didn’t plan on peeping but the sight just made him.

Yunhyeong sitting by Donghyuk’s bed, the said guy sleepily laying his head on Yunhyeong’s shoulder, pouting and whining about getting up.

Yunhyeong muttering soft words with gentle touches, kisses feathered all over Donghyuk’s messy bed hair.

Donghyuk raised his head to meet said kisses with his mouth and Hanbin decided he had enough of invading their privacy, he quietly closed the door before turning to head his room, he yelped when he met Junhoe staring him with crossed arms.

“You are hopeless, get a love life.” Junhoe mocked him and Hanbin stomped his way frustratingly.

The comment sort of got under his skin, he didn’t want a love life.

He couldn’t have a love life.

\------

Hanbin settled in his seat a little bit at the back, the auditorium type of hall allowed a wide range of view, students started to fill the afternoon class one by one and soon Junhoe arrived and took the seat beside him.

Getting their notebooks and stuff settled, Junhoe smirked at him, “What?” Hanbin snapped at his best friend “You are being annoying with these looks y’know?”

“This is calculus.” Junhoe wiggled his brows, elbow resting on the desk while he was turned side way to tease Hanbin.

“Well duhh.” Hanbin rolled his eyes or as much as he could possibly muster because he couldn’t.

About time they stop bullying him over that teacher. “Stop acting dumb it means you will finally meet the new teacher.” Why were his friends making big deal over it?

Well maybe because all their teachers were old men and women and this is the first time someone short of thirty actually takes a teaching place, how smart was the guy to land such an internship in this confined national university within two years from graduation?

Suddenly Hanbin was getting anxious about meeting the man, not love wise, he was just curious because he wanted to be as good as him, to make his mom as proud with same achievements.

He found himself actually eying the clock and waiting for it to snap 12:30 just to see him.

He was dozing off when the hall suddenly went quiet before few squeals were heard.

His head snapped up and everything looked like slow motion as he eyed the man walking in like some sort of a super model taking his steps down some kind of runway.

His leather shoes, black dress pants, the lousy tucked white shirt, first two buttons undone showing his chest.

His eyes moved from the necklaces laying over firm chest to the long neck and his face.

His face.

_His fucking face._

Yes his face couldn’t be any more familiar.

Fuck those features, the brow pierce, the sharp eyes, the sharp jawline, and those rabbit teeth.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Hanbin ducked under the desk to hide himself.

“Holly shit!” he whispered yelled as he eyed Junhoe up frantically.

“What is wrong Hanbin get up.” Junhoe tried not to cause a scene with Hanbin, next seats eying them weirdly.

“It is him Junhoe it is fuckin’ him!” Hanbin once again whispered yelled at his friend.

“Who is him?” Junhoe looked confused, he tried to pull Hanbin up but Hanbin only slid further down to actually crouch under the desk.

“Hey students, here we go another two hours of mind blowing calculus.” Hanbin could hear the playful familiar sound of his voice, the way the students swooning over him.

“Mr. Kim Jiwon.” Some girl whined the name and Hanbin cringed, almost snapping his head up to hit the desk.

“Yes, Yuri.” Bobby replied in a light way, no authority or superior glint to his voice, totally ignoring the girl’s implications on purpose.

“The homework was so hard~” girl really was getting on Hanbin’s nerves with her whining but his thoughts were snapped when Junhoe made the efforts again to pull him up but Hanbin refused profusely.

“I can’t let him see me Junhoe,” Hanbin pleaded, “He is the same guy who fucked me the day we arrived!” Hanbin lowered his voice and now Junhoe gawked at him, finally piecing everything together.

“What the fuck Hanbin!” someone by them shot them an annoyed look and now Junhoe tucked his head under the desk too.

“Yes Junhoe fuck it I’m so sure it is him!” everything started to make sense, everything Donghyuk told them, the bruises he had the day of the ceremony too.

“The bruises he had were yours?!” Junhoe gaped at him and Hanbin pressed a hand to his mouth to shush him up, “That’s all you got from everything! My teacher fucked me Junhoe!”

“So Kim Hanbin is absence today too? He is missing a lot.” Hanbin sweat dropped, he was asking about him, what should he do?! He eyed Junhoe up with desperate eyes.

“He is asking about you, there is no escaping this shit just act nonchalant.”

Nonchalant.

Suddenly Hanbin remembered the way he got fucked so well and heat crept over his neck and over his cheeks, he was sure his ears were red by now.

“No teacher he is present, was there the first two lectures.” Hanbin almost cursed the student who spoke up.

“Get the fuck up Hanbin stop being a coward.” Hanbin this time let Junhoe pull him up and he was annoyingly moving in slow motion, Junhoe couldn’t help rolling his eyes over him as he settled in the chair, head bowed down, ears beat red.

Hanbin’s heart was drumming so loud he heard it over his ears.

“Here he is.” Junhoe pointed at Hanbin and he suddenly felt all eyes on him, he felt really small under all the attention, he honestly didn’t like it at all.

There was a moment of suffocating silence filling the hall before Bobby’s voice tore it apart.

“So you are the infamous smart kid Kim Hanbin who missed the ceremony.” Hanbin hated the amused taunting tone in his voice, the obvious recognition he definitely wasn’t trying to hide at all.

He slowly raised his head and he came eye to eye with him, time felt frozen, surroundings so deaf, there was a trance as he met the familiar smirk and chills made a mad ran down his spine.

“Had a condition I couldn’t make it… Sir.” He replied after a short while of silence and he saw the smirk widen on Bobby’s face, or should he call him Kim Jiwon now?

“Ohh, bet it was an urgency, a good student like you wouldn’t miss his speech for something trivial,” Bobby once again taunted him, the fact everyone in the hall were oblivious to the tinges thrown in-between.

“Yes it was, I will make sure to make up for my absence.” Hanbin tried to reply as indifferently as he could muster, hands in a tight grip under the desk, trembling madly over his lap, but he tried to keep his composure right.

“Well, stay after class and I will try helping you over.” Bobby finally broke their stare as he turned his back and grabbed a marker.

Hanbin let a deep obstructing breathe he didn’t realize he was holding, shoulders hunching down in defeat.

“I’m choking over the tension what the fuck was that?” Junhoe slumped in his chair, he himself felt drained, he eyed Hanbin poorly; the guy had beads of sweat covering his skin.

“Just my luck sucking ass as ever.” Hanbin slumped down, ears going over to listen to Bobby going over mathematics like it is some light subject.

The confidence, the way he carried himself, the way he presented the lecture, he was smart, so smart that Hanbin found himself lost in the way the equations went instead of eying his broad shoulders and styled hair.

To say the least Hanbin was captivated, he didn’t expect a guy having piercings and messy hair riding motorcycles at nights and fucking guys from random clubs to actually be with this much intelligence.

Yes they told him he was a honorable student graduate but he didn’t believe it but now he was seeing it with both eyes, Bobby didn’t even look him up for a second even as if teaching was a much more a priority to him than second lives issues.

Was he admiring the guy? Yes he was.

But he was also jealous, his eyes darted over the hall to eye the students and he felt jealous of the respect everyone were showing, people were actually taking notes of random things Bobby wrote on the board. He was used to his class being lazy stickups who refused to cooperate unless their results came fucked so bad.

But Bobby got an impressive hold on them, maybe it was the friendly smiles that got everyone at ease? Maybe the small age gab that it felt like a friend was teaching them rather than a teacher? Maybe because Bobby never presented himself like a teacher, the casual attires, the casual conversations with random students, the silly stories he threw here and there.

It was two hours but Hanbin found himself collecting details like tips, he knew nothing about the guy other than rich man who was good at sex.

But he was much more.

For a second Hanbin felt so little up to him, a mix of admiration and envy clouding him, man was all confidence and sophistication, a free soul who can easily gain respect and acknowledgement for who he was. Had both brain and charms.

Never had the need to alternate who he was.

How can one be this imperfectly _perfect_?

But perfect made him insecure, he didn’t like wholesome people who made him cautious about himself, he didn’t like being put into place where he had to be constantly trying hard to reach a suitable standards for them.

His mom made that something prominent within him.

An inner struggle to be acceptable, to gain people approval, he seek reassurance he was doing well, that he was good enough.

He can never reach Bobby’s level.

He was apprehensive about everything, the try-hard type, always anxious about everyone views of him.

While Bobby was the type to give zero shit about anything, the free soul everyone were trying to be.

Was he trying too?

He doubted that.

He immediately shook the thoughts away.

He worked so hard to reach the status he had now, his mom was happy, his teachers valued his hard work, all student never bothered to pick on him, maybe even respected him for always being the good smart guy who kept out of trouble.

He couldn’t really forsake the image.

He couldn’t imagine his mom’s criticizing eyes, the scandalizing looks his teachers would afford him, the bullying he would receive for getting a taste of that flawless person.

One thought freaked Hanbin out, what if everyone figured out he had something with their teacher?

Not any teacher, basically the one everyone pinning on all over the campus?

He didn’t want to think about whatever shit that would enfold if anything happened.

Hanbin decided he would stay after class and settle things for good with his teacher.

It was a casual good one nightstand and that’s it, nothing more nothing less, he could pick another one at any random club and move on.

_If only it was that easy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again, so this is the second chapter of the story, more insight of the plot and characters and the start of their random meetings, they might seem random but nothing really is, everyone gonna play his own role in this as a big family.  
Will talk about this later, cs I will need a lot to put about this.  
The next chapter will make things more clearer I guess.  
I will probably find many mistakes later so I will try to fix them as best as I can.  
You can always drop at my twitter RRediKON and talk to me about the story or whatever :3  
Till next time, enjoy this 10k hehe


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —I was fucked up from the beginning  
You knew that  
I knew that  
What did you find in me?  
Oh maybe a fuck up suited for your own fuck up self  
Yeah must be it

.

“You sure you will be fine?” Hanbin heard worry in Junhoe’s voice, he appreciated the way his friend always cared that much about him but for the time being he needed to settle things with his teacher.

The students were filling out of the hall, Junhoe gathered his stuff but still waited for Hanbin.

“Don’t worry about it, what could go wrong?” Hanbin laughed it off but he knew his best friend won’t buy it but he appreciated the way Junhoe accepted his request even though he left with a frown on his face, Hanbin didn’t get the chance to feel bad about it when he heard the doors being closed and someone’s eyes looking up at him.

“Come down let’s talk.” Bobby waited for him by the stage, leaning over the podium.

Suddenly the whole vibe was flipped, it was no longer seemed like teacher-student, it was as if they went back to the strangers they were one week ago.

And Hanbin didn’t like one bit of it, not the knowing look on Bobby’s smirking face not his laidback lazy composure either.

He took his notebooks and walked down the steps, laying them on a nearby desk, he stood in front of Bobby.

“Well I didn’t think you bolted out the bed ‘cause of the ceremony.” Hanbin was taken back, he wasn’t expecting the straightforward comment.

“Thought we are talking about my missed schedule?” Hanbin bit back despite wanting to keep it cool, he didn’t intend for the comment to be let out with a sting.

“Touché,” Bobby tilted his head, hair bouncing off that fluff mop he had, “I just never thought I would meet you again, not to mention in my class, as my student.”

“Yeah bad luck.” Hanbin crossed his arms over his chest, turning his head to avoid the hunting gaze of the man supposed to be his teacher.

“I wonder about that though, don’t seem like it from what I remember?” Hanbin fought the blush trying to creep up his face, nope, not so fast! Stay strong Kim fucking Hanbin!

Too indulged in his own self resistance Hanbin didn’t notice the hand reaching out for him, “Too bad I didn’t get to appreciate the marks I left on your body.” Hanbin flinched when fingertips made contact with his neck; where Bobby’s bruises were so evident few days ago.

He immediately took a step back, heart drumming wildly in his ears and Bobby’s smirk softened into a smile so sincere he hated it.

“They are gone now.”

“Listen Bob- I mean Mr. Kim Jiw-” before Hanbin was able to complete his outburst Bobby shot him a sharp stare he didn’t expect at all.

“Don’t call me that.” He scowled and Hanbin tried his best not to cower under the dominative tone of Bobby’s voice.

“Well I don’t really care,” Hanbin tried to gain footage back, “Whatever happened between us doesn’t matter anymore. Everything was before you turn out- turn out this! I’m not about to have any kind of relationship with my teacher!” Hanbin threw hands to make a point and Bobby kept silent watching the flare-up.

“Really though?” Bobby said with a smile out of context which only fueled Hanbin’s nervousness. The slow steps he was taking towards him didn’t help either he felt like a prey.

“Last time you were in my bed you were chanting my name.” Another step and he took one back in return.

Hanbin fisted his hands by his sides, trying his best to calm his systems, but everything about the way the whole thing was turning made him anxious.

“We both know that none gonna’ fuck you the way I would.” The tone sent chills down Hanbin’s spine, he shuddered as he felt heat spread over his neck and up his face severely, he wanted, no. he _needed_ to run away.

“That was before I knew you are my teacher!” Hanbin hated the way his voice sounded so jumpy, he cursed himself inside for sounding so pathetic.

“And what about it? What if I’m your teacher and you are my student?” Bobby stopped two steps away from him when he felt his back touch the front desks.

His gaze was intense, no longer the lazy smile displayed on his lips, Hanbin felt cornered but he just couldn’t bring himself to accept everything, if he did a lot worse would come his way.

He might be in trouble now with only Bobby but later he had to face the whole students’ body, his professors and teachers, _his mom_.

At the thought of his mom’s disapproving look, criticizing and disappointed, flashbacks of dreadful let down words rang through his ears, Hanbin immediately shut his mind when hurtful words tried to invade its way back.

_‘Don’t be a disappointment’_

Hanbin’s resolve renewed and he fired back heatedly, words tumbling off his mouth without second thoughts “You think this community would accept this? What do you think people would say about _me_?” Hanbin pushed back fiercely and Bobby tried to understand him, or that what it seemed to Hanbin when the guy went silent and listened intently.

“My perfect student image, four years I’ve worked so hard for it, I spent days and nights trying to achieve the place I’m in, the respect and praise for being the complete honorable student, and you think you are _worth_ ruining that for?” Hanbin spat the words, he was never a person to hurt people on purpose or say hideous words so easily like this but he was cornered and he had no choice.

A moment went by where the silence stretched out, Hanbin tried his best to keep up with the stare the guy was pouring into his eyes, he was sure there were nails marks dug into his palms with how tight he was clutching his fists.

“Fair enough.” And Bobby closed his eyes before the same usual lazy smile returned to his face, he then lifted them and looked again into Hanbin’s only this time with much less intensity.

“What?” Hanbin muttered the word dumbly, that was it?

“Just one tip from a fellow honorable student who maintained the same image for three years and also graduated with it.” Bobby walked away back to the podium, talking in a casual way.

“You can be both if you want to, but that’s only when you start to do things for your own self not anyone else’s desires.” Bobby arranged the papers at hand.

Hanbin didn’t know why the words stuck so deep within him, he couldn’t even reply them.

“Listen Hanbin, being an honorable student doesn’t have to feel like living a prisoner, it seems you lost the meaning of it all along the way you tried to please anyone and everyone.” Bobby picked his papers in hands and finally met Hanbin’s unguarded gaze.

“I might really go out of my way to show you what it is like living your life the way you should before you graduate.” Bobby’s way of saying the words confidently tugged weirdly at Hanbin’s heart, his chest tightened when Bobby smiled that same really beautiful smile of his.

“A side note, I might go real dirty at it.” And he winked.

Hanbin was tongue tied, honestly everything was too much he felt his knees give up on him the moment he was left alone in the hall.

He leaned on the desk, clutching tightly to the edges of the surface digging his back.

What did he mean he lost the whole meaning along the way, he was sure he was doing the right thing? Everyone was approving of him, wasn’t that what he needed? To be flawless in everyone’s, in his mom’s eyes? Where did he go wrong? He didn’t understand.

The clock ticked for a while Hanbin just remained there spaced out, mind going over every word, he didn’t even understand why the guy stuck under his skin that much but in a way he felt the need to understand what was so wrong about his choices and life that Bobby could see and he couldn’t.

He didn’t notice when the doors were thrown open and both Donghyuk and Junhoe crowding over him, when did he sit on the floor really?

“Are you okay?” Donghyuk immediately crouched down in front of him, hand going out to shake Hanbin’s shoulder.

“Man we looked everywhere for you, it’s already past three and half.” Junhoe ran a hand through his hair frustratingly when Donghyuk dragged the guy to his feet.

“Sorry guys, just had an intense talk with Bob- Mr Kim Jiwon.” Hanbin smiled sheepishly but that didn’t help the worried looks his friends shot him.

“Junhoe told me about him.” Donghyuk said, “Does he bother you? If he tries anything against your will just tell us.” Junhoe followed after and Hanbin grinned while grabbing his stuff, “What will you do about it dummy.”

“I don’t mind giving him an earful, my teacher or not don’t care.” Junhoe shrugged his shoulders, “I bet you will.” Donghyuk replied and the three of them exited the hall.

“Good news is, Yun is cooking us food and we won’t be starving today!” Donghyuk bragged proudly over his boyfriend and both the other boys cheered up.

Hanbin felt his stomach grumble, he really felt like showering Donghyuk with compliments over choosing Yunhyeong. Man was perfect he wanted to snatch one the same.

His mind immediately made a random flash for some cheeky laid back teacher and he scowled at himself.

No weird thoughts Hanbin, get a grip.

By the time the night fell on them, Donghyuk went out for a night walk with Yunhyeong leaving both Hanbin and Junhoe alone, both were sitting on the floor in the living room, music displaying from Junhoe’s phone, all ballads and old vibes despite the man’s chaotic personality.

Textbooks and papers scattered around them, couple empty beer cans and snacks thrown around.

All for the purpose of Junhoe helping Hanbin catch up with his missed classes.

While their majors were sort off different, they still shared some of them including the calculus one.

Hanbin majoring in business administration, Junhoe was economic student but both had to deal with few courses of calculus.

“I don’t normally take notes y’know, but I’m an acquainted with that Rosé girl who majors with you, she was so sweet she actually gave me a copy of her nerdy notes.” Junhoe said lazily, pen going farthest away from the equation he had to solve to scribble some random sketches that looked honestly so awful.

“I figured that much, no way in hell your notes would be this organized.” Hanbin replied back, taking his specs off to rub at his nose, clock already ticking past twelve at night but he still had three days’ homework to catch on to.

Though by the scribbles Junhoe was getting out of hand at, he decided that was it for the poor guy, he could complete his studies in his room.

“Tell me you didn’t ask her for something in return though?” Hanbin eyed him sideways and Junhoe scoffed at him, “She is like my sister what the fuck definitely big no.”

“That’s a relief.” Hanbin sighed as he sprawled his body on the floor, back too tired to keep straight.

They heard the sound of the front door opening and the voices of their couple of friends by the entrance, giggles of Donghyuk and some kissing sounds, Hanbin stared at the ceiling as he listened to the sweet words being shared faintly between them, so hushed and honeyed.

What was it like to be loved that much dearly?

Hanbin wondered in his mind, despite his past relationships, nothing felt that much genuine or as they call it true love, he would be calling it clapped but that would disrespect his ego, but who was he lying to; all his past relationships sucked so bad he sort of felt regret he gave himself for trivial people who didn’t appreciate or fight for him even half the way he wanted them to.

And then his mind made the obvious twist turn to remind him of the one nightstand he was showered with adoration and affection; if they weren’t strangers he would have mistaken the pure care for love but no love came that easy and he knew that so well.

Love was a complicated thing he couldn’t understand for the life of him.

He settled for spur of the moment kind of attraction, mixed with buzz and late night’s poor judgments, yup probably why Bobby was so hung up on him so much he could bet if Bobby got to know him more he would find him not worth all the pinning.

He regarded himself multiple times and really, nothing was that special about him to have a perfect person like Bobby stress on him so hard.

Maybe he wanted sex? Use him because he thought he was an easy person? A playful time to pass on? Was he funny though? He didn’t want being a joke the main kind of attraction he got.

Hanbin groaned unawarely as he rolled on his stomach, he felt a weight on him and Junhoe was laying his head on his back, he tried to twist his face back awkwardly to see and he there Junhoe sprawled on the ground with phone in hand texting someone; he was too exhausted to actually prod on that.

Hanbin had it enough with the sounds by the hallway, it started to turn into quietened moans and he was too grumpy to have his friends make out at the top of his head.

“Lovebirds if possible go fuck somewhere else!” Hanbin yelled loud and Junhoe choked on laugher “You really had to ruin their mood that way.”

“It’s midnight and we are fucked college students.” Hanbin reasoned poorly but the sounds stopped at least soon the couple arrived at the living room, “You are still awake?” a bit disheveled Donghyuk with obvious swollen lips eyed the boys spread on the floor.

Hanbin picked his face off the ground to greet them, “Well I have heck lots of work to get done.”

“You didn’t lie when you said he is a nerd.” Yunhyeong laughed at the pair on the ground, passing Donghyuk with a hair ruffle to go grab something from the kitchen, “Well thanks gentleman, not all of us have interesting lives.”

“Why so cranky today?” Donghyuk picked on the awful mood of his best friend. Their make out session forgotten as he crouched down to ruffle the hair of the scowling guy, he resembled a cat so much.

“Someone has a calculus class tomorrow again probably.” Junhoe didn’t bother to lift his eyes from his phone even.

Donghyuk’s mouth formed a small O, “Now that explains it.”

“Why not just ignore the whole thing, just treat him indifferently maybe.” Yunhyeong returned to the living room with a can of beer and relaxed on the couch, he motioned for Donghyuk to come close and the said guy hopped over and settled on his lap comfortably.

Hanbin felt bad for being envious of their pure love life, why couldn’t he have a peaceful one as well?

Why was he so suddenly prodding on the love subject, he was sure he was fine the past two years without it, what made him so invested in it so much right now?

Maybe getting a sample of being adorned and showered with affection made him crave having that daily.

He kind of wanted to be the center of the world for someone maybe? What did that feel like even?

“I wish that was easy; ask the boys what type of guy he is and you will know this is impossible.” Hanbin said and Junhoe raised his face and twisted back to glance at the cuddling couple “He is a spoiled punk who wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

“Here you have it.” Hanbin grumbled, “And Hanbin kind of whipped and can’t resist him.” Hanbin got up and Junhoe wailed when his head hit the floor.

“But if he makes you uncomfortable just call him off.” Yunhyeong frowned at the situation, “If he isn’t right for you, you shouldn’t accept anything.” Yunhyeong had his palm on Donghyuk’s thigh, running mindless circles over it.

“I agree with Yun, I’m actually a little bit worried to be honest; he looks like a playboy sorta?” Donghyuk frowned “You deserve someone who won’t break your heart by the end of the day or y’know won’t get you through the shit of two years ago.”

“Hmm, I think we all agree on that.” Junhoe got up from the floor, “I suggest you try get him off your back, what you both had was only a one nightstand, he should distinguish that so well.” Junhoe grabbed his phone and walked his way to his room, “He is an adult he ought to know better.” He lastly waved off before he closed the door after him.

“Protective much?” Donghyuk snickered and Hanbin was getting more lost by the seconds, all of his friends telling him he was a bad choice, he knew he was a bad choice, but how could he get rid of him? He still didn’t know what the guy meant when he said he would teach him how to live his life the way he should.

What could he possibly do amidst grounds filled with prying eyes everywhere?

“Listen Hanbin, just don’t get distracted from your studies and try taking one step at a time, the true one for you will come eventually when the time is right.” Donghyuk smiled reassuringly and Hanbin let out a deep exhaling sigh he was holding deep down.

“Guess I’m done for the day guys,” Hanbin picked his notes up, “Sorry for ruining the mood for you though.” Hanbin looked sullenly, although not for that reason but both guys understood Hanbin was having a hard time dealing with everything, he wasn’t that expert with social life and all of them were much aware of that.

“It’s okay Bin, Donghyuk has classes early tomorrow either way I wouldn’t have stayed late.” Yunhyeong was too kind for his own good and Hanbin wanted to give the guy one big bear hug.

Weirdly enough, Hanbin made a beeline from behind the mess on the floor and the coffee table and gave said bear hug for both guys.

“No comment.” Hanbin said as he left the dumbfounded guys and disappeared down the hallway, not noticing the mixed fond and worry displayed in their emotions.

The next day was an awful day for Hanbin, even though it was only morning, he decided it was bad because he hardly got a blink of sleep, he wasn’t ready to meet his teacher again.

Day made much worse when he had to leave alone because Donghyuk was already out to get morning coffee from his boyfriend’s café and Junhoe not having classes until much later with calculus.

He could be seen with a rainy cloud hanging on top of his head as he walked his way through the hallways of his college lecture building.

“You!” Hanbin didn’t think the loud call was made for him, deciding he should remain within his current circle of misery.

“Hey!” a hand gripped his shoulder and he snapped his head up, he was surprised to actually see the guy from that supermarket, Jimin was his name?

“Hey, didn’t know you attended college here!” why was he so bright, though the smile made him feel a little bit lighter, he could give him that.

“Hey, Jimin right?” Hanbin eyed the beaming guy, “Yup! Don’t know your name though.” He laughed sheepishly and Hanbin muttered his name.

“Nice to meet you, what year are you, haven’t seen you round?” Jimin started a random conversation accompanying Hanbin to his lecture, he got to know the guy was a fourth year, majoring in dancing the same as Donghyuk, he was actually a really kind optimistic guy and Hanbin felt the gloomy mood slightly lift off his shoulder.

Along their way a new guy joined them, his name was Jungkook, the guy was a fourth year as well, a newly transferred student, he also knew the pair were a couple, he suddenly remembered the cashier words when he said Jimin was already in a relationship and he kind of felt sorry and sad.

Everything was made much much worse when Teahyung joined them few minutes later and Hanbin just wished for the time to run fast so he could make an escape to his lectures.

He stood between the three, situation was so stressing Hanbin fought the urge to yell, everyone was friendly but he could feel it, heck he could see it even, the way Teahyung was trying to pretend he was fine with Jungkook’s hand over Jimin’s back, the way Jimin was cautious of said hand and kept throwing Teahyung slightly panicked side glances.

If Jimin loved Teahyung why did he bother getting in a relationship even? Hanbin didn’t understand what the point of involving in such a mess was.

Hanbin decided one day if he got the chance he would have a small talk with Jimin over this, the guy seemed like he himself didn’t know what he wanted or was doing.

Getting caught up in the mess, Hanbin was five minutes late for the lecture, he stepped in and he was met with Bobby’s eyes directly set on him.

It never failed to shake him up at all. Hanbin bowed down with a quiet apology.

“It’s okay Hanbin, take a seat,” Hanbin wanted to dwell on the casual call of his name but he really needed to get a seat instead of being rooted stupidly be the door.

Bobby’s focus was on the board again, hands up to scribble numbers and signs he didn’t know about yet.

Most seats were taken so he had to sit a little close to the board, Junhoe was furthest at the back, he cursed him silently for not securing him a seat beside him.

Hanbin found it easy when Bobby didn’t pay him that much attention, he could focus on the subjects and get some notes right, although that peace of mind didn’t last long when Bobby called him out to solve some exercise written on the board.

Who was he kidding when he thought the lecture would go in peace?

Hanbin tried to not focus on the way Bobby’s eyes followed each and every movement of his.

“This should be easy for you hmm?” Bobby hummed as he leaned on the podium to watch Hanbin, his back to the students while facing him.

Yup it was easy if not for the hot gaze burning his back, he can literally feel himself being undressed by it, his shirt riding up his stomach didn’t help the situation whenever he tried to raise his arm up.

Hanbin tried to ignore the low hums behind him and he started to fill in the board, Bobby’s sounds of amusement behind him whenever he got a hidden twist right was so distracting he tried his hardest to ignore it, “Impressive.” He said and clapped his hands, the gesture flustered Hanbin, “Definitely the first in class.” Bobby reached behind him and Hanbin froze in place when he felt a hard chest press against his back, Bobby’s hand moving over his outstretched one to take the pen.

His heart pulsated in his ears, throat so tight he couldn’t even swallow, Bobby was flushed against him and_ everyone was watching_! So fucking close!

Hanbin felt really hot, sweat forming over his skin, Bobby’s breath over his ear as he casually mouthed numbers and signs while he typed another methods of solutions over the board. What felt like eternity was barely couple minutes, Hanbin felt the air drained out of his lungs.

Before Bobby pulled away he whispered breathily “You could have moved away y’know.” And Hanbin felt a tremor rock his body but soon Bobby was standing a little far away from him.

Hanbin was probably flushed, he couldn’t bring himself to turn around and face the class, not even face Bobby. He was mostly blasting his triumphed smile.

“That was pretty good out of Hanbin, though he chose a hard method to solve them, I made sure to type the easier ones too.” Bobby talked calmly, “You can return to your seat now Hanbin.” Hanbin finally decided to face it instead of clowning himself.

He turned around expecting glares or hateful stares but to his surprise everyone was busy taking notes, most not even bothering with him at all.

His eyes landed on Junhoe and his friend was frowning; he seemed upset; presumably the only one who picked at the situation and he didn’t know if he was thankful for that or worry about it.

He returned to his seat and his eyes met Bobby’s for a spilt second, the guy smirked briefly before reverting to arrange his stuff because the lecture was about to end within the next few minutes.

Just when the clock ticked the end of class, Hanbin called out for Bobby, “Mr Kim, can I have a minute with you after class please.” The words were cold and Junhoe was just there in time to hear them.

“Okay.” Was his casual reply and Hanbin felt his blood boiling, how could he act like nothing happened right here ten minutes ago?!

“Should I leave?” Junhoe tone was off but Hanbin only nodded numbly.

Soon they were left alone behind closed doors.

“What do you think you are doing?!” Hanbin voice blew throughout the quiet space this time he walked up and stood close to face Bobby.

“Do what?” Bobby’s careless way of talking and the way he tilted his head naively got on Hanbin’s nerves he felt like exploding.

“You know so well what!” Hanbin fumed, “You don’t get to touch me! Not anywhere not in front of everyone! After I told you asshole!!” Hanbin shouted not even noticing the curse falling off his mouth, heat gathered in his face in dangerous fury, he was usually the calm type, he rarely got angry at all but dammit if he didn’t feel like smashing something right then.

Hanbin didn’t even notice the way Bobby’s eyes steeled after the curse he said in that way.

“You like it.” _What?_

“Are you crazy?! I fuckin’ hate it!” Hanbin was losing it and Bobby’s inconsiderate expressions gave nothing which only triggered him more.

“You like the thrill of it, it was something you will probably never experience in your boring life.” Bobby bit back and Hanbin scowled at him.

“It’s _my_ boring life!” Hanbin seethed the words.

“No it’s not, it is basically what others want you to live. This is not your life.” Bobby’s words cut like knives and Hanbin’s eyes widened.

“If it was yours you probably wouldn’t be giving a shit about seeking out everyone’s approval.” It seemed like Bobby was satisfied with the point he made; he turned around to gather his stuff.

“You want the thrill, you want the danger that comes with it, you want to own an exciting life but nope, the choices, the ability to decide for yourself what you want and what you got to do; _you don’t own them_.” Bobby didn’t even meet his eyes, talking casually and devoid of any emotions while arranging the papers.

“You can’t do that, because you are a _puppet_; wasting your life running after unrealistic standards of what people want you to be.” Words were like buckets of iced water thrown over Hanbin’s head.

He was frozen as he once again was left with a bitter really bitter truth he didn’t want to acknowledge.

Weirdly he knew that and it was kind of obvious but it was the way Bobby put them into more representative words that struck him so hard.

No one called out his insecurities out loud like that before.

Did he really just waste 22 years of his life not living anything the way he wanted?

What did he want?

To please his mother.

No that was what his mother wanted, _what did he want?_

Hanbin dreaded the sick words, he didn’t want to think about it, no, he liked what he was doing, his way of life. It was all calm and cool until Bobby showed up like this… and suddenly he looked back and his life was a boring tape of repetitive cycle of him working to be someone he wasn’t, someone everyone wanted him to be.

Following rules people lied for him.

_Don’t be a disappointment Hanbin._

Hanbin buried his face in his hands as he slumped down, sliding over the podium he didn’t know he was bracing himself on.

His phone rang and he watched Donghyuk’s name on the screen, also two missed calls from Junhoe.

“Hey… Dongi…” he didn’t have the energy to even pull a conversation but he didn’t want to worry his friends. He didn’t even notice the sun going down over the wide ceiling to floor windows of the hall, what was the time?

“It is already four thirty Hanbin, comeback home we are waiting for you.” Donghyuk’s voice fussed on the other line, “Also Junhoe is really mad, I can’t seem to get through to him.”

“I’m sorry Dongi, can I be late for another hour? My head is a mess right now I need to clear it up a little.” Hanbin muttered across the line and Donghyuk agreed after slight hesitation and Hanbin cut the line after quick goodbyes.

The pressure he had was enough to deal with, but having this whole new issue making him question his existence and whole life and choices, would this last the current year only or would it stretch out and clung to his neck like a suffocating collar for the rest of his life.

She was his mom, she would be there for _the rest of his life._

Hanbin groaned as he crawled his way under the desk unconsciously; old habits never die.

Frankly the space fitted him, it hid him perfectly.

He wanted to hide away from everything and everyone so he could think clearly without the judgmental eyes of everyone around him; even though there was no one around him now.

He hated how being good always made people expect anything and everything from him, even if it was beyond him he would have to drag himself to make it possible because they would be fast to jump him the moment he failed anything.

It was like a constant run to prove himself he was up to their standards, but why did he have to do that in the first place?

Would his mom hate him if he failed or did anything reckless?

_Yes she would, she told him that before_.

Did that mean he was truly like his father?

He didn’t want to be like his father.

Did being himself make him a bad person?

_But what was it like being himself?_

Hanbin curled on himself as he pressed more under the desk, being under it gave him a rushed sense of security, like a barrier between the world and him.

Childhood memories of him hiding under his father’s desk in his massive study room resurfaced in front of his eyes.

Muted shouts sounded through the massive doors, everything was so distant and far away he almost forgot about it, well he did until he got reminded of it again now.

It almost felt unreal but it wasn’t; he still remembered the cartoon songs he used to sing while hiding to draw out the awful screams and deafening yells.

I will never rise a child like you!

He won’t be trash of a man.

I will make sure he becomes a perfect person that you cannot be.

_Don’t be a disappointment like your father._

The command rang through his head like a tantrum.

But I will never do the awful things my father did… even if I become… _me._

He tried once, two years ago and Hanbin shuddered at the consequences of what he did.

Hanbin felt the sting in his eyes at the threat of tears trying to rise, no, no, no.

Hanbin didn’t cry, not in so long, not in years, he wasn’t about to crack at some old fucked memories.

Suddenly everything was so tight so close so sharp.

No air, his blood was scorching, like needles tearing him up from inside.

He grabbed his phone and made a frantic dash out of the hall, forgetting his notebooks and papers as he ran so fast, hallways almost empty, sun going down in orange rays, spring weather so beautiful unlike the chaos inside him.

Hanbin ran so fast through the campus, cursing it for being so big.

He didn’t know the tightness in his chest was from running or some distant panic attacks trying to reemerge back from those many years of healing.

He was feeling fidgety, sweat soaking through his shirt, more making his hair stick to his forehead, numbness started to reach his feet and he almost tripped over them but he kept running until he slammed with a person, a girl.

He fell down on his butt, he groaned a little in pain before peering up at the person.

_Jennie_.

She immediately dropped down beside him, her small hands going out to hold his face in them and he flinched, “Shushh, everything is okay…” She murmured the words like holding a wounded animal.

Why though?

He then realized he was trembling madly, breathes going in and out in sharp gasps, and he was crying.

The next thing he knew he was cradled and she was holding him so gently over her chest.

Her embrace reminded him of his mother’s when she used to hold him this gently, when he was a kid.

When she used to love him for who he truly was.

No expectations, no stupid potentials no fake images she painted of him; just his free soul, unrestricted, out of demands and selfish beliefs _she wanted _of him.

When everything was fine.

He muttered multiple broken ‘Sorry’ before hugging her back so tight, crying his heart out through the empty campus.

“It’s okay, it is okay Hanbin everything is okay don’t worry about anything.” She casted the words like spells, her voice was low and soothing like pulling the needles within him out one by one.

A blanket of calmness dropped over him and his trembling ceased down to shallow hiccups.

“Jennie?” a voice reached his ears, he tried dazedly to lift his head up but Jennie still had her arms wrapped around him keeping him in place.

He peered at the guy under his lashes, the guy had blonde messy hair, tattoos peaking from his short sleeves, a strange weather tattoo like a choker around his neck, and there were piercings, a lot of them on his ears and one over his bottom lips.

Reminded him of certain someone who had them and he closed his eyes when his headache picked up on him.

“I have been waiting in the car for fifteen minutes now.” He complained before his eyes squinted on the man in her arms.

Hanbin tried to pick himself up but post panic attacks always felt the worst.

“Mino! Ughh... one of my friends collapsed,” She tried to help Hanbin stand up but stumbled when she tried lifting him up, Mino jumped in hurriedly to catch him from the other side.

“Hey is he okay?” Mino stressed as he put the whole weight on him and started leading the way to his car.

“I’m fine, just not feeling well.” Hanbin managed the words with a weak smile.

“That’s good but do you know where he lives Jennie?” Mino threw her a look over Hanbin’s body, “Yeah he lives in our building.”

“Let’s go then.” The ride home was passed in a blink, Hanbin didn’t feel like working his brain one bit as he dazed off the window; he didn’t feel any better, he tried his hardest to not slip from the calm he temporary had, he just wanted to crawl over his bed or maybe sneak in and nap in one of the boy’s.

He wanted Junhoe’s and Donghyuk’s cuddles, he liked waking up to them cuddling him because they couldn’t get him out of their beds.

His friends were always there for him, they always calmed him down when he freaked out like this, his mind went out to the last time he actually had a panic attack, not slight ones before deadlines and exams which he _so frequently_ got because he feared failure the most, he feared the reactions he would get, he wasn’t up for disappointment, he had to be that person no matter what.

Two years ago, the last time he got into a severe panic attack, at the memory of his mom ruining everything Hanbin flinched down, no, not the time to remember these stuff, _just keep it away like you always did Hanbin, fucking forget it._

Mino eyed him worriedly from the front mirror in the car then he sent the look towards Jennie, she immediately twisted back to look at Hanbin trying his hardest not to curl over himself, she reached a hand out and squeezed his knee, he opened his eyes and sent her a poorly attempted reassuring smile which wasn’t enough to wipe the frown from her beautiful features.

As they parked by the building Mino jumped out instantly before even Hanbin got to open the door, he helped Hanbin out, grabbing his forearm to keep him on his feet but after few steps which Hanbin tested to see if he could keep up alone he shrugged Mino’s hand.

“You sure you can walk on your own man?” Mino tried to reach for him but he refused, Mino sent Jennie a worried look which she returned all the same, it was already six pm, he was late, he didn’t want to worry his friends but he already had them freaking out about him in their apartment.

Jennie tried to offer help again when they reached the stairs but he shrugged her too, reassuring them he was fine and could make it three levels up.

He climbed the stairs not noticing two shadows following him to make sure he arrived fine, Mino almost sprinted in when he lost his balance but Hanbin held on a little bit better than expected.

Both were relieved when Hanbin crossed the doors, they stood silently for a while there none of them saying a thing, they wanted to walk in the door and make sure he was okay but they knew they weren’t that close to afford that, Mino didn’t know the guy even and Jennie barely did.

Mino thought his deep concern maybe spurted because they seemed close in age and Hanbin was alone, it was like a bro instinct in him to make sure he was okay, he always took care of his two friends and the girls, Jennie, Lisa and the little one Chaeyoung.

They all used to live in the same town, some of them were even childhood friends, he knew Seungyoon and Jennie since he was a kindergartener, he used to protect them from bullies and always made sure they were safe from trouble, it all grew up with him even in middle school when he met Seunghoon and Lisa, they both were in the dance club, it was random how they met but they clicked so fast, during high school they met Chaeyoung, girl was a nerd, even skipped couple years because she was that smart.

She was aloof, got bullied occasionally but that stopped one day when Mino stepped in with Lisa to protect her.

He still recalled the rainy day, the fragile girl soaked in the middle of the schoolyard being picked on by a group of two girls and boys.

Mino was reminded of his days when he used to protect Jennie and Seungyoon, even though his friends made him promise he wouldn’t fight anymore he still felt his blood boiling he just wanted to kick them so bad.

Before he could break his own promise Lisa was ahead of him, Mino watched her singlehandedly kick their asses, he knew she was an amazing dancer but he didn’t know she could fight like that.

Mino remembered how he offered the umbrella to her, how she looked up at him in surprise, Lisa tried to pick her soaked notes but nothing could be salvaged.

‘My friend is a smart kid, he will help you gain these notes back in no time.’ Mino crouched down in front of her, getting himself wet to shield the girl.

That was the day their group was formed.

“Bet you are lost in childhood memories.” The way Jennie smiled nostalgically over him, her hand going out to rub his forearm reassuringly.

“Hmm, yeah I guess, though I don’t know why I’m worked up like this over him.” Mino eyed the door before he turned around to descend the stairs and Jennie followed after him.

“It’s in your blood, the protectiveness.” Jennie beamed at him and Mino snorted in ridicule at her, “Nah I’m a bad guy.” He motioned to the tattoos covering his skin and piercings.

“Fool yourself no one would believe ya!” Jennie stuck her tongue out and Mino thought the conversation was good to end there.

“So how is your new apartment, admit it I only recommend good things.” Jennie tried lifting up the mood as she ran down the stairs ahead of him.

“It’s been only two days, let’s wait for the boys to arrive this weekend it will be a big mess.”

“Yeah it will, when was the last time y’all shared a room together.”

\-----

Hanbin got in and closed the door behind him to find the boys by the couch waiting for him, Yunhyeong was there too comforting a sad Donghyuk while Junhoe on the other hand was spacing out with a blank expression.

When they finally noticed him Donghyuk was the first to jump to his feet and run him over with his trademark hug.

“Glad you are back hyung.” Hanbin let himself be buried in Donghyuk’s chest but the comfort was soon gone when Junhoe glared at him, dark and sharp cold.

He rarely got to see angry Junhoe and it terrified him to see the man burning in fury because of him.

He was never the reason behind his anger, which only got Hanbin more mortified, he was already fidgety and anxious he was longing to seek comfort in him but he wasn’t expecting Junhoe to be this mad.

“Did you end it with him?” Junhoe’s voice sent chills down Hanbin’s spine.

“Easy on him June he doesn’t look good.” Donghyuk tried to reason, Yunhyeong came to stand close to them, “Take it slow and talk it quietly-”

“No! You both don’t understand!” Junhoe barked so loud that Hanbin flinched visibly, one hand reached out to grab Yunhyeong’s sleeve unconsciously.

“That fucker had to take advantage of Hanbin and in front the whole class! He violated him and embarrassed him and you want me to remain calm!” Junhoe blew out, hands up in the air and Yunhyeong had to take a step in front of Hanbin to block him.

“First Junhoe you should calm, nothing gonna be solved with your anger flailing all over the place.” For the first time Yunhyeong used his status as the oldest within them, his tone was stern and strong.

But Junhoe was out of his mind, Hanbin only squirmed, he was embarrassed, what Junhoe was saying was true yet he couldn’t do anything about it, he was helpless and weak, got mere words shaking up his whole world.

How was he about to tell Junhoe about that?

“He used his authority as a teacher to touch him and taunt him in front of everyone when Hanbin clearly told him not to!” Junhoe couldn’t settle down, his nerves buzzing he could feel his ears ringing with how mad he was.

“Fucking calm down June!” Donghyuk snapped and the apartment went chill, Hanbin buried himself in Yunhyeong’s back, he didn’t expect to see the day he would have the ever soft and sweet Donghyuk shouting like this.

Over Junhoe.

Because of him.

Yunhyeong felt the trembling pressed against his back and the tight clutches Hanbin had tugging at his shirt “It is gonna’ be okay Bin, don’t worry…” Yunhyeong whispered the words without turning over, one of his hands going back to lay over his arm in comfort.

There was a biting staring contest going on between Junhoe and Donghyuk before Junhoe kicked the table by the entrance, knocking the vase there over and the shuttering sound was followed by a loud slam of the door.

The static buzz in Hanbin’s ears froze him in his spot, _what had he done..?_

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is something I really wanted to talk about since last chapter and finally got to write and explain,  
I put in the tags there is gonna be a lot of side characters and side stories and interactions.  
I think I should explain since some of you are finding it a little bit too much.  
It is right this is a double b fic, but this is some growth one, all these random characters have purposes of setting a universe around the main characters, I want it like a real life, not some two-people-centric fic.  
I’m not about to skip their daily lives to go for the doubleb moments only and then there you go the story is finished, it would end in 20k if I go that route lol, that’s why y’all are having 10k each chapter, details.  
And why is that needed is because we all get to meet random people in our daily lives through school, jobs, unplanned spaces and times and fate makes them much more important than the strangers they were supposed to be.  
They make up life, lessons, memories, laughs and tears.  
Connections.  
It is what makes life more meaningful I guess, you might find love but you don’t give up on friends or the people around you, they are still making most part of who we are, sometimes you go to length of giving up said love for the strangers who became your friends because they are part of you and you don't give up yourself.  
I love friendships, it’s a big part of my own real life and I want it to show in the story.  
It might take a bit more in the first few chapters but we will get to double b when the plot deepens, this is a universe set up, I need to let every character known, not randomly throw them when needed, I need them real with their own personalities, struggles, their own stories.  
I might focus on some and put some in a light way, but that is needed and I’m sorry if it is bothering you.  
I just felt like explaining it, thanks for some for pointing it out so I can clarify it better, you can always point out whatever comes your mind and I will discuss it with you here or on my twitter @RRediKON, I take criticism in a good way :3  
Oh I changed something trivial, the story starts after winter break instead of summer hehe, late mistakes lmao gotta fix it  
Also mad arieses are insufferable and that is Junhoe *shrugs,,  
Anyways hope you enjoyed this one fellas, shower me with love~~ :3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —Life is weird  
One day it breaks you down and the next it sends you backups   
Bipolar or something?

The apartment was deafeningly quiet, Yunhyeong still holding Hanbin, he tried comforting Donghyuk too but the letter stopped him, “I will clean this, just take care of him.” The way Donghyuk’s voice sounded so distant worried his boyfriend so much but he didn’t have a choice he still needed to take care of a wounded Hanbin.

Yunhyeong lead him over the shattered glass so carefully before settling him down on the couch, he grabbed an abandoned blanket laying by the armrest, he kneeled down in front of the shaken guy and wrapped him up with the not so soft fabric.

“Look at me Hanbin,” Yunhyeong’s gentle voice tugged at Hanbin’s aching chest, at the small gesture of sweet touch Hanbin was quivering uncontrollably down, he was sobbing, hot tears falling down his cheeks.

“He- He- June-!” Hanbin couldn’t form a coherent sentence, choking on mere words like there was something blocking his throat “Shush Bin, listen to me.” Yunhyeong laid his hands over Hanbin’s flushed cheeks; tear drops rolling down his palms and down his arm; he tugged at Hanbin’s face to make the trembling guy meet his eyes.

“Junhoe loves you, there is no doubting that, if he didn’t then he wouldn’t be worked up that much over you.” Yunhyeong muttered the words quietly, trying to let them sink in in a passive way “He is worried,” he breathed the words.

“His anger just got out of hand, when you didn’t pick up his calls and later said you would be late, he got so anxious, he snapped unintentionally.” Hanbin’s wailings only picked up more, it was all his fault, he hated hurting others and he hurt his best friend in this awful way.

“I don’t want him to be upset with me.” Hanbin said the words weakly, “He will be fine.” Donghyuk came back and sat really close to Hanbin.

Yunhyeong noticed Donghyuk’s palm wrapped in a tissue which was stained in red, he immediately tried to reach for it but Donghyuk instantly pulled away and sent him a look that he didn’t want Hanbin to notice the cut he got because of the vase’s broken shards.

Yunhyeong recoiled hesitatingly, dealing both the boys on his own was tough, but Yunhyeong decided Hanbin was a more pressing matter.

Donghyuk had Hanbin leaned over his chest sideway while he whispered soft soothing words he much needed, Yunhyeong just stared at him, heart swelling at his boyfriend’s gestures, so selfless like favoring Hanbin’s state over himself when he was clearly barely holding on.

Donghyuk on the other hand was trying his best not to freak out himself, Hanbin felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack and he tried to forbid that before it happened.

But his mind kept wondering lost between the boy in hand and Junhoe.

He was worried about Junhoe, he was supposed to calm him down but he snapped at him so hard, Junhoe was hurt as well, Donghyuk knew better of how much Junhoe cared about Hanbin mentally and physically, Junhoe was protective of him beyond words, he wouldn’t mind breaking boundaries for him if needed.

But seeing Hanbin hold on to Yunhyeong’s back that desperately he had to do something, he hurt Junhoe while trying to protect Hanbin.

He was at a war with himself but he needed calm for Hanbin.

He didn’t know what he was muttering by now, soft words tumbled down his mouth unconsciously, he just wanted to make sure Hanbin slight panic subsided.

Donghyuk hoped Hanbin wouldn’t reach the situation they did two years ago, having himself and Junhoe holding Hanbin through a severe panic attack was traumatic, seeing his friend breakdown in pieces while he and Junhoe watched helplessly not knowing what to do, it was the first time they were put in that situation, mortifying and tormenting they spent months mending their best friend.

Now that Donghyuk was thinking about, it was after that awful time Junhoe got this protective of Hanbin, always around him, always made sure he was not alone, safe and shielded from anything and everything.

The guilt doubled in Donghyuk’s chest at the thought, he wanted to run to Junhoe and apologize so bad, he should have known better and acted in a different way, his chest heaved in awful tightness, he gripped Hanbin tighter unknowingly as he felt his eyes sting with tears, Yunhyeong noticed him and the next thing he had his boyfriend pressed against his back, one arm wrapped around his waist while the other laid on top of his hand over Hanbin’s shoulder.

Donghyuk closed his eyes, he focused on seeking as much comfort from Yunhyeong as he could get, he felt him bury his face in his shoulder and soft lips barely touched his neck, “Everything is going to be okay baby.” At the words, Donghyuk heaved a deep inhale he had locked in his chest.

Hanbin was almost passed out, leaning his whole weight on him, the only thing telling him he was awake was his dazed eyes.

They didn’t know how much time passed while they remained like that in silence but Hanbin unexpected movement snapped them from their trance, Donghyuk tried to reach out when Hanbin stumbled to get up but he was immediately met with refusal, “I… I’m sorry I just want to rest a little…” Hanbin said weakly and Donghyuk was lost on letting him get a little moment on his own or follow him to make sure he was okay.

Donghyuk decided on the second but Yunhyeong reached for his hand to stop him, shaking his head no when Donghyuk shot him a worried look.

“Give him time to sort himself out.” Yunhyeong whispered as Donghyuk watched Hanbin’s retreating form disappear through the hallway, he slowly fell back on the couch before he turned around and buried himself in Yunhyeong’s chest and he was crying, hiccups falling off his lips helplessly Yunhyeong wrapped him in his arms so tight but Donghyuk was a mess.

“I was so scared, I don’t want to see Hanbin like this, I- I-” Donghyuk let the words flow through his lips, “Shush…” Yunhyeong cradled his head, pressed kisses over his temple, “He will be fine,”

“No, Hanbin isn’t fine, won’t be fine, if he has already reached this level then it means things are goddamn awful!” Donghyuk pulled back to look at his boyfriend with bloodshot eyes “And June! Oh fuck June!” Donghyuk ran a hand roughly through his soft hair, Yunhyeong tried to reach him out but he instantly pulled away, Yunhyeong almost felt hurt by the rejection but seeing Donghyuk pace the room while clutching his hair worried him more, “I yelled at him! I-! I knew he was anxious and having a hard time dealing with this yet I snapped and cornered him!” Donghyuk rubbed his eyes roughly then wiped his sniffling red nose with the back of his hand before he stopped in front of Yunhyeong again, “I was supposed to comfort him the way I stressed it over Hanbin yet I let him go out on his own! He doesn’t have anyone else!” Donghyuk’s tears kept falling as he threw one of his hands in the air while his other returned to run his hair in a nervous habit he had.

“I let him go on his own alone…” Donghyuk repeated his words quietly as realization hit him in worst ways possible “Oh god… ohh god Yun-!” Donghyuk immediately started searching the room for his phone, he was dead worried, Junhoe was mad, mad Junhoe meant trouble, he needed to check on him, he found his phone and dialed the number, his head snapped around to the clock, it was already nine at night, he waited agonizingly while the phone rang, after several calls he gave up and dropped his phone down, Yunhyeong was about to pull him in but there he was, Donghyuk on the floor between his knees, burying his face in Yunhyeong’s lap, the move was heartbreaking the way Donghyuk slumped down and went quiet with suppressed sniffles.

“I’m sorry…” the words were barely heard but Yunhyeong did, his heart twisted, the vulnerability he was witnessing was too much he was used to bright bubbly Donghyuk but he got a handful of hurt Donghyuk, he stroked his head softly, running his fingers soothingly in the soft locks.

“Shush baby… don’t be…”

Yunhyeong hoped everything would be just fine, he was always the optimistic rational guy but this time he was new to this he didn’t know what to expect from everything, just two weeks ago he didn’t know any of the boys and Donghyuk was merely a neighbor he dotted on from afar but now everything was a complicated mess he didn’t know how to deal with.

\----

Hanbin was drained, emotionally and physically, even though it was early but he really wanted to call it a day.

He made his way to his room but stopped the moment his hand reached the doorknob, he turned around to eye Junhoe’s room, he found himself sitting on Junhoe’s bed in the dark room, running his fingers over the pillows.

He wanted to snuggle under his covers so badly and wake up to him spooning him unconsciously, but Hanbin was scared, Junhoe was mad at him and he feared if he stepped close to him he would snap and yell at him again.

Hanbin could _maybe_ handle taking it from anyone but not his close friends, not Junhoe, Junhoe was one of the few people who knew him, accepted him and stuck with him through his ups and downs, he couldn’t afford for that to change, Junhoe was his number one best friend, he didn’t want to ruin it, he wouldn’t go on without him.

Hanbin decided he would sleep in Donghyuk’s bed, searching up comfort from his other friend because there was no chance for seeking Junhoe right now.

He didn’t know when he lost all senses and fell asleep, he just did the moment he closed his eyes and pressed himself in Donghyuk’s really fluffy pillows.

\-----

He was burning, everything in him was boiling under his skin in fury, Junhoe loathed Kim Jiwon no he fucking hated his guts.

Whenever the memory of him cornering Hanbin in front of countless people while he couldn’t do anything but watch helplessly Hanbin getting exploited like that, waves of painful madness rushed through him.

He didn’t know what to do to calm down, he didn’t expect Hanbin to return home in that state, he looked pale and weak, almost sick like the Hanbin in his couple year’s old memories.

His mind could only ran wild with thoughts of what Kim Jiwon did to him that Hanbin returned home like that, three hours, Hanbin was late three hours and he didn’t even pick up his phone to answer, Hanbin always answered whenever he called out to him.

What did that fucker do! Junhoe walked the streets aimlessly, anger clouded and restless he didn’t know where his feet were taking him, he just needed to fuckin’ calm down but he yelled at Hanbin.

He fucking snapped and yelled at him when he looked so sick, he should have talked it out with him but he let his anger get the best of him and he shouted so loud that Hanbin had to hide from him.

Images of Hanbin securing himself behind Yunhyeong made his heart twist in a way could only be called guilt. He wanted that feeling away, he could only handle that much.

Being angry, worried and guilty at the same time was goddamn awful Junhoe wanted to pull his hair off.

Hanbin was his brother, not a friend yes a brother, Hanbin meant more than anyone could imagine.

When he had no one there was Hanbin coming in his life, even before Donghyuk there was Hanbin.

Junhoe came from an average family of four, parents and an older sister, his mom passed out when he was ten, his father abandoned them when he only reached sixteen and his sister eighteen, he had to take care of his sister on his own when he was her little brother.

His life was rough as he worked while studying, barely making a balance between the two, barely keeping his mentality clear when dark days clouded him, tried his best to not dwell on his fuck up dad or his mom who left him way too early.

Junhoe studied hard, got an internship but he couldn’t leave his sister alone, He loved her, she was his only mental support, the only one who loved and cared about him, he had the urgent sense to protect her at all costs, it was instincts within him, she was his only family.

He loved her but she was a weight holding him down.

Just when he thought he would give up going to college she got engaged, things looked up at him for once, he was free.

He wanted to start a new life, new city, new college, new life; Junhoe was excited.

And he met Hanbin.

They were looking for roommates and they met through it.

Hanbin was the first one who stepped into his new life, Junhoe got really attached to him, in a sense he felt like he owned him, his best friend, no one was allowed to come for him.

First year of college was rough since Hanbin was a nerd but no one dared touch a hair on Hanbin because Junhoe was always there to protect him.

It grew as a silent role and Junhoe liked it, the way Hanbin depended on him and seek him out through everything.

Four years, Junhoe spent four years keeping Hanbin safe through mental and physical struggles, through dark times Junhoe wondered how he pulled out of them_, _didn’t know how he pulled _Hanbin_ out of them.

Was it too much? Hanbin made his life better he only wanted to return the favor, it was that simple.

He found purpose in that what was so hard about understanding it.

He wasn’t obsessed, he only cared about someone he considered a brother.

Junhoe shouted frustratingly through the deserted street, he needed to talk it out, this wasn’t helping at all, he sucked at keeping his temper, he needed someone to pull him out before he did something stupid.

That someone was always Donghyuk, at the mere thought of him his anger flared up, Donghyuk was supposed to understand him the most, but he snapped at him, belittled his frustration and feelings.

He didn’t even stop to think about how hard it was for him, Donghyuk knew better of how hard Hanbin’s life was yet he didn’t spare a second to understand why he shouted like that.

Yes he regretted it and it was wrong but he had his reasons! They should have understood that!

His train of thoughts were cut by a buzz in his sweatpants’ pockets, he looked it and Donghyuk’s name shined brightly at him as if mocking him for his thoughts seconds ago.

He scowled, he wouldn’t pick it up, part of him was angry at him and the other part was worried he would say things that would add to his piled guilt, he honestly didn’t know which reason of them both forbade him from answering the call.

Seeing Donghyuk’s name ring so many times got him to stop his pace and calm down a little, should he pick it up? After some thinking his rational mind reasoned with him that maybe Donghyuk was dead worried about him after his stupid kick that broke the vase.

He was stupid, really stupid.

He wanted to avoid guilt but here he was feeling it pure and prominent.

After the fifth call he chose to pick up but the line went off, he stared for couple seconds for it to ring again but it didn’t, he just stood there in the empty street waiting and waiting while staring dumbly on the switched off screen.

A quiet tired curse fell off his lips and he felt drained, he might as well return and get things over with, he didn’t want to think about the awful situation he left his hyungs with.

He strode his way back, tired and shoulders slumped.

“What this expression for?” Junhoe’s head snapped to the voice and he met Jinhwan’s eyes, the smaller guy had his face rested on his hand as he tilted his head towards Junhoe.

“Hey Jinan.” Junhoe wasn’t in the mood to engage in conversations, he knew Jinhwan since he came into this apartment building but they weren’t particularly close, just normal acquaintance.

“You didn’t answer.” Jinhwan closed the book he had in front of him which was laid with multiple scribbled papers, Junhoe didn’t intent on looking but it read physics, but as much as he knew Jinhwan didn’t attend any college?

“Nothing just problems.” Junhoe thought a vague answer would do but it didn’t, “It’s been a while since I last saw you this troubled, it doesn’t suit you.” The words coming out quietly out of Jinhwan was a pleasant contrast to the madness Junhoe had to deal with inside his head.

“I know I have a charming smile.” Junhoe tried to avert the subject, he didn’t know why though, he didn’t want to be exposed that much.

“Yeah you do, better than the wrinkles in your brows.”

“I have several modes y’know.”

“This one is the ugliest then.” Junhoe frowned at him, “What do you want fairy.” He expected to annoy the small guy or make him snap as per his usual temper since he hated being called that but surprisingly he didn’t.

“Helping you maybe?” 

“That’s odd.”

“To be honest I saw you coming today in a really awful mood than Hanbin came suspiciously late after which was also odd since you both come in pair.” Jinhwan explained, Junhoe was baffled by the attention their landlord put on them, “and not to mention Hanbin looked out of it even had the new neighbors helping him carry himself,” Jinhwan frowned and Junhoe felt his heart twist uneasily, “Then you sprinted out fuming out and I’m actually… concerned?” the smaller guy wasn’t sure of his reason as he said the last words in question.

Junhoe tried to recover and hide the remorse bubbling in with a fake smile, “You sure keep taps on us.”

“I have to make sure my residence are safe y’know.” Jinhwan crossed his arms in annoyance, “Just tell me is everything fine?”

Guy was stubborn Junhoe considered just turning on his heel and flee up the stairs but then he had to confront the boys and really how was he supposed to do that he hadn’t even thought about what to say and how to apologize since normally he wasn’t the one to do and he avoided it as much as he could in many different situations.

Maybe seeking help from the fairy would clear his head a little, he was risking it in hopes it would actually do.

“Had a fight, me and him.” Junhoe sighed tiredly as if the words weighted tones on his shoulders, ironically they truly did, especially when said out loud.

Jinhwan noticed the distress Junhoe was trying to cover miserably, he wasn’t about to have this conversation in such a place so Jinhwan moved from behind the desk and grabbed a hold of Junhoe’s arm, “Come ‘ere.” Junhoe was confused but he allowed himself to be lead through a door few steps away.

It was actually some kind of office, simple one with shelves and a desk, a sofa with pillows and a red blanket.

“Do you live here?” Junhoe didn’t bother concealing the kind of inappropriate surprise in his voice but Jinhwan didn’t show any signs it bothered him.

“Have to.” He simply replied as he headed for a coffee maker and started preparing two cups for them.

He returned to the sofa, kicked the pillows off to the floor to empty space and grabbed the blanket to his lap, holding if before motioning with his small hands for Junhoe to settle beside him.

“Well at least the sofa is comfy.” Junhoe felt his weight sink down in the soft seats and Jinhwan smiled at him, “Sleep is a priority to me that’s why.”

“Okay I’m listening now.” Jinhwan settled side way, head resting on the back of the sofa while he waited for Junhoe to open up.

“Honestly I don’t know how to talk it, I’m not normally up for sharing stories that don’t belong to me or pouring my shit on others.” Junhoe stressed the words, eyes tried not to meet Jinhwan’s.

“I asked for it don’t put that in your mind.” He received the calm words and he didn’t know why they prompted him to talk it over, he needed this clear and done, he was feeling the tiredness already seeping in.

He kicked his shoes off and folded his legs, both arms wrapped around them before he rested his chin on top.

“Hmm, where do I even start,” Junhoe tried to rack his mind where to begin putting the mess into words “Someone is bothering Hanbin,” he finally slipped the words, well the hard part was over now “It is getting under my skin so bad.”

“I’m worried and scared that Hanbin would dig himself a hole he has no idea about and seeing him helpless and not doing anything about it makes me more angry I wanna snap.” Now he was saying the words outside his inner mind, they kind of felt really stupid.

“Hanbin is an adult he can manage.” Jinhwan’s words made him feel more stupid even, the way he put it simply, now that he mentioned it, Hanbin really can manage, it’s not like he was weak it was just him being scared that other things would trigger Hanbin’s old demons, he wasn’t up for another cycle of that shit, he wasn’t about to let Hanbin through it again.

“But I was always there to forbid bad things from happening, I feel stranded this time that I can’t get through him.” Junhoe rested his head back staring at the ceiling, the coffee machine beeped and Jinhwan got up to fetch them their cups, throwing the blanket casually over Junhoe who didn’t notice it because he kept rambling.

“That what was all about in the start but then I sort of snapped at him and shouted in his face when he returned home today.” Junhoe groaned in distress, each time he remembered it his chest would feel tight he truly felt repulsed with himself.

“Oh…” Jinhwan handed him a cup with a frown before setting down close holding his own.

“Yeah I crossed boundaries and each time I remember his frightened face I feel disgusted with myself.” Junhoe met his eyes before returning it to the warm coffee staring at it as if it would give him some answers.

He took the silence as Jinhwan wanting him to continue his ranting so he did.

“I even got Donghyuk angry, he never yelled at me before but he did it furiously, I should be resenting him for not understanding me and where I came from since he knew better but now I’m being overcame with guilt it’s sick.” The words felt bitterer than the coffee in his hands, he hated how things turned out with Donghyuk, he only had Hanbin and him and he hurt them both with being a childish uncontrollable brick, he was an idiot a really dumb idiot.

“That’s seem so much to happen within a day.” Jinhwan exhaled as he dropped his cup down on the floor beside the sofa, a small hand went over Junhoe’s white fist, Junhoe could feel the warm skin from the hot cup.

“Yeah, I suck at dealing with this and now I’m kinda cowering away from our apartment ‘cause I don’t know how I’m about to face them.”

Jinhwan retreated his hand before he talked calmly “Look I’m not that much of an expert in giving advises but you should own up to it and just straight out apologize.” He said reassuringly, he patted Junhoe’s arm to gain his attention and Junhoe met his eyes.

“I know it’s hard but the more you stretch it the worse it will get, just get it over with.” Junhoe wanted to tell him that was easier said than done, he really sucked at apologizing he would feel so embarrassed to show his weak side when he always presented himself as the stronger one within.

“But I don’t think I can calm down and apologize to Hanbin, I still want him to understand he should get away from that guy.” Junhoe added again, he should really thank Jinhwan for being a good listener, he didn’t find it the good time to dwell on why the small guy went out of his way to be the receiving end of Junhoe’s debate and miserable situation he was dealing with.

“But you can’t force him if he wanted to go with it.” But Hanbin also wanted him away and called him off?

“He doesn’t-” He tried but immediately was cut.

“Then leave him be, let him end it on his own terms, just settle it for now and tell him quietly how you feel about everything.” Jinhwan took the cup from his hand, coffee went cold in his hands he totally forgot about it, Jinhwan picked his own cup as well before he got up to put them away.

“Don’t force, convince him.” The words echoed loudly in Junhoe’s ears as they both went quiet, Junhoe letting the words sink in, somehow few things were much alert in his head, who was he to force Hanbin in that way? He didn’t notice until Jinhwan pointed it out but he literally was controlling Hanbin to do what _he_ wanted to the point he even yelled at him.

He tried not to cringe visibly, since when he became another person who pushed Hanbin to do things he didn’t want to? He promised to let Hanbin have free will even if it was temporary in front of the boys but now he was acting like another one of those freaks in his life who forced and made him do things he didn’t want to… fuck he even yelled at him…

He should really talk it with Hanbin and fix everything, he wasn’t about to turn into a shitty friend, he was supposed to be there for Hanbin to help him not make everything worse.

Junhoe made his way up the stairs, he clicked his phone it was close to midnight, two hours he spent preparing himself with Jinhwan’s company that time escaped him without noticing.

He thought he would find the boys asleep and he would push the conversation to the next morning, his heart bet so fast when he walked through the front door, the apartment was quiet, the broken vase was cleaned, lights almost all out except a lamp by the living room and there was Donghyuk laying on the couch while his head rested on Yunhyeong’s lap.

Yunhyeong was awake.

He had his hands running softly through Donghyuk brown hair, he couldn’t see Donghyuk’s face and that twisted his guts, Donghyuk had his head buried in Yunhyeong’s stomach, curled in, so small so… broken?

Junhoe was riled with remorse he just stayed rooted to his spot, he failed, he messed everything, he was a really bad person.

Yunhyeong noticed him a while later, his expression tired and barely awake, he seemed so done for, that was a given he just hurt his boyfriend and Hanbin and left all the weight for him to deal with also made him worried about his disappearance.

Yunhyeong’s hand stopped, Junhoe was nervous by the stare despite it having no meaning and he found himself mouthing a really quietened ‘sorry’

It sounded so frail even to his ears, before he could realize it and stop it from happening Yunhyeong was shaking Donghyuk awake and Junhoe freaked out instantly, he heard Yunhyeong talk softly in his ears “He is back, you wanted me to wake you up…”

Junhoe’s heart sunk down when Donghyuk shot up weakly, their eyes met and he hated how Donghyuk’s were buffed, he made him cry.

He hurt him.

Donghyuk’s eyes literally shook when they met his and they were instantly glossed with tears, Donghyuk stumbled his way towards him but Junhoe caught him halfway so he wouldn’t fall face first.

Junhoe had Donghyuk holding him so tight, trembling, wailing and he was mouthing apologies over and over.

Donghyuk’s arms wrapped around his neck he would be choked but that didn’t matter, he never cried but his eyes felt stinging hot.

“I-I’m sorry June! I d-didn’t mean it! I was so worried about you!” the words were a mess by his ears, maybe the cries were stemmed from Donghyuk’s fear he would done something stupid more than Donghyuk yelling at him.

“Shush… calm Dongi…” he asked him to be calm but dammit if his voice wasn’t shaking as much.

“I was scared! I let you out on your own! I’m your friend! I shouldn’t have treated you like this-!”

“No Dongi, it was never your fault I was the one to be stupid and act that way, I-” Donghyuk grabbed his face with both his hands trying to look him in the eyes but Junhoe couldn’t meet the tears, it was too much, too painful.

He averted his eyes down only to notice the wrapped palm of Donghyuk, he grabbed it instantly, “It is nothing don’t worry-” Donghyuk tried to prevent what was about to come but Junhoe’s hand was trembling.

“I’m stupid, I’m so stupid.” A single tear fell Junhoe’s cheek and Donghyuk’s eye widened, the last thing he expected was to see Junhoe cry.

Junhoe never cried, it was the most rare thing to see.

“We both are, just forget it, I’m sorry I’m sorry for failing to look after you…” Donghyuk mumbled, even though Junhoe was the youngest he always found it in himself to look after them and carry the responsibility so hearing the words seemed so foreign to him.

Junhoe wrapped the smaller guy in his arms in a heartfelt hug both of them needed so much.

Junhoe’s eyes met Yunhyeong’s over Donghyuk’s shoulder and he once again mouthed a ‘sorry’ to receive a salute back with a kind feeble smile.

He didn’t even think he needed that smile that much but it lifted such weight off his chest.

Junhoe settled Donghyuk down between him and his boyfriend on the couch, “How is Hanbin…?” he said the words tentatively, “He went to sleep few hours ago, said he needed a little rest.” Yunhyeong answered him, Donghyuk had his head hung low, he was so done for the day, all energy was sucked out of him.

Junhoe didn’t feel any better if possible it was much more worse for him, he found his legs leading him towards Hanbin’s room and after a long pause behind the closed door with his hand hovering over the doorknob warily he braced his self before stepping in only to be welcomed by an empty room, no one was there even the bed looked untouched, it was then he realized something and his heart made a leap in his chest he ran for his room.

His heart tugged sorely in his chest at the sight of Hanbin curled under Donghyuk’s covers, squeezing a big pillow to his chest and he looked peaceful unlike how he left him.

Junhoe went and sat on his bed on the opposite side, he eyed Hanbin’s baby face and his nose and mouth squished in the pillow, his hair a mess and he looked like he hadn’t changed his clothes.

Junhoe wanted to crawl with him under the covers so bad but Hanbin didn’t choose his bed, he didn’t choose him, he must be upset with him that he forsaken this chance.

Not that he could blame him, Junhoe acted like a total asshole, he deserved anything coming his way, even Hanbin blowing his face and scolding him.

Junhoe laid on his bed still facing Hanbin, his mind running hundreds thoughts while he stared he didn’t notice when he dropped under a cloud of exhaustion and sleep.

\-------

Hanbin woke up in the middle of the night, the room was dark and quiet, memories regenerating what happened yesterday he immediately snapped his head to see if Junhoe was there but he couldn’t see anything through the dark, Donghyuk wasn’t in bed with him.

That tugged badly at his chest, he wanted to wake up with someone cuddling him.

He felt for his phone on the messy bed, he had to get up and wave the covers in the air and for the phone to magically appear, falling with a smack to the floor.

He sighed as he picked it up, it was one and half in the morning, he slept so much, he needed to check on Junhoe.

He opened the flash light and there was a lump on Junhoe’s bed.

His heart tugged again, he walked over, thousands thoughts running his mind, why didn’t Junhoe cuddle with him? Normally he would sneak in with him.

Was he still upset? He didn’t want an upset Junhoe…

Hanbin stood there for couple minutes contemplating digging behind Junhoe and press his head against his back.

And he did, hesitatingly and with pliant hands, Hanbin spooned Junhoe over.

He thanked god his friend was a heavy sleeper, now he had the chance to take comfort from the warmth in front of him before everything went down.

He was calm but he couldn’t fall asleep, Junhoe’s breathing a little louder than the ticking of the clock.

Hanbin running his head through a lot of things, returning back to the encounter with Bobby, how to fix that.

He needed to talk to him, he needed answers he was lost.

He couldn’t even figure out his self, he couldn’t even seek Donghyuk and Junhoe because he doubted they would understand the debates he was having with his own self.

Bobby did, Bobby knew better than him.

Bobby had the answers.

He then remembered he forgot his notes and textbooks in class, he wanted to smack his head so bad but his hands were comfortable laying over Junhoe’s waist.

He should go grab them tomorrow.

He needed to fix things between Donghyuk and Junhoe, they fought because of him, he needed to talk them both and that was so hard, even apologize to Yunhyeong for getting caught in their mess.

It’s been so long since something major happened between them, he hoped it wouldn’t again, he hoped the panic attack of yesterday’s would also be a onetime thing, he was scared, he didn’t want them to come back, not like this.

At the awful reminder of the feelings his hands tightened unintentionally over Junhoe’s waist.

He didn’t notice the guy in his hold stirring, “Hanbin…?” Junhoe’s groggy voice sounded sleepily as he tried to turn around in Hanbin’s lock hold to face him.

“Ugh… sorry… for sneaking in, I know you are mad at me…” Hanbin let him weakly and now their heads laid on one pillow facing each other.

Junhoe couldn’t surpass the yawn before he closed his big mouth to stare in Hanbin’s eyes.

“What are you saying Hanbin... even though we shouldn’t be having this conversation right now but I’m not mad…” Junhoe dragged the words and Hanbin felt a weight lift off his shoulders.

“But… I…” Hanbin tried to get it out but he didn’t know how, not the right time, not the right place, he wasn’t even sure if he was supposed to tell him about everything Bobby spilled in his head.

Hanbin felt arms around him and Junhoe was holding him close, he was buried in his chest and he wanted to cry at the warm gesture, he needed that reassurance everything was fine, “I’m sorry…” Junhoe whispered, Hanbin tried to shake his head ‘no’ but couldn’t when he was tucked under Junhoe’s chin.

“Shush… it is okay…” Hanbin tried but Junhoe’s hands tightened around him, “No, I shouldn’t have yelled at you, put that pressure on you, what I did was awful as fuck and you didn’t deserve any of it.” Junhoe pulled back to give him a rather stern look.

Hanbin only stared in his eyes, his own slightly glossy, “J-Just- don’t do it again… you scared me…”

“God Hanbin I know I won’t I promise I’m so sorry.” Junhoe was about to get up but Hanbin immediately reached out to him, “_Stay_.”

How could Junhoe refuse when Hanbin looked so vulnerably up at him?

He stayed, Hanbin wanted that the most, Junhoe being there for him.

\------

Donghyuk woke up at the sounds of scattering in the kitchen and some movements, the windows pouring morning sunrays over his face and he groaned, he flipped around to press over the back of the sofa he was crashing on.

More sounds made sure no sleep would comeback, he barely got an eye open to see the clock on the wall glaring six in the morning back at him, he let out another groan that was too early ughh.

He then remembered last night Yunhyeong was there laying with him, putting two and two together he figured that was his boyfriend in the kitchen, a lazy smile spread over his lips.

He tried dragging himself up, chin over the back of the sofa to look over, his boyfriend wearing an apron, getting things ready to cook, vegetables and eggs laying over the kitchen island.

He tilted his head sideway, cheek squished on the sofa as he stared, few minutes went by until his boyfriend caught his stare, a beautiful smile instantly covered his lovely features and Donghyuk’s heart skipped a beat.

His boyfriend mouthed a good morning and he returned it with the same smile before he turned around to complete cooking, the delicious smell prompted him to drag himself up and see what was made in the kitchen.

He reached the stove and stood behind Yunhyeong, wrapping him in one of his infamous back hugs.

His cheeks over Yunhyeong shoulder, “Hmm… this smells amazing, I’m starving.”

“Go wash and everything will be done.” Yunhyeong turned around in Donghyuk’s hold, pecking him on the cheek, the letter smiling in contentment, he tried lazily to reach Yunhyeong’s lips but he didn’t let him, playfully pressing a finger to his forehead to push him away and get out the lock hold.

“Meanie~” Donghyuk whined out with a pout, Yunhyeong couldn’t help press a soft quick one over his lips, “Now go before I get the food burnt, wake the boys as well.”

Few seconds passed before realization hit Donghyuk, where was Junhoe and Hanbin? Did they solve it? Is everything alright? Yunhyeong notice his boyfriend getting lost in his negative thoughts, he flickered his forehead to snap him.

“Go to their room and get a look.” Yunhyeong beamed at him and Donghyuk sent him a confused look, “Just go!”

Donghyuk listened and went there all the while feeling anxious, that didn’t last long though when he saw the tangled mess on Junhoe’s bed.

Both guys wrapped in each other’s hold, a smile split on Donghyuk’s face as he rushed in and flopped on top of them happily, Junhoe was startled while Hanbin groaned sleepily when an elbow dug in his waist, “Fuck Dong what’s wrong with you…” Junhoe’s dry morning voice sounded, trying helplessly to shake the heavy weight on top of him but to no avail, Donghyuk lovely laugh sort of made the situation much less annoying.

They needed that laugh to make sure morning had a good start and yesterday was gone now, “C’mere,” Hanbin grabbed the guy and attacked him with a strangling hug, Donghyuk yelped when he couldn’t breathe, Hanbin buried Donghyuk in his chest more, Junhoe’s laughing in the background made everything light again, “I’m dying hyung! Hyung!”

Hanbin laughed and let the poor guy off, he tried catching his breath with coughs, “You deserved that.”

Junhoe received a jab to the rips, he whined in pain, “Yeah you too jackass.” Hanbin laughed then wholeheartedly, he finally felt the clutches on his chest let loose fully, he could take a breath and actually smile too, he didn’t notice both his friends staring at him silently until a while later when his laugh died down.

“What?” he asked them suspiciously, “Nothing!” Donghyuk answered after a moment of silence before he jumped off the bed.

“Even though you both are ungrateful bitches but my boyfriend is making us food!” Donghyuk stressed the word boyfriend just to get on their nerves before he bolted out the door with “Run if you wanna make it!”

Junhoe rolled his eyes in annoyance, “A kid.”

“Who is the one talking!” Hanbin slapped him on the arm with a ridiculous look.

“Just shut up it is not by numbers.” Junhoe grumpily said to receive a halfhearted, “Yeah yeah get up big baby.”

Fighting for the bathroom with Junhoe and ending up squeezing in together was what Hanbin needed to be reminded nothing changed between them, he hated his paranoia but he took it upon himself to seek everyone’s reaction including his friends.

He couldn’t afford losing them.

Hanbin brushed his teeth while Junhoe took a bath then they switched, but Junhoe still remained to blow dry his hair and now both of them were fighting for the mirror.

It was a struggle until they both finished, once they were out they were welcomed by the delicious aroma throughout the apartment and yeah there were several types of dishes splayed on the kitchen island.

“OMG Yun!” Hanbin jumped the guy with a hug, squeezing him so tight, “Man that’s my boyfriend y’know?” Donghyuk joked with a mouthful as Junhoe settled beside him and grabbed his portion of food, sneaking some of Hanbin’s too.

“Saw you.” Donghyuk told him and Junhoe put a finger over his pouty lips for him to keep it a secret.

“What is with you guys and morning hugs?” Yunhyeong patted Hanbin’s hair and the guy snuggled against the hand like a kitty.

“You feeling okay today?” Yunhyeong whispered and Hanbin nodded with a small thank you before he pulled away, they shared a knowing look and Hanbin went back to sit beside the boys.

“Why do I feel like Junhoe took from my plate?” Hanbin eyed his dish before sending a glare towards the boy.

“’Cause he did.” Donghyuk replied nonchalantly and Junhoe was seconds away from choking him when the doorbell rang.

“I will open it.” Hanbin said but Yunhyeong stopped him, “You don’t want Junhoe to finish your food for you y’know?” He winked at him and Junhoe grumbled, “It was two pieces only.”

Yunhyeong opened the door and there were two people standing there welcoming him, a boy with piercings and a petit girl with buns.

“Hey,” Yunhyeong greeted them and the girl shot him a blinding smile, “Hey!”

“Hey man, we are new neighbors, Mino, Jennie.” The man which was Mino introduced before the girl Jennie interrupted kind of nervously “We brought you some humble gift! I cooked these!” Jennie offered a basket of bakeries and Yunhyeong beamed at her.

“Woww these looks so good!” as a chief himself he gave the basket a big thumbs ups “Thanks.”

“Welcome! And ughh…” Jennie fiddled with her fingers nervously before she nudged Mino with her elbow, “You said you would help.” She whispered at him.

“Who said I’m the one who gonna talk.” Mino nudged her back and she shot him a glare all the while forgetting Yunhyeong staring at them funny.

“Don’t stress it just say it one of you.” Yunhyeong said kindly and Jennie snapped her head to him with a slight blush coating her buffy cheeks.

Before she could talk Mino beat her to it, “We actually helped a guy who lives here yesterday called Hanbin?” he said a tint of worry in his voice, “We were so worried we thought about checking up on him…?” Mino felt shy after the words, he scratched his forearm in a nervous habit, Jennie followed his words with as much nervous nod of her head.

“Oh, gotta thank you properly for that then, thank you for helping my friend.” Yunhyeong smiled warmly at them and both felt relived at the easiness in the man’s presence.

Yunhyeong noticed he had kept them too long by the doors and that was a really bad manners “Come get in and we can chat a little.” He invited them, “Ugh… is it okay?” Jennie fumbled with the words and Yunhyeong assured her it was definitely fine.

He got them in and both walked awkwardly, they didn’t expect to be invited in, just a simple assurance he was fine and that’s it.

“Oh you guys!” the moment Hanbin’s eyes met them he jumped to his feet and ran to them, “Hey!” he greeted before he enveloped Jennie in a quick hug and gave Mino a shoulder pump.

Their smiles widened at the cheerful guy, relief washing over them that they didn’t have to worry anymore and he was fine.

“Glad you are okay man.” Mino gave him a pat on the shoulder, “Did you come in to check on me?” Hanbin was bewildered by the care of the strangers, it was so heartwarming he was fueled by happiness.

“Yeah, I mean Mino wouldn’t stay put he knocked at my door at five in the morning.” Jennie eyed Mino sideways as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Hey who was the first to suggest coming in to welcome them and then ask?” Mino blew at her.

“You clearly won’t sit your ass if we didn’t check on him.” Jennie scowled and everyone in the room looked at them funny, Hanbin overwhelmed with warmth he wanted to squeeze them.

“Guys, I might not know you that much but honestly, really thank you.” Hanbin gave them one of his famous shy smiles and both shut up instantly, taken aback by the small gesture, a pink tint even covered Jennie’s cheeks and suddenly she was fumbling with words which got the boys laughing at her and Mino making fun of her too.

“No one will introduce us?” Donghyuk tilted his head from where he sat on the stool by the kitchen island, “Well that’s Jennie our new neighbor but I don’t know the guy?” Junhoe frowned, Donghyuk didn’t know why he found them familiar? He saw them somewhere.

“Come sit in and let’s have breakfast together.” Yunhyeong gestured for them to come by, “That would be much trouble?” Jennie said shyly and Hanbin shook his head, “Not at all, y’all are welcomed here anytime!” Hanbin beamed at them before pulling their arms and dragging them with him.

“Guys this is Mino who I know nothing about but he helped me out yesterday!” Hanbin introduced the guy in the most useless way possible and his friends almost face palmed at him.

Even their guests eyed him funny, Mino was actually dumbfounded by the introduction he got.

“You would be surprised how dumb he is despite being an honorable student.” Junhoe said and Hanbin shot him a look.

“Actually I just moved in with my boys, we are two levels below.” Mino said before he settled on one of the stools.

Since there was only three stools, Hanbin hopped on the island and settled, “One of you can be a gentle man and offer the lady a seat.” Yunhyeong commented from where he stood leaning on the island from the other side.

“No need, she is a monkey she can climb.” Mino took a bite ignoring the fuming blushing girl, “She is a girl y’know?” Donghyuk laughed it off.

“Yeah but she really is.” Mino eyed her, “Aren’t you?”

“Mino you stingy!” she glared at him which was so cute in the eyes of the boys, who would take anger seriously from such cute face?

She then hopped on the other side of the island, Yunhyeong offering her an extra portion of food got her to beam at him, the sudden change of mood was like a kid got offered a candy and dammit if that wasn’t adorable.

“You see?” Mino pointed with his chopsticks at her while eying the boys and Junhoe bumped his shoulder with his playfully and laughed.

Well they got along so fast.

“I actually live next door and this apartment belongs to these boys.” Yunhyeong said while fixing Mino a second plate, “I see, but man your cooking is damn good how you do it?”

“My boyfriend a chief who owns a bakery and café.” Donghyuk stated way too much proudly which got Hanbin and Junhoe cackling and Yunhyeong to shake his head with a helpless smile.

“What? I don’t get to flaunt what is mine?” Donghyuk fumed and everyone busted with laugher, “Guess if you put it that way.” Mino said.

“But honestly you are so lucky, I would have tried my luck with him for this cooking.” Jennie hummed at the testy bite she took.

“If I wasn’t sure my boyfriend is gay as fuck I would have battled with you.” Donghyuk joked with her.

“Why everyone I meet is gay, aren’t anybody in you straight so I can date maybe?” Jennie pouted at them, “Too bad none, Junhoe is a pass ‘cause he is a playboy.” Hanbin pointed out but before Junhoe could argue Donghyuk added “He definitely is.”

“Jennie Kim, you have the nerve to say these words in front of my salad? Literally.” Mino picked the salad with his chopsticks.

“What you gonna do about it I wanna date!” she swung her legs in the air.

“Let’s see about that.” Mino ignored her protests, “Are you both blood related or something?” Yunhyeong eyed them curiously and Mino shook his head.

“Known her most of my life.” Mino didn’t even notice the honest smile on his face when he mentioned the comment.

“Aww childhood friends!” Hanbin cooed at them and both Mino and Jennie tried not to fumble shyly, they preferred to picker than get all emotionally sappy.

After several conversations getting to know each other, “Aren’t you guys missing something?”

“Hmm?” everyone eyed Yunhyeong in question, “It is almost nine in the morning, whose got classes today?” at the mention of the words Yunhyeong watched everyone freak out and ran in different directions except for Mino who watched with Yunhyeong Jennie yelping while running out of the door barely catching her shoes before she went out.

Hanbin freaking out with the inner nerd in him not bothering to wash in the bathroom he used the sink to soap his hands before he followed the other two boys who dashed first to their rooms down the hallway.

“Guess you are not a student?” Yunhyeong asked and Mino picked at his food lazily, “Yeah, graduated couple years ago, I’m a tattooist.”

“That’s so cool, too bad I’m not a big fan of permanent marks also they hurt.” Yunhyeong cringed lightly and Mino laughed at him “Not anyone is a fan of the sting.”

“It seems so happy here.” Mino said after a quiet moment as he listened to the mess happening down the hallway.

“You can say that, though I’m also new to this but I’m trying to keep up with them.” Yunhyeong sipped on his tea “Kids.” Mino shook his head before he got up.

“Where are you going?” Yunhyeong asked him, “I guess I will drive them if they want to make it on time?” Mino smiled at him before he headed for the door, Yunhyeong trailing behind him, “Tell them I will wait in my car by the entrance, they better hurry if they don’t want to have Lisa blow their ears for getting late.”

Mino waited in his car, eyes going from his wristwatch to the entrance then back to the wristwatch again, his fingers tapping impatiently on the steering wheel.

They won’t make it, “C’mon seriously?” he sighed ridiculously, just how reckless and irresponsible could these kids be.

He heard the door open and there was Hanbin first arrived, so much for being a perfect role model student.

Mino was relieved that someone arrived but he wished it wasn’t Hanbin because the guy was freaking out over the first lecture and for what?! It was only a lecture Mino skipped more than he attended in his college years, “Call them Mino we are going to be late.” Hanbin whined at him.

“They will be here soon, I just called Jennie one minute ago.” Hanbin’s nervousness started to rub on Mino even though he didn’t have classes but the restless guy beside him made him fret as well.

“Hey guys!” Jennie arrived next, “What? Where are the rest?! We are gonna’ be late!” Jennie screeched out loud the first she got in the car and Mino wanted to smack his head so bad now he had two restless people nagging him, he eyed the entrance waiting for the others to show up praying to god they come soon and spare him.

Soon there was Junhoe crashing in the backseat with Jennie, “Emm, you sure we are gonna fit another two here??” Hanbin turned around with Mino to look, “Squish together or someone sit on the lap of another.”

“That definitely won’t be me.” Junhoe said since he was the big guy.

Everyone stared outside the windows waiting for the remaining pair, soon they arrived, Donghyuk and Lisa were chatting and laughing out loud, they eyed them curiously since when they were this close? As much as they knew they were strangers.

They opened the door and now they had to deal with how to fit in, “Lisa is light weight she can sit on my lap,” Donghyuk said and Lisa agreed instantly, “Emm, you okay with it Lisa?” Mino eyed her wearily.

“Yeah, it is DongDong it’s fine!” she beamed and got in before she settled on his lap, now there was Jennie sitting in the middle of the boys with Lisa trying to fit her head so it won’t hit the roof of the car.

“Dongdong?” They looked at her dumbly.

“Stop staring at us like this, we’ve done more than this in our dancing classes.” Donghyuk laughed at the stupid looks everyone in the car were shooting them, “Also DongDong is gay af so we are good.” Lisa laughed it off casually.

“Well, that was certainly unexpected.” Mino tried to act nonchalant and not get overprotective of his girls before he started the engine and headed for their college.

“I will tell Yun.” Hanbin said from the front seat.

“What!” Donghyuk tried to look across Lisa, squishing her by accident before he muttered a quick apology and gave her hair a ruffle, “I saw that, I will tell Yun about it too.” Junhoe scratched his ear then blew his finger without looking at the gapping guy.

“You can’t do that guys.” Jennie was so innocent she didn’t catch on the signals and the winks they secretly shared in between to tease Donghyuk who was whining by now.

Mino was trying to muffle his laugher when he saw Hanbin trying his best to hold it in as well.

Lisa figured it out first and hit Hanbin on the head since she was stuck behind his seat and Hanbin busted with laugher and the rest of the guys followed.

“Y’all are so mean!” Lisa yelled at them but only received laugher, Donghyuk scowling at them while pouting, he turned his head to stare outside the window sulking away from them.

“It was worth it c’mon look at him!” Junhoe hollered with laugher but the girls felt bad for the boy before Lisa could smack Junhoe’s head Jennie went on and pinched him hard on the arm, he yelped at her, “What the hell?!”

“That’s for being a meanie.” She scowled at him but her scowl was too cute to be taken seriously.

“That’s my girl.” Lisa said proudly as she petted Jennie’s head, “And you deserve it, Jerk.” She stuck her tongue out at Junhoe and he returned the favor the same like the child he was.

The ride was chaotic with half laugher half bickering and some random stuff thrown in between, Hanbin and Junhoe making sure Donghyuk didn’t exit the car while still upset with them.

A promise of giving him the apartment for a whole night with Yunhyeong got the guy beaming happily at them, of course with having Mino agree to them crashing at his apartment since he was part of the tease.

They ended up late for lectures, only Donghyuk and Lisa made it to their dancing classes.

The three of them took a seat on the grass under some random tree within the campus, Jennie sitting between them for who knew what reason.

“Why did we bother coming even.” She sighed for the umpteenth time, “Stop it, it is just one lecture.” Junhoe sucked on a lollipop he sneaked from home.

He was complaining about the girl but there was gloomy Hanbin with a rainy dark cloud over his head pouring thunder he almost swore he could see, “Just look at that sucker and you with feel thankful.”

“Juneeee~” Hanbin whined his name and Junhoe wanted to just escape the gloomy pain in the ass he was stuck with.

“Only one hour left for the next one, you both can make it.” Though he figured he was the youngest in them but he felt like babysitting children.

“Oh I remembered my notebooks!” Hanbin shot up, “Oh god what if someone took them!” Hanbin fumbled with his stuff before he turned to the pair still sitting, “I will be back guys gotta go grab my stuff!” and he ran off.

He reached the hall and it was empty, he searched around but found nothing, he wanted to freak out but some girl interrupted him, Chaeyoung?

The girl was sitting on one of the desks while having her notebooks sprawled and writing some stuff, she called him out, though they were in the same classes but Hanbin never got the chance to get close to the girl since she seemed introvert and really shy one though she mostly got along with Junhoe but he still couldn’t understand how that was possible.

Hanbin sometimes would trade notes with her and discuss subjects on rare occasions, one time they were paired for a project if he could remember correctly but that was it.

“If you are looking for your notebooks I handed them to Mr. Kim Jiwon, it is in the teachers’ office.” The words stuck him so bad, the last thing he needed to hear was Kim Jiwon’s name,_ fuck his life_.

“Thanks Chaeyoung and sorry for the trouble.” Hanbin smiled at her despite his inner turmoil, she returned the thanks with a quiet smile of her own before he headed out.

He wasn’t ready to meet him, not so soon, he thought he would be saved for today since he didn’t have lectures with him but his luck kept on dragging him left and right.

Since last night he didn’t border over the subject he didn’t even solve his shit with Junhoe yet, he wasn’t ready, Bobby’s words still rung in his head _‘you are a puppet.’_

Hanbin winced visibly at the words echoing back through his brain, it was too much, he wasn’t capable of thinking about on his own, he dreaded it in fear he would panic again, he was trying to distract himself with anything to not think about it.

He was upset over Bobby’s way of talking to him, the way he crossed limits with actions and words, yes he was mad but he needed Bobby to figure things out.

But he also felt like he would lose the moment he would ask him anything, it would be all in Bobby’s hands.

Bobby said he would go dirty at showing him how to fix things and Hanbin wasn’t stupid to not understand the implication of the words, he got a taste of it the prior day.

How to ask Bobby to help him without giving himself in exchange, he didn’t want a relationship with him, he was already insecure about his whole life and identity, he wasn’t about to add another figure in to remind him daily he was a simple guy who couldn’t measure to Bobby.

Bobby could leave him any day and he wouldn’t say anything because he deserved someone more special and perfect than him.

That was some really fucked up self-worth but Hanbin was dumped before, yeah two years ago.

The awful really awful memories, until now he didn’t know whose fault was it, his ex, his mom or was it his own for not being worth fighting for?

Hanbin went through a heartbreak, well it wasn’t exactly a heartbreak, the pain didn’t come from losing the guy, it came from all the truth that was spilled in his face from everyone he considered loved ones.

They made sure he knew that everything was wrong.

He was fucked up.

He didn’t deserve anything.

Yeah he shouldn’t seek out any love and focus on much better things.

He wasn’t up for everything, for mortifying truth to be thrown in his face again.

He finally gained a stable foot in his life, barely got over that night but-

‘Fight for me!’

_‘Not worth it.’_

Hanbin cringed at the words, he shook his head, he shouldn’t think about these stuff now, he better not.

Classes, yes his classes he should go attend them and take his notebooks after the day ends, yeah that sounded much better.

Hanbin made his way with slightly numb feet.

He tried his best to focus on his teacher, some old man he didn’t really care about.

It was a hard struggle to get his mind straight again but he did, a message from Junhoe asking him if he made it to the lecture put a small smile on his lips, yeah he had his friends now he was fine, he was fine, yeah he was doing good, actually really great.

Hanbin took few deep breathes before he replied Junhoe who had a different lecture and then he focused back on the board again.

Time went on fast and he was out in no time, he now had to make the trip for the teacher’s office to pick his stuff, it was a little over two in the afternoon and he hoped Bobby was out or had a lecture on his own.

After many stressful minutes in front of the door he dreaded the most, Hanbin made up some fake courage and knocked.

He was allowed permission and got in, his eyes immediately scanned the room for certain Bobby but he was nowhere to be found, he was happy. Really relieved.

“Need any help kid?” some young man he hadn’t seen before asked him, he had his dyed gray hair pushed back, specs over his eyes and dimples so prominent Hanbin found himself lost in them when he smiled kindly at him.

“Hey… actually I’m here for my notebooks I left yesterday.” Hanbin talked timidly in the presence of the said man but the man didn’t really bother, “Oh, the ones Bobby dropped this morning?” Hanbin looked at him confused _‘Bobby?’_

And the way he said his name casually tugged weirdly at Hanbin’s chest, he didn’t understand what was it, the emotion.

“Oh Mr. Kim Jiwon I mean, Bobby is a street name he had since college days.” The man laughed it off.

That confused Hanbin more, was he a close friend of Bobby? “You know Mr. Kim Jiwon since college…?” Hanbin cursed his tongue for slipping but his curiosity got the best of him and he let the words out.

He thought he would get scolded but the guy seemed like a cool person and actually elaborated and answered him?

“Yeah, well more like since middle school? Though we weren’t… associated that much?” Hanbin didn’t understand the tone in his voice or the hidden emotions he tried to cover underneath a layer of fake easy look, “But you can say I do know him yeah.” He laughed it off once again, Hanbin had to act like he bought the fakeness and he did because he wasn’t in any place to question anything.

“Namjoon stop creeping the kid and hand him the notebooks.” A girl said impassively and he turned around to look at her, was that her natural expressions? She was beautiful despite the blank face, so beautiful Hanbin was truly struck by her beauty, her slick long her, soft features, perfect figure with those expensive high heels and red pencil skirt.

“Yeah right Jisoo sorry.” Namjoon made his way behind his desk to grab them for him, Hanbin didn’t realize he was staring at the girl until she lifted her head and her steel eyes met his, a shiver crawled on his skin and he blushed hard, he averted his stare down instantly while mumbling an embarrassing ‘sorry’ with a bow.

“Here these are all of them right?” he was grateful to god Namjoon saved his ass from the embarrassment, he thanked him and bowed several times before he dashed out.

“You didn’t have to scare the kid like this Jisoo,” another teacher sitting on the furthest side said amusedly.

“You know she is a natural Jin.” Namjoon dropped on his desk, Jisoo ignored them like the quiet girl she normally was, everyone was used to it so it didn’t come off as offensive.

Jisoo’s eyes remained on the door for a while, ‘Kim Hanbin…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Signs and hints everywhere~  
Next chapter won’t take long since it’s more like a doubleB bonus I couldn’t include cs the chapter got really long :3  
.  
Also I really wanna know what y’all think about everything, like what intrigues you what is getting you curious who is making you suspicious, I’m welcoming your pov of everything  
Until next time, luv you bbys <<33


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —Details, It’s the details that hurt the most  
And there were many many of them I couldn’t count  
Were they necessary?

After Hanbin’s dreadful encounters with the teachers he made sure he ran farthest away from that room.

He stopped to take his breathes by some random hallway, holding the notebooks tight to his heaving chest.

After couple minutes of leaning on the wall he went to the lockers to gather the rest of his books, weekend was after tomorrow and he figured he better pick half of them now instead of dealing with their whole heavy weight later.

He was arranging his books when he noticed a red note sticking out of his notebook, he pulled it out and there were words scribbled in a really nice handwritten way, ‘Come by the car park for a minute wanna tell you something quick, I will wait after classes, 2:30??’ Hanbin read the words before he flipped the paper curiously for a name and it read _Bobby_.

His heart leapt in his chest and for what reason Hanbin didn’t know, he cursed himself for being easily affected by anything Bobby did or say.

He sighed tiredly, should he go? Should he not? What was it that quick he had to say? He was curious.

But he was also scared, it wasn’t like Bobby would hurt him but he was scared of facing him because Bobby brought his vulnerable side and he didn’t know how to act without embarrassing himself or snapping to protect himself in a cowardly way.

Should he go should he not?

Hanbin stood in the almost empty hallway contemplating his options, it was quick, he could run if anything happened right?

He eyed his phone and it was past three! Holly shit! Hanbin slammed his locker shut before he made an impulsive dash for the parking lot, was Bobby still waiting for him? He was almost an hour late, maybe he left already?

Hanbin panted as he ran across the campus, his feet having a mind of their own as they led him, he wasn’t even sure what he was going to say or act like but he just wanted to see if Bobby was there or not.

Hanbin hid behind a building wall as he peered to see if he was there or not, the parking was halfway empty, his heart drummed loud while he tried to gain his breath, he searched for him, eyes going over each lane to see if anybody was there.

There wasn’t.

The bubble of disappointment surfaced within him and he stepped from behind the wall, he didn’t know why though, it wasn’t like he was eager to meet him or anything, he was only planning on seeing if he was there or not.

Maybe tell him to not wait for him if he was still there which he wasn’t and Hanbin refused to acknowledge he was feeling let down over it.

Hanbin took slow walks between the car lanes, dragging himself in small steps, he shouldn’t feel this down, what did he expect from Bobby? He wouldn’t go out of his way to wait that long for him without even being sure if he will show up or not.

If he was in his place he would have left too. _Maybe_?

Hanbin’s feet kept taking him through the massive parking, he looked around, sunrays met his eyes in warm heat, spring being a beautiful weather to go out and get fresh air like this.

He wanted to cheer up but nothing was good enough to lift up his mood, Hanbin stomped his feet in annoyance, kicking a nonexistent rubble, snap out of it Hanbin!

He turned another lane to go back where he came from, eyes still trailing on the ground when he saw long legs sticking out from behind some kind of an electricity cabinet.

He trailed his eyes up and there he was staring at Bobby sitting on the sidewalk beside his matte black motorcycle.

His heart jumped ten times in his chest at the view of Bobby clad in his black tight jeans and light blue dress shirt, a leather jacket thrown on the bike beside him.

When his feet stopped in front of Bobby the guy looked him up, their eyes met and Bobby smiled at him softly, “You actually came.” Bobby said as he eyed his wristwatch that read a little before three and half.

“You shouldn’t have waited that long for me.” Hanbin replied him, he didn’t realize he had a pout on his face, feeling warm yet guilty he made Bobby wait that long for him.

He wasn’t worth all the trouble.

Bobby shouldn’t have waited for him.

“I couldn’t wait for another day,” Bobby simply replied, Hanbin crouched down in front of his outstretched long legs.

He crossed his arms over his knees “And what is this so important thing you couldn’t pass for tomorrow?” Hanbin tilted his head after he rested it on top of his arms.

“I’m sorry.” Bobby said out of the blue, for once no smile and no teasing, he just looked down before he met Hanbin’s puzzled eyes, “Huh?” well that wasn’t what he expected, he predicted some teasing and more taunting and cornering, not an apology, and for what?

“I hurt you yesterday, with my words, I didn’t intend for them to come out so harsh.” Bobby said earnestly, eyes pouring emotions into him Hanbin didn’t understand.

“Well… ugh… didn’t see that one coming?” Hanbin honestly didn’t know what to say, his brain short-circuiting, he wasn’t used to people actually owning up to him and apologize, at least not people who are perfect like Bobby? He was used to himself being always the one at fault “It is okay…?” he wasn’t sure even of the words, he wasn’t used to these situations not a troubled Bobby too? The one in front of him was definitely one.

“I crossed limits, you cursed me and that made me mad I… don’t take disrespect so well.” Bobby admitted with a frown, which looked cute when his brows scrunched together.

“I’m-m sorry for t-that? Did I really curse you out?” Hanbin was used to badmouthing his friends as jokes all the time he honestly didn’t realize or remember if he cursed for real or not.

But if Bobby said so then he definitely cursed, dammit the embarrassment.

“Yeah, called me asshole in a really rude way which got on my nerves so badly.” Bobby’s stares middled between a frown and a slight scowl.

“Okay I’m sorry for that I was really angry I didn’t realize I went that overboard.” Hanbin felt ashamed he was called out like this, he didn’t know if it was because it came from Bobby or his teacher, either way he hated being called out, he preferred to be praised rather than someone telling him he was a bad person.

He was lost in thoughts not noticing he was frowning so bad until a finger tapped his nose softly, his eyes widened but before he could react Bobby was up on his feet towering over him and dusting his jeans.

“Not a good idea to sit on the ground with black jeans.” Bobby complained when he couldn’t get them clean.

“Definitely not.” Hanbin said, he offered a hand from where he was crouched down to help dust Bobby’s jeans, tapping his firm ass a few times.

Bobby looked at him dumbly, probably wasn’t expecting the gesture, more like expecting Hanbin to keep away few miles from him.

“There you go all done.” Hanbin said before he got to his feet, stomping them a little to get rid of the numbness.

“Well, thanks.” Bobby said casually before he threw his legs over his motorbike.

He was about to put the helmet on but stopped to turn around and look Hanbin who was still waiting for him to leave.

“Wanna ride?” he stretched his hand to offer the helmet but Hanbin took two steps back, hands buried in his pants pockets.

“Not really, I can get my own.” Hanbin smiled for once and Bobby shrugged before wearing it.

“Your lose.” He smirked at him, “Don’t let your guard down, nothing is over yet.” He winked before he pulled the shaded window of the helmet down and the engine roared to life, in couple seconds he was away, leaving Hanbin with those words.

_Nothing is over yet._  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess this is the moment y'all been waiting for since chapter3 hehe, so y'all who jumped Bobby back then, how are you?? xP I wanna hear from y'all how you feelin' doubleB now hehe  
The story is slow based but if you stayed patient a little more you will get some good moments later *Wink*  
Until next time, Luv u <33


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —He told me that day but I was stubborn, he was right I was wrong  
If I can go back in time I will still be stubborn  
My faultlines are still this deep

“Where were you?” Hanbin got back home by four, “You didn’t say why you will be late.” Junhoe said from where he was sitting on the sofa.

Hanbin knew where the conversation was heading, he was expecting the talk, yesterday they both agreed silently to let it go for a day to cool off but now, they had to solve the argument they left midway.

Hanbin put his stuff on the table beside the entrance before he went and sat beside Junhoe, it was then Junhoe looked at him, he was upset but not mad, not like the fire he had ablaze yesterday.

“I went to pick my books.” Hanbin told him but received a raised eyebrow.

“Okay and I found a note in them to meet Bo- I mean Mr. Jiwon.” Hanbin felt guilty for some reason but Junhoe didn’t give any reaction, it only fuelled Hanbin’s nervousness, it showed when he started to nip on his lower lip and fiddle with his fingers.

He was scared, he knew he shouldn’t feel scared of Junhoe, of his best friend, but he was scared he would get him upset again, be yelled at again, he hated being reprimanded or called out.

He knew meeting Bobby would upset him but he still went to see him, he was even considering Bobby’s offer and he didn’t know how to begin and tell Junhoe about it.

He didn’t notice the restless energy pouring off him until he felt one of Junhoe’s hands over his own both, holding them gently.

“I’m not gonna yell at you, sorry I ever did… don’t be scared of me.” Junhoe squeezed his hands, he looked remorseful, he couldn’t even meet Hanbin’s eyes for a second.

“I’m sorry, it is not your fault you know that…?” Hanbin pulled one of his hands from the hold to pat Junhoe’s cheek softly.

“You know I’m that fucked up from the very beginning, it is not your fault I’m that cautions or paranoid.” Hanbin smiled weakly despite the words, he wanted to assure Junhoe he was fine despite not being in the slightest himself.

“Yeah that’s more of a reason, I knew that, I knew about your insecurities yet I attacked it like that.” Junhoe said desperately and before Hanbin could answer he added frantically, “Listen Hanbin, I’m worried, I’m really worried about you and scared, I know I joked about the guy at the beginning but that was before I knew he was someone who fucks around.” Junhoe took a breath, his hands clasping Hanbin’s almost painfully but Hanbin let him be or more like he didn’t realize because the words kept pouring Junhoe’s mouth and they were too loud, not in voice but their meaning was ringing within him.

“After I saw what he did in the class I was certain I want you away from him, the guy will hurt you,” he inhaled a quick breath, “And if he didn’t then your mom will hurt you, you know when everything go down and everyone get to know you have a relationship with someone who screams playtime and bad news, she will be upset, she will say awful words again that I know both of us and Donghyuk won’t be able to handle once more.” It was weird how Junhoe’s eyes trembled, he was scared as if he could see the same memories resurfacing Hanbin’s head at that moment, as if he could feel the constricted pain Hanbin felt within his chest.

Junhoe’s hands moved to hold Hanbin’s cheeks to make him look back at him because Hanbin was losing focus in his flashbacks, Junhoe must have seen how pale he turned or how spaced out and tongue tied he became.

“I’m scared about you… get away from him, focus on your studies like how you did the past two years and everything will stay as calm.” The words somehow triggered him.

Focus on your studies.

Like your mom wants.

Like everyone wants from you.

“No…” Hanbin laid his hands on top of Junhoe’s slowly before he lowered them to his lap and held them there softly.

“I want to change…”

“What?” Junhoe said the words quietly in surprise, “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” Hanbin said, “I want to be a perfect student, a perfect child but I want to do it because I want to be, not because everyone wants me to.”

“Yeah do that but leave Mr. Kim Jiwon.” Junhoe said distraughtly but Hanbin shook his head, “I’m not going to have any relationship but I need him.”

“Are you crazy Hanbin?” Junhoe gripped his hands tight, “No, he said he will tell me how to live my life like I should.”

“That screams fucked up shit what are you thinking Hanbin!?”

“He is of_ use_ to me right now, when everything is done and good I will end things.” Hanbin tried to be as calm as he could to placate Junhoe before he fell again into one of his anger fit.

“Bullshit! He will use you instead!” Junhoe realized he lost it and tried to take deep breathes to calm his turmoil down.

“I won’t let that happen, it won’t be long, just for now I want to know how I can fix my… life… Junhoe I’m _tired_…” the way Hanbin’s voice cracked snapped Junhoe’s attention immediately, Hanbin’s hands trembled in his own and he didn’t notice them just now.

“I’m tired of who I am… sometimes I don’t understand myself… what I want, what I’m living for… what are my dreams even…? I don’t know my self Junhoe and that… scares me.” Hanbin let a deep shaky inhale and there his eyes were bloodshot from trying his best to withhold his tears in because he was sick of being that weak shit “I feel lost Junhoe… do I even own_ my life_…?” there was a moment of silence where both tried to let the heavy words sink in.

But then Hanbin was talking again, letting things out for the first time “I regard everyone around me as if I retain them something, as if everyone is superior to me, I fear upsetting them, I fear their reaction, I fear making mistakes and I hate it, I wanna fix it, he told me he can help me fix it, I don’t know yet how but I want to… _change_.” Hanbin searched Junhoe’s eyes for approval, he _needed_ his approval “Please tell me I can do it, tell me you won’t be upset at me. You won’t _hate me_ after I’m gonna do the opposite of what you told me.” Junhoe was astonished by Hanbin’s words, he knew and saw everything with his eyes, but he never thought he would hear Hanbin admit everything on his own, the way he kept all these insecurities deep down and just now decided to pour everything out to him.

“I love you Junhoe… so much… you are my best friend, I can’t upset you... I don’t wanna upset you… don’t want you to leave...” Hanbin whispered the words as he tilted his head down and his grip let loose on Junhoe’s hands.

And there were droplets falling over his hands.

They didn’t even roll down his cheeks, they fucking fell straight out.

Junhoe’s heart twisted in his chest in agonizing pain, just how much was Hanbin considering his self-worth to think they wouldn’t be able to fix this? That they wouldn’t get over it? That he would _hate_ him for making his own choices and leave…? That was crazy, insane.

Did he think he would abandon him for… this?

Junhoe pulled Hanbin by the neck and hugged him, his other hand went around his back to rub soothing circles.

“Do it, you don’t need my approval to do what you want.” Junhoe whispered in his hair where his long fingers carded through the soft curls.

Hanbin’s cries picked up and he was wailing in his chest, Junhoe was conflicted about everything, he was scared, so fucking paranoid himself. But if Hanbin thought that was a step to fix his own broken perceptions then to hell with it.

He was going to give him the chance and space to do it but at the same time he would keep in the shadows to make sure nothing went wrong.

“Just his help, nothing more?” Junhoe whispered in his ear and a moment later Hanbin nodded, the gesture followed by barely audible “_I promise_.”

Nothing more, just for now he was of use, he could help Hanbin fix his life and when things would get better he will end everything.

It was a promise.

Hanbin had to wait for the next Monday to see Bobby again and talk to him, why the thought made him shy… how was about to tell him _‘Please Mr Jiwon help me fix my shit?_

That was so tough, Hanbin decided sleep was much better priority than these thoughts.

Next day was as uneventful as ever, Fridays’ classes always ended fast, he didn’t get to see Bobby the whole day.

He went after classes with Junhoe Chaeyoung and Jennie to watch Lisa and Donghyuk practice, to Hanbin’s surprise there was Jimin laughing with them alongside Taehyung, they knew each other’s?

The inspector made them sit on the floor by side wall and they watched the group slay the dance moves, except Jimin missing his steps close to the ending because he kept eying Taehyung riding his shirt up with each flip and twist.

Man was whipped and he was blushing so hard while the naughty pair Lisa and Donghyuk teased the poor guy.

“Okay kids one last try at this so we can all go home, everyone is getting tired here.” Hoseok, their bright inspector said, man was so sweet, should he be described like that?

But really he was so vibrant, he emitted positive energy and his smile was so adorable one could heal from it.

Plus that mob of hair and those cheeks yes.

Not to discredit the muscles and perfect built body, he was a professional dancer so no wonder he owned that.

He was young too, maybe few years older?

The group returned back to formation and Junhoe yelled “Jimin stop being whipped for two minutes challenge!” and everyone busted with laugher, “Total fail I give y’all that.” Lisa shouted while nailing the moves.

“Keep your eyes off him!” Hanbin taunted him and dammit how fun was teasing the boy because his pouts were so adorable especially mixed with focused face and scrunched brows while he tried to keep up with the moves.

Everyone in the room wanted to enjoy his adorableness they kept on teasing, Taehyung tried comforting him but Jimin wouldn’t meet his eyes because he laughed along the rest and he was sulking over him.

Their inspector shook his head at them, “Even me and my friends weren’t such brats, and to be honest we were always called out for it.”

“Sir you would be surprised more by them outside campus grounds, they are all over the place.” Junhoe said and Hanbin went over Jennie to smack him on the back of the head, “You would be the first one on the list.”

“Poor guy he is totally red.” Jennie said from where she was sitting between Junhoe and Hanbin munching on her sweet bar, “Give me a bite I didn’t buy that for you to eat alone.” Junhoe grabbed the candy from her hands and took a monstrous bite; half the bar was gone in an instant and Jennie stared wide eyed between the candy and Junhoe.

“She is about to cry.” Hanbin sweat dropped at the pouting girl, “You serious?” Junhoe looked frantically at her, give him anything but crying girls.

“As if I will cry over a piece of candy…” she buffed her cheeks.

“She is totally about to cry, she once did when Mino ate hers and she busted with tears.” Chaeyoung said from where she has her notebooks spread on the floor doing her home works. They almost forgot the girl was there, they were even surprised they heard her voice.

Junhoe eyed the petit girl beside him, well more he was turning his head to Chaeyoung so Jennie wouldn’t see the laugh about to break over his face.

“Hey Chae that’s not true!” Jennie tried to defend herself only to receive “She was on her period so it was justified sort of.” And that’s it, Jennie tried to reach over Junhoe to grab Chaeyoung but the small girl hid behind him while Hanbin tried to pull Jennie off.

“Hey don’t cry I’m gonna buy you another two!” Jennie didn’t know if Junhoe was sincere or mocking so she glared at him with her frustrated buffed red cheeks.

“Liar!” she pinched him and he yelped, “You crazy I was serious!”

“He is not lying, he used to buy me one before each exam.” Chaeyoung said innocently and both Jennie and Hanbin’s eyes widened before they landed on Junhoe, there was a little tint of pink over said man’s cheeks and he tried to cover it from them by tilting his head away.

“Well… she helps me with mine so I return the favour in snacks.” Junhoe shrugged lightly.

“Awwww~” Both squealed at them and Junhoe thanked god when he was saved by the inspector yelling at Donghyuk and Lisa for mistaking the choreography while laughing at the other two guys.

“Kids you can’t be like that.” They were blessed their inspector was that free and light hearted or they would have been scolded so badly for making fun the whole class.

Maybe he was going easy on them because it was the end of the week and it was close to three pm.

Class ended right after shortly, the dancers went to take quick showers and change clothes while the other four waited outside by the step leading to the building.

Chatting with random conversations, Junhoe actually went and bought Jennie a baggie of snacks which she beamed on from ear to ear, Junhoe sighed at her, well it was worth seeing that baby face happy like that.

“So are you on your period or this is your default?” Junhoe gained another pinch to the arm and he learnt to keep shut for a while.

Hanbin watched them funny, kicking his feet lightly on the floor, Chaeyoung had her head resting on Jennie’s shoulder, she was halfway dozing off and the boys and Lisa still not here.

Hanbin looked around him, finally weekend, he could get his quality sleep and catch up on his home works and do some cleaning to his stuff.

His eyes went over the almost empty campus, just few going around here and there.

And then he heard a distant noise he could recognize so well, Bobby’s motorbike, he didn’t know why his heart rate picked up as he searched with his eyes where the sounds came from.

There on one of the farther buildings, Bobby on his motorbike, wait who that was behind him, the beautiful teacher from before, Jisoo?

Bobby threw her the helmet and she wore it, next Bobby took his jacket and gave it to her, she wrapped it around her waist before climbing behind him, guess it worked to cover her since she was wearing a knee length pencil skirt she couldn’t ride a motorbike with.

What did Hanbin just see? The way she held his waist, the way he laughed? The way her stoic face had emotions somehow?

Hanbin didn’t know what to think of it as they pulled away, they looked so close, were they just friends or was there… something between them…?

But if there was something between them did that mean Bobby was feeding him bullshit? Was he being lied to? Was that out of blue attention just… fake?

Why was his heart suddenly heavy… why did this affect him this much?

No he didn’t love Bobby, no way.

But it was the way he was given hope he was maybe worth it? But then it was all lies over and over again.

Who was he kidding, there was no way he would come close to the goddess that was Jisoo, who would want _him_ instead of her?

He felt silly for feeling bad about it, of course Bobby deserved that much better a person than his fucked up self.

He could only dream about measuring up to her.

“What is the sad face for?” Junhoe nudged their shoulders together and Hanbin snapped his face to him.

“Hmm… just thinking…” Hanbin said quietly, not really bothering to conceal his mood from his friend.

“And what is that?” Junhoe tapped his cheeks with the back of his forefinger.

“Do you think that… someone will find me worth… all the trouble and accept my fucked up self? Maybe fight for me too..?” Junhoe didn’t expect the question, not to mention this all of a sudden? Where did it come from?

“I find you that?” Junhoe said not so confidently before he wrapped Hanbin in a one-armed hug, Hanbin tingled with warm feeling at the words despite them being said in a dumb way but that was Junhoe, Junhoe always had his ways to confuse his feelings now he didn’t know if he was happy or sad, what was that smile on his own face even?

“You are not fucked up Hanbin, you just haven’t met the right person yet to see you are definitely perfect enough.” Hanbin listened to the words intently, “I’m gonna remind you of that until you find him.” Junhoe gave his shoulder a squeeze.

Where did he find himself such a best friend? Whenever he doubted his luck he looked down at the guy beside him to remind himself it didn’t suck enough because he had a Junhoe.

Before he could reply him the boys arrived with Lisa.

“Took you all long enough, Chae has fallen asleep.” Jennie eyed them up and they smiled cheekily at her.

Their damp hair and newly worn clothes, Lisa the ever unbothered queen had a towel wrapped around her hair while sporting a tracksuit.

“Let’s bring her with us to our apartment, she can stay overnight, it is weekend y’know?” Lisa pondered “Who is gonna carry her there, I don’t wanna wake her up she hadn’t slept in two days.” Jennie looked at Chaeyoung with her cheek squished on her shoulder.

“One of us can?” Taehyung offered and Junhoe immediately replied “I will carry her, we live in the same building y’know.”

Hanbin and Jennie sent him a known look and he snapped at them annoyedly “What?”

“Nothing Ju-ne~” Hanbin got up to dust his jeans “Your pants is covered with dust.”

“Help me clean it.” Hanbin stuck his ass in Junhoe’s face, “You can’t live without me.” Junhoe rolled his eyes dramatically before he patted his ass to get rid of the dirt, “Better but it needs cleaning.” He got up too and dusted his own jeans, his own was a lighter colour so he didn’t mind that much.

He kneeled in front of Chaeyoung and Jennie helped her move to lean her weight over Junhoe’s back, he grabbed her arms around his neck and she rested her head on his shoulder, hair all over his neck tingling.

He got up and adjusted her lightweight, both hands around her thighs he was glad she wore pants.

“Just get her hair off my face.” Junhoe leaned down a little over Jennie and she giggled before she gathered Chaeyoung’s hair and tucked it back in her collar to keep it off.

“Cute.”

“Shut up Hanbin.”

“You all live together?” Jimin asked them and Donghyuk told him about their random meetings, “That’s so cool, I want to live in that building too, ours are so far from our part-time job and the campus.” Jimin complained and sent looks towards Taehyung, “Don’t look at me like that.”

“But I wanna live there, imagine how fun if we were close.” Jimin pouted and Donghyuk laughed, giving him a rather rough pats on the shoulder, “I will ask Jinhwan hyung if he has any apartments left.”

“I think he does?” Lisa said not sure while using the towel to rub the ends of her wet hair.

“Yeah Mino had few options to choose from.” Jennie added and Jimin beamed at her before he turned around to avert the smile towards Taehyung “Can we go now with them to see it?” Alongside his baby begging features he had the nerves to clasp his hands together, Taehyung was definitely sold “Pwetty pweassee~”

“Ewww goddammit that so cringe stop it.” Taehyung pushed his face away but still there was a helpless smile over his face. Who was he lying to, he fucking loved Jimin’s baby gestures.

“Y’all can crash with us for the night if it gets too late to return home.” Hanbin offered as they all continued their way out of the campus, Junhoe adjusting Chaeyoung’s weight each now and then every time she slipped or buried her face in his neck.

Again he was glad she was wearing pants.

“Mino gonna cry today.” Lisa snickered “Well he expected two people for the night but what? Tae and Jimin also Chae and definitely I’m not gonna miss the fun so I’m joining y’all.” Lisa was so excited about it.

“What hey now I don’t wanna miss this sleepover!” Donghyuk whined at them “You wanted the night for you and Yun, unless you wanna stand him up?” Junhoe eyed him sideways and he sulked down.

“He will make it worth it, come by the morning and bring food with ya’ if you want.” Hanbin tried cheering the guy but he received grumbling in return.

“We are yet to meet Mino and Yun?” Jimin tilted his head at the boys, “Yunhyeong, my boyfriend and don’t worry about them both are really good guys.”

“Yun hyung makes such good foood~” Jennie sighed dreamily at the reminder of their breakfast, “Stop fantasising over my bf.” Donghyuk sent her a teasing scowl and she stuck her tongue out back.

They reached the bus stop that was empty at the late hours of five pm, their rowdiness went on and on until their bus arrived and they filled the seats.

Junhoe having Chaeyoung seated carefully before noticing everyone had settled down before he could ask for one of them to fill beside the girl, he couldn’t let her in the seat alone.

He settled beside her, he kind of expected when the younger girl snuggled to his arm, pressing her face there, he was much taller than her that her head didn’t reach his shoulder when she tried to lean on him.

He slipped a little in his seat and her head fell perfectly over his shoulder, yeah better now.

The drive home was chaotic and funny, it still felt weird for Hanbin to be surrounded by that many people, he was used to have Junhoe and Donghyuk alone for the past years but now all these crazy random people with all different colours and personalities all over him made it feel… much brighter? A change he didn’t know he wanted or needed but it lifted so much off him.

He didn’t even find time to feel depressed, each time his mind would try to stray one would grab him back with a stupid remark or a barked laugh that got everyone’s mood sky high.

It was good, he liked it, everyone around him made it feel better.

“I think we will all go to our rooms to change and get rid of our stuff first and then meet up at Mino’s.” Lisa said, “I don’t think he is home yet, probably at work.” Jennie replied her, “He will be back by seven let’s meet up by then.”

“What about us?” Jimin pointed a finger at his own face, “You both come with me for now.” Hanbin assured them with a smiled “A life saver.”

“Okay I’m heading up first to set this sleepy head to bed.” Junhoe adjusted her weight on his back and she whined before wrapping her arms a little tighter around his neck, nuzzling in his neck and humming in her sleep. Yeah he definitely needed to get the fuck up and settle her down in someone’s bed.

“I will come with you, Mino’s apartment still has one room empty, I have the spare keys with me.” Jennie winked as she followed after him through the building’s doors, hands holding her books and Chaeyoung’s too.

“Let’s go then.” They entered and were welcomed by their landlord.

“Wow, what fate that brought all of you together to me?” Jinhwan eyed the crowd that entered his building.

“Hey hyung, we have two boys looking for an apartment here.” Hanbin beamed at him and the said two boys stuck themselves from behind him to wave at the smaller man.

“Stop attracting weird people please.” Jinhwan sighed and Hanbin returned it with a wide beam “Take care of my friends!” Hanbin pushed the two boys before he told them the apartment number and headed up.

Hanbin and Donghyuk arrived at their apartment, empty since their usual intruder Yunhyeong was at work and Junhoe was out to drop Chaeyoung at Mino’s.

“Don’t trash the apartment and no sex on the couch or the kitchen island!” Hanbin said as he disappeared down the hallway to his room.

“I fuck wherever I want!” Donghyuk yelled back jokingly before he let down his stuff and yeah finally a time alone with his boyfriend.

His nerves tingled with excitement and it all showed in the way his steps were bouncy and his mouth humming random happy notes while he roamed the apartment to clean it.

He was glad he already showered after class back at college now he needed to wear something suitable for a fuck night, he entered his room and started collecting the mess on the floor consisted of a week worth of dirty clothes and their books scattered around.

While he cleaned he heard Taehyung and Jimin join the living room with Hanbin, Hanbin taking them to his room to give them some pyjamas for their sleepover.

He then got a call from his Yunhyeong, immediately recognized it because he had a costumed ringtone for him.

Donghyuk leaped over the bed for the phone and laid there over the mattress with the phone pressed over his ear.

“Hmm ten minutes?” Donghyuk hummed over the line while staring mindlessly over the ceiling, a lovesick smile over his mouth.

“I’m waiting for you.”

_‘See you baby’_

Donghyuk was buzzing with feels, he was counting seconds as he roamed mindlessly from the kitchen and back to the living room and then he was by the balcony doing god’s knew what.

Okay they had been dating for two weeks now and in love for as long as he could remember but this was the first time they actually got the chance to have a space and time alone for their own.

He didn’t mind it was weekend and he was dead tired he just wanted Yunhyeong so bad.

So the first his front door opened he had the man pressed behind it and he kissed him so hard, so desperately that Yunhyeong dropped the bags in hands to take hold of his face in both and he was kissing him back as fiercely.

His hands moved down over Donghyuk’s chest and down over his stomach to grab there at his waist and pulled him close, hips pressed together and Donghyuk moaned when he ran short on air.

Yunhyeong pulled away to look back at Donghyuk’s shaky eyes and flushed face, his own lust clouded and spaced out, “You don’t welcome people home like that.” He said breathlessly.

“I want you, so bad.” Donghyuk leaned in to mouth at Yunhyeong’s jawline and down over his neck to bury himself there and Yunhyeong let him take a taste as much as he wanted.

Yunhyeong wrapped him in his arms, palms flat over Donghyuk’s back while he buried his face in his really soft fluffy hair that smelled freshly showered.

Donghyuk reached under Yunhyeong’s collar to kiss there, he sucked hard and Yunhyeong’s breath hitched, “Take it easy baby, we have all night for us…” he whispered and it took few seconds for Donghyuk to obligate the words and pull off not before leaving a red glaring hickey over Yunhyeong’s neck.

They shared a close stare where both contemplated if it was worth leaving each other’s arms for dinner or just resume their fuck in the living room.

They couldn’t decide for their own when Yunhyeong took notice of three guys one of them Hanbin who was face palming by the hallway.

“Sorry we d-didn’t see anything!” Jimin fumbled as he covered his eyes with both hands, he tried to turn around but slammed by the wall, “C’mere dummy.” Taehyung grabbed the awkward guy so he wouldn’t slam into anything else and now Jimin had his face in Taehyung’s chest, trying to shy away from the embarrassment.

“Ughh this is so embarrassing ughhh~” Jimin mumbled and Taehyung despite the awkwardness couldn’t help laugh at the jellybean in his arms, Jimin was too gullible for his own good.

“I don’t know what to think about at this moment.” Hanbin said drearily, he took a breathe “First told you Dong no fucking in the living room, also sorry Yun hyung for always ruining the mood for you guys.”

“And Jimin please get used to seeing gay guys together dammit you are gay and in a relationship, your ears are red by the way.” At the words the boys laughed and Jimin buried himself more in Taehyung’s arms only for the guy to push him off passively after the reminder Jimin had a boyfriend that wasn’t him.

“It is okay Hanbin, it is not like we can’t resume later.” Yunhyeong winked and Hanbin smiled helplessly, also why was Donghyuk clinging to his boyfriend like a koala?

“And noted, no fucks in the living room.” Hanbin gave him thumbs ups, “Donghyuk told me about you boys, Jimin and Teahyung right?” Yunhyeong sent them one of his infamous gentle smiles.

“Yes Yunhyeong hyung?” Jimin wasn’t sure and said man laughed lightly, “That’s got to be long, call me Yun hyung.”

“Sorry for intruding Yun hyung.” Taehyung told him but Yunhyeong shook him off, “Don’t stress it, we are used to it.”

“Hey you didn’t have to call me out like that!” Hanbin crossed his arms with a pout.

“But that’s the truth?” Donghyuk teased and Hanbin kicked his leg before he had the boys dragged out of the door.

Now that Hanbin was thinking about it, where was Junhoe?

Jennie was the first to drop her stuff before she went back to Mino’s apartment, she let Junhoe and Chaeyoung before she left, Junhoe must have left so she needed to go there fast she didn’t want Chaeyoung to be alone there for long.

She got in the quiet apartment, everything was still neat and clean, the place as new as it could ever get considering the boys wouldn’t arrive for another day.

She went to the unequipped room to check on Chaeyoung, she opened it slowly to not wake her up but what she saw definitely wasn’t what she expected.

Chaeyoung was laying on the bed under the covers but she wasn’t alone, Junhoe was still there?

He was sitting by the bedside beside her, one of his hands pocking her cheeks but she was in deep sleep.

“June?” she called him slowly and he immediately pulled his hand off and looked up at her with wide eyes, she could see him freaking out for getting caught.

“Oh hi Jennie.” He replied awkwardly she noticed he was trying to get up, tugging his other hand but something was holding it off.

Oh, Chaeyoung was holding into his hand in her sleep.

Did he stay for a whole hour like that because she was holding him?

“You should go change y’know and get some rest you must be tired.” She smiled warmly at him and he sighed after realizing she figured out his embarrassing situation.

“I really wanna y’know but?” he pointed at his hand as if Jennie didn’t notice it yet.

“Just take her hand off.” She tilted her head to the side, “Well… I…” Junhoe trailed off as he turned his gaze back to the girl snuggling closer to his side, he had to scoot back a little earlier when she buried her face in his back or more like his ass but really why didn’t he just take her hand off? He really didn’t have any explanation he could have left one hour ago but the way her small fist clutched the sleeve of his oversized sweater was cute? Yeah he was bad for adorable stuff, a sucker for it honestly.

Also he didn’t want to wake her up, he wasn’t sure if he pulled off she would wake or not but he didn’t find it necessary to risk it, he didn’t mind waiting for her to let go but yeah she hadn’t for an hour.

Jennie giggled at him, “You really care so much about her hehe.”

“Yeah, she is like my smol sister, kinda wanna keep her safe and happy.” Why was he being honest now, he expected Jennie to mock him or tease but she looked so happy and for what? Junhoe yawned tiredly, it was a life consuming week and he just wanted to crash and sleep but yeah he had a clingy girl holding on to him.

“If you are that sleepy you can take a nap on the other side of the bed, it can fit two.” Junhoe was about to object but she followed instantly “I will make sure no one gets in if you are worried about it.” He wanted to complain again but Jennie beat him over it “I won’t tell anyone I promise!” she said in whole honesty and Junhoe yawned again, his eyes already dropping down in exhaustion.

Jennie didn’t wait for him when she turned off the lights “Will come wake you up in couple hours!” and she closed the doors.

The room was dark and quiet now, oh how he longed for sleep, he will wake up before Rosé and get up so things won’t get awkward.

Yeah for now he just wanted to sleep.

He climbed over her, tried not to touch her in anyway, her hand moved with his and when he settled down behind her she turned around, she tried snuggling to him but he immediately panicked and his hands went up over her shoulder to keep her in place, his heart weirdly drummed so loud.

Because of the shock, yeah nothing else, he couldn’t let her close, nah bro and sis shouldn’t be sharing bed, nope, definitely big no.

She settled down and he did too on the same pillow, he couldn’t sleep, he kept staring at her face, the small artificial lights passing the curtains weren’t enough for him to aspect her features well but he could make out the soft hair splayed all over around her head, he had to gather it from the pillow before he could lay his head down.

Her baby features, softer now that she was asleep.

Their locked hands were between them now, _clingy really clingy Rosé._

_His beautiful Rosé._

No he didn’t love her, what he had for her was something he couldn’t describe or understand, was it love? If he wanted to guard her from everything including his own self would it be considered love?

She felt like she was his though, he protected her, he looked after her, he made sure she ate good, always messaged her to make sure she didn’t skip meals for studying, cheered her up when sad, bought her sweets and chocolate on her periods, went out of his way to run over with medicine when she called him sick, and god forbade him seeing her cry or sad, he would do anything to lift her up.

She was the only girl he allowed in his life at that time or more like she forced her way in and he didn’t have any other choice.

He knew her after Hanbin when he moved in.

Protecting Hanbin from bullies first year ruined his reputation, not like it mattered to him their opinions either way they could suck his ass for all he cared.

They found him scary, he was definitely scary but he needed that so no one would belittle them or even come close to hurt his friend.

He kicked some people, gave an earful for some more and by the end of it he was the bad boy of their year.

He gave no shit, especially when they left the seats around him empty, which was better for him to be honest.

One day a sleepy girl took a seat beside him, she was half dropping off while standing.

She just bowed to him before she sat and spread her notebooks. Her really neat notebooks. Like all pinks and hearts with smiley faces.

Junhoe heard everyone pitying the girl for sitting beside him but she was one hair close to fall face down over the desk in slumber.

He let her be, Hanbin wasn’t around that day and her company didn’t bother him, she was too quiet, too petit, soft in a word like her voice barely could be heard and that was a contrast to his loud mouth.

The professor asked her a question but she was asleep, head nodding off behind her falling hair,_ soft hair_.

Junhoe answered him without permission at the same time he kicked her feet.

She snapped awake and he got scolded in the middle of the class, he got kicked out too, he hated that professor and his lecture either way so better for him.

It was worth it when he heard her voice for the first time, he stood and she looked up at him with troubled eyes, she thanked him and he just bowed to her before he left the hall.

She kept searching for him the next couple days, she majored with Hanbin so they didn’t share that many classes together.

That day he was walking fast through the hallway, he didn’t notice her trying to catch up to his long strides, he didn’t even hear her calls because her voice was so quiet even when she yelled it out.

She grabbed his sleeve and everyone in the hallway froze, did she just touch Koo Junhoe, the rebellious kid of the first year?

Well yeah she did, and he didn’t like the criticizing stares everyone sent her so he pulled her away with him, her wrist was so small in his big hold he feared snapping it so he lessened the grip a little.

“Are you stupid?” they were out behind the building, no one was around when he unintentionally snapped at her, his voice coarse and raspy.

She blushed madly in embarrassment and looked down, her hair fell over her shoulder to hide her nervous features.

He felt bad, no he was really bad with girls, really really bad because he was rough in every way possible and girls shouldn’t be around guys like him.

He didn’t trust his self around her.

“What do you want?” he honest to god tried to lower his voice but it still came out rude he wanted to smack himself because the girl started to fidget in front of him.

Did he mention the tall difference? She was thin and _smol_?

Was that healthy?

“I… t-thank you-!” She shuttered the words, he noticed how she was griping her books tight, how one of her feet tapped the ground repeatedly.

“Thank you for saving me that day!” She finally got the words out and made the courage to look him up in the eyes.

Didn’t last long before she immediately averted her gaze down to his feet.

“Don’t mention it.” He didn’t show emotion despite being grateful.

This was the first act of kindness one had shown him aside his friends within the campus.

“Also I wrote you a copy of the notes! Since you missed the lecture because of me!” her voice was so jumpy and her cheeks _so red_.

Like really rosy red, he feared she would pass out from the blood rushing her face so he pulled the papers from her hands, muttered a quick thanks and fleeted the place.

Yeah he needed to fleet the place for her sake.

One week later and there she was sitting by the empty seat beside him again, he raised a thick eyebrow at her sideways and she ignored him while putting her books and notes out.

“You shouldn’t be sitting here.”

“It is an empty seat.”

“Yeah and that seat is beside mine.”

“So?” she buffed her rosy cheeks at him, _rosy _god was that a normal colour for cheeks?

“I’m a bad influence.”

_“Not for me.”_

The next couple weeks she stuck by him, like whenever the bell rang he found her by his next seat, he just gave up telling her off and decided to ignore her.

That day she had forgotten her notes, she was literally freaking out about them, _nerd god._

“Stop twitching for god’s sake here take these.” He threw her his notebook.

She held it in her hands like some precious thing, she stared for so long at it.

She then turned around “Chaeyoung… Park Chaeyoung…” she looked up at him underneath her lashes.

He didn’t need to mention his name because it was on the cover of his notebook in her hands.

“Too long, Rosé sounds better.” He yawned before he leaned back in his seat and ignored her for the rest of the lecture, again she gave him a copy of the syllabus with her beautiful handwrite.

He lost count on how many times she asked him why he called her Rosé.

It wasn’t like he could tell her about her up-normal red cheeks.

And how enticing they were.

He wanted her away after, he started to notice people out-casting her, throwing her mean words, hating on her.

She was so sweet, she was a really good girl that didn’t deserve any of the backlash she got and for what? Associating with him?

He ignored her.

He was protecting her.

“Don’t ignore me!” she was hurt.

“What did I do wrong?!” You didn’t, I’m protecting you.

But he made her cry.

Oh how much he hated himself that day, he really made the childlike girl Rosé cry because he was a bad dumb person.

He told her to get away from him from the very start, he warned her but she didn’t listen.

After several attempts which he didn’t know how he got over them without crumbling his fake stoic mask, it seemed she had given up trying.

He felt bad, he really felt bad.

He watched her from afar and the way her obvious depressed self showed pained him so much.

She had friends but they weren’t always around, she looked lonely most times.

He was known for his protective self, for mending his close people, for caring about others more than himself and such yet he caused her that much sadness.

He was a bad person, he hated himself.

Rosé didn’t deserve that.

One month later and he still kept taps on her, seeing how she was doing, if she was fine or not.

That was when he saw some trying to bully her.

Over him.

He felt sick.

Even after he hurt her by pulling away, thinking that would restore everything back, she still got hated on because of him.

He was angry, he was so mad, he just couldn’t control it when they made her cry and then taunted her?

_His little Rosé._

So he kicked them, the best anger outlet he ever had in so long god how he felt alive when he kicked that fucker, the girls with him needed a simple freezing glare from him and they were all running away.

“Sorry.” He meant it for everything.

He didn’t have tissues or napkins so he whipped her wet rosy cheeks with his oversized sleeves.

She hiccupped and that was so adorable he had to pinch those flushed cheeks.

“Stop crying my shirt is soaked already.” He pocked her cheek and that was the first time she saw a smile on his face.

He wanted to make her feel better, he wanted to make up for all the awful words she heard because of him.

He hated feeling guilty over it and he wanted it to stop already.

He didn’t expect to see any more red but she looked so struck looking up at his mouth, at his smile and the redness spread to her ears she immediately pulled her hair tie and fluffed her hair around her face to hide the redness.

He petted her head and after that he didn’t get to leave her alone again.

At first he convinced himself he only stayed to protect her because he was held accountable for all the hate she shouldn’t be receiving but she did and all that was because of him.

But later she grew up on him, she kind of became one of his many priorities, a friend no she was more a sister, yes what he felt about her was something so unique like he was birthed with it.

So he called her his sister.

She was.

Yeah.

He believed that.

Did he?

The first couple years he convinced himself that was true.

_But what changed after?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry had to end it here but this chapter got ridiculously long I had to split it into two parts, not to mention the second one still incomplete and I didn't want to make the wait long :3 .  
Your DoubleB in the second part sadly hehe xP  
Also don't give up yet, enjoy these peaceful times while it lasts cs after these two chaps shit will go down shushhh you will plead for these quiet moments lmao (Not @ me sounding so evil but--)  
And Junrose... I'm sucker for Badboy Quietgirl cliches, their story gonna--- not spoiling anything I better shut up.  
Until next time, let me hear what y'all think about everything <33


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —I blinked once and I was surrounded by many many of them   
Where did they come from?  
Was it your doing, life?

The apartment was a mess when Mino arrived.

He was stunned by the entrance he stood for five minutes by the door trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.

Two random guys and Lisa hogging the TV while playing a game, volume on its loudest limit, Jennie by the kitchen island yelling at them “Go for the win Lisa!”

And there was Hanbin walking out of the bathroom with… was that his Captain America shirt? Yeah he was sure that was his shirt with Captain America print on it he bought a couple weeks ago.

“Mino! Hey!” Jennie waved at him and he snapped from his daze at her gummy smile, “Chaeyoung is crashing at the boys’ room don’t stride in!” 

What the fuck? What brought Chaeyoung in?

“Sorry Mino I borrowed your shirt, I was playing and the boys got so excited they spilled drinks on me.” Well that explained it.

“Don’t mention it man.” Mino patted his shoulder before passing him to the kids who were way too invested in the games for their own good to even notice his arrival.

He smacked Lisa’s head and she yelped before she looked up, almost snapping her neck trying to look behind her.

When she saw Mino she beamed and immediately paused the game, the two boys on both her sides groaned.

“Guys this is Mino!” She stood up to point at the man, sticking her arms out with a grand gesture.

“Oh, hey Mino! Lisa talks a lot about you!” Taehyung grinned at him, “Yeah weirdly, I feel like I know him for a while.” Jimin laughed softly as he scratched his neck in shyness.

“Mino these are Tae and Jimin! My dance partners and soon neighbours!” Why was she so excited? Mino groaned at her loud voice.

“Hey guys, but may I know why there is a cult gathering in my apartment?” Mino smiled tiredly at the mess.

It was the weekend and already eight pm he wanted to crash for the day but heck he had six kids in the house.

“Sleepover!” Lisa flopped back on the bouncy sofa to resume the game and Jimin yelped before trying to catch up with the slay girl.

Taehyung already gave up the match because really, who was he kidding, who would win against competitive Lisa?

“No really but we have the apartment for Yun hyung and Dongi and the girls decided to crash for fun,” Hanbin returned to Mino, handing him a lemon juice freshly made by Jennie.

“The boys wanted to check for an apartment with Jinani and they got invited?” Hanbin laughed sheepishly and Mino sighed.

“Give me a heads up next time.” 

“Sorry.” 

“Don’t be, I’m gonna go shower, order us some food I’m fucking starved.” Mino dragged himself to the bathroom.

Jennie left the group to go wake the two in the room before any would accidentally walk in on them.

She let them sleep more than two hours, poor Junhoe looked so tired and so was Chaeyoung, no other intentions yup.

She slowly sneaked in and there she saw Chaeyoung awake and sitting on the bed, carding her fingers through Junhoe’s hair who was so out of it to notice.

“You are awake Chae.” Jennie walked close and Chaeyoung surprisingly wasn’t bothered enough to pull her hand off the sleepy man’s locks.

“Yes, been awake for a while.” She hummed quietly before she returned to look down at the boy.

“Hmm, awake and petting him?” Jennie teased her with a wink and Chaeyoung sighed “He had been looking tired these days, I don’t know what is wrong with him but I… don’t like it…” She frowned but before Jennie could question it she averted the subject “Why is he in bed with me and who brought me here even?” 

Her voice was distant and Jennie didn’t understand what the emotion behind her friend’s voice like was she okay with it or was she upset?

“He carried you and then you wouldn’t let go of his hand, he was so tired he just crashed beside you.” Jennie didn’t want to make it sound wrong so she followed instantly “More like I suggested that, he didn’t want to at first but I told him it was okay or something.”

Chaeyoung look dropped a little and she withdrew her hand before standing up, “Guess I need to flee before he freaks out when he wakes up.” Her smile was so forced and Jennie might have understood a little, she gave her friend a quick hug before she tried to lift the mood up “C’mon there is a sleepover today, brought you some pyjamas also called your mom to tell her.” Jennie winked and Chaeyoung sighed in relief before she picked up at the word ‘sleepover’

“Yup everyone is staying for the day!”

“Even Junhoe?” Chaeyoung eyed her intently “From the looks of it he won’t be up for a long while.” Jennie beamed at her.

Hanbin was sprawled on the floor playing on his phone while waiting for the food to arrive, he was scrolling randomly through his social media looking up stuff he didn’t know where they showed up from.

It was then he saw the suggested friend requests, “Guys y’all accounts are magically showing in my friends suggestions.” 

“Don’t add Jimin his account is sappy as fuck.” Taehyung tilted his whole body while trying to avoid a bullet shot by Lisa.

“Don’t shower me with instant likes then if you don’t like them!” Jimin shot him a bullet he almost jumped off the couch to avoid it.

“You both accounts sucks to be honest! Yes!” Lisa bounced off in victory and both boys groaned at her.

“Monster.”

“I’m just good!” She stuck her tongue at them, she noticed the girls out the door and she beamed before running to them.

“I added you all.” Hanbin said as he heard Mino get out of the bathroom, he got up to blub between the boys who decided an old rerun show was good for the night.

“Oh god!” Hanbin gasped and that instantly grabbed their attention and they peered at the phone over his shoulder.

“Is this the new teacher?” Oh goddammit yes that was Bobby’s account! Public account!

He didn’t know why he was so nervous; oh god his heart was drumming nervously, and for what?! Hanbin yelled internally at himself.

His finger hovered over the name shakily, what if he knew? What if he clicked  _ Like _ over some random posts by mistake? Holly shit that would be so embarrassing Hanbin was about to throw the phone away.

The last thing he wanted for Bobby to think he was stalking his social media and ogling his posts dammit.

“C’mon I’m curious click it.” Jimin tried to press the screen and Hanbin freaked out for a second and pulled the phone away.

“Hey Bin are you okay?” Taehyung ruffled his hair and he sighed deeply, he was just making things worse and suspicious.

“Yeah, we just need to be careful so I won’t come out as a creep who is stalking his own teacher.” Hanbin held the phone carefully and the boys nodded in a serious way which was funny, Mino sending them a weird look from afar while roaming his empty kitchen for anything.

After a bit too long stressful moment Hanbin clicked on the profile, the picture Bobby had was wild, his mess of a hair, his smirk and the way he was using his fingers to pull at his lips showing his crooked teeth.

The selfie was hot.

Cover photo was a feral party blaze, a kind of blurry shots.

He scrolled more down, his profile only said his name which was the street one  _ Bobby _ and vague introduction about him,  _ 25 yo full time party boy with random shit, part time teacher within some college _ and a teasing emoji sticking its tongue with a wink.

Hashtag No Dms.

That cocky asshole. Hanbin scoffed but too bad he didn’t know how to roll his eyes because he really felt like rolling them at that moment.

He scrolled down to check posts, nothing really much, very little shares.

Pictures of him at parties, from photo-shoots, poses for his motorbike.

A picture of his naked back Hanbin fought the embarrassing choke he almost let out at it.

_ Fear only God, Hate only Sins _

The sentence struck him so hard, the words were so strong to be imprinted permanently over skin.

In their first night he didn’t even notice it but it was written in such a beautiful font over ripped back.

He liked it so much.

“Wohoo he is really hot.” Jimin ogled the picture with Hanbin closely and Hanbin mindlessly nodded, definitely hot.

Another picture grabbed his attention.

His branded sneakers, no; the tattoos like chains around his ankles.

_ Worry about nothing, pray about everything _

He didn’t expect the guy to be that much religious? He had God's words etched all over his body.

What made him comfort himself with these permanent words?

He didn’t sound like a person with any deep complications to him? More of a spoiled kid.

The doorbell rang snapped his focus.

Lisa was already out of the bathroom door to grab the food from the delivery, snickering in her way while sneaking Mino’s wallet with her to pay.

Jennie and Chaeyoung followed out of the bathroom with their fluffy pyjamas, so cute with unicorns and heart shapes, Chaeyoung having a towel wrapped around her head.

Hanbin decided that was it for the day, he should get off the app before he did any mistakes.

“Guys food is here!!!” Lisa chanted as she made a line for the kitchen island with a handful of bags and soon everyone was crowding around her.

“Wait guys don’t eat like this let’s set up the table.” Mino groaned at the mess happening he could barely register the muddle in front of him, were they that much starved?

Jennie sneaking her two slices of pizza, was that his hamburger in Lisa’s hand? He didn’t get to see because the boys literally wiped a whole box of pizza within two minutes.

Poor Chaeyoung was standing quietly by him not knowing what was going on as well.

Her stomach grumbled and Mino grimaced down at her, “We will find you something to eat baby.” He petted her head before going back to explore the bags, well that was something edible, two boxes of fried chicken and fries, “Cool.”

“Gimme.” She grabbed a box and left it untouched on the other side, “Why hide it?” Mino eyed her sideways as he munched on a piece of chicken wings, “June will wake up soon, he will definitely be grumpy and only food will prevent us that.” She popped a fry in her mouth “No one would want grumpy June.” 

“You didn’t tell me you have a crush heh?” Mino grinned teasingly and he watched her cheeks go red like how they normally would.

“W-What? No he is my bestie.” She averted her head to hide her face, a habit of her to hide behind her hair but now it was wrapped in a towel and Mino chuckled at the gesture, he was so used to her shy patterns, always cautious of her quickly coloured skin, she didn’t know that was one of the most endearing things about her.

“Okay besties, care about your tummy first before his.” Mino grabbed some few pieces in his plate before following the mess to the living room.

Lisa and Jimin on the floor while the rest of the three squeezing on the sofa, Jennie is more like sitting on the arm rest squeezing her feet under Hanbin’s thighs.

So rowdy, Mino sighed before he dropped on the floor to sit by the kids, sneaking some of the pizza Lisa piled on her plate, he had her fuming with mouthful but he immediately stuck the piece in his mouth and she puffed her cheeks “Pig.”

“Says Lisa.” He ignored her and focused more on the tv that currently no one paid any attention to.

Chaeyoung remained by the kitchen island seated on one stool while she eyed the mess in the living room, she wasn’t used to this, the last time she saw such a crowd was before Mino and Seunghoon graduated and left the rest of them for college, then each one of the was accepted into different majors, they would meet over holidays but living close like these was another feeling to it.

She couldn’t decide yet she liked or not the mess, she didn’t like messy loud places or people.

As if a mock to her thoughts Junhoe strode to the kitchen yawning with his big really big mouth, hair a mess and clothes wrinkled.

He rubbed his eyes before they landed on her with her fluffy pyjamas and fluffy towel.

There were few seconds where he only stared silently at her before he moved past her to the fridge, what was that pause?

“I’m fuckin’ hungry Rosé.” Junhoe closed the empty fridge before he turned at her and she giggled at his cranky face, she expected it all the same.

“You grumpy kid, here I saved you some.” She pointed at the food in the corner and he made a line and was now standing beside her stool close.

“You are such a life saver Rosé.” His hand reached out on instincts to ruffle her hair but was met with the towel.

“Take this off already it looks your hair is already dry.” He didn’t wait for her permission before letting her hair loose and she freaked out “Hey it looks awful now!” she putted both her hands over her messy hair as she lowered her head in embarrassment, Junhoe could make out the red ears of hers and he chuckled.

“Not really just a little and it will look presentable.” He carded his fingers through her clammy hair and she froze. 

Junhoe was so concentrated on fixing her hair with his both hands he ended up braising it “Pull your head a little it will be loose.” Junhoe was comically focused and she leaned her head over, feeling her hair tug, he was humming a random notes and soon he was done “There you go a special treatment.” He beamed at his work.

“Oh it is actually pretty…” and it was for real, he was always good with taking care and doing girls’ stuff since he lived alone with his sister for a long time, he was used to do girly stuff for her on occasional days to lift her mood up or make her feel better. 

“You bet.” He felt content with his work as he turned to eat, sneaking a piece from her plate and she sighed helplessly at him, Junhoe will always remain Junhoe.

Her hand mindless touched the braid before bringing it to lay over her shoulder, “You should take a bath first, there is a change of clothes Hanbin brought for you.” Her fingers played with the ends of her braid while eyeing the boy eating like his life depended on it.

“Will do, first I need to eat I’m starving.” He said between bites and she stayed there watching him until he finished eating, letting a burp out and Chaeyoung laughed out loud at him.

“Such a baby.” She joked with a giggle and he sent her a half-hearted scowl “I’m not and you know it.”

“No I don’t.” she laid her chin atop her hand, elbow resting on the counter as she leaned a little closer challenging him.

“Are you that desperate to see?” Junhoe raised an eyebrow and leaned dangerously closer and then both realized the meaning of the words.

Holy shit.

Junhoe’s eyes widened with fright as he saw Chaeyoung’s face turn visibly red, her eyes shook as they stared back in his and heat started to rush his face he felt his ears flame.

Junhoe immediately pulled away, “Gonna go shower!” the words were jumpy and he fleeted the place before she could even move from her petrified self.

“Calm down… calm down your heart Chaeyoung…” 

It was one past midnight, the apartment was mostly blacked out the only lights came from the flat tv blasting a relay of Fast & Furious movies, it was quiet apart from the loud noises of the cars racing and gunshots.

Girls were hogging the sofa alone, Jennie flopping down in her seat to rest her head over Lisa’s shoulder, Chaeyoung hugging a pillow beside her, on the floor by their feet were the boys, Jimin long since surrendered to sleep at the end of the second movie now this was the third one of the chain, he had his head over Hanbin’s lap, the said guy almost passed out on Junhoe’s shoulder.

Hanbin’s weight on him made Junhoe lean a little over Chaeyoung’s legs beside him, he didn’t notice when he had his head leaned over her thigh, she didn’t say anything too. 

But then there was Taehyung slapping Lisa’s Leg each time she got too excited she would jump out and smack his head by accident.

Mino was about to abort for the day from tiredness when a knock on the front door was heard, it was almost comically how everyone’s head snapped to the said door instantly as another knock sounded, Hanbin tried to blink the sleep from his eyes, rubbing it while burying deeper into Junhoe’s side.

“Don’t freak out kids I’m gonna see who is it.” Well Jimin was the only one who didn’t give a fuck because he was drooling over Hanbin’s pyjamas in deep slumber.

“Be careful man, we aren’t about to have a murder case with these many suspects.” Junhoe received a kick from Jennie from the back.

“Rosé please save me from your friend!” Junhoe groaned and Hanbin turned a little and then he was rubbing Junhoe’s head softly “It will fade out soon.” He mumbled sleepily and Junhoe looked at him ridiculously then sighed at his dumb friend, he might have appreciated the warm gesture a little though.

“Well, not even my powers can save you from Jennie.” She said quietly and the girls giggled “Be thankful it is not Lisa.” Chaeyoung shuddered at the thoughts of how many fights Lisa used to go through in high school, always the rebel within them.

Junhoe was about to retort but the noises in the entrance snapped their attention.

The girl’s eyes widened at the familiar voices.

Mino didn’t expect to be welcomed by the boys when he opened the door at one in the morning, the surprise wasn’t only Seunghoon and Seungyoon but the man behind them.

“Oh my god man, Teahyun!” Mino immediately threw himself at him and he was hugging the laughing man tightly almost crushing him down.

“Hey easy on him he will choke.” Seungyoon laughed out loud, too inappropriately in the middle of the hallway, the neighbours would be fucking mad but who cared that was their reunion, they got to celebrate it any way they wanted.

“Missed you Mino hyung.” Taehyun buried his face in Mino’s shoulder, returning the warm hug he missed so much.

“It’s been fuckin’ years kid! I can’t believe this!” Mino pulled back to stare at the grown up man, nostalgia filling him up , last time he  had  seen him was senior high school, they graduated and each one of them parted ways to their own dreams, Taehyun was the only one who pursued his ambitions overseas, he left then and over time each one of them got busy with their own lives, studies, new environments their interactions got less and less over the years and the lack of meetings resulted in their distant relationship. 

“Okay hate to interrupt the moment but can we get in we are fuckin’ beat.” Seungyoon  grumbled and then Mino took notice of the many bags by the door.

“These are too many bags heh?” Mino laughed at them “Duh we are moving in!” Seungyoon tapped his shoulder before handing  him  two of the bags to carry.

“Also some of them are Taehyun ’s .” He added and Mino shot Taehyun a surprised look, “You moving in too?!” he exclaimed and the guy laughed at him while shaking his head, “Not really,” he grabbed his bags to follow the guys in.

“World is too small, met them at the airport.” Mino’s expressions were so funny and the guys joked at him, “This is surreal.” He finally added when he noticed the guys were already in and he was still standing like a stick by the door.

He immediately closed it and followed after.

“Oh.” Mino halted to see the crowd on the ground staring at the boys and vase verse.

Next the girls were up from the sofa and there was a really big group hug and squeals around, Mino eyed fondly how Jennie was tearing up, Chaeyoung trying to hold it in while Lisa was literally clamping over Seung hoo n in a so called tight hug.

“God It’s been so long!” the boys laughed at how emotional were the girls and then they had them pouting at the taunting.

“Y’all meanies you disappear for years and then suddenly you are all here.” Lisa refused to let the tears out but a pinch from Seungyoon and she was covering her face with both hands, she had the guy wrapping her in a warm hug to comfort her and she let it out.

“Erm… hey?” Teahyung’s awkward voice sounded and their attention snapped to the boys now were up, Jimin still asleep put now they laid him on the sofa.

Mino immediately stepped in with a cheerful smile, “These are my childhood friends, more like my whole life friends!” Everyone smiled warmly at the way Mino was presenting them proudly, almost like a child so happy about something he did.

So much for the mature Mino they were getting used to.

“Don’t be surprised but these people are his weakness.” Lisa wiped a tear at the corner of her eyes, forgetting overwhelming emotions at Mino’s forgetting himself and being his old self.

“I like this Mino.” Hanbin chuckled when said guy blushed lightly.

“Shut up guys!” he muttered before going to drop the bags in their room.

Names and introductions were thrown around, Seungyoon was a senior year like them while Seunghoon was a graduate who had a dancing studio he already got the dancers in the group squealing at him and pampering him for his studio.

Taehyun surprisingly was a journalist recently his company transferred him to a Korean department and he was more than willing to take up the offer.

Maybe it was fate bringing him back because who would have thought he was about to meet his high school buddies in some waiting hall at midnight in some airport? Everything was bizarre in a weird way but he figured that was life and their mysteries.

“Okay so now how are we going to sleep with these numbers?” Jennie interrupted the crowd in the living room.

“For now you girls take Hoony and Yoon’s room and fit yourselves with the two bed.” Mino pointed at them “Sofa is already out, guess we will need to purchase another one.” 

Mino went silent for a while trying to figure out how to fit all these grown up men but giving up way too soon after “We will lay some mattresses here and all can fit together.” 

“That’s a mess.” Junhoe added his two cents and Hanbin jabbed him in the waist “We are used to this it’s okay.” Hanbin reassured and true to his words he was used to snuggling with Junhoe so it wasn’t much.

It was around two and a half in the morning when the apartment finally went quiet.

From Jennie and Chaeyoung sharing a bed and Lisa taking the other, Jimin was dead meat still hogging the best space which was the sofa while Hanbin pressed to Junhoe’s side on the floor, somehow moving in his sleep to lay his head over his chest and Junhoe the heavy sleeper just turned around and was spooning the little guy unconsciously.

Beside Hanbin Taehyung was pressing his head to Hanbin’s back, light sores falling off him or maybe that was Seungyoon sprawled to take half the space for his own, his palm over Taehyun’s face but said guy was too out of it and passed out from traveling exhaustion he just let it be there on his face.

Two were missing from their space, Mino grabbed his blanket he was supposed to share with Seunghoon and drabbled it over the boys, tucking them properly before he grabbed a few cans of beer Lisa brought to their sleepover and went to the balcony to join Seunghoon there.

“Night air is chill for this light shirt.” Mino muttered as he dropped on one of the two seats beside the other man.

“You know I was never bothered by the cold.” Seunghoon raised his can in a cheer and Mino cracked a small smile and clicked his can with his as he took a sip before reverting his eyes to stare up at the night sky.

Somehow people turning off their lights to sleep got the stars brighter in the sky and he liked it.

Mino enjoyed the quiet moment, exhaustion seeping through him like electricity except it was more draining than charging “You keep doing it.” Seunghoon broke the silence and Mino hummed distractedly at him.

“Do what?” he tried to take another sip but can was already empty, he shook it to make sure nothing left, yeah it was definitely empty “Attracting people, even after what? Twenty years?” Seunghoon said as he turned his face barely to send Mino a silly look that Mino didn’t need to see to crack one in return.

“I need serious help, I can’t say no… can’t… get away from people.” Mino drawled the words out lazily “That’s addiction, get some therapy before we open some kind of stray shelter in our apartment.” 

“C’mon Hoon admit they are cute how can I tell them off.” Mino turned around to look at him and the guy burst with laughter “Well if you put it like that, then yeah, they are kids.”

“But that’s not the reason you have them around and both of us know that so well.” Mino remained quiet, eyes returned to the sky as he hummed to acknowledge he was listening.

“You still can’t cope well with loneliness.”

\------

Hanbin felt out of air, he couldn’t breathe, he felt so deep in he was close to suffocation, he struggled to move but couldn’t as if chains restricted him and he was crushing, as if a weight was pressing his ribs in—

Junhoe received a big smack to his face as a wake up and then he was shoved away by Hanbin to the side “Fucker I almost died from your heavy weight.” Hanbin was up now and struggling to breathe, along their sleep it seemed Junhoe had spread over him and his weight was too much, not like Junhoe gave two shits, said guy pulled the blanket, wrapped himself like a burrito and turned away to resume his sleep like his cheek wasn’t getting red from Hanbin’s earlier smack.

Hanbin sighed as a helpless yawn fell off his mouth, rubbing his eyes he turned around to see Taehyung still asleep and the other two guys beside him, he grabbed the blanket that slipped down to tuck him better before he got up, somehow Mino was sleeping in Jimin’s place on the sofa and said guy was nowhere, oh that was Seunghoon cuddling Seungyoon, he almost didn’t see the guy from the tangled mess.

Hanbin tiptoed over the bodies spread on the floor, almost stomping feet but made it barely with no accidents, he eyed the clock and it was already ten in the morning, they sure overslept because of yesterday’s disarray.

Through it was pleasant, Hanbin smiled at yesterday’s memories, everything was so foreign and bizarre but he liked it, the way all these people around him, talking to each other, conversing and having fun without a single fuck about the fact they were essentially strangers.

They were so accepting and free, no judgments no regards to their faults and errors. 

It was a fresh air he didn’t know he needed that much.

Hanbin’s stomach grumbled, he was hungry and Mino’s fridge was poor as fuck he let a beat sigh, they need serious grocery shopping.

As if on cue the front door opened and both Jimin and Lisa stepped through, both in their sweats and pajamas and carrying multiple bags.

They tiptoed silently to the kitchen, passing the sleepy men while hushing each other not to make any noise.

Lisa almost yelped when she took notice of Hanbin by the fridge, “Good morning.” He smiled at them and Lisa let out a relieved sigh “Mornin’ Binnie.” Jimin beamed at him before settling the bags over the counter.

“What are these?” Hanbin eyed them as both started to arrange the stuff in, “Felt bad for Mino hyung so I took a trip to the supermarket I work at to bring some groceries for breakfast.” Jimin smiled fondly as he handed stuff to Lisa and she put them in their respectful places in the fridge and cabinets.

“Lisa was awake and tagged along.”

“Aww Jimin you are so thoughtful.” Hanbin coed at him and the guy blushed bashfully “Don’t mention it.”

“Aww Jiminie can’t take a compliment aww.” Lisa teased him as she pinched his cheeks and he tried to free from her desperately making Hanbin laugh at them.

At their noise there was Taehyung awake, he strode to them sleepily, hair a total nest and Lisa was the first to burst out in laughter at him and Jimin looked at him fondly.

Taehyung was almost half sleep walking, he ignored them and made a beeline to stand and peer behind Jimin’s shoulder to see what he bought, “Oh that’s my fave morning juice.” He mumbled groggily with his morning scrapped voice before he rested is head on Jimin’s shoulder, almost resuming his sleep there with his cheek pressed over.

“Hey go wash up, it will be a whole line over the bathroom soon.” Jimin nudged his head with his own, both Lisa and Hanbin looking them warmly that the girl didn’t even feel like taunting them for once.

“Hmm… ‘m sleepy…” the words were barely heard and now Taehyung was circling Jimin’s waist the guy blushed at the display in front of his friends, he turned to eye them but both Hanbin and Lisa pretended to busy themselves with whatever, Lisa wittily whistling and Hanbin sending her a silly look sideways.

“C’mon Tae let’s get you to the bathroom.” Jimin didn’t need to drag the guy because he was clinging to him like a sticker, he just walked toward the bathroom and Taehyung followed after.

Before he opened the door Jennie stepped out, freshly washed face and tied hair.

“Mornin’ guys.” She greeted and Taehyung mumbled a sluggish morning back before finally letting Jimin loose and moved in to wash up.

Jimin remained by the door trying to get his best friend a little bit more awake.

After washing up, Jimin frowned at Taehyung’s mess of a hair, he had a clip on his own, he took it off and pulled Taehyung’s bangs back before putting the clip, he beamed after “Now you are good.” Taehyung was staring at him silently with unreadable expressions, Jimin tilted his head sideways “What?” he smiled widely and Taehyung turned his face without a word.

“Erm guys? Are you done?” Junhoe was by the door holding his crotch “I’m desperate for a pee if possible.” He groaned and the boys cracked at him, “Sorry man go ahead.” Jimin patted his shoulder before going out and Taehyung followed after.

Junhoe was in so much hurry he didn’t lock the door, well he didn’t expect for someone to stump in without a knock not to mention Chaeyoung striding in sleepily yawning and rubbing her eyes, she was about to reach her hand back to close the door when her eyes landed on the guy taking a shit with his pants all the way down.

There was a quiet pause before Chaeyoung let out the loudest squeak while covering her face, “Oh god oh god I d-didn’t see anything!” she fumbled as she turned to face the wall almost curling on herself, why didn’t she get out? Blame her short-circuiting brain cells she literally felt like smock was blowing out of her head.

“Uh- Ughh.” Junhoe wasn’t in anyway much better he kept tripping over his words, his ears felt so hot, said hotness was reaching down his neck and that was so fucking embarrassing.

Why wasn’t she getting out? Why wasn’t he telling her to get out? Fuck this.

As to make the situation more humiliating and awkward Mino came in busting through the slightly opened door “Chaeyoung what happened?!” he must have heard her loud shrill.

What Mino didn’t expect was to find Chaeyoung facing the corner of the wall while grapping her hair to hide all of her face, her ears were so fucking red also Junhoe taking a shit still and also looking like his soul went out to take a walk somewhere.

“Oh…” God that was so fucking embarrassing! On top of everything they had Mino trying his best not to burst out in laugher, “Oh god you both are hopeless.” Mino finally decided to spare the pair a little and grabbed a frozen Chaeyoung by the shoulder and led her out not before taunting Junhoe by the door “Lock the door next time you take a shit man.” Junhoe heard the teasing before the door closed and he wanted to die at the spot, what a fucking beautiful morning.

By the time everyone was awake, Seunghoon took Seungyoon with him for a bath after everyone took a turn at it, they heard a curse shortly after “You fuckers the water is so fucking cold!”

The boys chuckled at them, some were sipping tea and some discussing who will make them breakfast, the girls Jennie and Chaeyoung along Taehyun were in the living room tidying everything up and making the place a little presentable that’s when a knock on the front door was heard.

“I will get it!” Hanbin jumped out to welcome their friends, he received a message from Donghyuk a while ago telling him he would be there with Yunhyeong later and true to that he was welcomed by a bear hug from his friend.

“You are fuckin’ glowing.” Hanbin grabbed his shoulder and pulled back to eye him, “Must been a good fuck.” Hanbin eyed Yunhyeong teasingly over Donghyuk’s shoulder and said man cracked a proud smile “Definitely.”

Hanbin eyed the marks covering Yunhyeong’s neck, it was kind of a surprise how Yunhyeong wasn’t bothered by them at all, wearing a low-cut shirt to present them like that proudly.

Talking about good fuck “You can’t even walk properly for shit.” Came Junhoe’s taunting comment but Donghyuk was too smug to feel shy about it “You can only wish to have such a fuck.” That got the whole place bursting with laughter.

“Guess what?” Donghyuk beamed at them and they kept silent in anticipation “Special treatment from chief Yun!” he pointed to all the bags they were carrying, Donghyuk moved to settle them out of the kitchen island and the smell pulled everyone in.

“Well, didn’t expect these numbers so I don’t think it will be enough to feed everyone.” Yunhyeong scratched his neck at the crowd around the food, the two guys walking out the bathroom didn’t help at all.

“Don’t worry, I bought stuff this morning to cook breakfast.” Jimin sent him a reassuring smile “Well then let me see what I can make you with them.” Mino immediately turned around to look at him “You don’t have to bother with it really, we will do it.” Yunhyeong shook his head at them.

“I love it best when others get to enjoy my food.” He winked and the man recoiled, “But I need order, I can’t work with this crowd,” Yunhyeong clapped his hands for attention “Everyone grabs a plate and go to the living room so I can make y’all a round two.” The kids beamed at him, Junhoe taking the moment of distraction to sneak some from Hanbin’s plate and fleeted to the living room before the guy could protest, “Firsts get the sofa!” he shouted and then there was mess and Junhoe, Taehyung, Lisa hogging the sofa, Hanbin sat on the arm rest, throwing his legs over Junhoe’s lap, said man tried to shrug it off but Hanbin was deadpanned he stuck it between Junhoe’s legs and under his thigh.

“Wasn’t enough you clung to me the whole night?” Junhoe scowled at him, “You were the bitch who clung to me I almost died from suffocation.”

“Ungrateful jackass.” Junhoe spat back before he looked down to see a Donghyuk by his feet, more like leaning back on the sofa between his knees “Are you guys for real?” he kicked Donghyuk and said guy groaned in pain before returning the gesture with a pinch “I’m freshly fucked treat me gently please.” That owned him another kick and Hanbin added ‘Much deserved’ to it.

The smell of Yunhyeong’s cooking was amazing, mouthwatering even, the hyung line were by the kitchen island on the barstools, casual conversations going around about their jobs life and other stuff.

Yunhyeong got to know them, Seunghoon, Taehyun and Mino were his company but then there were the kids roaming around the delicious aroma.

“I want~” Jennie whined the words, couldn’t anymore with her stomach grumbling madly, “Don’t tell them though.” Yunhyeong put a finger to his lips as he beamed at her before he sneaked her few pieces of pancakes in her empty plate which she was holding it in front of her. 

Her eyes widened in delight and that was enough to make Yunhyeong happy, he petted her head and she walked off, literally skipping steps as she went.

That definitely caused controversy and next he had a demanding crowd of kids around him, the hyungs at the table cracking at the mess it was so chaotic.

Made them remember their college days where they dealt with packed dormitory of grown up men smoking weed and drinking over silly games and random jokes.

It was fresh seeing the mess around, tiring too but they welcomed it.

By noon Taehyun was the first to pull off, said he had to see the house he purchased and settle his stuff, Yunhyeong had to go for work so he offered to drive him along the way.

Chaeyoung’s mom called and she freaked out, if her mom knew she spent the night with ten men she would freak out, Mino noticed her and he yelled for everyone to be quiet “Yes mom… I’m at Jennie’s… I will be back in a while… yeah yeah, won’t be late mom.” She closed the phone and turned around to meet the crowd’s attention at her staring in silence “Unfreeze now.” Like a spell everything returned to its original rowdiness.

Mino waited for Chaeyoung to change and retrieve her stuff before he took his car keys to drive her home “Be back in 30 minutes, stay safe kids.” Mino entrusted the apartment to Seunghoon and said man raised his cup of tea as a cheers with a nod from where he sat on the barstool, Chaeyoung waved her hand that wasn’t holding the books up with goodbyes, everyone waved back at her and she was out before Mino closed the door after them.

Taehyung and Jimin were next to abort the day, they had a work shift in four hours and they had to go get a change, said their goodbyes with apologies of the intrusion but Seunghoon just waved them off told them to knock it off with sorries and they were welcome to bust through their doors anytime.

“Who is next.” Donghyuk joked out loud “Us probably.” Hanbin smacked him on the back of his head, “We better head out too, I need to get some studies done.” Hanbin was up on his feet.

“Well that means we are going too.” Jennie said “You can stay you know that.” Seungyoon told her but she shook her head “Will be back tomorrow maybe, I still need to get some weekend cleaning done.”

“If you say so then.” He shrugged and next, the apartment was left to both men Seunghoon and Seungyoon.

“So?” Seungyoon walked up to Seunghoon, stood between his knees and said guy circled his arms loosely around his waist, tugging him slightly to lean his weight on him. 

“Hmm so, what?” Seunghoon hummed as he nuzzled his face in the neck of the man in his arms. 

“Mino hyung seems happy to me, we worried for nothing.” 

“Yeah I’m relieved…” Seunghoon whispered as if the words weighted tons on his shoulders, some of the tension was off with the long slim fingers carding through his hair and he tightened his hold to press the guy more against him. 

“We gotta thank Jennie and Lisa though, for finding us this place.” Seungyoon joked lightly to lift up the mood a little, “I guess we should buy her a big bag of snacks.” Seungyoon laughed at the comment before he pulled back slightly to meet eyes with the man in front of him, looking softly through the tired eyes he leaned to peck him lightly on the lips. 

“I guess this is the best place to make sure he will be safe.”

“Definitely, I mean, who would have time to think about anything amidst this mess.”

“I like them.”

“Be friends with them then, you have to go to college next week.”

“Ughh way to remind me of this shit.”

“They will make it fun.”

\------ 

The rest of the weekend passed in a boring way compared to Friday’s night, Hanbin didn’t do anything except studying and catching up to his lectures, having missed a lot while indulging in the crowd and issues around him; he locked himself in his room the next two days, only the occasional Donghyuk checking up on him every now and then interrupted him.

He would bring him snacks, cover him if he passed out on the desk unconsciously, Junhoe would barge in to wake him up later with his loudass mouth. 

At some point he had a Donghyuk roaming his room while humming a light tone, collecting his dirty clothes silently and making sure to not interrupt Hanbin’s study sessions to wash them with his, Hanbin turned around when he left to see he had even tidied his bed and notes that were scattered on the ground. 

He was really grateful, he had the best friends in the world and he didn’t know what he would do without them. 

By late after midnight he had Junhoe invading the room with a cup of coffee “Staying late?”

“Almost done.” Hanbin rubbed at his eyes before taking a sip from the coffee, Junhoe making it just the way he liked it and Hanbin made sure to reward the guy with a big fat smile. 

“Donghyuk prepared you an outfit for tomorrow since you will probably wake up late.” Hanbin literally cued at that “I should express how much I love him more.”

“Yeah to me too.” Junhoe rolled his eyes as he stood up from where he sat on the bed “Sleep, and not on the desk, make use of the bed.” Junhoe scolded lightly with a hair ruffle and Hanbin nuzzled to the big palm like a kitty. 

“Yeah daddy.”

“Oh pls I cringed.” Junhoe gagged as he made a line for the door. 

“‘Night June.” 

“Night Bin.”

.

.

It was Monday, Monday meant Bobby’s lecture, Hanbin was apprehensive about talking to the said teacher but he didn’t have any other way to go with it.

Just straight forward go talk to him Hanbin, man up.

Hanbin was restless in his seat, when Junhoe arrived he eyed him wearily, “You decided this shit now be a little confident.” Junhoe said irritated, he still hated Kim Jiwon, he wasn’t about to act pink and yellows about him just because Hanbin decided he needed his help.

“I know Junhoe, it is just y’know embarrassing and I might make myself a joke in front of him?” Hanbin fumbled with a paper he had sticking out of his notebooks while eyeing Junhoe for answers.

Junhoe sighed, his friend was hopeless, “Look, you have the upper hand here, he is the one pinning over you so act as confident as you can muster.”

He is the one pinning over me.

He wants me, not me wanting him.

Hanbin blushed and looked down and Junhoe fought the urge to facepalm so hard.

“Hopeless so fucking hopeless and whipped.” Hanbin tried to scowl at him but it turned out to be a timid flushed frown.

“Just make sure you don’t dip too deep so you can pull out whenever you solve your issues.” Junhoe said and Hanbin was reminded again he shouldn’t give Bobby any chance to step lines or have any kind of inappropriate relationship.

Then Bobby entered the class as always clad in his casual clothes this time a navy-blue light knitted shirt that buried his palms to the tips of his fingers with a black faded jeans and sneakers matching the colour of the shirt.

He didn’t realize he was staring until he met the man’s eyes and he found them locked at him, he tilted his head a little before he returned to the class and Hanbin didn’t want to dwell on the way his heart jumped at the slight attention.

Hanbin didn’t even notice his best friend beside him being off, unusually silent and taking notes alone.

Rosé was sitting beside Junhoe from the other side and she noticed the overly quiet boy, she was used to his silly stuff and him annoying her throughout the lecture so when Junhoe’s pen didn’t interrupt her notes for a solid hour she frowned and nudged him lightly with her finger.

He turned to look down at her and she her frown deepened at the tired look on his face, “You okay…?” she said feebly with her usual quiet voice and Junhoe leaned his head to the side “Maybe not?” he didn’t even bother making his smile a little less fake.

“Bring back your annoying smile.” She reached with her pen to tug at his lips and Junhoe cracked slightly at her attempt.

“Aren’t you always annoyed with my loud mouth and laugh? Make use of my silence.” He flicked her cheek and she scrunched her eyebrows with a pout.

“I don’t like it, sulky Junhoe is a big no.” she grabbed her heart-dotted pink pen to take notes, sticking her face so close to the papers to hide behind her falling cherry blonde coloured hair.

“Okay okay look at me I’m smiling see?” Junhoe tucked her hair behind her ear with his long fingers softly and she peered up at him, he was smiling at her warmly, not his usual frank one but at least a real one.

Her heart skipped a beat and she immediately averted her eyes, “Still not the same, dun like it!” she was flustered and Junhoe this time laughed for real at her, “Adorable.” He gave her head a small pat before he returned to his notes.

After a moment of silence Junhoe spoke again “I will be fine, I just need time to adjust myself.”

“I’m here if you need me.” She eyed him but he didn’t look off his notes, “I know Rosé.”

The lecture went on for another one hour and everyone was having a brain freeze at the complicated equations Bobby was writing, “C’mon kids there is still another half hour.” Hanbin saw how Bobby used his notes in hands to tap some sleepy head with a bunny smile.

“Mr Kim Jiwon please spare us our brain cells~” Some girl whined from her seat and he had the nerves to cheekily refuse with a shake of his head, his fluffy hair following the movement.

“Pretty please?” her friend tried at least “Pretty nope?” he was so annoying but adorable at the same time?? Like if he was another teacher Hanbin bet the students would be cursing him by now but he was a tease and endearing one just couldn’t get mad at that happy face.

“Are y’all really that tired? We haven’t solved only two examples.” Bobby tapped his lips as he contemplated letting them free or hold them for another hour.

“You know sir even if you solve us another one none of us are focused enough to understand it.” Some guy made a point and Bobby hummed, “Okay but you have a quiz the next lecture tomorrow.” 

“No sir!” the hall was filled with whines and complaints but Bobby only shrugged, “Can’t let y’all loose that much, you will take advantage of my kindness.” Bobby sent them a look and everyone sulked down.

“Okay now everyone lecture is over go grab some sleep and study hard.” Bobby clapped his hands to snap them from their awful mood, “C’mon guys, it's just a quiz, what are y’all gonna do with midterms and finals?” he rested his elbows on the podium before laying his chin on his hand while eyeing the students grumble about it.

“Too early to remind us of them Sir.” Some girl said while passing him to the door, “Bye Ebba.” Bobby waved at her as he watched everyone fill out the hall.

And then there was Hanbin left on the seats alone.

“I assume you want me?” Bobby tilted his head from where it rested on his hand with a bright smile and Hanbin braced himself for what was about to come.

Confidence Hanbin confidence.

He walked down the steps before leaning on a front desk ahead of Bobby who was looking down at him from where he was standing on the stage.

“Actually yeah, I have a few things I wanna talk about.” Hanbin was content with his stable voice.

“Yeah sure, go ahead I’m listening.” Bobby eyed him down and Hanbin racked his brain where to start.

“I’m confused, look I don’t know how to put it out but you said you understand and can help me.” Hanbin met his eyes but couldn’t understand the looks in them.

“Hmm… yeah?” Bobby hummed the words dazedly and Hanbin wanted to smack that laid back lazy look off his face.

“But like with no relationship, just you helping me.” Hanbin wasn’t sure of how the request came out even, he cursed himself for not wording it better.

“Heh? And here I thought you will be my boyfriend.” Bobby pouted and Hanbin heart skipped at the boyfriend word, nope he didn’t just say that.

Bobby stepped from behind the podium to sit on the floor by the edge of the stage, feet dangled in the air and now they were closer with their eyes levelled when Bobby looked him deep in his.

“You don’t even love me what boyfriends?” Hanbin squinted his eyes at him, “Who said so?” Bobby beamed at him “You didn’t ask me if I do?” Hanbin wanted to strangle the guy for taunting him like that, he was sure he was blushing by now, he was glad he had his hands behind his back because he kept fiddling with them nervously.

“I don’t need to ask to know, love doesn’t come that easily unless it is fake.” Hanbin said with all seriousness, “Can’t argue that but I do like you a lot, I’m interested y’know let me know you better.” Bobby said the words casually but at the same time he didn’t seem like he was lying and Hanbin was confused why he was trying that hard with him, he wasn’t that interesting to go that far for.

He was just a simple boring student with the most boring life and personality, oh and with a lot of mental and family issues which were more trouble than what he was worth.

And he was a nerd, who would be interested in a nerd?

“Yeah know me better but without any relationship.” Hanbin turned his face to the side to avoid the stupid grin.

“You are asking a favour give one in return, it is called courtesy.” Bobby said and Hanbin turned to look at him again “Yeah we can be friends if you want.” 

“Nope, definitely not.” Bobby immediately declined, “I’m not about to be friend-zoned by you.” That one made Hanbin laugh for a minute, he didn’t even notice the way Bobby’s smile widening at the sound while watching him intently.

“Okay we can be acquaintance.” Hanbin whipped a tear at the corner of his eyes after he calmed down, “If that makes it better than friend-zoned.” Hanbin stressed the last words to annoy Bobby, fighting the laugh trying to bubble back up.

“Much better,  _ acquaintance _ .” Bobby said sarcastically and raised his pierced brow at him, Hanbin tried to stifle his laugh but ended up slipping it a little later “C’mon you find this funny? alright?”

“Yeah better than boyfriends.” Hanbin was surprised he was actually having a normal conversation with the guy without panicking or getting all flustered, but it was the way how ridiculous the talk was heading made it light and acceptable.

As long as Bobby didn’t come close or do anything inappropriate he was fine.

“Okay  _ acquaintances _ but I get to call you my baby for a change.” Hanbin didn’t see that one coming he choked out, he immediately felt heat rush his neck and up his checks, “Don’t blush I swear to god I’m gonna jump down and kiss those cheeks.” That didn’t make it any better and Hanbin turned his back to him to hide his flustered self, he pointed a finger back at Bobby without turning “Don’t you dare come down!” he used his other hand to cover his hot really hot face.

“I will fuckin’ run away!” Hanbin shouted embarrassingly, “Okay, if you don’t want me to do that stop being like this and turn around.” 

“Stop just stop talking!” Hanbin’s heart was beating so loud, god he couldn’t handle praises and complements and put that out of Bobby’s mouth and Hanbin was all the way gone.

“You know if you insist on acting this way I’m coming your way.” Bobby was talking seriously, he could feel it, “Turn around.” Okay the dominative tone in Bobby’s voice didn’t help at all but the last thing Hanbin wanted at that moment for Bobby to step down and come close to him.

“O-Okay just give me a minute.” Hanbin fumbled with the words while trying to calm down a little.

“Should I count down?” he was sure Bobby was having fun treating him like that, “No.” Hanbin turned around and saw Bobby down and standing by the stage, the look on his face was hunting it got shivers down his spine.

“You said you won’t step down!” Hanbin didn’t realize he was gripping his shirt where his heart lay beating loud but Bobby’s eyes flickered to it before it returned to his eyes.

“You want me to help you as an acquaintance without touching you?” Bobby’s voice was half breathless half filled with ridicule “You really thought that was possible?” Bobby said and Hanbin noticed how hard Bobby was trying to not step any closer, he even noticed Bobby’s hand on the edge of the stage, he was gripping it so hard.

“Yeah, definitely you and I both can keep it professional.” Hanbin’s voice didn’t even convince him how about Bobby, “Ha! As if, who told you I can?” Bobby turned around to walk back the stage.

“Okay listen, I will help you, friend, colleague, acquaintance or whatever but I’m not giving you any promises.” Bobby grabbed his stuff a little bit messily unlike each time he would arrange them one by one.

“I’m trying hard right now not to touch you because you told me not to, but I honestly don’t trust myself and so you shouldn’t either.” Hanbin stared at him, kind of surprised by how worked up Bobby was and how he was trying to run away.

“It is your choice to accept it or leave it but expect anything from me.” The way Bobby was being honest with him, telling him miles away what was coming his way, he was warning him from his own self, he wasn’t even trying to take advantage of the situation.

Hanbin knew so well that Bobby if he wanted he would have touched him by now but he didn’t and that made his heart swell a little.

He liked Bobby respecting and listening to his words and wishes, people rarely did that.

He even respected his choice when he told him not to touch him, he was literally fleeting the hall because he was slipping control.

No Hanbin, don’t dwell on the thoughts, you decided something go all the way with it.

You promised June.

“I will stop you by then.” Hanbin breathed the words much more calmly unlike his inner self chaos.

“I wanna believe that.” Bobby was holding his files while he walked down the stairs to leave.

“Believe me.”

_ “I don’t.” _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy, now can I rant a little??
> 
> *This chapter was a total ass to write you won’t believe how hard was it to put it out in right words and give justice to every relationship friendship moment and encounters also emotions and surroundings, basically why I struggled with it for three weeks now because I had the idea of sleepovers before I even started this and I wanted it out in a semi perfect way  
Hopefully it’s okay now I guess  
**Taehyun was added as a cameo for a sweetie in the comments who wanted him hehe <33 told you I can make some miracles happen ;)  
***Next chapter is 7k of doubleB lmao be ready cs angst starts next chap hehe muahh  
**** Always welcoming your kudos and sweet comments also criticism :3  
*****Also sneak into my Twitter account @RRediKON for spoilers and snippets


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —Good decisions, bad decisions, what did matter anyway?  
Fate was playing us like a stupid game from the very beginning

Hanbin was laying in his bed late at night, he had a long study session for tomorrow’s quiz yet he still couldn’t get any glimpse of sleep, fuck his head was swarmed with numbers and signs he cursed Bobby out loud for it.

He kept rolling and rolling in his bed, his mind just won’t log off.

Swimming away from calculus his mind decided thinking about worse matters was a much better option which was his said teacher and their latest encounter.

He was still conflicted about Bobby’s offer, should he accept should he not? How many times had he asked himself that by now? It was getting ridiculous the amount of loose decisions-making he was having, he no longer knew what was good what was not, what to do what not, most his actions were becoming bizarre and out of impulse, either getting himself weak and flustered or fucking it up with semi panicking which also resulted to poor actions and words.

At least he didn’t panic yet in front of Bobby, like hell he would want Bobby to see him at his worst, man would sprint and runaway for it. 

Bobby made it obvious he wouldn’t keep his hands to himself, Hanbin was also aware of his weak resistance to the man, would it be okay to be touched by him?

He bet if Bobby persuaded him in a good way he would cave in fast but that meant much trouble.

He couldn’t indulge in a relationship, he couldn’t love, _he shouldn’t love _.

He promised June.

But that wasn’t the main reason.

It was _why _he promised June in the first place.

Hanbin stared at the ceiling blindly.

His mom would definitely fuck everything up and he was sure of that, she might be away for now and secure because he was out of trouble for two years now, but… but if by any chance she knew Hanbin was fucking around with his teacher...

Hanbin shuddered, hand went out instantly to lay over his cheek softly, as if a reminder of that scalding slap over his face happened yesterday.

Stinging throbbing hot with sharp acrylic nails digging over wet cheeks, blood mixing with his salty tears but that didn’t come close to the humiliation that followed, the fright, the drag down oh and the degrading words.

Nah.

Too much trouble, too much pain, too much truth he wasn’t ready to hear from anyone.

From his mom.

_From Bobby. _

Bobby was dangerous.

If Bobby repeated any of the words he heard from his ex, even the slightest ones Hanbin didn’t know if he could handle the bare minimum of them.

No, just the thoughts of going through everything all over again sickened him, chilled him to the bones.

The echo of Bobby’s deep raspy voice roared horrifyingly in his head, as if taking place of his ex in the rotten memories he had planted inside the walls of his skull.

He imagined it with a gasp, why would you fucking imagine that Hanbin? Fuck you for this, you aren’t ready for this don’t fucking imagine it! 

But he needed a taste of what he was about to commit to.

Hanbin needed to snap out of the thoughts, too much, way too much for late pillow thoughts so he grabbed his phone to scroll through his accounts maybe that would take his mind off things.

Big really very big mistake, he saw Bobby’s account again in the suggestions.

Oh how he was tempted to look at the photos again, he couldn’t focus on them that time with the boys hovering over his shoulders.

So he opened them, one picture of Bobby being his chaotic party self, the low cut shirt, the chest and long neck. 

He was reminded of that night when he kissed said neck and those lips, he stared so long at them, he wanted to taste them again he already started to forget the real feel of them.

Hanbin dropped the phone on the mattress, screen lights illuminated the dark room lightly.

In contrast to his prior thoughts his mind settled on more distracting stuff to take his mind off everything.

Distracting stuff came in the imaginaries of a fuck night with his teacher.

What would it be like to be fucked by Bobby sober? How would he fuck him this time if they got a chance though?

He bet it would be a rough sex since Bobby was that pent up on having him, the thoughts made him shudder with pleasure, the idea of Bobby losing control and pound into him senseless.

He was so sexually frustrated and very much deprived for a grown up healthy man.

His thoughts hovered mercilessly over much more details like the way he would be bruised all over, he would have bite marks and teeth sunk into his skin, and those soft lips would devour him ruthlessly.

He wanted to lay like this on the bed doing nothing just to enjoy Bobby doing whatever he wanted with his body.

He wanted to be showered with that much pleasure, he wanted to be wrecked again, would Bobby treat him to the same affection and sweetness he did that night again?

Would he go easy on him or would he dominate him and make him beg to be fucked.

Oh god he wanted to beg to be fucked and the thought made him groan lowly, a hand went out to lay over his eyes. 

Having his eyes closed made his fantasies more real, Bobby would hover above him, strip him naked, press him to the bed with his heaver body and overwhelming scent, lay his big hands over every exposed skin.

Hanbin squirmed under the sheets, he started to feel uncomfortable over the thoughts.

No he shouldn’t be thinking of his teacher that way, inappropriate, _unacceptable _.

His hot teacher.

He wanted to be fucked while calling him out by _Mr Kim Jiwon _.

Fuck.

Hanbin groaned as he flipped to his side, he curled over himself in a fetus position, one of his hands pressing between his legs and he felt embarrassed he was actually blushing at the mere idea of his teacher fucking him turned him that much on.

God he was so done for.

He used his hands to tug his sweats down before his fingers touched himself and he buried his face in the pillow, face too hot, body too hot his breath was catching in his throat in small audible pants.

He was lukewarm, his heart drumming, so swamped he didn’t know why jerking himself off was getting him that bothered and wounded.

_Maybe because you are jerking off to the images of your fucking teacher _a voice in his head mocked him and he whined lowly.

He held the pillow to his heaving chest while his other hand rubbed his shaft slowly, up and down and he was dripping hard, he muffled his low moans in the fluffy pillow.

What if Bobby was right behind him, pressed against him so tight, his masculine scent, his labored breath over his sensitive skin, his lips assaulting his neck and his hands, his hands flat over his heaving chest, over his drumming heart and the other touching him, yeah touching him where he wanted the most.

His mind just wouldn’t stop.

The pressure in his stomach was too much but he wanted it his toes curled, he ran his fingers up and down agonizingly slow but it felt so good, _you are so good for me baby. _

He shivered madly it felt so real he actually let a loud moan slip his mouth.

He was close, he was so close his breaths were coming out unevenly as he ran his thumb mercilessly over the head, fingers slipping with the precum, painful rubs but he kept at it because he so desperately wanted to come.

“B-Bobby… ahhh… _Babbii _…” at that point he didn’t know what was slipping his mouth he just rubbed himself roughly, “I wanna c-come ahh ahhh…” Hanbin threw his head back on the pillow, his hair messily splayed around, he wished his exposed neck would be kissed so badly, sucked and bruised.

He was hot, sweat already gathered at his forehead, trembling and moaning lewdly.

Just a little… just a little more… “S-So close… Babbii… ahh… ahhh-!” Hanbin arched his back as he thrust rapidly into his tight fist now damp with cum spilled within it.

He trembled madly over his sheets, his eyes unfocused as he tried to gain his breathe back.

_Bobby… _

_His heart wouldn’t calm down _, he pressed more into the bed, he was so embarrassed by himself, what was he doing? Such a weak resolve without thinking he let himself escalate that quickly he was beating while calling out Bobby’s name shamelessly.

God how was he about to resist him when he was so pathetic, so powerless and stranded.

He needed to get up and clean himself but he was so tired, he sighed wearily and reached for some tissues by the nightstand, he did a poor job at wiping himself but he decided that would do for now.

He laid on his back contemplating everything, returning exactly to his first issue, his loose decisions.

But that’s when his phone ticked a notification.

It was one of his social media accounts.

The moment his eyes laid on the notification he dropped the phone on his face before he shot up instantly, eyes wide shocked and heart thumping frantically under his ribs, he didn’t even bother his nose that was hurting like hell from the phone smack, his hands shakily held the phone, his hands shook for real and he couldn’t believe his eyes _what the fuck _.

A new message from fucking Bobby himself.

Oh god what sorcery was this Hanbin was freaking out.

That couldn’t be possible unless… unless he pressed like by mistake.

Oh god he didn’t just…

Yes he did.

Hanbin smacked his head more roughly than intended he cursed himself for it.

It was a fairly old photo too, so humiliating dammit Hanbin felt his cheeks warm and at an alarming rate.

What should he do?

_‘Hey stalker ;)’ _

Oh god this was tormenting!! Hanbin threw the phone away and pressed his face in the pillow, he yelled. Yeah he actually muffled a loud yell in the pillow before he picked the phone up again shakily.

Oh god just few minutes ago he was jerking to the thoughts of his teacher and now he was having said teacher messaging him at… Hanbin eyed the hour and it was close to two in the morning holly shit what was Bobby doing awake at such an hour.

‘#No_Dms’ Hanbin simply replied the hashtag Bobby had in his bio.

He waited impatiently for the reply and the arrow immediately turned blue which meant Bobby was online and read it.

Hanbin instantly got out the chat.

Now he wasn’t about to give him blue arrows that fast.

_‘Unless im the one Dm-ing then issa ok’ _

_So fucking cocky damn him _Hanbin scowled at his screen before typing a reply back instantly.

‘Ur head 's so big.’

‘Imagine such big head pinning ovr yo’

Okay that made Hanbin blush he had to let his phone down for a couple seconds to cover his warm face with both hands.

He was a living emoji for real.

‘Now stop stalkin ma account n go sleep u have classes early tmrw and a quiz.’ 

Oh, that was actually so… considerate and thoughtful of him…? 

‘None of ur business and im not stalkin u’

‘Bet! Make sure u dun put likes ovr 8 months old pics.’

Stupid Hanbin dumb dumb Hanbin, Junhoe has every right to call you dumb you better not complain when he does it again.

‘Im goin to sleep bye’ 

‘Dun overthink it n sleep well Hanbinnie :*’

What was the need for the nickname, the kissing emoji too Hanbin huffed and threw the phone without replying.

He dug himself the best hole he could, well done _Hanbinnie _he mocked himself.

Would anything even go his way??

Hanbin flopped back onto the bed, he stared at the ceiling, he didn’t know what to think about, first he was confused with his teacher, second he was having perverted fantasies over him and now he got himself busted for stalking said teacher’s account.

He was a sucker in all meanings of the word.

He woke up to the sound of Junhoe flipping his door open in the most none gentle way possible and he groaned back in response, “Fuck Junhoe what was the need for that…” He grumbled as he pressed more under the covers.

“Well I had to wake a Donghyuk and Hanbin both today so excuse me you both losers will be late for classes.” Junhoe spat and Hanbin bolted off the bed and looked at the clock, hollyyyyshhiiit it was almost eight!

“Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?!” Hanbin freaked out as he passed Junhoe to the bathroom, “Thought you already awake.” Junhoe said indifferently only to receive loud curses from the other side of the bathroom’s door.

He barely made it to his classes with his friends, more like everyone tagging along the ride to college.

They ruined the peace of the bus per usual before they exited out and each group made their way to their own lectures in hurry.

First lecture went by fast with Hanbin fighting himself not to nod off and slump down on the desk, yawning each now and then.

By the time their teacher was done with them Hanbin was dragging himself off barely to the cafeteria to get some coffee and breakfast.

He sent a message to Junhoe and Dongi to see if they were coming and Donghyuk said he had classes which meant no Lisa Jimin or Taehyung coming as well, he didn’t have Seungyoon’s number so he didn’t know he could tag along or not.

Junhoe said he would be there in ten minutes because Jennie saw him on her way and dragged him to buy some snacks from some nearby shop in the campus.

Hanbin nodded off while he waited for his friends but snapped awake when Junhoe pranked him and blew in his ear loud.

“Dammit June can you knock it off for today!” Hanbin whined as he rubbed his buzzing ear.

“Someone gotta snap you off from your slumber you know.” Junhoe smirked before he flopped down with Jennie, “Why so sleepy today, did you pull an all-nighter?”

There was a pause before Hanbin stuttered a yes, they eyed him suspiciously and he wanted to disappear, at least he fought the blush trying to creep up his cheeks. 

“Gonna go grab some coffee anyone needs anything?” Hanbin got up and both declined and he went to buy some.

“What do you think he is hiding?” Jennie sipped her drink through the straw, it was funny the detective vibes in her voice.

“Who knows, he will come around it when he feels like it.” Junhoe shrugged, sneaking his hand to steal from Jennies snacks but she slapped it with a side look.

“Ungrateful girl.” Junhoe stood up, “Where are you going?” Jennie looked up at him and he gathered his papers and notebooks on the table.

“Checking on some nerd who probably hasn’t noticed it is break time already.” He said it nonchalantly but Jennie snickered to herself, she grabbed her bag and threw him two bars of granolas. “This will do for both of you.” She grinned and Junhoe shook his head.

“Will never figure you out.” A helpless smile broke on his lips before he waved and left.

Two minutes later Hanbin was back.

“Where did June go?” he wondered as he settled down his hot drink and a light meal.

“Checking on Chae.” Jennie leaned over her hands.

“Ohh I was sleep walking I didn’t quite notice her in class.” Hanbin said ruefully but Jennie shook her head off, “It’s okay, though I’m still wondering what kept you up.” She smirked slyly while wiggling her eyebrows and he shrunk down with a light blush before shrugging off.

“Nothing really, had a calculus quiz today and stayed up for it.” The hum from Jennie meant she wasn’t buying it but at least she didn’t press the issue.

He was really grateful for that honestly.

On the other hand he was trying not to think about meeting Bobby, yesterday was so embarrassing dammit, how could he look him in the eyes.

Yeah he simply won’t, Hanbin decided today he won’t look in Bobby’s way until he runs for his life.

He cursed himself for staying up late overthinking stuff now even coffee wasn’t keeping him up.

Jennie left him at his lecture before she strode her way to her own classes.

He got in and Junhoe once again stood him up and there he was seated beside Chaeyoung.

Hanbin sent him a look and he stuck his tongue back at him, both communicating with their eyes and expressions, Chaeyoung noticed and waved back at him before she hit Junhoe’s arm for taunting Hanbin.

He needed to thank her for that but now he needed a seat before Bobby arrived.

He sat by a seat beside the steps, it wasn’t bad he could manage with being that far.

Bobby arrived later and Hanbin made himself invisible, tried his hardest to conceal himself, Bobby was yet to pay attention to him and he was relieved.

“Okay so last 20 minutes gonna be the quiz, for now I’m gonna get y’all some problems explained, it might help you with the quizzes too who knows?” Bobby grinned at them and Hanbin wondered how Bobby could manage that energetic glow when he was also up late at night.

Everyone was readying their stuff and notes when Bobby took a quick glance over the attendance, Hanbin knew he should avert his gaze down and pretend to not care or notice but he didn’t.

He wanted Bobby’s eyes to land on him and when they did, he guessed it was worth it the smile that broke over that perfect face.

Hanbin frowned back at him and Bobby winked at him before he turned around to start their lesson, well he was glad he turned or he would have seen the pink glow over Hanbin’s cheeks.

How was he about to do this?

Hanbin didn’t dwell long because he needed to catch up with the numbers Bobby was spewing all over them mercilessly.

He gave them ten minutes to get everything copied before the quiz and Hanbin decided he needed those ten minutes to reset his brain.

He laid his head on his desk between his arms, he really wasn’t expecting to snooze at all but he did.

Next thing he knew there was a tap over his head and he snapped up instantly only to see Bobby walking up the steps with rolled papers in his hand, “Okay kids quiz starts now.” Bobby eyed his wristwatch to check the time for them.

Holy shit he didn’t even copy the question, he didn’t prepare the paper even, how did he fall asleep like that?!

He was freaking out when a paper slipped in front of him, he trailed his eyes from the fingers over it and up to meet Bobby’s eyes that were staring down at him underneath his messy bangs.

“Told you to sleep early.” Bobby whispered before he tapped Hanbin’s nose with his finger and went down the steps.

“No cheating kids, trust me I would know instantly!” he shouted as he descended the steps with his back turned to the students.

Hanbin was sure his cheeks were red and his heart was beating abnormally fast but he needed to solve the question fast or he wouldn’t make it in time.

He tried to ignore how his chest warmed up at the question written by Bobby over the paper, they were supposed to copy it from the board but Bobby wrote it for him because he knew he was dozed off and missed it.

He even wrote his name and stage for him.

Focus on the quiz Hanbin focus!

Minutes went by and Hanbin rushed himself to complete on time.

“Okay, everyone who is done can hand their papers and escape!” Hanbin heard Bobby yell from where he stood down before the students.

Everyone started to fill out the hall, Junhoe descended beside Hanbin and kicked his feet before completing his way down, Hanbin scowled at him for bragging he got his quiz done while he was way behind.

Curse you Bobby for not letting me focus.

The students soon were out and Hanbin was left behind, a couple more minutes to go and he will be done too.

“Y’know I gave you five minutes extra.” Bobby said the words loud for him to hear and Hanbin popped a vain at him, “It is all your fault!” 

Hanbin didn’t lift his eyes from the paper but he heard the chuckled down there.

He tried to concentrate when he heard footsteps and Bobby was walking towards him, he sat at the seat in front of him backwards, chin rested over his desk to stare at Hanbin’s paper or more like at Hanbin’s face.

“If you keep staring like that we won’t be getting out for another hour.” Hanbin gripped the pen nervously it shook in his hand. He couldn’t write a single shit when Bobby was face to face with him like this!

“I don’t mind, I can write you the answer as well if you let me.” Bobby joked and Hanbin facepalmed at him.

“Act like a teacher please.” He whined and Bobby beamed at him, “I dun wanna.” What was all this cheekiness for??

A bunny, Hanbin was sure Bobby was a bunny.

Hanbin was becoming more edgy by the seconds, he accidentally dropped the pen in his hand and Bobby’s expressions softened, he didn’t know what to make of it he was feeling really embarrassed and shy when Bobby was looking at him up this close.

Was he shaved well? Were his pimples so apparent when this close? His breathe didn’t smell he hoped.

Why was Bobby looking him so close!

Hanbin felt a hand touch his own and he flinched but there was Bobby putting the pen back between his fingers, the gesture was so sweet that Hanbin felt a rash in his chest.

“You are almost done, just get the final result.” Bobby said the words quietly, Bobby’s hand left his to move and lay over his flamed cheek, Bobby’s fingers felt so chill against his hot skin and the contrast in heat was pleasing except Hanbin not knowing what to do as he froze in his seat, eyes refusing to meet Bobby’s.

“Your cheeks are burning.” Bobby flipped his fingers backwards over Hanbin’s cheeks to cool them more.

Yeah duh it is obvious now can you get away so they can cool down somehow?

Hanbin wished he could say the words out loud but no, he was tongue tied as he finally lifted his eyes to meet Bobby’s and the look in them tagged at his heart.

Dammit Hanbin dammit. Why did Bobby look like he was staring some magical being?

Bobby finally snapped from his trance, the soft caress over his cheeks halted and then he let a small laugh.

“Told you I can’t keep my hands to myself.” Bobby stood up and walked down the stairs. 

Only when the suffocating presence was gone did Hanbin complete the question and when he did he let a loud inhale out.

“Finally finished?” Hanbin scowled at him, “And whose fault is it?” he bit back and Bobby chuckled.

“Okay don’t eat me, I just wanted some time with you, y’know no calculus until next Monday.” Bobby received the paper and Hanbin immediately pulled few steps away.

“Better.”

“You sure of that?” Bobby’s smile was soft but the emotion behind his eyes... Hanbin was curious to know what they hide.

“Positive.”

“I can fuck you so good over this desk right now if you let me.” Hanbin choked on thin air as he quaked at him in shock and Bobby burst out with laughter.

“Oh god it was so worth it to see those red cheeks but the offer still stands.” Bobby said cheekily but Hanbin was in his own corner trying to calm down his fucking heart, he was sure one day it would stop and it would be all his teacher’s fault.

Once again Hanbin didn’t notice his hand laying over his left chest, “No thanks.” Hanbin’s voice was so weak but he really couldn’t care less because all his focus was going out to let his lungs breathe.

“Be honest Hanbin, don’t you really want it?” Bobby was smiling but he was serious, like he needed a real answer.

“It doesn’t matter if I want it or not.” Yeah it didn’t matter, really Hanbin did you forget that?

Was Bobby that blinding for you that you forgot everything?

Are you getting selfish? Are you getting your hopes up once again?

Are you up for that hell over again just because you want that attention and some good sex? Because of a mere dim faith?

You don’t love Bobby, don’t convince yourself you have feelings.

You know nothing about him and that’s not love.

You are just greedy, you want to believe that someone out there would make you feel good about yourself.

_Because you are incapable of feeling good about yourself on your own. _

But have you forgotten that such people can destroy you with sheer words.

Don’t get attached, don’t let them in, don’t give yourself because they will throw you away the moment they realize the real you is a fuck up person with countless scars and insecurities that no one would want to take responsibility for.

_You are not worth all of it Hanbin. _

“-nbin… Hanbin are you listening, look at me _baby _,” the word struck him at the same time he realized Bobby’s hands were reaching out for him, he immediately slapped them away frantically as if the touch would actually burn his skin, suddenly he was all pale and weak, his eyes held so much fear that was mirrored with intense worry in Bobby’s.

He took shaky steps back while holding his trembling hands out to tell Bobby the words stuck in his cloaked throat, _don’t come close to me _.

“Talk to me Hanbin what is wrong?” Bobby looked apprehensive but Hanbin couldn’t stand his presence anymore, he needed to escape. _Run Hanbin run! _

“I’m sorry I’m so sorry Hanbin did I do something wrong tell me, did I cross limits again—” Bobby’s voice fretted but Hanbin knew it wasn’t him, it wasn’t Bobby’s fault he was attracted to a fucked up person like him.

“No- No Bobby it’s n-not… y-you wouldn’t understand I need to go, _let me go please _.” Hanbin pleaded him, Hanbin’s chest felt so tight almost crushing as if his rips would collapse over his lungs and shred through his flesh.

No Hanbin, not now, why would you panic in front of Bobby? Why show him who you are so fast?!

Get a grip, get a grip, get a grip.

“You told me to help you, let me help you.” No, not the kind of help he wanted not this way, _not this ugly. _

“No B-Bobby you wouldn’t want t-that— I’m sorry, I’m so s-sorry Bobby.” Hanbin let the words fall off his mouth with each step he took backwards. 

It was not Bobby who wouldn’t want that, it was Hanbin not ready to watch Bobby confirm he was what he believed he was.

“It is my fault, never yours, won’t ever be yours.” Hanbin waved his hands at Bobby, he was too out of it to notice the way Bobby was suppressing himself not to reach out for him.

“I- I wanna touch you Hanbin, let me please—”

“It is better if y-you don’t.”

He left Bobby, he ran, he was away from the choking presence but why nothing felt better, why there was no air in his lungs? Why his chest felt like crumpling in? Would his ears stop fucking ring for a second?!

Hanbin ran and ran and ran but where? Where should he hide?! He was about to collapse, he knew it, he just knew and he wanted somewhere to just stop and focus on breathing rather than making an instinctive escape.

He couldn’t go back home like this, definitely not. Junhoe would fire up, everything would be another much bigger mess.

Anywhere else to calm down.

Whenever he met people he hung his head low so no one would see, tried to act as invisible as he could get, the last thing he wanted to add to the pile at his hands was shaming himself in front of people.

One of his hands was over his heart, clutching his chest tight while his numb feet took him through the hallways, panting and covered in cold sweat.

He ended up somewhere in the campus he didn’t know where, was this the bio building? He didn’t know he just walked the empty space, found himself a tree and crashed under it.

He curled on himself, _deep breaths deep breaths Hanbin please breathe why would you freak out, why humiliate yourself like this?! Why show him your disgusting reality like this Hanbin?! why?! _

Hanbin cried out as he clutched his hair painfully, he was going insane by the minute, everything was wrong, everything was messed up! why couldn’t he be a normal person, why couldn’t he be someone who could love and be loved without any fears and uncertainties.

Hanbin breathed but he was crying, he hated crying, he hated being alone, he hated falling apart like this.

He fucking hated himself and he wished he wasn’t born to begin with.

What was right for him?

Being born to a fucked up family? Being raised as much fucked? Being ruined by many many people, broken inside out to the point any sign of love made him cower over himself, made him crumple down and shut everything out, made him question his worth and his competence of being loved by anybody.

How to fix it?

He wanted to love, he wanted to be loved but how could he? He couldn’t even win over himself, he wanted to win over himself and have the life he always wished for but how can he when everything was a reminder he shouldn’t risk his already shattered self.

How much more cracks did he want to comprehend he shouldn’t, he shouldn’t let anyone, shouldn’t give the chance to anybody to enter his ruined universe?

_No one would want to stay there. _

His phone buzzed with a notification.

He couldn't care less about any phone or message but _Bobby’s _name glaring back at him froze him in place, his chest was constricted and his heart was in panic already beating like a mad hammer against his ribs.

His face damp with now cold tears, his chest heaving up and down raggedly and his eyes were puffy bloodshot.

He wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve, using the other one to rub his wet cheeks and eyes while he tried just to put calm within his raging insides, yeah he needed calm desperately to think rationally.

Why would Bobby of all people send him anything, he clearly told him to back off, he freaked out in front of him he should be thankful he got the permission to back off, Hanbin’s chest ached so bad he had to clutch it so tight with both fisted hands.

Hanbin breathes were coming in hitches and he kept on sniffling, eyes getting wet on their own despite rubbing them repeatedly, _calm Hanbin you need calm _.

‘Where are you?’

No. He wouldn’t reply that, why would he reply and tell him where he was, he ran away to hide from him in the first place.

After a couple minutes his phone peeped again.

‘Are you okay?’

No he wasn’t, definitely wasn’t and Bobby didn’t need to know about that at all.

Less than a minute and his phone peeped once more.

Hanbin sniffled as he stared with one eye while he rubbed the wetness of the other, messages getting him distracted as they kept coming.

‘I need to make sure you are somewhere safe’

‘You forgot your books again in the hall’

He must have seen the blue arrows since Hanbin opened the chat.

‘Should I keep them or will you come back to take them?’

‘If you haven’t left the campus yet y’know’

The messages kept coming and he didn’t want, didn’t know what to reply, he needed his notebooks, he didn’t want to leave them with Bobby.

He didn’t have calculus tomorrow and he didn’t want to see Bobby then.

‘Leave them in the hall, I will come take them later.’

Hanbin wrote with shaky fingers, ignored all the prior questions Bobby asked.

‘You good?’

Why make it hard for him like this?

‘I’m good just go home.’

He thanked god no emotions would show in written messages so he wouldn’t see the pity in Bobby’s eyes and his own weakness wouldn’t make a joke of himself.

Bobby didn’t reply after.

Hanbin leaned his head back on the tree, tired and exhausted his head foggy and his eyes were dry he hated the scrapping feel of them.

He just sat there, legs spread out, his phone abandoned between his loose grasp on his lap as he stared aimlessly at nowhere.

He realized he didn’t message the boys, he flipped the phone in his hand and he saw the few missed calls and couple messages.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

He kept on fucking everything.

‘Sorry for not answering, went to check out some books in the library and left my phone on silent.’ What a lie. Hanbin wanted to give a prop to himself.

A message immediately showed on the screen.

‘Tell us next time Hanbin please knock it off with this.’ Yeah he felt guilty when he received Donghyuk’s reply, he could only wonder over Junhoe then.

‘I’m sorry, be back soon.’

‘Don’t let us worry again’

‘Say hi to June for me’

‘Will do’

Now he assured the boys, a weight lifted off him, no Donghyuk to cry over him, no Junhoe to be mad at him or maybe he would? Hanbin didn’t know what to expect to be honest he just had to wait to go home and see.

He was good, he could deal with this on his own.

He could yeah, he wasn’t a weak piece of shit he could manage moving on his own.

He went through worse than this and he managed to get out alive at it.

This was nothing in comparison.

He picked himself up on barely functioning muscles, feet leading him to lecture hall.

It was already setting down, he eyed the clock and it was close to six, did it take him that long to collect himself?

Yeah it did_ , he was such a fuck up. _

He slowly opened the door, the hall dimly lit by the early evening sun rays, empty and eerily quiet.

His steps halted in the middle when he noticed him.

Bobby was still there.

What was Bobby doing there? He was sitting by the edge of the stage; spacing out he didn’t even notice Hanbin’s presence.

What was that look on his face? The empty eyes that looked like they were staring into different dimensions.

Something about his face devoid from emotions, empty, _complicated _Hanbin didn’t know how to describe it.

The way Bobby suddenly tilted his head slowly to stare down at his vacant hands as if there was something missing supposed to be there, he just blankly stared for a while before he heaved a strained breathe and used both hands to rub at his hung-low head tiredly.

Was he okay…?

It took Bobby another couple minutes before he pulled off his hands and notice Hanbin still frozen in place.

It was so _fake _, so weary the smile that spread over his lips, as if trying to set the surroundings calm around them.

As if he feared Hanbin would ran away and Hanbin didn’t blame him, he wanted to run for real.

“What are you still doing here?” Hanbin’s voice was a bit icy and a bit drained, Bobby returned the bitterness with a sheepish smile “Had to make sure my student is fine y’know?”

“You didn’t have to bother.”

“_ I wanted to.” _

They both stared into each other’s eyes, there was a passive match between them, Hanbin couldn’t understand for the life of him why Bobby was doing this to him.

Why? What would he gain from all of this? Him? Him wasn’t a good prize for all this trouble.

“I want my books—” Bobby interrupted him before he could finish, “You don’t sound good—”

“None of your business I will take my books and leave.” Hanbin retorted, he was done for the day to have this conversation with Bobby he couldn’t think straight even his temper couldn’t handle this anymore.

“I’m tryin’ to help you here why you act like this?” Bobby jumped from the stage to stand in front of him, making sure to keep distance so the last time scenario wouldn’t be repeated again.

“Maybe because I don’t want you to?” Hanbin bit back at him, he wanted to leave before he caved in, like really run.

“You asked me to help you just the other day,” Bobby’s voice was dead serious as he spoke, “If you are cautious, don’t. I’m gonna’ do my best to not touch you or cross limits but you need to give yourself and me a chance.” Hanbin listened to how Bobby stressed the words, yeah he asked him for help but here he was offered the said help and rejecting it at the spot because what? He was scared? What did scare him though? Bobby seeing his fucked up self? Well he already did and the surprise was he still wanted to help him.

Bobby accepted to help after he saw his fucked up self so…? Why was he rejecting it? One step Hanbin give it a _one step _.

For once stop being a coward, you agreed Bobby can fix you, let him fix you.

Hanbin lifted his numb foot slowly, he took a deliberate step forward, eyes cast down, his whole body was unsteady but he needed to stop being a scaredy-cat for once.

He couldn’t see Bobby’s reaction, everything was quiet while his insides were in clutter for trying to step closer, to accept Bobby’s help.

After several nerve-wracking steps he reached Bobby but by then he felt the air had slipped off his lungs, he couldn’t breathe and every part of him felt cold, like he was freezing and couldn’t feel his tips.

“… Can I…?” he couldn’t lift his face in fear he would vomit instantly over his clamped throat but he saw the hand offered to him in his cast-down sight.

Bobby’s voice was strived and it tugged at his constricted chest awfully.

Why was this so hard, why everything was so hard? 

Hanbin used one hand to lean his weight on the edge of the stage while he slowly lifted his other one, so slow he just didn’t know why he was fearing the touch that much.

Their fingertips touched and Hanbin fought himself not to flinch miserably, he watched how Bobby slowly took hold of his smaller hand, so gently so delicately.

His hand was warm so warm against his cold one Hanbin’s heart was drumming anxiously while watching what was about to go down next.

“I’m sorry if my presence is causing you… that much pain…” Bobby rubbed his thumb over his white knuckles in soft slow circles “I…” the words caught in Bobby’s throat and he went quiet for a couple seconds “Don’t mind it, let me take you home we can talk later when you calm down a little.” 

Hanbin made the mistake of lifting his eyes to meet Bobby’s and the smile he received jolted his heart, the rushed heat was a big contrast to the coldness he felt couple seconds ago.

Except, it wasn’t pleasant.

Because the smile looked so sad…? Why didn’t it reach his eye? Why was is so painful to look at it? Hanbin wanted to ask but Bobby averted his gaze and turned around.

Hanbin caught the drop of that fake smile off his face, how his eyes looked so… void.

He didn’t understand… he didn’t know.

Bobby picked his books with his other hand and led him out of the hall, their hands still holding on together in a really gentle grasp.

As if Bobby was afraid to touch him…? Was Bobby afraid to touch him? 

Negative thoughts wanted to invade his mind so bad but the slight barely felt squeeze of Bobby’s hand snapped him from his dwelling, he lifted his head to look at Bobby’s back leading him and then he noticed how Bobby was walking slow so he could catch up to him with his disconnected feet.

He felt his cheeks warm as he let Bobby lead the way.

Bobby was taking him home.

Yeah his heart was playing games with him now instead of panicking he was nervous also too tired and drained to think about anything or question whatever happened.

Not his encounters with Bobby, not his sickening panic, definitely not letting Bobby hold his hand and lead him through the dark empty college hallways.

The walk was weirdly quiet, Bobby didn’t say anything, didn’t even turn around to look at him, the only thing that told him Bobby was still present were the occasional hand squeezes as if comforting him he was still there.

They reached the parking and it was empty, it was already night he wondered what time it was.

Bobby still didn’t look him not even when he let go of his hand.

Hanbin was getting paranoid, what did he do wrong? Did he hurt Bobby? Was Bobby okay? Was his panicking too much for him? Was he already freaked out from him?

He wanted reassurance but he was scared to be shot down, His hand hesitatingly went up and down, wanting to tap Bobby’s back for attention but he just couldn’t. He was alarmed. He did something wrong. He was sure he made a mistake somewhere.

Bobby put his books in the bike storage before he grabbed the helmet and finally turned around to look Hanbin, fake fake smile and Hanbin could see it clearly.

“Too bad you have to hold me for this ride.” Bobby tried to lift up the mood but Hanbin frowned, didn’t reply just pouted and averted his eyes down.

“Don’t look like this, will drive you fast and then… I… never mind just wear it.” Bobby thrust the helmet to his hands, Hanbin heart tugged painfully, Bobby didn’t even put it for him like how he treated him before that one time, Bobby was acting weird… distant?

Where was the usual nose tap?

Hanbin slide it on quietly, he wanted to talk but he was afraid to say anything, he wasn’t used to this Bobby, he didn’t know how to act around such Bobby.

His chest felt so heavy, he rode hesitatingly behind him, should he hold on should he not?

His hands held feebly to his shirt with tentative grasps.

“You will fall, I know you don’t want to be this close or touch me, but you gotta’ endure it for the next ten minutes.” _No… that wasn’t it _, Hanbin wanted to object, but he couldn’t find his voice in him.

Little by little Hanbin trailed his shaky hands around his waist, palms flat while moving over his stomach, timidly and uncertain, just when they locked together Bobby laid his hand over them, _warm hand _, before he pulled it again within a split second.

The drive was quiet, empty unlike that fun late at night where everything was stunning, flawless.

Hanbin wanted to cry.

Did he give up already…?

It wasn’t in his hands… he couldn’t control it no matter what he had done, he didn’t want Bobby to give up on him yet.

He wanted to be fixed.

But he once again drove people away because he wasn’t enough.

Was too fucked up.

Hanbin didn’t realize when he buried himself in Bobby’s back, held on so tight to him, fists clutching Bobby’s shirt so tight, fresh air mixed with Bobby’s scent filled him and with each breath he surpassed a sob.

He was glad the wild winds concealed his cries, calm down Hanbin, leave it for when you get home and you can let it all out.

“Where do you live?” Bobby asked him when they stopped by a traffic, even then Hanbin refused to pull his body off Bobby’s, just clasped to him for temporary comfort he knew he was about to lose so soon.

Hanbin barely found it in himself to mumble the address and Bobby nodded at him quietly.

The rest of the drive was like a countdown.

You once again ruined everything.

What was new about all of this?

They arrived in front of the building, “I know this place, one of my fellow teacher’s boyfriend lives here.” Bobby said casually as he parked in front of the entrance, “I see…” Hanbin mumbled weakly, still convincing his mind and hands to let go of Bobby’s shirt.

“You know you gotta’ run now.” Hanbin couldn’t understand that hidden layer underneath the light tone Bobby tried to lift the mood with.

Hanbin felt Bobby’s hand on top of his, his heart leapt but what did he expect? Bobby pried his hands off him and that was an instant cue for him to step down and he did stiffly.

Hanbin made the courage to look up Bobby’s face and he wanted to cry again at the sad smile on Bobby’s lips, what had he done? 

“You aren’t about to cry are you?” Bobby tilted his head sideways while holding the helmet with both arms over his lap. 

“I…” Hanbin felt a lump in his throat, he was about to cry for real, he could feel it in the heat surfacing his skin and the sting in his eyes. He immediately turned his back to Bobby. 

After a couple quiet seconds Bobby spoke again “I thought I have… never mind, don’t dwell on it Hanbin, _it is me not you _.” Hanbin felt his breath hitch, Bobby ruffled his hair playfully “ _Definitely not you. _” He whispered the words like spells and the next minute he was… gone. 

He wanted this, he asked for it… 

But why were his tears falling this hard?

Hanbin didn’t know how long he stood there like a street lamp crying like a weak shit but he found himself later sitting on the sidewalk in front of their building.

His phone buzzing mercilessly but his mind was like fluffed cotton, too light headed to care about anything and anyone, his eyes were buffy and bloodshot from crying, they burned and he didn’t have in him anymore tears to cry out.

Everything remained in hiccups and small curled form by the sidewalk.

Tired, Hanbin was so tired that he didn’t know what to do anymore.

He left…

He left yeah.

He gave up on fixing him.

_Because he was unredeemable. _

Yeah that was a given now he was sure.

If only you didn’t cower away like a little bruised puppy, maybe you would have been repaired by now.

It was almost the end of spring but his bones felt the chills and his skin prickled he had to curl more over himself for warmth.

He shivered for a while he didn’t know how long he spent there, even his phone had stopped ringing and he didn’t know whether to feel relieved or heavy hearted.

Did they give up on him as well? Were they tired of his demanding and consuming temperaments? Did they have enough of him already?

Who would fold him in now and tell him everything would be okay, that_ he was okay _?

No one.

He wanted June.

He wanted Dongi.

He wanted to be buried in their arms and forget everything.

His past, himself, his cracks.

_He just wished his faultlines would stop pulling his world apart and let him stand on his feet for once. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone; hopefully you enjoyed the chapter <3
> 
> Dun wanna make this note long but I need some stuff clear, if you follow me on Twitter I said these stuff couple days ago,  
I know I said last chapter I take criticism well, that definitely doesn’t mean I take slandering and rude comments  
If you have a problem with how I’m dealing with my own universe then drop the fic  
((This doesn’t apply to the sweet readers who actually said their opinions in a good and harmless way which I appreciated so much and thanks for that))
> 
> Anyways; this is how this story going to be; you can either enjoy all the variations, different colors, genres and stories, healing and life lessons in here instead of reading it like a task to reach db fucking or you can drop it, or like skip through whatever you don’t like and move on to what you are reading this story for. 
> 
> One thing is certain, I’m writing this for fun, I will write what I feel like writing. 
> 
> I’m spending hours daily writing 8-10k+ chapters so I won’t delay the updates and the db for y’all so please and I quote ‘tone it off a little’ of some anon who ‘boss-ed’ me with her opinion couple days ago :) as if I owe her money for writing this :) 
> 
> Aside from that, I really appreciate the support I received before and after that, it made me really happy that people would go out of their way to appreciate my hardwork and hopefully, not wasted times and leave me beautiful supportive words. It made me happy and motivated me so much, thanks again ♥️ 
> 
> Sorry for making this long, just wanted things off my chest
> 
> Also you might wanna check the summaries I added to the chapters <33
> 
> Until next time, love y’all <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —Thinking about all the things everyone had done for me...  
Such a waste

Jinhwan as always was wasting his time in the reception, flipping through his phone mindlessly while waiting for the clock to tick eight so he could retreat for the day. 

But to his dismay time refused to move on and he groaned at the clock ticking barely past six pm. Fuck. 

He didn’t notice when a young man entered the building, “You will get wrinkles if you keep the scowl up.”

Jinhwan’s head snapped up at the teasing voice, very much familiar with it, “You wouldn’t understand the boredom I’m dealing with Hoseok.” Jinhwan let a deliberate sigh out. 

“You are always welcome to crash up there with us.” Hoseok said as he shifted the weight of the bags in his hands and then Jinhwan noticed. 

“Nah it seems you are preparing a night with your boyfriend up there.” Jinhwan smiled as he motioned for the loaded hands of Hoseok, said guy returned it with a sheepish smile. 

“Sort of I guess? He’s been feeling down lately because I’m busy with teaching y’know, I wanna see his gummy smile.” A rare sincere fond expression covered Jinhwan’s face. 

“Say hi to him for me.” Jinhwan motioned for him to move on and go ahead to his boyfriend. 

“Visit us sometimes, Yoongi will be happy with a change.”

“Will definitely do but when Jin joins us.”

“You just want his brain.” Hoseok laughed at him.

“Well, I gotta make use of all the physics in his head.” Jinhwan winked and hoseok shook his head “I will be a good man and not tell him about this.”

“Do I look like I care? Pls do.” Hoseok cracked at the usual bratty bitchy behavior of Jinhwan before said guy shooed him once again. 

Jinhwan returned to the emptiness of the space, time was cruelly not moving, it was doing it on purpose and Jinhwan was sure of that. 

He then heard the voice of an engine and he watched a motorbike park in front of the entrance. 

The bike was fairly familiar though, but he wondered why would Hanbin step down said bike??

What did Hanbin have to do with Bobby of all people?

He watched the interaction between them, they seemed to have some sort of relationship between them? Jinhwan didn’t mean to overlook everything but the scene played in front of him where Hanbin turned his back and Bobby ruffled his hair before he was gone. 

And Hanbin was crying. 

Jinhwan’s heart dropped as he watched Hanbin stand there for a while before he walked a little further to sit on the sidewalk and he then folded over himself with visible tremors running through his body. 

Jinhwan didn’t even notice when he walked over and was peering over from the class doors, hand pressed over the surface and he was worried, he wanted to go out but what if Hanbin freaked out because he saw him with Bobby?

Maybe he should wait a little so Hanbin wouldn’t suspect he saw anything. 

Minutes passed agonizingly slow, Jinhwan was picking at his nails, fidgeting to get out and wrap the guy up warmly. 

An idea occurred to him and he went to grab his fluffy red blanket, he suddenly remembered when Junhoe was there with him, if he could remember correctly what Junhoe said, someone was bothering Hanbin?

Could the person possibly be Bobby who’s Junhoe mentioned? It must be him? But where were the guys? Junhoe would have been by his side by now? 

Of course Hanbin wouldn’t want them to see him like this, smart Jinhwan. 

He facepalmed internally as he grabbed his phone, they must be freaking out for sure if Hanbin wasn’t answering. 

Might as well reassure himself and the boys that Hanbin was there and sort of safe. 

He had numbers of all his residents so he called Junhoe and after couple rings said guy picked up. 

His voice was rough, it needed no science for Jinhwan to figure out the strain and worry in his tone was caused by whom. 

“Just called to tell you Hanbin is with me, we are out for a walk and his phone died on him.” He lied, yeah better for Junhoe and Hanbin, he was acting on impulse but kind of rationally, he didn’t know why he bothered that much but he figured he didn’t want them to fight once again. 

“What the fuck Jinan,” Junhoe sighed heavily from the other line, several curses tumbled his mouth and he heard Donghyuk’s voice at the background trying to calm him down a little. 

“Sorry June, Hanbin says sorry too.” Lies lies lies way to go Jinhwan you should be so fuckin’ proud of yourself. 

Jinhwan held the phone in one hand and the messy blanket in the other as he looked over to make sure Hanbin was still there and he was guiltily relieved he was still at the same spot. 

“Hey I need to go now, talk to you later!” Jinhwan didn’t indulge much in the conversation and hung up before the fretting guy on the other side could reply. 

He made his way out with tentative small steps, making sure to not startle the guy, Hanbin didn’t seem to notice him at all, Jinhwan stood there for a while contemplating how to confront the mess in front of him. 

Go for it Jinani stop standing there like a coward and be a little help to the poor guy. 

Jinhwan draped the blanket over Hanbin’s shoulders. 

Hanbin shuddered visibly before his frightened glossy eyes shot up, he saw Jinhwan looking down at him silently with an apologetic smile, a sincere sad one. 

Then Jinhwan was sitting beside him on the ground and arms were pulling him closer into an embrace. 

Hanbin couldn’t handle that much, the gesture wrenched his heart with how much he needed it and he was crying out loud, clutching to Jinhwan’s shirt with trembling fists, he needed this, he needed this grasp on anything, anyone, before he lost himself to the shouts inside his head. 

Jinhwan wrapped him tighter, covering him fully with the blanket to hide him from the cold chill air and hopefully it would give him some sense of security. 

Hanbin didn’t know where the tears were coming from anymore, how long Jinhwan spent shushing him softly, how his cotton head was functioning even. 

By the time he came around his senses or more like the awareness of his surroundings he was half passed out with limp body wrapped in a warm hug. 

“I’m sorry…” Hanbin croaked out with his scraped throat and Jinhwan immediately shook his head as if Hanbin could see him then followed shortly after realizing with denials and ‘no’s. 

“It’s okay Hanbin it’s okay.” Jinhwan whispered into his hair soothingly and Hanbin found himself burying deeper into his chest almost pushing the guy down backwards. 

Hanbin sniffled few times and Jinhwan coed at him, “So you gonna tell hyung what you are tryin’ to deal with on your own?” Jinhwan said the words lightly but Hanbin went rigged in his arms, said guy immediately held him firmer, he fucked up he definitely fucked up, Jinhwan wanted to smack himself so bad, was it too early to ask about anything? What if Hanbin didn’t want to talk at all to begin with? Always so smart Jinani so fucking smart.

But to his surprise Hanbin talked; weak and fragile “I-l … he is gone… it’s my fault he is g-gone now…” Hanbin’s eyes welled with tears again and Jinhwan frowned at him, Bobby was gone?

“Who... is gone?” Jinhwan knew who was Hanbin talking about but still asked. 

“Bobby… Bobby is gone n-now… he gave up on me… I can’t be fixed Jinani I can’t be fixed—”

“Breathe Hanbin breathe, calm down a little—”

“No Jinani no you d-don’t get it,” Hanbin pulled back to look in Jinhwan’s eyes with almost terrified eyes “Bobby said he will help me fix myself, but he gave up— I’m hopeless— c-can’t be fixed Jinani I-I—”

Jinhwan tried not to lose it and get his emotional insides take over because Hanbin was panicking and he was about to panic with him it seemed, Jinhwan found himself taking deep breaths with the guy, as if on instincts Hanbin’s eyes trailed on his mouth and he too started taking deep breaths along. 

“You don’t need to be fixed by anyone Hanbin… I might not know what your past did to you, but to me you are a good boy…” Jinhwan held Hanbin’s damp cheeks with both hands and smiled warmly at him, Hanbin returned it with a struck one, eyes wide and mouth agape, tears stopping midway to listen intently to the words Jinhwan was muttering as if his life depended on them.

“You are a good boy Hanbin, a really good boy and no one should convince you otherwise.” At the gentle whispers of the words Hanbin’s lips trembled, somehow that’s what he needed to hear the most right now, to be told he wasn’t a fuck up, he was good, he was okay… yeah he would delude himself with the honeyed words and believe them for now.

Hanbin quietened down noticeably and Jinhwan heaved in slight relief, he did a decent job for now but he still wanted to help Hanbin, he didn’t know how but he wanted to do so so badly. 

After a short while of Hanbin staring down and sniffling he looked Jinhwan in the eyes, oversized sleeve going up to wipe his snot and eyes and Jinhwan almost cued at the softness in the guy in front of him. 

“I… thank you Jinani…” Hanbin was blushing embarrassingly, half dazed and barely focused, his eyes were burning and dry and his head bounded mercilessly he just wanted to pass out from exhaustion. 

“I’m always here Hanbin, if you can’t reach for me then I will come and sit by your side.” Hanbin’s heart swelled at the words and before he could think it twice he attacked Jinhwan with a bear hug, the guy was startled for a second but followed with a hug back. 

“By the way, I called the boys for you,” Hanbin froze in Jinhwan’s arms, suddenly remembering he done fucked up and his friends would probably kill him by now, but Jinhwan continued “Told them we went on a walk and your phone died.” Hanbin felt a whole weight lift off his chest. 

But even then they would probably figure it out from his disheveled looks, he should sneak in, he wasn’t ready yet for their suspicions eyes and hunting questions. 

Not Junhoe judging him, not Junhoe’s ‘_I told you so._’s

Not the boys’ disappointed looks and sad eyes, big no, he should deal with this on his own, he was yet to settle his inner chaos and decide what he was feeling, supposed to feel,_ should be feeling_. 

He spaced out not noticing Jinhwan getting them both up and the guy dusting his clothes for him. 

The care warmed him up so much, he loved it. 

“You better not bust us and turn your phone off.” Jinhwan joked to light up the mood and Hanbin returned it with the best smile he could muster at his current state. 

Which was a crooked one with puffy eyes, “This can’t do Hanbinnie.” Aww Hanbin almost blushed at the adornment, Jinhwan’s small fingers ruffled his hair so it covered as much as possible from his eyes. 

“There you go, make sure to run for it the first you go in.”

And Hanbin did, he got in to find the boys by the TV, Donghyuk on his phone and Junhoe with sullen expressions flipping through the channels, he could bet the guy wasn’t even focused on whatever there was on the screen. 

Hanbin bit his lips and faked a cheerful greeting, he almost cringed at it and the boys looked him up. 

Donghyuk shot him a smile and welcomed him warmly but Junhoe… he didn’t. 

Junhoe barely spared him an emotionless ‘hi’ before he went back to flip through the TV. 

“There is food for you in the kitchen.” Donghyuk was clueless or was pretending to be, he saw Donghyuk’s hand holding Junhoe’s and his heart twisted when he saw the gentle squeeze Donghyuk offered. 

He kept on fucking everything. 

He better escape before he made a mess in front of them. 

They didn’t deserve this. 

“Sorry Dongi, I’m beat, will go crash so I can study at night.” Like hell he would be able to study anything, if he had any energy he would have scoffed at himself, a joke. 

They even let him off easily, it left a bitter taste in his mouth, he could dwell on it later but for now he needed a shower, a hot scalding one so he could kill what was left of the day. 

_‘You are a good boy Hanbin, a really good boy and no one should convince you otherwise.’_

Next things he did felt like a blur, it was a weird feeling like he was half aware but not really? Almost disconnected from his surroundings, taking a bath, wrapping himself, leaning on the wall brushing his teeth. He was doing everything but his mind was blank, his movements felt out of muscles’ memories, his mind was taking a rest it seemed.

His feet were taking him to his room but he didn’t know why they stopped to stare from afar at the living room, no, the pair in the living room.

Junhoe was leaning his head on Donghyuk’s shoulder, almost burying himself in his neck and Donghyuk was wrapping him in his arms, rocking them lightly as a well-known gesture they all are used to, Donghyuk’s calming hugs…

He didn’t know how long he spent there watching them, even with his blank mind he couldn’t bring himself to go there and crash in their arms.

It was his fault Donghyuk had to calm Junhoe.

He turned around to enter his room, much better in the safety of his solace.

Hanbin didn’t notice when he passed out, he was still in his towel even, but the moment his head met the pillow he was out, wet and naked under the covers. 

That was his last care in the world really.

\----

Donghyuk couldn’t get a glimpse of sleep, having a handful of hurt and emotionally unstable Junhoe in his arms for a few hours now was nerve wracking and energy consuming to no end; but that’s what was Donghyuk good at; attending to him when he needed.

Because he knew Junhoe wanted him the most at these low points, when he felt cornered, hurt and really lost like he was stranded he didn’t have any choice at hand, it would frustrate him to be hopeless and having to sit through it and watch everything while silent, for a really emotional vocal person like Junhoe that was a disastrous situation.

Here comes his role as his friend, Donghyuk always been the calm to his inner conflicts, he didn’t know what Junhoe found in him, he would just find Junhoe seeking as much attention from him as possible because somehow Junhoe wouldn’t calm unless in his arms or Hanbin’s but most times it was him.

Well, there were days when Chaeyoung helped taming the man but that was rare Donghyuk almost forgot such days existed. 

Junhoe would hate bothering everyone with him; he was well aware of his tantrums and lack of proper judgments at such points but Donghyuk wouldn’t let him hide away; Junhoe even confessed one time he liked his warm embraces, his calming soft voice and his ability to say just the right words to tone him down, that he knew him so well to know just where to press his buttons.

Which was why he was laying in bed with him now, carding his fingers through soft hair while murmuring soft melodies and Junhoe was far gone in his chest, wrapping him up in his arms like hanging on to his own sanity, it took hours for Junhoe to fall asleep.

Donghyuk decided to stay a little longer until he settled down so he could get up and check on Hanbin.

He felt bad he had to ignore Hanbin to attend for Junhoe, but said guy was a much more pressing matter, calming Junhoe meant avoiding the last time’s scenario, preventing them both from hurting each other.

He knew Hanbin was hiding his struggles with Jiwon, Junhoe told him everything, told him how Hanbin was trying to move on his own for once which was why both couldn’t say anything but watch Hanbin, it was good, good until Hanbin started to hide from them, dodging questions and their concerns, like how he ignored their calls, lied to them about his late arrival, his pale face and red eyes.

Hanbin was pretending as if they wouldn’t recognize the aftereffects of his breakdowns, faking a laugh and running away from them instead of confronting them and seeking their help. 

Donghyuk wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t hurt like Junhoe, but he understood unlike the guy, he understood why Hanbin was acting like that.

He wouldn’t want to be a burden as well, especially if things piled up for years and he had to seek help each time.

Donghyuk knew how much Hanbin strived on paranoia, fear and his many insecurities.

He was supposed to be holding Hanbin in his arms by now but Junhoe was dealing it as hard, god how much Junhoe loved Hanbin, he wondered if his love outdid his own even and he loved Hanbin and Junhoe to no end.

Junhoe was in pain, and things weren’t showing any sign of fixing up any time soon.

Donghyuk stared at the passed out guy in his arms, snoring lightly and tucking his head under his chin, he pressed a light kiss to his forehead before he lifted up slightly, trying not to snap him awake by mistake.

Room quiet and dark, only the sound of Junhoe’s light breath and the ticks of the clock being heard.

Donghyuk felt around the dark room until he took his phone, tucked Junhoe under the covers more and fluffed him with pillows before he got out and closed the door behind him.

He slid down the wall of the corridor, heaved a really tired sigh out, he was exhausted and needed a minute before he moved to the other room to check on Hanbin.

He wanted to call his boyfriend and hunt for some comfort in him but time was so late and he slumped down, holding the phone to his chest wondering if it was worth it calling him just to hear his voice.

He ended up calling.

The phone rang, hallway lit only by the screen of his phone displaying his boyfriend’s smiling face and his name, eerily quiet, clock ticks louder than it should be and he chewed on his lips as he waited for Yunhyeong to pick up the call.

He didn’t.

Donghyuk thought it was useless to feel depressed about such things, obviously he was asleep and wouldn’t reply, why feel sad about it? He stood up and entered Hanbin’s room, surprisingly the lights were on and Hanbin was laying naked in the bed, covers sliding to lay over his lower back and he was curled over himself holding a pillow to his chest.

The view tugged awfully on his chest, just how bad was the day for him to disconnect like this, too detached to even take his path slippers off?

Why didn’t he come for them?

Donghyuk’s chest felt so tight, his feet led him to set behind Hanbin on the bed and at the touch of Hanbin’s hair his lonely tear fell down and soon much followed after.

He couldn’t endure this alone. Too much, too much to look at and he hated this, hated seeing his friends in such pain, Donghyuk wasn’t even aware that he was just the same as them, also in pain and affected by everything.

But while Junhoe seek him out, Hanbin isolated himself and him? He chose abiding to his friends’ pain was much more important priority than himself and his own tormenting feelings.

Everything was okay as long as the nights of two years ago wouldn’t repeat themselves, he would swallow anything but those traumatizing days. Yeah Donghyuk this is nothing in comparison you made it through them these should be easy. 

Tomorrow, yeah tomorrow he will run to Yun’s arms and recharge himself again.

He didn’t know how long he spent crying silently, sniffling and wiping his snot and tears with his sleeves, after he calmed down a little, he stood up and went to grab some clothes from the closet.

An oversized shirt and some shorts, they would do for now, he tried lifting Hanbin up a little to slide the shirt over, Hanbin was so out of it to connect with him that even when he sat up he immediately fell forward and his head was laying over Donghyuk’s chest.

Donghyuk folded him in a temporary hug, he pressed a light kiss over Hanbin’s head and said guy hummed lightly in his sleep.

It was a damn struggle to slide clothes on Hanbin, he blinked his eyes awake but he wasn’t really aware, body like a dead weight as he sat there eyes half closed while Donghyuk tended to him, sliding his shorts on and fixing him back under the covers. 

He heaved a tired long breath out, exhaustion was underestimation to what he felt, he barely found it in him before he closed the lights and slid in to spoon Hanbin to his chest. 

“Dongi…?” Hanbin’s voice croaked out before he could hold him close, he scooted back to look in Hanbin’s face despite the poor vision of the night. 

“Dongi is this you…?” Hanbin reached out a sleepy hand to feel Donghyuk’s face and said guy couldn’t help crack a smile. 

“Hmm… who else would sneak in your bed at night?” Donghyuk’s voice was light as he carded a hand through the messy curls of Hanbin’s hair. 

Hanbin didn’t reply to him and the next second Donghyuk had a hold full of soft Hanbin trying to bury himself as much as he could in Donghyuk’s chest. 

Hanbin nuzzled his head under his chin and he breathed in a deep inhale. 

Donghyuk’s heart twisted painfully at the wounded boy in his arms, Hanbin was seeking as much comfort as he could from him and Donghyuk wrapped him in whole. 

Patting his back rhythmically as he hummed softly, “You okay Binnie…?”

Hanbin shook his head instantly, wrapped his arms tighter around Donghyuk’s back, burying deeper if possible as he clutched the back of his shirt in his fists. 

“Wanna talk about it…?”

Another head shake and Donghyuk suppressed a sigh, “...’m tired… just wan’ to hold you an’ sleep…” Hanbin mumbled sleepily, voice muffled in his shirt, he was already half passed out and Donghyuk petted his head softly while whispering “It’s okay… we can always talk whenever you want…” and he pressed a soft kiss on top of Hanbin’s head to receive a content sign and another nuzzle. 

Still, even with passed out Hanbin in his arms, Donghyuk found himself insomniac, he couldn’t blink an eye. Yes he had a handful of maybe a decent Hanbin but that didn’t clear the fact Hanbin was bottling it up and holding himself under a shell, even forbidding himself from seeking their own safety. 

Which was crazy because Donghyuk cared so much, Hanbin meant alot to him, he and Junhoe were his brothers, he loved them and cared about them so much and seeing them in pain was draining him as if he was dealing himself just the exact amount of pain and hurt of both of them. 

Would Kim Jiwon really help him?

A question rang his head many times since Junhoe spilled everything, he wondered if that was possible.

Though the Hanbin they received today wasn’t a good sign, coming late again, detached and almost broken, was he?

Donghyuk didn’t know because Hanbin wouldn’t tell them.

His phone vibrated on the nightstand behind him, Hanbin long since fell asleep in his arms.

He twisted around a little, not able to fully do so because Hanbin was clutching to him like dear life, the phone vibrated again, lights illuminated his face as he looked at his boyfriend’s name on the screen and the time that read four in the morning.

How was he about to go tomorrow to his dancing classes again? 

His heart beat fast, he almost welled up because at that moment, he only wanted the small presence of his Yunhyeong.

“Hey…” he talked softly not to wake Hanbin, holding the phone between his ear and the pillow to return his arm around Hanbin’s back and said guy wiggled a little to press closer in his deep slumber.

‘Sorry I was asleep when you called… everything is okay baby…?’ Yunhyeong’s voice was groggy and full of sleep, but the worry still blatant in his words.

“It’s okay Yun, just wanted to hear your voice… _needed it_.” Donghyuk took a deep inhale that didn’t go unnoticed by Yunhyeong on the other line ‘Everything is good?’

“It is now… sort of? Took care of it but… I w-want you, so badly.” His voice cracked a bit and he was too tired to pretend he was okay, he wasn’t okay, he was terribly exhausted.

‘Want me to come over?’ he couldn’t, he took a quick glance at the boy in his arms; wasn’t about to let Hanbin wake up alone “Can’t now baby… morning, by morning I’m gonna knock at your door.”

‘Okay,’ Yunhyeong’s voice was hesitant a little but didn’t stress it much ‘then I’m keeping the line on until you fall asleep.’ Donghyuk smiled for once that day, he unconsciously buried his face in Hanbin’s hair, his nose buried in to take a small breath of Hanbin’s freshly showered scent “I would appreciate that but don’t you have to work?”

‘You know I’m the boss there, I can skip any day I want.’ Oh the haughtiness “So smug about it, aren’t you?” Donghyuk laughed a little but immediately shut up when Hanbin moved to turn his back around, “Shush…”

‘Why? Sharing beds again?’ Yunhyeong said and Donghyuk wondered if he should tell him about what happened, maybe later, he wasn’t feeling like any depressing talk “Yeah, have a handful of Hanbin hyung right now, gotta remain quiet y’know.”

Donghyuk ended up with no glimpse of sleep, Yunhyeong busied him with his random stories and embarrassing daddy jokes that got him to muffle his laughs for the sake of sleepy Hanbin.

He didn’t notice until the night started to subside through the window and the sky was light blue now.

He closed the line when he heard the light snores of Yunhyeong, he tried to stay awake for him but he was tired from his work he passed halfway the call but kept it connected.

Donghyuk found it useless to fall asleep then, might as well wake Hanbin and sneak into his boyfriend’s apartment next door.

Maybe ditch his classes, wow that was so tempting to his sleep deprived head he found himself shaking Hanbin awake by seven o’clock.

He made a quick note to tell Lisa and the boys he would ditch. 

Hanbin cracked an eye open to receive a Donghyuk in his face, he was too sleepy to keep his head up, a second and he was buried back in the pillows.

“Binnie hyung you need to wake up, it’s already seven.” Donghyuk said quietly to not disturb him, he carded his hand through Hanbin’s hair and tugged, Hanbin only hummed contently which made Donghyuk smile warmly at him “C'mon hyung, I will prepare you an outfit before I leave for Yun’s.” Hanbin mumbled a muffled word he couldn’t distinguish but it seemed like an approval.

Donghyuk fussed around to fix Hanbin a fit, he slept naked yesterday so he might have caught some sickness, Donghyuk figured a bit thick hoodie with one of his pants would do, he didn’t forget to put him an underwear since he couldn’t put one on him last night.

Washing in the bathroom and changing his clothes for more comfy once, he reached Junhoe’s sleepy head. He ruffled his hair and Junhoe grumbled at him as he shook the hand away to bury in the pillow. 

Junhoe told him he would ditch classes already but he still didn’t want to sneak out without giving notice to the guy, pulling Junhoe’s bangs to press a small lingering kiss over his forehead he whispered “I will leave for Yun’s, be back by afternoon.” Junhoe didn’t reply but also didn’t shrug the kiss so it was an approval to Donghyuk as he said happy goodbyes. 

Donghyuk strode into Hanbin’s room again “C’mon sleepy head I’m going out!”

Donghyuk called one last time for Hanbin before he was out of the door to his boyfriend.

Yunhyeong had left the keys to Donghyuk so he could sneak in, he did with his sweats and oversized shirt, he tiptoed but stopped by two figures on the sofa.

Was that Yunhyeong’s brother Chanwoo snuggling on Moonbin’s chest?

Donghyuk cued at the pair; so much for Chanwoo always complaining at the guy invading his privacy and crashing in their apartment 24/7.

But he looked so comfortable wrapped in Moonbin’s arms covered in one sheet; Donghyuk fixed the fallen blanket before he strode his way to his boyfriend’s room.

He got in and closed the doors slowly after, Yunhyeong was in deep sleep he didn’t notice his presence and Donghyuk didn’t mind, he was seconds away from passing out and he needed just the smallest touch and warmth of his lover to envelope him so he could do so peacefully and he did the moment he fitted himself against Yunhyeong’s side.

He sighed contently, forgetting everything for a little while, surrounding his mind to Yunhyeong and Yunhyeong only.

Yunhyeong flipped on his side and pulled Donghyuk’s body on instincts, taking unconscious breath before burying his face in his hair.

It was only then that he was able to rest his mind at ease and pass out.

——— 

Hanbin heard Donghyuk’s calls, felt his soft hand the feather kiss pressed to his head, he was semi aware of last night, not much though but he remembered Donghyuk sneaking in to cuddle him and that was alone enough to lift some off his chest but the heavy feeling was still there.

He was too tired to think everything he let his head fall a little bit more over the pillow, the next moment he opened his eyes he was surprised to see the clock was a few minutes away from passing eight. 

God that was horrible. 

Time passed him and he didn’t notice, he groaned, despite sleeping he felt worn out and dog-tired. He couldn’t possibly hate himself any more. 

His headache was a plus since he cried for hours yesterday and slept for so fucking long for a normal human being. 

He did not just oversleep, he didn’t even think about the mess, didn’t get to figure out what to do next, didn’t even have the chance to enjoy Donghyuk’s presence. 

He could see the day being one of the worst he had for a while. 

That was confirmed when Junhoe decided he wasn’t feeling it and will skip classes for the day. 

Said guy didn’t even bother turning around in his bed to look him in the face, he just ignored him while snuggling in his comforter.

Donghyuk was out for his boyfriend and Hanbin found himself knocking on the girls’ door for company because he was honest to god couldn’t pass the day without anyone around to distract him. 

Jennie welcomed him first with her gummy smile but it slowly disappeared when he returned it with a poor one.

“You okay Bin?” she reached a hand out to settle the mess of hair he didn’t bother styling for the day.

Hanbin leaned his head down a little to let her fingers card his locks, “I will be, boys ditching classes for the day.”

“Lisa already out but Mino is driving me, come with us.” She decided it wasn’t time to have questioning at the front door while both being late, despite the worry nagging in her chest she smiled, told him to wait while she went to grab her purse and sketchbook that Hanbin was always curious about but she never showed him.

Hanbin had no choice but to sit at the front seat when Jennie took the back one, “Morning Mino hyung.” Hanbin tried to act as okay as possible, Mino returned the greeting only to frown at the melancholy vibes encasing him.

Mino reached a hand to pat Hanbin’s shoulder for attention and Hanbin met his eyes nervously, “You fine there lil’ guy?” Hanbin wanted to tell him no, tell him he wasn’t okay and he wanted out of his head but couldn’t, words wouldn’t leave his mouth.

Hanbin bit his lower lip to stop it from trembling, eyes shaky and hands gripping his hoodie tensely, Hanbin averted his eyes down before he shook his head light yet in a stiff way.

Mino sent Jennie a worried look through the mirror and she returned it with a head shake, “Listen Bin, when you finish classes call me and I will come pick you up, yeah?” Hanbin nodded hesitantly, “Good, let us have some chit chat then.” Mino smiled to lift him up, ruffling his hair before he started the engine and drove them to their collage.

Jennie tried her best to keep the mood up, cracking some jokes throughout their walk to their classes, Hanbin indulging her as best as he could.

Her phone peeped and there was a message from Mino ‘Can you stay with him for the day, don’t leave him alone.’ Jennie sent a look towards Hanbin but he was too spaced out to notice her and she replied ‘Definitely, was planning on doing so.’ She stuck her phone back in her jeans’ back pocket.

They reached Hanbin’s lecture hall first and Jennie called for his attention, he didn’t have enough time to focus when he felt arms around his neck and Jennie was hugging him in her small embrace “Take care of yourself yeah?” she pulled her face back slightly to look him in the eyes, he looked so struck with wide eyes and slightly parted lips, probably didn’t expect the warm gesture.

The emotion draped his anxious heart in a calm dust and for once he returned her a genuine smile, “Will do Jen.”

She unwrapped her arms and took a step back with a bright beam Hanbin felt bad for not being able to return.

“You know, you have all of us around you right?” She tilted her head and Hanbin took a second to let the words sink “You are never alone Hanbin.” Hanbin felt both ashamed and shy, he didn’t deserve all this compassion and care, it was too much good feelings his heart was twisting awfully in his chest, such a bittersweet feeling, kindness shouldn’t hurt but it never failed to pull his heart apart.

Why suddenly everyone were looking after him? He didn’t deserve any of this, what was good about dedicating yourself for such a terrible fucked up worthless person like him?

Jennie seemed to notice the dip he took inside his head when she said rather in a high pitch tone to snap him off “Come find me after classes, I might finally show you my drawings!” yeah if it meant making him any less sad she would reveal him the drawings she showed to no one. Not even Mino.

“You would?” Hanbin was baffled because she always refused profusely to show them, even when Junhoe bribed her with a free bag of her favorite snacks, and now she would do that for him?

“Yes I would if it would make you feel any bit better.” Once again his thoughts were not really his thoughts when he let them out.

“Thanks Jennie, I don’t know why you would do that… for me…” Hanbin fiddled with the hem of his hoodie as he looked down embarrassed. 

“Because sadness doesn’t suit you Hanbin.” 

His eyes widened at the words as he snapped up and the fond looks on her face made his insides curl “Gotta go now! See you after classes!”

She left then but he remained rooted in his place, since when people took it upon themselves to wipe away his sadness? He had Junhoe and Donghyuk but they were his friend for four years, but those people who barely knew him, why would they bother with him to such extent? Why would they take the trouble of mending him? That was burdensome, people shouldn’t seek out extra luggage to carry but…

Hanbin’s hand laid on his beating heart, tapping his chest slowly to calm it down a little, was the feeling good or was it bad?

————

It was weird how the lecture passed by, he blanked, didn’t focus on any words, his mind didn’t even think about anything, not Junhoe straying from him, not Bobby giving up not even Donghyuk keeping him company at night and both Mino and Jennie being his mental support for the day when he didn’t expect it in the least. That also made his mind do a trip to Jinhwan who knew now when he spewed everything in a moment of frailty

His mind was a mess but he decided blanking was the best option, he was tired, he wanted the lecture to end so he could stalk Jennie for comfort, he hated taking advantage of her but he wanted distraction, was he treating them like distraction instead of friends now?

Hanbin groaned; fuck everything.

Negativity was encasing him in a shell and he just needed out.

Hanbin dragged himself out of the hall, lecture ended but he was so drained physically and emotionally he didn’t find it in him to move at all.

Steps heavy and wilted; he thought maybe moving to his next lecture and just nap there until his teacher arrived would be a good idea, he would meet up with Jennie after his other lecture ends; he made a note to give her a heads up.

His expressions were sullen and he didn’t even bother fixing it, his heart weighty and it showed over his facade so evidently.

“Kim Hanbin.” A feminine voice called him and he whipped around instantly in surprise, Jisoo, Miss Jisoo.

Hanbin immediately halted his steps and turned around to bow at her, she tugged her head down in return, her smooth hair falling over her shoulder with the gesture and she tugged it back but Hanbin noticed something weird.

There were bruises over her wrists though she tried hiding them with oversized sleeves, he didn’t want to focus too much but she tried hiding her neck as well in an obvious way with her hair, nothing was too apparent but he noticed the darkening marks peaking slightly under her high collar. Choking bruises… 

Why was he focusing that much, sure everyone could have an exciting love life yeah?

Why so bitter Hanbin, he fought the grimace back and covered it with a polite expression.

“Hello Miss Jisoo.” He smiled awkwardly, he was honest to god too mind-fucked for this, feeling small under her strong presence, it made him nervous how she kept her face stoic, not being able to read her emotions made him further anxious as if he was short on one of his senses, he wouldn’t know how to act because he wouldn’t know what her reaction would be.

“These are your books, Kim Jiwon is absent today and he told me to deliver them to you.” She said and he took them with hesitant hands, he left them last night and he is absent today… putting two and two together few stuff clicked within him and his heart tugged painfully in his chest he wanted to clutch it so hard but he forbade himself from doing it in front of the teacher.

“T-Thanks.” He bowed again and she nodded at him, she was about to turn around and leave when he shouted nervously at her to stop, he didn’t realize it until the words tumbled off his mouth unsteadily.

She turned around halfway and eyed him with her stoic eyes, he was sure he was blushing from embarrassment and his heart was beating way faster than it should but he said it either way so he got to suck it up.

“Is… Is Mr. Jiwon o-okay?” he lowered his head to look at his feet, trying to hide behind his bangs.

Why did he even bother with Bobby?

A flashback of that sad smile invaded his vision and he shut his eyes with a shaky breath.

In which place was he to ask about his teacher? Stupid Hanbin really fucking stupid why would you ask her? She would get suspicious of you; Hanbin really wanted to curl into a small ball and disappear from existence.

There was a moment of suffocation where silence stretched so long for Hanbin’s mind clock; Hanbin didn’t know what to expect after.

“Would you even care to know how he is doing?” 

Hanbin’s eyes widened, he felt his heart drop, literally he felt the awful twist in his guts his breath hitched, the words were ice cold and he instantly snapped up to look her in the eyes but he once again couldn’t understand anything from her emotions.

“I… I—” he didn’t know what to say, she knew, she definitely knew and that freaked him out.

“Kim Hanbin.” She bowed slightly before she turned around and left.

Hanbin remained rooted to his spot, he done fucked up for real this time, he definitely did and he didn’t know what to think of it all, she knew? She had seen him yesterday?

But… why there was that awful feeling within him that Bobby wasn’t okay…

Despite every emotion within him, apprehension was a prominent one within them, was Bobby okay? Why didn’t she tell him, she definitely spent the night with him, were they that close? did they…? Why was he suddenly prodding on that! He entrusted her with his books, she knew him, Bobby told her about him, _told her to give it to Kim Hanbin_. 

What would his book do at home with his teacher?

She knew.

What should he make of all of this?

.

.

_Why was he absent?_

————

“Hey Jennie… sorry for calling I’m… can you… can I have you with me… y’know?” Hanbin rubbed his face tiredly, he ditched his second lecture, he felt sick and dizzy his mind was about to split in two from all the thoughts swarming his head, he received a confirmation from Jennie and then he was on his way to her.

He saw her waiting under some tree, sitting on the grass, her sketchbook on her lap while she scribbled some stuff on it.

Unlike each time she would immediately close and hide it, this time she didn’t bother when she laid it on the grass and patted the spot beside her to sit but to her surprise he flopped down and rested his head over her lap.

“My head hurts…” he mumbled as he rested the back of his arm over his eyes, she hummed silently and following the soft sound her delicate touches carded through his curls.

“My magic can work that.” She joked as she scratched his scalp lightly with her fingertips, Hanbin couldn’t deny the touch soothed him so much and he loved the calm of it.

It took them a while staying like that, “I don’t wanna intrude you know but… you can tell me? I keep secrets well…?” she hesitated with the words and Hanbin lifted his arm to look up at her.

It was such a beautiful view, her cute frown amidst her flowing hair, the sun rays passing through the tree leafs above her to wash through her fallen locks.

But the genuine concern covering her features was the most beautiful thing about it all.

“I think I hurt someone… I didn’t wanna hurt…” he smiled but it was sad, her hand didn’t stop soothing his head.

“Why not apologize…?” she said not quite knowing what to afford guidance yet.

“I don’t think he would wanna that… I’m… I think we just don’t fit…”

“Problems won’t solve themselves on their own y’know?” she frowned and he peered up at her with a rather out of context smile.

“I’m used to pain Jennie… nothing will change, not even him can… change me…” despite the smile, his eyes were as if not looking at her when he tapped her nose lightly; he was recalling much different memories with the gesture she didn’t know about.

She frowned for a few seconds, pondering everything before something seemed to click in her head “Why would you need someone to change you?” her words snapped his attention “When you can easily do that on your own.”

He was quite dumbstruck by the question, how grave it dug deep within his many undeviating cracks.

“You see Hanbin, you are short on nothing. You can easily be whoever you wanna be, you are handsome, funny, smart, what else do you lack?”

“Jennie…”

“No Hanbin, I, as a friend I need to tell you that, you might need people along the journey to find yourself and who you wanna be; but that’s your own job, we are just here to lend you strength for it and push you forward.” Jennie’s hold in his hair were firm as she stared assertively in his eyes, the looks alone rendered him speechless.

“No one will ever be able to change you but yourself Hanbin. Because only you know how and what you need to become the one only you know who.”

Few minutes passed where Jennie let him rethink every word she said, in a way she was right? Was she right? Would he be able to do it? Without anyone’s help?

So many questions swarmed his head, a new surge of hope cruising through him, would he? He wanted to believe he could so bad so he peered up at her again with desperate eyes “What if I got scared? What if I wasn’t enough to do that? Wha—”

“That’s where we step in Hanbin, that’s when you seek the people around you, _us_.”

Oh…

The rest of the next hour passed quietly in a rather comfortable silence none of them complained about, Jennie’s phone on the grass playing random pop songs mixing with the background laughter and noises of students and the winds.

Hanbin heard tosses of papers and he tilted his face to see the winds flipping through the pages of Jennie’s sketchbook and he saw glimpses of her art.

“Hey,” Hanbin grabbed her attention as he sat up and she opened her eyes to hum at him “You told me you would show me your art.”

Hanbin saw how her cheeks tinted soft pink and she fumbled with her words “Ughh… yeah I guess? But don’t laugh at me yeah?” she put the book in her lap.

“Why would I do that?” Hanbin offered her an assuring smile that seemed to ease her and she sighed before tilting the book towards him and she slowly went through the pages.

Hanbin was struck by the beautiful fashion sketches, they looked anarchic but the lines were certain like they were drawn with confidence to be presented in a messy way, they were bold, splashed by small colors that gave them vintage vibes and Hanbin didn’t find any words to say as he unconsciously took the book in his hands to flip the pages on his own.

Jennie eyed him intently, biting her lips in a mix of anticipation and nervousness and Hanbin let on a thrilled ‘wow’

“They are good?” she looked at him in expectation and he met her eyes excitedly, nodding enthusiastically “They are amazing Jen!” she beamed at him happily “But who is the guy in the pictures?”

There were pictures of the same model with each drawing, the sketches seemed to copy his outfit in each one.

At the mention of the pictures Jennie turned beat red “You don’t know him? He is fairly famous.” She pouted.

“Am I supposed to?” Hanbin averted his eyes back at the picture while laughing sheepishly “Yes you do?!” Jennie fumed cutely, to be honest Hanbin couldn’t take her outburst seriously keeping his smile up.

Well, he was enjoying the adorable reactions passing her face more than anything “He is Kai? The famous model and rising artist? He has walked the runway for many famous worldwide brands!”

“Yeah? And why do you like him that much?” the words were harmless but Jennie was flustered and she started to fiddle with her phone in her hands.

“Ughh… I… erm… I actually saw him?” now that got Hanbin’s interest “You did? Wow that’s amazing!”

“I know right?!” Jennie’s mood reversed within a second from shy and fumbling to excitedly spewing the whole story of how she went for a show sponsored for her fashion design class, she met him there in a weird way where she got her sketches scattered all over the place embarrassingly and she was about to faint from humiliation as she got criticized by the big heads at the show there but then there was Kai who went out of his way in all his gorgeous glory to pick the papers for her because it seemed her hands were too shaky to hold them in.

He was mesmerized by them he took a few minutes looking through them, encouraged her to go all out with her studies and he might wear one of her designs one day and there she was a whole tomato stuttering her words in front of him.

He laughed at her and she forgot her embarrassment in the beauty of it and then he asked her for a favor, next time they meet he wanted sketches of him.

Which was why she got a whole sketchbook full of him ready to send it soon after it gets finished.

“Wow Jennie, that’s just… aren’t this some type of drama or fan fiction you read?” Jennie beamed while nodding “I know right! I also can’t believe this but… ughh Hanbin you should see how a sweetheart he is, a true gentleman.” Hanbin laughed at her fangirling mood, totally lost as she fantasized about the supermodel.

It took a while for Jennie to get over the subject, not that Hanbin was bothered, actually it was funny listening to her going totally whipped for her bias, or that’s what she called him so.

But Chaeyoung interrupting them got her to finally quieten down “Called Mino to pick me up but he said he is taking you both home, asked when you both be finished?”

“You coming home with us?” Jennie smiled brightly at her but Chaeyoung looked a little out of it when she returned it weakly, “I think…? I just want to check on… Junhoe y’know he is absent today.” Chaeyoung wasn’t even blushing this time, more like bothered by something, she was worried and Jennie immediately picked up on it.

She connected couple dots together and the quiet Hanbin beside her proved her untold theory.

She tried to avert the mood by talking lightly. Getting up, she offered a hand for Hanbin “Let’s go then, we both are done.” She took hold of Chaeyoung’s hand with her other one as she dragged them with her, her notebook and stuff in Hanbin’s hand.

The drive home was awkward in a way, Jennie and Mino sending each other signals but both didn’t know how to deal with it even when Mino tried fixing them some topics and getting Chaeyoung to participate in their conversations but both she and Hanbin weren’t feeling it at all.

Girls existed the car, Jennie attending to the girl while Mino tried it with Hanbin since he promised the younger guy a talk this morning.

Mino called for Hanbin’s attention before he got out “Hey man, if you feeling it up for tonight, come crash at my apartment.” Hanbin seemed to contemplate the offer for a while and Mino hoped the guy wouldn’t decline. 

“Will see? I will give you a call after I take a nap.” Hanbin tried assuring him with a smile and Mino thought it wouldn’t do pressuring him over it so he returned a better realer smile back “Okay Bin, I will be back by eight from work so feel like dropping any time by then.”

Jennie walked Chaeyoung all the way up to the boy’s apartment, knowing she passed her own apartment two floors down, “You okay baby?” Jennie hugged Chaeyoung sideways but Chaeyoung remained as quiet “It’s not about me being okay… I’m okay if he is okay…” Jennie grimaced at the words, glad the dejected girl beside her didn’t pick up on the expression “He will be fine don’t worry about that crackhead, he is Junhoe y’know?”

Jennie tried really, but who was she kidding? Yeah, she knew her friend so well, knew Chaeyoung wouldn’t lit up until she got to see that dumb head’s smile.

She pitied the girl but what could she do when she didn’t even know what went in with the boys that Junhoe had to ditched college and his struggling best friend?

Donghyuk welcomed them home, asked Jennie to step in but she didn’t want to interrupt a much needed private time so she declined, she had the urge to ask Donghyuk what happened but the guy himself didn’t look as good so she threw the idea in her mind’s trash and swallowed her curiosity as some sort of a courtesy.

She bid goodbye and she watched Chaeyoung timidly walk in before the door closed after.

Chaeyoung fiddled nervously in her place, Donghyuk took pity on her and offered her to sit down by the sofa but she refused instantly, she wanted Junhoe, she needed to check on him right away but Donghyuk didn’t take it until she was sitting down fidgeting in her place.

Her worry didn’t come from nothing yeah; her guts’ feelings always came true when it concerned said guy, especially after his doleful self the couple past weeks, he looked worse and worse even his perfect act in pretending he was fine wasn’t convincing anymore.

She looked for him the whole day and when she found Jennie and Hanbin alone she knew something was terribly wrong, when he didn’t pick up her calls and half assing replies to her messages, her worry flared up.

He wasn’t fine, definitely wasn’t and she needed to make sure he was okay.

“Hey girl, you okay there?” Donghyuk waved a hand in front of her face and she snapped up instantly, he offered her a warm cup of tea and she quietly thanked him.

He sat at the table in front of her, his apologetic smile so knowing and she had to avert her eyes down from the exposure she felt “I’m worried as well… so don’t feel alone at this Chaeyoung.” Donghyuk spoke softly and his unique honey voice was a much welcome calm in her chaotic mind.

God she wasn’t used to all these complications, she preferred silence and quiet but everything inside her was a total contrast to the words.

“I wanna… see him…” she whispered hesitantly, “He went to sleep a while ago, dunno if he is up still or not.” She fiddled with the cup in her hands and Donghyuk spoke again “Listen, this is not something new when it comes to Junhoe, he tends to lose it when he can’t get a grip on his rationality and emotions.” Chaeyoung listened intently to the words spoken in a careful way.

“He is… not in good terms with Hanbin which is throwing him off, he is not used to this. He is hiding away so he won’t hurt anybody in the process.” Donghyuk tried to explain as much as he could in the easiest way and Chaeyoung got it, got him because Junhoe was her best friend for four years now, she saw him in this state… no, much worse definitely, she… yeah two years ago when he broke down and cried his eyes out in her lap when he couldn’t take it in anymore.

It was always Hanbin, Hanbin was all the reasons behind Junhoe’s descending state.

She could still remember that night, she shuddered at the terrifying reminders; it was raining; so hard for a mid-July night but there was Junhoe at the doorsteps of her home, drenched in water and shaking to the last bone in his body.

She was sure the drops trailing down his face were tears; and his hands, his hands were bruised and had cuts all over his knuckles when he reached out shakily for her to hold them for him… he looked lost… he looked so scared.

‘I don’t know what to do anymore Chaeyoung…’ 

That was the first time she heard her real name fall off his lips but how much she wished she didn’t because that was the only time and he said it with much agony it hurt, it was tormenting when he was on the floor trembling, laying his head on her lap, damp hair wetting her skirt but what did matter that time? When he confessed everything to her like grave sins and she had some ability to offer him some type of forgiveness for everything he did.

But she didn’t. She was only human. 

‘I… did everything; I kicked him… I hit him and punched him, I-I almost _killed_ him…’ he shivered with dilated eyes as if recalling the scene right there in front of his mortified eyes “but it didn’t satisfy me, it feels much worse I-I can’t breathe.’

He did all that for Hanbin.

Hanbin didn’t know.

Still didn’t.

The way she wrapped Junhoe’s hands for weeks to hide the purple bluish colors from everyone, those days where she sneaked him home behind her parents’ back to cuddle him to sleep.

He wouldn’t rest unless someone was there with him, he would sleep for a few hours before returning to Hanbin because he couldn’t get a glimpse there.

Because he had to act strong and stable in front of Hanbin.

Hanbin needed him that time and she knew, she was fully aware.

She saw Hanbin that time; she wished she didn’t; she really just wanted to drop Junhoe’s sweater he left that wet awful night but she was welcomed by yells and shouts, she dashed in on instinct to help in whichever way she could but she saw Hanbin thrash in Junhoe’s arms.

Broken down to pieces, cracked in all possible ways; she stood there watching Hanbin losing the breath out of him, choking on thin air with tear stained face and blown dilated eyes, bloodshot she felt the burn in her own and he looked torn as he struggled to break free from Junhoe’s hold, yelling and screaming horrifyingly as he clawed at Junhoe’s bare arms.

There was blood trailing Junhoe’s skin but there was ghost white him who barely kept his being together, she feared he would bite blood out of his lips trying to swallow back whatever noises surfacing to escape him.

Donghyuk was there, Donghyuk was there but curled over himself on the sofa; shutting his eyes and ears from the splitting unbearable screams of Hanbin’s.

The details were imprinted in her head like inner scars, not ever had she went through anything close; she was a normal boring girl from an average boring family, empty on every drama.

But this? The deafening yells ringing in her ears, her heart resounding against her ribcage with it, the way she trembled, shocked.

_And the way Junhoe turned around and met her eyes._

The dreadful fright in them, the desperate pleas, and then Hanbin was choking on his screams, throwing up his empty stomach on Junhoe’s lap as his body sagged and his holds finally went loose on Junhoe’s shredded arms.

‘I-I Junhoe I c-can’t control it- I’m g-gonna d-die—’

She remembered every word and how horrifying they were.

What happened to Hanbin…?

She then understood that Junhoe had no choice.

Hanbin needed him and Junhoe needed anyone; that could only be her then because at that time, all three of them seemed like lost kids, they needed someone, anybody to ground them.

That night she lied to her family and stayed with them, Hanbin wasn’t much aware of her; passed out after his severe panic attack, lifeless laid there in his bed.

She remembered how she was the one changing Hanbin’s clothes and putting him to bed because both boys couldn’t at that time, she was the most capable one, _or she thought._

She also recalled the marks covering Hanbin’s face like fresh wounds, she hoped there was none more over his body; she didn’t see, she couldn’t… she was afraid.

She was scared of discovering ugly truths; didn’t know if there was more what would she make of it or if she could handle seeing them so she huddled him with pillows and covers and got out, swallowing the pile rising up her throat at the sick images in her head.

She kept both the lights and door open in case. 

She entered the bathroom to wash her face a little but she was welcomed by a suffocating steam and Junhoe in the tub with running water, scalding hot his skin was turning awfully red but he looked so out of it to even realize the harm of it. 

She ran on impulse to close it, shocked and trembling with his motionless form, she didn’t care that time when she jumped in the water fully wetting her clothes or even the unbearable boiling water scalding her skin, the way she pulled him in and hugged him with shaky numb arms. 

When he got his own out of the water there was blood seeping out of his open wounds but he didn’t seem to feel the sting of them under hot water or even recognize Hanbin had left cuts on his both of his arms.

He buried himself in her chest, held to her so tight she thought her back would break but what mattered was him. Junhoe only.

She stayed until the water cooled down, she washed him, she put a change of clothes for him, she cleaned his wounds and wrapped them.

She still didn’t know if Junhoe was aware when she kissed each and every cut over his skin.

And then she was there lulling him to sleep in her arms, even when Donghyuk was curled on the other bed under many blankets in a hot summer night she was traumatized to the point of no rationality existed in her head.

—

Chaeyoung felt two hands cradle her cheeks and she snapped immediately with wide shook eyes, her ears rang for a while and her vision blurred before she could make up some sense of her surroundings. 

Donghyuk was looking at her with intense worry, standing in front of her and she felt a bead of sweat trail down her face and over his hand, she immediately shrugged his hands off, heart rocking her rips and she felt ice cold; she probably looked ghost white from the way Donghyuk seemed to fret about her there.

“Shush Chae… don’t think about anything… it won’t happen again… it won’t…” she loved his voice, she needed the words in his honey voice to calm her; just when her cheek pressed against the rough beats under Donghyuk’s chest she realized she was crying so hard, breathing heavily as she tried to suppress the tremors running her fragile body. 

Donghyuk’s hug felt the best second to Junhoe’s and she found herself needing that grounding feeling before getting there for her friend so she let it be.

Burying herself into Donghyuk’s chest, it felt sedating, it felt safe, it felt like Mino’s hugs when he used to hide her from bullies through her school days or Lisa’s when she protected her and showed her she was cared for and loved. 

Donghyuk felt the same; like a whole shelter, a feeling she missed so much and she wailed because she wanted to run and hug her Mino hyung, why did she forget and when was the last time she did run to his arms, when did they grow this distant?

Not the right time Rosé not the right time, deal with this later now you need calm, a little calm. 

Donghyuk was whispering her reassuring words and her cries slowed down to small hiccups, he rubbed soft circles over her back, she then realized the tight fists she had on his shirt and the wet patches on his shirt and she blushed hard, embarrassment covering her and she slowly pulled off, refusing to meet his eyes and he chuckled a little. 

The laugh was so beautiful she found herself staring at it with slight gabbed mouth, she then figured out why Junhoe favorited him or why Lisa ranted about him that much. 

An angel. 

“You and June are two side of a coin, so different yet all the same, cry babies.”

————

Chaeyoung stepped into the dim room, silently walking to the man huddled under his blankets.

The bed dipped a little under her weight when she sat behind him and when she laid a soft hand over his shoulder she heard the small breath he let, he was awake.

“Rosé?” it was weird how he could easily recognize her by the mere touch; she smiled a little knowing he couldn’t see it “Hmm June?” she whispered his name and it took few fleeting seconds before he wiggled under the sheets and turned around, big hand going over to grab her by the hip so she could move closer on the bed and then he was snuggling his head over her thighs.

Any other time she would get flustered but she was fully aware Junhoe wouldn’t touch her unless he necessitated the physical attentiveness to his perplexed self. 

The mere gesture was the final proof she needed to make sure she was correct. 

He was self destructing. 

“I need you Rosé…” Junhoe whispered against her skin and she carded her fingers through his hair, her other hand rubbing at his back and he tried to move as close to her as possible.

“You know you always have me yeah?” she tugged lightly at his hair and his breath hitched, she wondered what he felt, what was running through his head, what expressions laid over his features that he was hiding in her but she knew if he didn’t confess them on his own then there was no point in prodding, Junhoe would say it all when he would feel like it so she let just her presence be his company at that moment.

Junhoe was quiet for a while she wondered if he fell asleep there but then he scooted a little back and lifted the blanket before he looked up at her and that was the first time their eyes meet.

The unguarded tired looks in them twisted at her chest but before she could react to it he was petting the spot beside him, “Lay with me…?” the uncertainty and the way the words formed a question instead of a request as if he was asking too much from her.

Did he not know she would do any and everything for him if he just asked for it?

He probably didn’t

“Move a little I won’t fit.” She smiled at him, tried to lighten the mood a little and he pouted, the expression so foreign she almost cued at him but then he wasn’t scooting over but opening his arms wider for her to fit in.

She blushed, her cheeks coated in pink and she looked at him in ridicule, “Y-You wha—?” her heart probably louder than the ticks of the clock but he frowned, still sticking his arms out while holding the blanket.

He didn’t seem to back down and she gulped audibly before scooting down, space so small she had to press against him.

Yes they did lay together before, cuddled through tough nights and touched more than could be appropriate for mere friends but all those moments happened in situations they both wanted each other and their neediness exceeded their rational minds.

She wiggled a little to settle in beside him and just when she did he lowered his arm and wrapped her in the blanket, pulled her to snuggle her smaller frame against his warm chest.

So close, she could smell his addicting scent, feel his breath over her neck where he buried his face and she could feel the deep inhales he was taking with the heaving of his chest.

Warm, he was so warm she didn’t realize her small hands fisting at his chest, trying to calm down because… Junhoe was holding her… it had been so long and she missed the safe escape in these arms.

She buried her face in his chest, felt his arms tightened around her back and she let it because that’s all she needed and so did he.

It had been a few hours, Donghyuk watched Hanbin come back home, welcomed him with a lingering hug; like the first Hanbin stepped in he made a beeline for the kitchen where he was standing and wrapped him up in silently, didn’t say anything for the five minutes hold, Donghyuk asked but got nothing in return, so he just stood there rubbing his back soothingly and then Hanbin pressed a soft kiss over his neck then over his left cheek before pulling away and leaving the dumbfounded guy on his own wondering what on earth was going inside Hanbin’s head.

Donghyuk was planning on waiting for Chaeyoung to get out Junhoe’s room but after a couple hours he realized it was hopeless and Junhoe probably stuck to her like glue like the clingy self he becomes when depressed.

He needed his phone there though, Donghyuk whined as he flipped the TV in boredom, he wanted to call Yunhyeong or maybe Yunhyeong called him already? He didn’t know, his phone was stuck in their room and he blushed at the thought of invading the couple’s privacy or intruding on some stuff and get things awkward between them.

He definitely wouldn’t want that but heck it had been three fucking hours he wanted his fucking phone.

He was bored as fuck, tried doing anything possible, he peeked through Hanbin’s room and said guy was passed out, clothes scattered everywhere he even tidied the room for him but he was honest to god couldn’t take it anymore.

He stood awkwardly in front of the door, blushing at some inappropriate thoughts invading his head while his hand hovered over the doorknob.

Five minutes he stood there like an idiot before deciding he would go in but close his eyes and silently take the phone and dash out.

Good plan Donghyuk good plan now get in champ.

He slowly stepped in, eyes closed and as if on cue his phone blared on the other side on his messy bed, fuck fuck fuck he sprinted in to grab it and hung it on whoever was calling.

He let an inflated breath as he laid a hand over his drumming heart, he made the mistake of turning around on instincts to make sure no one woke up but he was shocked by what he saw.

Totally not what he expected and he found himself staring in awe at them.

The pair were in deep sleep, Junhoe spooning the small girl to him, wrapping a blanket with his arm around her waist, her back to his chest and her long hair all over his arm she was laying her head over.

Junhoe for once looked so peaceful to Donghyuk and he smiled softly at them, so beautiful.

He decided after a minute he should stop being a creep and he got out, closing the door quietly behind him only to yelp after seeing Hanbin rubbing his eyes while standing by his door.

“Why do you look like you are sneaking drugs?” Hanbin yawned and Donghyuk took deep breaths to calm down from his fright.

“Nothin’ dude, just took my phone quietly so June won’t nag me for waking him up.” Well, that wasn’t a whole lie, he just left Chaeyoung out of the equation.

“Hmm…” Hanbin hummed and averted his face, Donghyuk picked up at the distance in Hanbin’s face with the mention of their said friend.

“He will be fine, just give him time to adjust to everything.” Donghyuk afford some reassurance but he couldn’t understand what was going through Hanbin’s head “I’m doing that.” He only replied before walking ahead.

Donghyuk frowned when he saw Hanbin headed out to the entrance “You going somewhere?”

“Mino hyung said he wants to hang out with me.” Donghyuk raised an eyebrow at that, “Anything specific?”

“Dunno to be honest? Going to see what he wants.”

Hanbin closed the door behind him as he walked the hallways to meet Mino by the entrance but there was Jinhwan by the reception looking at him with meaningful stares and Hanbin blushed, unconsciously fiddling with his oversized hoodie.

“Good there Hanbin?” the question was intentionally made light so it wouldn’t put any pressure over Hanbin and he felt grateful for that as he returned the question with a modest shy smile.

“For now, I’m good Jinani.” Jinhwan smiled at that, way brightly than the words deserved and Hanbin wondered why people cared that much about him.

“Go ahead then, Mino had been waiting for ten minutes now.” Jinhwan shooed him off and Hanbin wondered how his landlord knew he was going out with Mino?

“Because I’m the landlord dummy, I know everything.”

As if that made sense of anything at all.

Mino was leaning over his car scrolling through his phone, the moment he took a glance over, he beamed when he found Hanbin finally showing up.

“Hey there ma lil’ man.” Mino stuck his hands along the phone in his jacket’s pockets “I’m old enough y’know?” Hanbin retorted but it lacked any sense of annoyance so Mino returned it with a toothy smile.

“You feel like one so I’m babying you for the fun of it.” Hanbin really wanted to roll his eyes but he couldn’t and he cursed Junhoe for not teaching how to do it despite nagging him for it multiple times.

He didn’t have time to feel bitter at the mention of his friend in his thoughts when Mino motioned for him to ride in the front seat of his matte red semi sports car, it kind of fitted Mino’s piercings and inked body, not too attention seeking but still sleek and expensive looking. 

“Thought I would take you for a walk but I have a better place.”

Hanbin wondered where that was but Mino wouldn’t tell him, the drive was okay, Mino wouldn’t let his mind stray anywhere with conversations spewing from everywhere; Mino literally talked about anything and Hanbin found himself relaxing as he listened to Mino ramble about his messy boys while music played in the background from the speakers, so low it felt calming as he watched the scenery going by them.

They reached a bridge and Hanbin frowned, what were they doing here?

They got out and Mino threw him his jacket; “Breeze gets cold here at night.” Mino walked and Hanbin followed after.

“I always take myself here for a moment of calm,” Mino sat down on the edge of the river running under the high concrete slab and Hanbin followed him, wrapping himself in the warm jacket; still had Mino’s body heat in it.

“But why did you bring me here?” Hanbin wondered as he eyed the older man and he watched the distant look in his eyes, it was weird how his mind threw him a flashback of Bobby, in a way Mino’s eyes held the same looks in Bobby’s couple days ago.

A look he couldn’t understand no matter how much he tried to decipher or figure it out.

His heart clenched awfully; he didn’t like this, the awful feeling.

“I hate seeing you sad, nah, I hate seeing anyone sad.” It seemed the more Mino spoke the more he got confused by the man.

“You don’t have to—”

“I do? I don’t know just take it as a weird hobby of mine.” Mino laughed but it was out of context, “Who would get a hobby out of this?”

“Me. It makes me feel better about myself.” Who would feel better about carrying others worries and troubles, it didn’t make any sense at all.

“Y’know Hanbin,” Mino’s voice suddenly took on a more serious tone “All of us suffered from situations before, left us struggling, dealing with madness beyond us; for years it made us doubt ourselves and existence, if it was worth all the trouble or putting an end would make it feel better.”

Mino stared up at the starry night in distance “It is like a countdown,” Mino pointed at the stars as if counting them “Once the timer hits zero it is the deadline, you make the final decision right there and then, you either give up or start anew.”

Hanbin looked at him kind of confused yet it made sense in a way with him, Mino didn’t even meet his eyes when he spoke again “In the end you decide that, no one will make the choice for you, no one will find you the escape, no one will tell you how to dissolve it, you do that.”

“You decide how and when, what to do, how to do it,” Mino looked at his feet as he swung them over the edge. 

“Cs in the end of it Hanbin; no one knows who is the person in your head you are aiming to be.”

A gust of wind blew and Hanbin felt the chills of both the words and the late night‘s coldness. 

“You know why my body is littered by ink?” Mino eyed him sideways as he raised a pierced eyebrow, a weird funny smile dancing over his lips; what was the point of questioning when he didn’t wait for an answer?

“This was one of my coping mechanisms,” he breathed a heavy inhale “I reached rock bottom Hanbin, I had no one that time; my friends moved on, I had to move on with my life as well but I… I can’t cope well with loneliness, I want people, I need people;” Hanbin noticed the way Mino held his hand with the other to stop the barely noticeable trembles of them. 

Mino right then was lost in his head; the words he recalled later felt like he was reading him an invisible book in front of him. 

Mino remembered everything; everything went way back to his childhood, rooted through his blood and veins.

He was _abandoned_ by his family, had to stay in a mortifying orphanage, got hurt; got abused, watched others get abused as well; who would have thought he would find a purpose out of that misery?

But at a young age he did; he found purpose in protecting others, when his parents threw him like a worthless person with no meaning he gave himself one. He gave himself a value. 

Forced people to give him value. 

He protected the kids there, he kept them safe for years, took the abuse for them and all the hurt until the pain started to become something satisfactory for him, it made him feel real, it reminded him he was doing something good, he had some sort of an objective to his existence.

It grew up with him, until the shelter got busted out and he lost that meaning, he had no purpose to his existence. People were gone, he could no longer protect anyone,_ there was no need for him anymore. _

He replaced the pain of fists and fights for temporary one of needles, inking his body because he wanted that feeling, it was weird, but he didn’t want to lose his tolerance to pain along the way, he wanted to still be able to risk his life for others any time any where, gave him a heroic feeling, he was a good person his parents couldn’t see, couldn’t appreciate but he was and he wanted to feel it and show it.

It escalated badly without him noticing, became closer to self harm, too much bigger he could no longer see or distinguish. 

He refused help at first, his friends yelled at him to stop, stop hurting himself, stop involving in meaningless fights to batter himself up, he got scolded countless times, his boys went insane when he came back one day dripping blood and smiling, he saved someone from possible danger wouldn’t that make him feel happy? It did. Why people couldn’t understand yet?

‘This is crazy Mino!’

“But this is my cause in life! What is the thing you don’t understand about it?! About me helping others!!”

‘Find another way Mino p-please… stop hurting yourself…’

‘For us at least…’

They made him promise, he wouldn’t have done it without that vow and their locked pinkies; and surprisingly he held down on that, new purpose was found and that was making his friends happy. Yeah he could do that. Maybe that was his reason for existence? Was this who he was? He was temporarily happy about finally finding some sort of refuge. 

He still tattooed his skin, he allowed himself that pain, it was acceptable, _he was inking; he wasn’t hurting himself._

He lied to make them feel better; so he could enjoy the pain with no remorse he was breaking a grave promise along the blurred lines in between. 

But at least he wasn’t fighting anyone, wasn’t hurting anybody, wasn’t purposefully cutting skin to make himself feel better or lock himself up to wonder why he existed and what was his role in life. 

At least he wasn’t questioning his significant because his friends made him feel worth it, cherished and loved. 

His friends saved him, they changed him along the way. 

They dragged him out of his head, gave him another perspective to look at things.

But then everyone graduated, everyone went on their own way, girls moved on, boys found jobs and he was left alone once again, no family, no partner, no friends… what was he living for anyway? 

Returning home daily to an empty room to question why was he even alive?

He couldn’t cope with that, he couldn’t live with it, he would itch to return back to his pain, getting piercings and more tattoos but not enough, nothing was enough because no reason to breath, he wanted a way to correct things, how to fix himself?

Loneliness was his enemy, he needed people.

As he resorted back to his pain; his self harm, he came to realize something. 

While he thought he was the one protecting others, they were the ones protecting him,_ protecting him from himself._

He would have died a long time ago, he realized his addiction to harm no longer was an outcome of protecting others, it was just… addiction, he didn’t know why he was doing it anymore he just did because no reason was there anymore. What did matter anyway?

He hated it, he hated all of it, his life was sick, counter was ticking down and he needed to resolve this, find a cure before it was too late, too late to salvage anything.

Mino knew what it felt like to reach fully underwater, to sink so low and deal everything on his own, desperate times, the secluded solitude, self-loathing and helplessness.

The dangerous thoughts and borderline choices.

He hated seeing anyone deal with their dangerous _faults_ on their own, before it was just finding purpose to his character but now? He wanted to save people, he no longer did it for himself; he was doing it so people wouldn’t go through what he went through.

It terrified him that there were many people going through the same dark circles he ran through for ages. He didn’t anyone to taste the bitter feel of it; especially not close people. 

Sicknesses inside the head tormented the worst because no one would understand and feel it like the person themselves. 

Who will understand if you tell them you don’t know who you are and why you exist, that your identity feels like blurred fog you can’t make anything of? 

Who would understand that you struggled for years trying to make a life for yourself instead of living one?

Who would understand you are struggling to be someone but keep on falling and falling and falling because you just can’t see how to do it?

Who you are? What are you living for? What is your aim in life? What do you want to be?

Not knowing the answer is like trodding on thin line of existence. 

But Mino understood; Mino went through them, spent years inside his head keeping his demons entertained and giving company to his many mental illnesses. 

He knew when he would see anyone, would immediately recognize the symptoms and he saw Hanbin. 

He didn’t want Hanbin to go through that, seeing Hanbin shut people out and deal everything on his own reminded him of his solitude; loneliness never came out with good upshots and he needed to get that through Hanbin’s head.

That he didn’t have to deal anything on his own, yes he should find himself out of this, fix himself, but not in isolation, at least when people around he wouldn’t do something stupid, people would stop him, people would remind him why he should keep fighting and it wasn’t over yet.

“I don’t want you to deal anything on your own Hanbin, look around you, the way to find yourself could be anywhere with anyone, not inside your head, not alone.”

Hanbin was shaken, he couldn’t make sense of it all at once but it was groundbreaking, the story Mino told was scary, yes it scared him, would he reach that terrifying level, would he one day... _give up_?

He didn’t want to give up, he wanted to alter himself maybe, he wanted to live the life anyone would wish for, faultless, happy and chains free.

He didn’t want the timer to reach an end before he could rescue himself.

Everything Mino said was similar in a mortifying way, from the abuse to… Hanbin was sick he felt the pile at the back of his throat and he tried to swallow down the sour taste with deliberate breaths. 

And then he realized something, as he stared wide-eyed at Mino that what Mino said was happening already.

The way he was shutting people out, the people who were supposed to be there for him. 

_Junhoe._

He was already prisoning himself up in his head, trying to get by it on his own, even when _Bobby_ offered help he shut him out as well.

And he had the audacity to cry about Bobby giving up on him? _He_ was screaming to be given up on, he was acting like someone who wanted to be left alone and abandoned; it was all up in his head because he wouldn’t fix himself and wouldn’t let anyone fix him? The cycle was absurd how was he supposed to reach an endpoint then? How? When he was stuck in a never ending loop?

It terrified him how comparable the words Mino said, how perfect they fell over him.

How he was reaching rock-bottom without even realizing it.

Stupid, he was stupid what was he doing?

Weird how he needed people to make him realize that, that without Mino, Jennie, Jinhwan he wouldn’t have realized anything.

And that exactly what Mino said, he needed people around him even if he was going to fix himself on his own, people there to remind him of what to do and what not.

“Finally sunk in?” Mino smiled lopsidedly at him, he looked kind of content with everything yet tired, as if he had done something terribly exhausting with disclosing his cracks, showing them bare and ugly.

But Mino didn’t mind as long as it would benefit others mend their own.

“I guess…” Hanbin whispered mindlessly as he tilted his head down.

He felt like his faultlines shook and they were adjusting themselves within him.

Too much to settle in.

But he wondered about something.

“Mino hyung…”

“Hmm?”

“How… were you able… to fix yourself?”

The smile on Mino’s face was bizarre, it held so much emotion in them, as if the thing flashed through his head brought life to his dim fractures.

Could that be called _hope_?

“I’m still not but maybe, I’m close there?”

“Wha..?”

“Do you know what my job is Hanbin?” Mino tilted his head to meet Hanbin’s eyes in a firm look and Hanbin looked dumbfounded at the out of context enquiry.

“No?”

“I’m a tattooist,”

“Is it what helped you get by?”

“Nope, the reason why I became one did.”

.

.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Finally; it took me three weeks to get this update by, it got long tho I had to split it; the doubleB junk is in the second part of it, still incomplete but dammit I’m excited to put the next couple updates out, y’all will love them ughh.  
*More revelations, more POV’s and more past scattered within the character’s memories.  
*A fact or maybe a spoiler but Mino’s part has everything, all the faultlines.  
*A question tho; should I put triggers in the tags? I’m contemplating that but I don’t want to spoil everything y’know ._.  
*Added ‘Donghyuk is fls angel’ as a new tag, because my baby deserves it after this update *cry*  
*Ignore any typos you see, editing 15k fried my braincells I will come back later to check on it again  
*Until next ‘Angsty’ update; see ya lovelies :3 <33


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —Whenever I thought it couldn’t get any much worse  
It did  
I stopped getting surprised long time ago

(Mild triggers ahead just to be safe)

Hanbin laid on his bed that night, contemplating everything in and out; spending hours talking with Mino until he felt the chill of the night in his bones, it strangely had his eyes opened on many things, a lot of stuff became clearer and made many sense he started to make a checklist of what to do and where to start and that definitely came with a number one priority.

Apologizing to Junhoe. Yes apologizing to Junhoe and get things fixed because he was being a terrible friend for him and Junhoe didn’t deserve to be neglected the way he did after many years of being there for him selflessly.

Also apologizing to Bobby and explain everything to him, maybe not really much ‘explaining’ but at least telling him he felt bad about everything and to be honest Hanbin just wanted to make sure Bobby was okay.

Except it wasn’t as easy doing as planning it out.

Hanbin was received by total ignorance from Junhoe the next couple days.

Junhoe would go much early to college, spend the day out, Hanbin had no ideas where and he would return late and ignore Hanbin even when he tried to approach him with some self-made juice he liked so much.

Hanbin pretended to believe him when he faked sleep that night and didn’t reply him when he called his name.

Junhoe was sulking and Hanbin knew when an Aries sulked they would avoid you like the plague.

So he sighed as he sat lonely in his lecture hall taking whatever nonsense the teacher was throwing at them.

At that point Hanbin just wanted for the week to end and get it over with so he could at least invite Junhoe out or reach calculus and have a talk with his teacher.

It was Thursday, so close to weekend, Mino had been driving him to college and back, Jennie kept him company and he found himself joined by the boys too.

Jimin laying his head on his lap was a much welcomed placidness he needed to avoid his grumpy mood because he started to feel the frustration cloacking him, even when he wanted to correct things he got the hardest two people to deal with.

He saw Junhoe walking with Chaeyoung from afar and he scowled involuntarily, how she could deal with Junhoe’s cranky ass, he always wondered.

He felt a hand tapping his cheek and he looked down at the guy currently laying on the grass with his head over his thighs.

“You will wrinkle your pretty face.” Jimin reached his other hand to pull Hanbin’s lips on either sides to make him smile and Hanbin sighed tiredly.

“Remind me again why you are ditching both your boyfriend and semi crush bestie to lay on me?” Jimin cheeks coated in pink instantly and Hanbin found himself pawing on them to see if they were as warm as they looked.

They were and that made him smile for once through his crabby day.

“Kookie has a lecture and Tae is taking a quick shower; he will tag later he said.” Jimin looked at the clock and he beamed when the time said his boyfriend’s lecture has ended a while ago.

“You cheating on me lil’ guy?” Hanbin heard a voice behind him and looked up to see said boyfriend peeking at them, Jungkook flopped down in front of them, throwing his books carelessly, the rounded glasses said he was some sort of a study-holic, Hanbin wondered if he was.

“And what if I am?” Jimin stuck his tongue out and Hanbin cracked at their childishness, Jimin didn’t even bother moving up to switch with his boyfriend’s lap and Hanbin had to smile apologetically at him.

Jungkook shook his head back “As if I’m not used to this, first his Tae and now Hanbin?” Jungkook unconsciously moved a hand to lay on Jimin’s thigh and Hanbin wanted to pretend he wasn’t staring at the small gesture.

“Tae is irreplaceable you know that.” Jimin buffed a breath and Hanbin saw the stupid smile Jungkook tried to hide, there was something he wanted to figure but not quite able to lay a finger on.

Why was Jungkook so okay with Jimin’s straightforward favoritism of Taehyung? He should be jealous but he didn’t act like one in the slightest.

He figured Jimin was oblivious but Jungkook didn’t give the vibes he was a naïve person, everyone who would look at both Jimin and Taehyung would know there was that tension in between, was Jungkook acting clueless? But why would he pretend?

Hanbin looked at the guys bickering over random stuff in front of him, something funny occurred to him; they looked more best friends than Taehyung and Jimin and that had him laughing.

“Oh! Oh! Ohmyy! Binnie laughed!!” Hanbin blushed as both guys snapped their attention to him when Jimin exclaimed excitedly.

“Don’t hide it.” Jungkook was definitely the flirty type because the way he tilted his head as the words rolled off his tongue in a semi naughty way got him fumbling with words and said guy burst with laughter at his modesty and he found himself laughing along them. 

“Who got the grumpy boy laughing?!” all of them looked up at the excited screech and there was Lisa joining them with both Taehyung and Donghyuk following behind.

“Imma give him a kiss right now.” Lisa flopped down with her freshly showered scent and tracksuit “Well, I don’t mind to be honest.” Jungkook eyed her sideways and he winked.

Everyone froze right there and then, eh?

“Wait, your boyfriend is right there.” The way Lisa leaned over to whisper quietly as if all of them didn’t hear her, it was comical though, Hanbin stared at the bizarre scene fighting the laugher trying to bubble up and a quick glance at the boys up and he knew he wasn’t alone. 

Donghyuk came and sat down beside him and Hanbin hummed, leaning his head over the familiar shoulder. 

“As if my boyfriend ain’t sleepin’ on another man’s lap,” Jungkook shrugged and Jimin fumbled with his words as he sat up, fluffing his hair to fix it with an adorable blush.

“Still man-!” she hushed the words, “Dun care gimme my kiss.” He was definitely the flirty one and he was doing all of this on purpose, if the sneaky glances he took of Jimin didn’t give him away already.

“Should I?” Lisa for once looked flustered as she looked between the two and Jimin huffed “Please do!” his pout made it hard to take his words seriously and then Teahyung was sitting beside him pulling him for a babying hug which was as much adorable.

Hanbin instantly turned around to check on Jungkook’s expressions expecting jealousy formed in a frown or a scowl but he was looking fondly at them?

Well, Lisa ended up kissing him on the cheek for a split second and spending the next ten minutes apologizing dramatically to Jimin which was funny in a way especially when Donghyuk was filming her and the girl fuming at him. 

Jimin stuck like glue to Taehyung the next hour as a punishment, Jungkook was the chillest about it though which made the place full of teasing instead of tension.

“Where is Yoon by the way?” Hanbin wondered when he noticed the missing boy. 

“Seunghoon took him on a date,” Donghyuk shrugged “He nailed an exam and that was the deal if he did so.”

“I want a boyfriend.” Definitely Lisa. 

Hanbin had one more lecture before he could escape home, he was kind of tired, hanging out with his loud friends sucked out his energy, it had been a while since he last got occupied in such a way he felt drained, their company was as much exhusting as it was fun; it was more of his introverted self’s side effects.

He didn’t notice when he pumped into a person thanks to his absent mind and he fumbled an apology with several awkward bows “It’s okay, you good there kid?”

Hanbin looked up and there was Mr. Namjoon looking down at him and he blushed at his dumbass self for sprinting into a teacher of all people, the sincerity in the worried expressions he received got him whispering a small “I’m good… sir… thank you.”

“Glad to know that,” Namjoon patted his shoulder in a friendly way; why their teachers no longer acted like teachers anymore? 

“Take care of your health, you don’t sound that much good to me.” Hanbin was confused, what did he mean by that? He couldn’t stand the fake easy expressions on the teacher’s face because he couldn’t see anything past them.

And then he figured something, “Erm… Mr. Namjoon…?”

“Yeah?” he replied as he took a quick glance at his wristwatch, it seemed he had a lecture to attend or something “Is Mr. Jiwon present today?” yes there was it the flick in Namjoon’s eyes he wanted to catch but it disappeared instantly under the dimpled smile.

“I don’t think so,”

He knew something, he definitely did just like Jisoo, something was wrong, he was positive and that flared his anxiety on a whole another level.

What was wrong with Bobby?

“He took a sick leave for the whole week I think?” Was he that loose-tongued or was he letting these extra informations on purpose? Hanbin was getting frustrated because he didn’t know and couldn’t understand. 

“Do you need anything from him? I can always deliver if needed.”

Yeah I need to know if he is okay or not.

“… just… nothing just wanted him for some problems I couldn’t figure out in calculus.” He hoped the man bought his fake smile.

“Well, unfortunately his smartass brain doesn’t seem to function enough for calculus right now.” Why was Namjoon doing that? Hanbin’s chest twisted because it couldn’t get any more boldline the way Namjoon was telling him Bobby wasn’t okay and hadn’t been okay for a while now.

He might as well straight out told him it was all his fault and Hanbin had to take a deep inhale to stay calm.

He wanted to see Bobby right there and then.

Why suddenly he had the urge to wrap him in his arms and tell him he was sorry, so sorry and he didn’t mean to push him away that cruelly; that he did nothing wrong he wasn’t at fault he was perfect.

He had to wait, wait for next week and that was so long Hanbin didn’t think he could handle the wait.

He didn’t notice when Jisoo exited a door nearby only when she stopped when she saw Hanbin a little out of it standing there with Namjoon, she approached them and that had Hanbin’s attention.

“Everything is good?” the look was pointed at Namjoon before she took a quick glance at Hanbin, averting her looks back to Namjoon, Hanbin couldn’t understand the exchange that happened between them before Namjoon shrugged her off with a sheepish smile.

“As good as it could get; just had a little talk with the boy.” Hanbin could swear Jisoo glared at him there but concealed it instantly, what were they hiding? Hanbin was about to scream at them in frustration for being too obvious; were they doing that on purpose as well?

What was it there he shouldn’t know?

“Sorry Hanbin, I think I need to take Mr. Namjoon for work.” Jisoo hand tugged at Namjoon’s sleeve and Namjoon sent him an apologetic smile, eying the time “Guess I really need to leave, take care kid.”

Both teachers bowed and he straightaway tugged his head down, Namjoon left him then after excusing himself with Jisoo,

What was all that about?

———

By the weekend, Mino was thin strand apart from pulling his hair off because Hanbin was sulking, Junhoe was sulking as well, Chaeyoung came in pair with said guy’s mood so she was as grumpy as them, Donghyuk looked beat when he dragged his boyfriend out of their apartment to god knew where but it seemed Donghyuk needed a break from the whole week.

There was Lisa trying to lift the mood miserably but what could she do with the hopeless gloomy living room.

“Do something.” Jennie nudged Mino.

“I tried.” Mino slumped over the kitchen island while eying the awkwardness in the living room, Junhoe wouldn’t have tagged if not for Chaeyoung being there.

“This is disastrous.”

“I can see that and I’m feeling like absolute shit.”

“You know what; we should get them out of this apartment, a night out?” Jennie suggested and Mino hummed, “But the boys aren’t here, how are we supposed to take June and Hanbin out together?”

“I will tell Lisa to call Jimin and Taehyung and see if they could tag.”

They couldn’t, Jimin though said his boyfriend could tag and at that point Lisa was desperate.

But then came the hardest part which was convincing the boys to go out. Together. 

“So, how about a night out? Anyone would want to tag along for a club night?” Jennie clapped her hands together with fake excitement, it didn’t show though it was totally convincing Mino had to give her a quick thumbs ups behind the boys’ backs. 

Lisa followed Jennie’s trails when she felt a little more safe about talking “Yes! Let’s go out it’s weekend!”

“What do you think boys?” Mino sent them a nonchalant look as if he was also contemplating the suggestion, since when all of them were good actors?

“I will go.” Junhoe said absent mindedly to the shock of said actors; no one expected him to accept stepping outside his space but they didn’t know, Junhoe was sick; he needed an outlet.

It seemed like such a long time since he last got laid; he needed a stress reliever and nothing sounded as much tempting as getting him someone to fuck for the night.

He should be feeling bad for thinking about topping someone when a certain girl sat beside him but it wasn’t like she would know or get to see that ugly side of him.

Well, she had a gist of who he was, he never hid it from her to begin with but for the day he needed to trash himself and fuck the tension out of his body.

He was waiting for the weekend for that and it came as a bonus the guys suggested the club visit.

“I don’t mind?” Hanbin answered hesitantly as he eyed him sideways.

Of course someone had to ruin it, Junhoe wanted to go just to escape Hanbin’s presence and definitely why wouldn’t he want to tag along?

He wasn’t ready; didn’t want to talk it out with Hanbin yet. It wasn’t like he was oblivious to the advancement of Hanbin and his many attempts to settle things between them but Junhoe wasn’t ready to accept them, wasn’t ready to cave and take in the fact Hanbin had to seek some random guy who was obviously doing more damage than help instead of talking things out to them.

Weren’t they enough?

Not at all, not in the slightest, he wouldn’t even tell them about whatever was going on with him as if they weren’t there for him all these years, helping him get by days he wouldn’t have gone through without them.

And now they weren’t sufficient for him? Easily replaced?

Junhoe tried to remain calm, what was the point losing it and making a scene in front of people over mere thoughts inside his head?

Junhoe hated it, hated the fact he was so forgiven, that if he gave the chance for Hanbin to talk it out with him he would accept whatever apology and sorries he had within seconds because who was he kidding? He always caved in fast for Hanbin, this wasn’t any exception.

The only thing keeping them apart for that long at this point was him being petty and stubborn, nothing more nothing less.

Yeah what a way to hate himself more, childish but he wanted it the way it was, more petty more childish.

He would go to the club with him, it wasn’t like he would be sober enough to think about his ‘friend’ he definitely mocked his inner thoughts.

Yeah, he would be buried in between someone’s legs away from all his spitefulness.

He was okay with Hanbin but it wasn’t until a certain girl spoke he had to double take.

Chaeyoung said she would go to the surprise of all of them, not just him.

“For real? You always refused clubs.” Mino looked worriedly at her but Junhoe wasn’t worried, he was damn mad, the restlessness was falling off him in quiet silence.

“I want a breath I guess?” Junhoe fisted his hands trying to contain himself; he wanted to go to escape himself and everything but not only Hanbin would be there, now Rosé as well? Was his life taunting him now? Was he some sort of a fun joke?

Like hell he would be able to do anything with Rosé there with them, fuck Hanbin but he wasn’t about to kiss someone in front of her or leave her there alone to fuck someone.

No way; the thought sickened him, he wasn’t about to hurt her directly like that, wasn’t about to leave her alone there with the nagging thoughts someone else might hurt her, the idea flared him up he snapped.

“You can’t take breaths in clubs y’know.” Junhoe shot her an icy look and everyone there almost cringed at the temper behind his words.

“I want to have fun a little.” She really had to speak that way? Pouting and acting like a complete child? They would eat her up in the club, drunkards and stingy old men; Junhoe wanted to hold on to whatever sanity was left there in him but how was he about to do that when said girl was deadpanned on tagging along; she never did before what got into her right now? Chose this certain day just because he needed it the most to deal with his shit?

“Clubs are not fun, not for you at least.” Junhoe said as he averted his eyes from her, missing the slight mad look in her eyes “I’m not a kid.” She shot back and his eyes widened for a split second, Junhoe could feel the restlessness floating around them from the silent audience.

“Well, what do you know about clubs? Wanna trash yourself there with me?” Curse him and his short temper; he really had the shittest self-restrictions over his tongue when he got mad as fuck and yeah, the last thing he wanted was getting it out on Rosé; Rosé out of all people? Really Junhoe? Gotta applaud you for keeping on fucking everything; Junhoe scorned at himself sarcastically.

She glared back at him before grabbing her jacket; “Let’s go,” for once there was anger in her timid quiet voice and to be honest, none was excited about the night anymore by then “Whoever wanna tag can tag a long if they want.” She shot him a slight cold look before she put her hand in Mino’s and dragged him behind her.

The gesture flared Junhoe up and he snapped up, throwing on the zipped hoodie on before following after.

Like hell he would back out of it, if she wanted it that way then to fuck with it, he would get drunk there and show her how ugly clubbing was.

The night didn’t feel good, didn’t look it would end up in anything close to good to any of them.

The nightclub was blasting, music as loud as it could get; blared like flames, coating bodies in sweat and loud heartbeats.

As soon as they arrived the dim lit place everyone was divided; Junhoe didn’t bother remaining with the group, he took few shots before he headed to the dance floor.

The rest sat at the bar; Mino had seen some people he knew and he asked Hanbin to follow after so he would introduce them, Jennie came in pairs with Hanbin so she tagged along.

It left the two remaining girls with Jungkook as there company.

Lisa eyed Chaeyoung worriedly; said girl was out of her environment, all rigid and hyperattentive of her surroundings; that was a given when said girl never stepped a foot within such facilities before, unlike Chaeyoung, Lisa was used to this, she frequented the place quite often even left with companies few times before.

She also knew how to defend herself if one decided to cross any line, for that she was worried about the girlie beside her; also the fact she had that spite between her and Junhoe.

Lisa knew what the guy meant to her, she couldn’t remember a time when they had a fight, Junhoe was really attentive of her which was why what happened a while ago came as a surprise for everyone.

All of them were much aware of Junhoe’s bad frame of mind the past week which was pretty much why they wanted this night out but they didn’t expect it to descend toward this worst scenario.

She could only imagine how awful the girl beside her was feeling, she must have wanted to tag along for Junhoe to make sure he was okay and having fun but it seemed the guy wasn’t getting it; everything backlashed at her and now she was sitting uncomfortably there in a place she wasn’t easy with trying to mend along with it.

Lisa felt a tap on her shoulder and heaved a sigh “Don’t look this down.” Jungkook tried to lift the pout off her face, nudging a drink her way and she took a sip from his hand “What do you know? Can’t you feel the tension in the air?”

Poor guy sacrificed his weekend for this shit; she really wanted to go home at that point.

“I actually can heh.” He laughed halfheartedly and Lisa would have teased him if she was in a better mood “If only your boyfriend was here.” She did either way.

“Please he would spend himself and end up making out with Taehyung somewhere backdoors.” Lisa looked at him with wide eyes, shocked as if he had sort of grown a second head.

“What? Don’t tell me you didn’t notice them being lovesick puppies 24/7.” Jungkook laughed out loud at the dumbfounded girl with gapped mouth “Wha—? I mean, I did notice but y-you?”

“It doesn’t need any rocket science.” Jungkook took a sip of his drink and hummed after “And you are okay with it?” Lisa looked worriedly at him but he flicked her forehead in return to snap her out of it “Duh! Aren’t we all?”

“But he is your boyfriend.”

“I’m just playing along, he wasn’t mine from the beginning so why feel bad about it.” Jungkook smiled but there was that meaningful look in his eyes and fond expressions.

“Why… are you dating still?”

“He is dumb, a cute dumb I might add,” He laughed rather loudly “I’m just like y’all, waiting for him to realize he should be in that other dumb arms instead.”

“You are weird you know that?” Lisa frowned as she circled the drink in her glass “I am!” he exclaimed excitedly, she didn’t get that cheerfulness attitude about him, the carefree behavior as if nothing mattered and all these were trivial matters.

Was he that naturally positive?

“I guess yes?”

The night moved on, Chaeyoung has excused herself to the bathroom when the two beside her were too immersed in their conversation, it didn’t help when Lisa noticed her dance coach Hoseok at the bar and now she was embarrassingly showing him the new dance moves she mustered because the DJ was playing the song for it out there somehow.

Said teacher was laughing at her, Jungkook standing there amused while recording her.

She had enough of envying them over their fun times while she sulked in the corner over a glass of light alcohol she couldn’t even drown.

Bathroom smelled, reeked of vomit and sweat and whiffs she couldn’t really point out she gagged, women beside her eying her with their judgmental looks and she shrunk over herself.

One of them looking shady with her questionable outfit and smeared dirty make up tried touching her and that was her cue to fleet there, hearing said woman laugh at her as she ran.

Pumping with few drunkard, she hoped she would make it to her friends safe, dread creeping up on her, feeling hunted and out of place, unsafe and threatened.

She didn’t want to entertain all the scenarios she heard from TV shows or news platforms.

Why did she tag along even, she never did before, never bothered with these nights at all even when her friends did.

But she didn’t want to let Junhoe go on his own, not when Hanbin was there, he would definitely drink and she hated how insecure she felt about that, it wasn’t like she didn’t trust him, but he was already losing it without alcohol, add that to the ordeal? That scenario freaked her out.

All made certain when he snapped at her… she almost flinched at the remainders of his anger falling over her, last time he came close to talk her out like that was when they first met and tried to cast her away.

And even back then it was with reason and they weren’t kind of acquainted so it didn’t sting as much.

Also it was way back in memory she almost forgot about it.

It hurt.

She couldn’t lie about it even if she knew his reasons and his state it still hurt as much, she was used to be the exception of his everything, always the soft spot in him as his only close female friend but now… she felt tears brink her eyes and she wiped them off with her sleeves rather harshly her eyes might have turned red along her nose

She didn’t notice when she slammed into a solid body and she almost fell backwards but a rough hand circled her wrist to yank her forwards.

“Careful pretty.” She snapped up at the foreign voice she didn’t recognize “Why red eyes? Someone hurt you baby girl?” she felt the dread lace her blood, she froze in place, eyes full of fear as she stared back in the mischievous ones in front of her.

Man looked mid-thirties, it didn’t need much to figure out he was hammered and drunk to the brim, “Can’t talk?” he tilted his head sideways almost stumbling over his feet and she tried tugging her hand back but he tightened the grip almost painfully “Nah nah can’t let you off pretty, too pretty look at you.” He slurred the words and she fought the sore pile at the back of her throat, wanted to throw up she could feel cold sweat coating her skin.

She couldn’t form words, no matter how much she wanted to call him off, words wouldn’t come out and she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, tears already threatening to spill but she didn’t know why they wouldn’t as well.

This wasn’t happening, no way it would happen to her, panic settled between her rips like sharp shards, she couldn’t breathe and she was about to vomit.

“Let’s go, it seems you needa sum breath.” He wanted to drag her but she tried to pull to the opposite side, it wasn’t like he couldn’t yank her if he wanted to but he was too drunk to function and she was too panicked to fend for herself.

A hand held the man’s one clutching hers in a steel grip and she trailed her eyes to meet the owner.

“Hands off her fuckface.” The chilled tone made her shiver as she saw Junhoe there glaring at the man with leveled eyes.

“I found her first boy.” Wrong move, Chaeyoung braced herself over what was coming, she could feel the murderous intent falling off Junhoe and then there he was punching the guy without holding back any of his strength.

She gasped loud in shock, the drunk man nearly pulled her along when he fell backwards but Junhoe was quick to grab her by the shoulders and pull her into him. She winced at the strong grips, but he didn’t seem aware of them when he yelled out loud, ears ringing with his menaced words “Hah! She is  _ mine _ ! Dare you say that again?!”

She didn’t have time to dwell over the pain or the words when the man didn’t knock it off, even with battered cheek and blood trailing down his nose and down over his chin he still shot back up “And I’m supposed to believe ya?” Junhoe was about to kick him so hard. 

“You are really trying your luck heh…” Junhoe’s tone scared her, she nearly pulled off him despite her hands clutching his shirt in small tight grips “Maybe when I smash that face of yours? You would be doing me such a great favor y’know that old man?”

Chaeyoung almost forgot this Junhoe existed within their first college days, he might have kicked some bullies in front of her before,  _ in much worse ways _ , she knew pretty well Junhoe wouldn’t see anything in front of him when he gets blinded by anger or hate.

And that was scary… the nasty situation he left them with, she shuddered at the memory she immediately pushed back at his chest when he tried to surge forward.

“I will fuckin’ kill him, let me go!” He tried to shove her off, thrashing within her hold but she didn’t let him, giving a frantic look to the man behind her, wishing he would understand and fleet the place before Junhoe bloody kicked him, he was already pending up everything for a week he even snapped at her; she didn’t want to imagine the amount of rage he would bestow on the drunk man if she let him go.

“Maybe another time.” The man mocked him before he made an escape and Chaeyoung didn’t know if she should feel relived or not, she could feel the hysterical drums of Junhoe’s heart underneath her hands and the fury igniting off him.

A moment of biting silence fell in between where he remained quiet breathing heavily; she lingered close, burying herself in his chest, trying to find it in her to calm and look in his face, club music like deafened sounds, it was just there; jagged breathes and screaming heartbeats.

And then there he was again, just when she thought he was about to cool a little he flared again, she forgot he was a little drunk as well or maybe not little?

“Told you to not come here!!” he roared as he took a tight grip of her wrist to push her back off him, to look her in the eyes with his maddening ones.

She was scared.

“I’m s-sorry…” she barely found it in her to whisper back, words almost not audible, trembling; her legs nearly gave up on her when she mirrored the anger in his eyes with pure fear.

“What a sorry can do if anything happened to you!! You tryna’ drive me crazy?!!” he roared once again, eyes like flames her hand shook in his painful grip, she was sure it would bruise, she fought the whimpers trying to escape her, shutting her eyes as she shrunk over herself.

Another moment of silence fell where she couldn’t form a word without the threat of tears so she bit her lip.

“I d-didn’t—” she couldn’t finish when he dragged her behind him, she stumbled when she tried to follow his long strides with her weakened feet.

“That’s why I fuckin’ told you!!” even though his back was turned to her she could feel the mad agitation falling off him in waves after waves.

“Ju-June—” she wanted to tell him to stop, that his grip was hurting so bad, that she would follow but he needed to let her wrist go instead he snapped again “Don’t, just don’t speak; don’t want to hear anything.”

At the spoken words she fell quiet like heavy ice, they were much more painful than his grip anyway.

After a while of mindless steps where she let him drag her to wherever place it was, she realized he was taking her back home.

It was when he stopped to hail a taxi he let her wrist a little loose, still held it though, refusing to let it go, let her go.

He let her in the car first and he followed after; he kept his face towards the window, one of his hands resting over his face, silence felt like no air, suffocating and unsettling.

And then the big hand over her wrist slid lower to hold her hand, threading their fingers together in a timid gesture, a total contrast to the roughness a while ago.

Her heart drummed loud and clear as she tried searching his face but he still had it turned away from her, she wanted to see, to look in his eyes and figure what was going on within his head.

Few minutes passed by before she noticed how his hand was literally shaking in her own, his whole body was trembling in small shakes, the way his chest was heaving up and down as if struggling to tranquil his body and mind.

He told her not to speak but… “J-June…?” she whispered his name with the briefest squeeze of hand and she could swear she felt the flinch and the hitch of breath underneath the hand hiding his face.

“It’s okay… June calm down…” she moved closer to press her body against his, taking his hand into her lap to hold it with both of hers and his heaving picked up more.

“I…” he croaked out hoarsely, words were unsteady and weak “I was s-scared…” she knew the talk wasn’t suitable for a cab ride but it didn’t matter to her, not when she heard his broken voice and felt her own tears resurfacing to match the painful clutches of her heart.

“I’m sorry… I should have listened…”

“If I was a minute late and if anything h-happened to you... I don’t know w-what I would have done…”

“But it didn’t June… it didn’t...” she buried her face in his shoulder, laying barely felt kisses over his clothed forearm while rubbing it gently, trying to soothe him a little.

“Yeah it didn’t… It didn’t… you are  _ safe _ here…” he squeezed her hand tight “you are s-safe right here with me…” he mumbled the words more to himself than her, as if convincing his mind and heart she was okay, she didn’t get hurt… Junhoe couldn’t imagine it, couldn’t without the terrifying dread cloaking his chest like heavy crust, he felt sick,  _ he felt like crying _ .

He heaved his lungs to breath, not Rosé.

Not his Rosé.

He put her in danger because of his stupidity, because of his problems and temper he almost ruined her.

Almost lost her.

Lost Rosé. 

She refused to get off at her home, insisted on going back with him to his apartment, even when he forced himself to let go of her hand she didn’t.

He knew he could easily pry her small fingers off his hand but he couldn’t no matter how much he commended himself to.

He found himself tugging her behind him along the dim hallways of their apartment building at two in the morning.

He let her in first before he walked after and closed the door, place seemed empty, Donghyuk probably spending the night with Yunhyeong.

Not that he could blame the guy; he was too much to handle and he knew it, knew when he kept causing everyone much more trouble than necessary, he should be thankful but he felt it like bitterness, guilty he had to ruin everyone’s days along his.

And he almost ruined something; someone much more precious than anything, someone so pure and angelic, what would have he done if some trash tainted the beautiful soul in front of him? 

As if on cue she turned around to meet his eyes trailed on her, he was still there by the doorsteps, his feet refused to move him.

Because if they did he was going to do something he would regret so much later.

He couldn’t touch her, he shouldn’t touch her, Rosé was way out of his league, an angel, so innocent, so clean; she was everything he wasn’t.

He was bad, he hurt people, slept around and wounded many, almost killed before because of his anger management issues, he wasn’t good, he didn’t deserve her, didn’t deserve the worry and love she held for him in those eyes.

Why did she love him? What was there about him? He had no grip over himself, his temperaments were awful and demanding how could a small soul like her withstand any of it? He had no family, he was as much being considered a nobody.

It wasn’t like he cared about any of these, they didn’t matter to him; they didn’t until he realized he had it so bad for her; he needed to care about all of these if he wanted anything to do with someone like her.

He wanted to be good enough to love her, love someone as pretty and flawless as Rosé.

He wanted her to love someone who could make her proud, not make her feel shame and humiliation.

But it was hard, it was hard holding it back when she was there waiting for him with outstretched arms and tear stained cheeks, why that broken smile over her pretty features?

Those cheeks shouldn’t be wet when they were that rosy, too beautiful to be covered with awful reminders.

He hated himself, why did life leave him with someone so much bigger than himself like her? Unfair.

He just couldn’t.

Couldn’t when he saw the hand reaching out for him, bruised purple and red.

His eyes stung, his breathing shallow and he wanted to drop down so bad and cower away from her, how could he hurt her like this? How could he yell at her and say awful things, getting his anger out on her when she had done nothing but make sure he was okay all the fucking time.

He almost…

He was shaking, he wanted to vomit at the vivid images in his head; they didn’t happen, they didn’t happen Junhoe fucking snap out of it they didn’t!

He didn’t see or realize when she stepped close instead and wrapped him in her arms, tiptoeing to reach around his neck, she was petite, warm, she smelled so good… _like safe_ _home_.

He couldn’t hold it; he was weak, he was bad, even when he shouldn’t he found himself holding her so tight, almost arching her back when he pressed her as close as possible.

Holding her felt so wrong yet so perfect, was he crying?

Her small fingers were playing with the hair at his nape, her mouth breathing soft words over his ears, he could feel her heartbeats against his own mad ones; because he was holding her, didn’t want to let go, couldn’t even if he urged himself to.

He buried his face in her neck, felt her tears slid down his own, she was crying but so was he, he shook in her arms, didn’t know how long they remained there to calm down, he did but she didn’t, could feel the hiccups and heaving of her chest, tried to push her away slightly to meet her eyes but she wouldn’t allow him, burying more in his chest.

Junhoe was tired, knew she was tired as well and they shouldn’t stay by the doorsteps.

He hitched her legs up and wrapped them around his hips he felt her grip tightened and breath getting caught but she still didn’t pull off or say anything, he wrapped one arm around her back and the other under her thighs to hold her up; noting he tried his best not to touch her in any unappropriate place.

He needed some sedatives for his headache and water so he made the trip toward the kitchen first, it wasn’t like her weight bothered him, she was barely any heavy.

He offered her the water but he only got a shake of head back.

“C’mon Rosé have sum’ so I can get us to bed.” He waited a little before she caved in, took the drink but still refused to show him her face. Junhoe sighed at her stubbornness, “You know, you should wash your face before we can go sleep.” Junhoe petted her back lightly to receive a small noise he didn’t know what to make of.

He was confused, he didn’t know how to deal with the clingy girl in his arms. 

Well, at least he loved the feel of her body against his own this close.

Making a trip to the bathroom, adjusting her weight a little before he got in, he settled her on the counter “Let go a little, I will wash our faces and pick you up again…” Junhoe whispered softly over her hair, didn’t know if he would consider it a kiss or not, wouldn’t want to dwell on it that much either.

She did though, hesitantly; he braced himself when she slowly lifted her eyes to meet his own, fingers sliding off him in dragged touches as if forcing herself to let go.

His heart lurched in his chest at her glossy eyes and wet lashes, her red nose and cheeks, how was he supposed to not kiss her right there and then?

He didn’t though, white grips at the edge of the marble counter were so tight, he let go as he fleeted the place to bring a change of clothes.

All the time praying his resolve would hold on a little bit more, that was tormenting especially when the girl let him do all the work, refused to move a finger as she let him doll her up; tie her hair, wash her face and dry it with a towel, it was all good even when she adorably sat there with a tooth brush in her mouth as he got himself washed up next.

But then he told her to wear the hoodie he picked randomly from his closet; okay maybe not really randomly… he always wondered how she would look wrapped in his favorite red one.

Instead of taking it from his hands she was stretching her arms out for him to strip the clothes off her and he was blushing madly, he bet by the heat he felt he was red, he wasn’t wrong when he glanced at his reflection in the mirror, he looked like a loser.

“I’m not doing it.” He braced his heart to calm down, even his words sounded so pathetic to his ears but then she frowned and threw the hoodie in his face, refusing to wear it.

Where this bold Rosé came from?

He still wanted to see her in his clothes though… it is now or never Junhoe, your call.

It was a whole iternal fight deciding to do it or not, it wasn’t like he didn’t see or fuck a female body before, he actually did plenty but this was Rosé, an out of it Rosé and his barely stable self, he didn’t trust himself for shit in front of her naked body, he already didn’t when she was fully clothed and few meters away.

Sue him but he ended up doing it anyway.

He tried his best to keep his eyes on her face when he first stripped the jacket, her repeatedly reddening cheeks weren’t helping, not when he stripped her shirt with tentative hands and his eyes trailed the redness over her milky skin from her cheeks down her neck and collarbone… to disappear under her lacey baby pink bra and he had to cover his face with one hand as he averted it.

He could legit feel the drums of his heart in his ears, god it was too much, too much the way he wanted to kiss all that skin and mark it as his own, wondered what sounds she would make if he did so.

He really didn’t want to, hated losing it that way but how could he resist when he averted his eyes back and she was shyly meeting them under her lashes?

Standing between her parted knees, at the last second his mind made the twist of avoiding her lips to kiss her right under her ear, a little bit more down and when he nipped lightly over her throat he heard the smallest sounds of whimpers escaping her mouth and he had to take a look back to see her expressions; her closed eyes and bitten lip.

He wanted to resist, he did but there he was trailing his kisses over her collarbone, hands as gentle as they could get laid over the skin of her waist and he sucked at her shoulder, getting a small moan out when he sank teeth lightly.

When he was sure the mark was clear and as pretty as her, he pulled back. 

Their eyes met and he was sure everything he felt matched hers, she was trembling from a mere bite and he didn’t want to think about what more he could get out of her.

“Hands up.” He whispered softly, so much for his loud mouth and she obligated, he slid the hoodie over and dare he say how gorgeous she looked? Mad beautiful he couldn’t hold his words over her beauty, couldn’t hold it when he hugged her then. 

She did the job of kicking her shorts off to remain in his oversized piece, he offered her a sweatpants to cover her sinful legs but she refused, whined for him to pick her up again with her sweaterpaws and he chuckled, took her by the hips and she wrapped around him like koala once again.

How was he supposed to hold her up without laying his hands over her bare thighs?

Torture, he was drained by the time he laid her over his bed, more like laid them both because girl wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Even when they laid there quiet and tired, a little calmer; they still couldn’t sleep, Junhoe could feel it in the fingers trailing soft circles over his chest and her soft humming.

“Sleep, it is already very late.” He constantly petted her back as if she was a newborn who would magically fall asleep from the gesture, “…’Night… ma’ Ju-ne…”

Yeah he knew, he knew so well she loved him.

Should he feel happy about it or resent himself for allowing it?

He was exhausted when he whispered an ‘I’m sorry’ back while squeezing her closer.

“I’m so sorry for everything…” and apologized once more. 

He hated it… the way he couldn’t stop his selfishness no matter how much he tried, he was already losing one of his close friends… he couldn’t risk losing Rosé. 

Not Rosé.

_ Not his Chaeyoung. _

He laid one last lingering kiss over her hair before he fell asleep with a whispered ‘Goodnight’

————

It wasn’t much of a surprise for Hanbin when Junhoe fleeted the scene the first they arrived; he was still ignoring him and Hanbin was worn out, exhausted to the ridge he had enough; at that point he wanted a drink and wanted to dance, maybe pass out as well because he couldn’t get a proper sleep for few days now.

Hanbin didn’t feel like the crowd trying to cheer him up, week had been the worst since Thursday, since he last seen Bobby, he didn’t know if he was okay or not even, was he okay? He didn’t seem okay to him? He should really knock it off with asking himself that because definitely he didn’t have an answer; what was worse when his messages were left on read by his teacher.

It was already mind-consuming and humiliating to send those messages asking how he was; but  _ his teacher _ /note he was mocking himself/ didn’t bother with replying.

Which left him more confused, was he that sick or was he ignoring him? The dilemma was draining him he wanted to scream out of his head, add to the mix  _ his best friend _ /note he was mocking himself again/ was ignoring him at all costs while acting like absolute shit to everyone around including Chaeyoung.

He really felt like apologizing to the girl at some point because she had to be the receiving end of Junhoe’s temper, which he was the main reason of.

Hanbin was having it with himself; drowning couple shots to let loose but then Mino was getting excited because he spotted some of his acquaintances and dragged him along with him, why was Jennie tagging along?

Surprise? The acquaintances turned out their teachers, if he wasn’t mistaken that was Miss Jisoo at the farthest end of the bar, and Mino hugging a guy he called Jin but it seemed his real name Seokjin as Jennie named him respectfully, was he a teacher as well?

Then there was Mr. Namjoon yay, he wanted to act surprised but the alcohol and his mood made him as grumpy as he could get also, they were outside college grounds, he could talk as informally as he could get and no one would judge him for shit.

So here was the story; Mino knew all their teachers? Yeah basically all of it.

He worked at a really famous beauty center which Hanbin didn’t know about until now, got the teachers some ear-piercings and hair dye and if he didn’t hear wrong over his funny ears thanks to the alcohol, Mino was asking Jisoo if her tattoo healed yet? What the fuck?

Girl was wild! Hanbin had to give her that, just how much perfect and cool could she get more? Look at her Hanbin, you can only dream about it.

Get yourself a tattoo.

But then he reminded himself he was scared shitless of needles or any sharp objects.

Couldn’t dwell on it much when Mr. Hoseok joined the mess and he had to request the bartender for another shot, wow it was a crowd.

Bless Jennie for keeping up.

“I want a new hair dye, book me an appointment.” Namjoon ran a hand through his gray locks, roots already peeking dark “You have Jinwoo’s number go nag him or you won’t have it for another two weeks.” Mino teased him as he drowned another drink.

“Do it for us man,” Hoseok interrupted them “You don’t expect us to see that ugly hair for another two weeks.” He said ever so dramatically Hanbin snorted when Namjoon tried to kick him in the leg, teachers.

“Told him countless times it was ugly but he wouldn’t listen.” Seokjin added his two cents to taunt the man, “Then he keeps complaining about being forever single.” Maybe he should pity Namjoon but the scene was funny he was snickering to himself.

Namjoon at that point was sulking and the men were trying to fix it poorly, even Mino felt bad he said he would talk the Jinwoo guy for an early appointment, who was he even?

“No tattoos? I can book you that.” Mino teased and Namjoon fed him the joke “I might do it for real.”

“Well, Jisoo did it, you might as well grow some balls and follow suit.” Why did that offend Hanbin too, he wanted one as well.

“I can definitely do you one Bin.” Ops, he said it out loud, too much alcohol for the day it seemed.

“No thanks, I can’t take sharp objects.” Hanbin smiled sheepishly, he didn’t know why the older men cued at him, did he look funny in any way?

“Yeah, you look kinda endearing.” Mino ruffled his hair and Hanbin shrunk a little, blushing under the adorned looks and attention.

Yeah praise was his kink definitely and that was too much.

Jennie then excused herself to check over the rest and Chaeyoung, leaving Hanbin with the teachers plus Mino who kept a hand over his shoulder Hanbin not quite knowing why but he welcomed the slight grounding it made him feel.

“Where is that asshat though?” Mino said and Hanbin might have imagined the glances he received by Namjoon and the rest “Probably completely hammered out somewhere.” Namjoon was a really terrible liar and Hanbin made a note of one day telling him that fact.

“Thought he was good.” He heard the worry in Mino’s voice, in his half focused mind he couldn’t completely pick up over all the signs but he wished he could. 

Jisoo said she would go out and look for him “I think I’m gonna find him and take him home.” Why was she in hurry suddenly?

Was he…? Or someone else?

Talk didn’t last long about said person after when everyone decided it wasn’t a welcomed topic.

Fuck being sober. 

Hanbin was buzzed, he felt it within him, the alcohol kicking his senses aside to give him the freedom he liked the most; oh how he loved the loose restraints over his head, he was going to dance and forget whatever shit involved this whole week, he deserved that temporary peace of mind, he definitely did.

Even when his teachers protested, he wanted alone time, he didn’t need any babysitting, not right then and within a blasting nightclub.

He didn’t understand why Namjoon of all people insisted he shouldn’t go on his own, even Mino looked confused but said guy was lost with words, seemed hesitant, Hanbin wanted to scream in his face ‘baaadddd liarrrrr’ but it seemed his not-really-sober self was rational enough to shut up and spare him the embarrassment he would definitely face later if he did. 

He moved with unstable legs to invade the dance floor, bodies rubbing over his but he didn’t care as he threw his head back and danced, moved his body to the beat, swaying his hips while throwing his hands up like crazy. 

Yeah it felt so much better, way much better.

He wished that lasted long though, the one who was running his mind since Tuesday was right in front of him.

Bobby.

He stood still, suddenly deaf he couldn’t hear the music blustering his ears, couldn’t feel the bodies pushing him here and there; he just stood there staring at the man clad in some expensive loose silk shirt, loose enough to show his collarbone and chest, falling over the tight ripped black jeans with laced boots.

He was dancing his heart out, feeling the music with closed eyes as he pumped his head to the beat roughly making his hair fly around him in a really messy flop.

He watched girls crowd him, two exactly laid their bodies over his and Bobby used both hands to press them closer to him, one girl latched her mouth to his neck and he tilted back with a grin as she kissed him, his other hand squeezing the other girl and she ran her palms under his oversized partly damp shirt.

Hanbin watched, he watched for how long? He didn’t know, he didn’t know anything except his heart drumming louder than the music within the club and Bobby making out with two girls in the crowd, right in front of his eyes.

It was then Bobby met his eyes, in a really freezing moment Hanbin wondered how that was possible with this crowd of hot sweating bodies.

He wanted to vomit, maybe escape too when Bobby smirked back languidly at him, Hanbin wanted to run because his heart was about to halt, air was getting thinner and thinner and his body felt cold, chilled, but he was paralyzed, his mind disconnected from his body he couldn’t make a single move.

Bobby was doing it on purpose. 

The way he clutched the girl’s hair roughly and kissed her, pushed the other one to press himself against the petit one kissing him.

He stared Hanbin straight in the eyes while devouring her and Hanbin watched, watched because he couldn’t move, his body wouldn’t obey him no matter how many times he commended him to, it didn’t.

This wasn’t real, was it?

He thought that was the worst of it but then Bobby pushed the girl roughly like some disposed trash and grabbed a man, yes a man much petit than him, Bobby turned him around so the guy’s back was to his chest and both of them facing him; Bobby rocked their bodies together, all the while why Bobby looked so triumphed? 

Why was he kissing the stranger like that? 

Why was the stranger that withered in his arms??

Bobby’s arms weren’t meant for  _ anyone _ , Bobby wanted  _ him _ . 

Bobby wanted him  _ alone _ . 

Or was Bobby a… fuckboy from the beginning? Hanbin didn’t give him his body so he went back to find another fuck night…?

Hanbin wanted to empty his guts there and he felt the sore taste at the back of his throat, he must have looked so dumb and betrayed watching him fuck with people over the dance floor, the place he most felt free now was another fucked reminder.

No wonder Bobby looked smug, he himself would laugh over himself for making a loser out of himself in this way.

Hanbin turned around to fleet the crowd, didn’t know how his muscles finally took a pity on him and moved. 

He pushed a hand to his mouth to swallow the vomit in, his eyes stung but no tears surfaced, he was about to pass out, no air, no air was reaching him and by the time he made it to the bar he immediately threw himself against it, heaving up and down in laboured breathes, air Hanbin air just fucking breathe so you can get the fuck away from here.

From him. 

If he wasn’t dropping already he would have been damn mad, but he had to deal with all the images repeating themselves within his head, fuck you Bobby, fuck you and the one who was worried about you all fucking week.

Stupid! Stupid Hanbin fucking stupid!!!!! What did you expect what?!!!! Bobby to genuinely want you?!!! Not even your ex fuck up wanted you!! Bobby would?!! You never learn! You never fucking learn like the dumb shit you always have been!! Yeah your mom was always right!! Loser yeah a trash like your father no one would give a shit about!!

Hanbin clutched his hair painfully as he let out a muted yell, a muted choking sob, no air no air no air. He gagged and had to bite his lip to keep it in.

He grabbed an abandoned drink on the surface of the bar and drowned it only to choke on the sharp cut of the strong liquor, he heaved up and down, air breathe Hanbin breathe please you will pass out before anyone finds you; he felt the dizziness as his vision littered with dots and he felt the place move underneath his feet.

A heavy body pressed against his back and he froze in place, cold sweat coated his flaming skin when two arms reached on each side to cage him in, didn’t touch just laid on the surface beside his own.

Hanbin’s heart was threatening to stop any second and he felt the cold drops slipping his skin, headache so resilient it drummed like a buzz in his ears but nothing came close to the terror coursing through his veins.

The heavy body pushed against him in all places, he could feel his chest up against him and the harsh breaths smelling of strong liquor; then a head dropped over his shoulder.

He could recognize the mob of hair anywhere.

Bobby.

_ It was Bobby. _

His whole body shuddered in revulsion, he wanted out, wanted away from him, how dare he lay a hand on him?!

He squirmed within the suffocating space to get out but Bobby only pressed more against him the edge of the bar digging through his chest and he wanted out. Immediately.

He felt his mouth over his neck and teeth grazing his skin and he jolted, a disgusted tremor ran through him, he elbowed him but Bobby was too drunk to care only sucked on his neck and Hanbin felt the tears over his cheeks, he felt sick, nauseated, so fucking dirty he wanted Bobby away. He wanted air.

Hanbin couldn’t feel his body, already numb as he trembled, he leaned forward his face touched the surface of the cold counter and he heaved so hard, breaths audible his heart was shredding within his tight chest, his whole body paralyzed, his tears falling down like some weak fucking dumbshit but he couldn’t control it, he couldn’t get Bobby away from him.

Bobby’s big hands gripped his forearms roughly he winced at the pain, he held him in place as he moved to kiss the back of his neck, sucking wet open mouthed kisses that made Hanbin thrash within his hold.

“Let go…” Hanbin said over his scraped throat, “Let me g-go…” he pushed against Bobby in his frail state but Bobby held him stronger, sucked his skin more and Hanbin thrashed again, “Get your hands off me!” Hanbin said a little louder, didn’t care anymore if he coughed blood over his worn throat or his lungs tearing up underneath his crumbling ribs.

“GET YOUR DISGUSTING HANDS OFF ME!!” Hanbin kicked his foot and elbowed his side roughly and Bobby groaned in pain, even though that wasn’t enough and he was still caged between but at least he wasn’t touching him.

He was about to make a run for it but Bobby grabbed him roughly and flipped him around to face him, held Hanbin’s face with both hands when he refused to meet his eyes; Hanbin was scared by the rapidly changing looks in them. 

Tears trailed his cheeks and down Bobby’s hands and Hanbin shuddered from head to toes, the fingers digging his skin were painful and he fought the whimpers tried to slip off his mouth, tried to maintain the glare despite his bloodshot eyes. 

There was that stare between them; yes Hanbin was terrified but there was something, something weird and strange about the way when he looked that close in Bobby’s eyes… they were filled with raw emotions in the glaze covering it, he tried to figure them out, he tried to understand but he couldn’t, couldn’t look away either no matter how much he wanted to, it was just his eyes… 

He could swear they shook, Bobby’s hands on his face were shaking so bad, almost as bad as his own whole body. 

Bobby’s strong grips were as if he was trying to ground himself to something. 

Bobby was about to kiss him. 

No. 

Not like this. 

Not when he was kissing those strangers minutes ago. 

Don’t. 

Don’t please. 

I’m not another random person to you. 

I’m not a nobody. 

I’m not meaningless. 

I’m supposed to be more. 

Special. 

Not...

Not another person you fuck and.. leave…?

_ You are not worth it Hanbin.  _

No no no no

Hanbin’s trembling hands laid over Bobby’s bigger ones, tried to pry them off his face as he shook his head frantically in refusal; eyes welled more with tears as they searched Bobby’s; Bobby’s hands were wet with them. 

Hanbin couldn’t breathe. 

“Breathe Hanbin…”

Couldn’t get away. 

“Why scared of me…”

Didn’t want to kiss him. 

“Sshhh… I’m not gonna’ hurt you ba…”

Hanbin looked in Bobby’s eyes, pleading and begging him. 

“... d-don’t… please…” Hanbin choked the words. 

Hanbin almost surrendered to the brush of lips over his trembling ones when he scrunched his eyes shut. 

He waited for few seconds he counted them over his deafening heartbeats for the inevitable outcome but there was nothing. 

There was nothing until he felt himself being pulled slowly, the touch was almost serene when Bobby cradled him over his chest with a hand through his now damp curls; rubbing his back with his other hand in a way felt like he was holding something overly fragile, something so precious, buried Hanbin’s face in the crook of his neck and he was kissing his hair one two many times over and over. 

Hanbin wanted to push him away but the strong arms and Bobby’s scent and warmth felt safe… so safe despite the alarms blaring within his head, Hanbin was confused why he was crying so loud over Bobby’s chest; why his arms tried to push him away yet his hands refused to let his shirt off his tight clutches?

The touch edged him madly he couldn’t understand why his chest was hurting this bad? Why he couldn’t breathe? The low rumbles of Bobby’s hoarse voice tried to sedate him but it sat him off insanely and Hanbin wanted out of his head. 

There was a war at full force inside him. 

No. 

The touch shouldn’t make you feel good. 

You aren’t any different than the many people Bobby kissed back there. 

These aren’t real. 

They feel real but they aren’t. 

Hanbin knew life wouldn’t offer such a wholesome person that easily for a fuck up like him. He knew he knew he knew—

Hanbin remembered the smug look over Bobby’s face when he kissed that boy. 

That boy wasn’t you Hanbin. 

And Hanbin once again tried to free himself from Bobby, pushing so hard because these arms weren’t meant for him. 

They were for anyone Bobby could fuck on random nights like these, maybe one day for someone much more deserved of them. 

Not him. 

_ You are not worth it Hanbin.  _

Hanbin didn’t want the images to repeat themselves but Bobby was touching them kissing them making out with them and he was screaming because he no longer could withhold the massive headache about to split his head, couldn’t hear what Bobby was saying. 

Then he heard a shout? When Hanbin opened his eyes there was someone dashing between them frantically. 

There was Mino giving Bobby’s chest a brutal push that got him stumbling few feet away at the same time the teachers hurried in to keep Bobby in place.

“What the fuck you are doing Bobby?!!” Mino blew out in fearful rage that got Hanbin shook, he had never seen Mino any less than chill but this Mino was like a hurricane, it then registered in him Mino called Bobby by his name? He knew Bobby? Was he the guy?

Hanbin took a glance around to look at Bobby but found all of his teacher’s backs surrounding him to keep said man away from him.

Headache picked up intensely and Hanbin lost balance; he was about to fall face first when his vision blacked out for a second, he was caught in two arms and Mino was cradling his head to his chest protectively while his other hand laid over his back to keep him on his feet.

“It is none of your business Mino don’t get in between.” Hanbin peered a little from Mino’s chest when he picked on the owner of the voice; to see the glower on Bobby’s face, frightening could be the only word to describe it and Hanbin cowered in to press more against Mino, Bobby snarled at the move.

“No Bobby, you can fuck around with whoever you want but don’t you dare lay a finger on Hanbin.” Mino seethed maniacally and Hanbin felt the arms tightened around him to a painful extend.

“Let go of him.” Bobby was about to step close but the men held him at his spot.

Seokjin straightaway stepped in between to block Hanbin from Bobby’s way, he took a quick worried glance at Mino struggling to collect Hanbin in his arms who was seconds away from dropping.

Seokjin turned back to eye Bobby anxiously, he receive a hateful glare back almost carnivorous, Namjoon had a hand out in front of Bobby in case he tried to step close or do something stupid.

And then came the sound of Jisoo angry and thunderous “What do you think you are doing JIWON!?” Jisoo slapped him square in the face and everyone around froze in place, Hanbin flinched at the raw sound, Bobby’s cheek was glaring red with wide dilated eyes, Hoseok’s grip tightened on his shoulder immediately.

Hanbin was trembling, feeling mad anxious he gagged but held a hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t vomit on Mino, what was happening...? Jisoo? The quiet Jisoo just slapped Bobby? Not just a slap but she shouted at him?

Hoseok tugged at Bobby’s shoulder when he tried to move forward, if it was another guy Namjoon was sure Bobby would have bunched him in the face but Hoseok was a low cut for Bobby, he couldn’t hurt him, not intentionally at least.

Bobby owned him so much, so much irredeemable things Bobby would never be able to return and they all knew. 

Bobby owned him his life and much more precious things to Hoseok. 

“Calm down Jisoo…” Namjoon tried to reach for her with his other hand but she shrugged it instantly without sparing him a glance.

“No, I’m not calming down in front of this dumb asshole.” She seethed the words out with clenched fists.

“Don’t you dare fucking curse at me Jisoo.” Bobby stepped in front of her but didn’t make it far when Namjoon pushed at his shoulder and Hoseok’s arm sneaked around his chest to lay his big palm over Bobby’s piercing heart.

Bobby’s figure towered over her intimidatingly but Jisoo stood daring in front of him as if the scenario had crossed in front of her innumerable times already.

“No, I do whatever the fuck I want and you will listen and do what I tell you to do.” She challenged him with her strong stare and Bobby looked seconds away from lashing back at her, the boys looked at her like crazy, what was she thinking? Biting a wounded animal?

“I need to get Hanbin off Mino’s hands.” He clenched his teeth, said the words obsessively.

“You know that won’t happen tonight.” Hoseok tugged at his shirt, calm temper slipping to release the rare anger of said man, Hoseok might be an all time chill man, but when it came to Bobby, everything was different; Hoseok looked like he was about to grap Bobby by the collar and drag him the fuck out of the club. 

It wouldn’t be the first time Hoseok had stopped Bobby from doing something stupid, Hoseok knew the consequences of not stopping Bobby on the right time. 

Knew what was it like being too late. 

“Yeah try it c’mon!” Mino roared and Seokjin flipped around to look at him ridiculously, “Seriously man?” the fuck these idiots thought they were doing? Trying to pull a fist fight in a nightclub?

“He is mine!!” the horrific bark jolted everyone and they flipped around to look Bobby in shock, Namjoon could swear he saw the calm Jisoo tremble for a second at the loud scream that blew straight in her face, he sneaked a hand around her back, lightly there but not really touching in case she collapsed because she definitely didn’t look any close to good with how pale her skin turned.

But the words…

“He is fuckin’ mine! Y’all don’t dare tell me what to fuckin’ do!!!” Mino felt the panic radiating off Hanbin as he buried deeper in his chest and he held him tighter, instead of retorting Bobby he attended to the dropping guy in his arms “Shushh Hanbin don’t be scared, I won’t let him come close to you… you have me, you are safe… you are safe Hanbin…” Hanbin’s shakes only picked up and now he was heaving choked breaths.

“Look what have you done Bobby, he is not okay and it’s all because of you.” Jisoo whispered shakily, “You won’t have him not now not ever if you keep acting like this.” She spoke softly as if taming a wild beast.

“I can fix it j-just let me take him in.” Bobby’s voice wavered between pleading and demanding, he was about to pass Jisoo but both Namjoon and Hoseok pushed him back rather roughly. 

“Sorry man but this is wrong.” Hoseok shook his head at him with a deep stern look, hand firm over Bobby’s chest to keep him in his place but Bobby’s eyes trailed over Seokjin’s shoulder, over Hanbin and only Hanbin.

“You are drunk Bobby, try sobering up and calm a little.” Namjoon tried reaching him a little.

Hanbin in another man’s arms.

The flare picked up again and Namjoon shouted at Mino, “What are you waiting for man! Take Hanbin away from here!” following the words Bobby started to thrash madly in their arms to get past them when he saw Mino pull Hanbin away with him, Seokjin followed after them to make sure they got out safe.

Bobby’s eyes widened and he tried his hardest to escape them “No… g-give him back… don’t fuckin’ take him away from me!!”

Jisoo stared at him and for once pure sorrow invaded her beautiful features, she walked closer to him and laid her small palms over his cheeks softly, pulled his face down to lay his forehead over hers and she was whispering words so quietly as if only for him to hear;

“You might have found him Bobby… but he is not yours…  _ not yours _ …”

The words were like spells casted over him and Bobby slowed down, he soon quietened; his head hung low and heavy over hers as he closed his eyes.

After couple heaving breaths he pulled away from her, pushed Hoseok’s hand off him dejectedly, Bobby looked him in the eyes for a split second, there was that remorse and unexplainable major guilt in Bobby’s, Bobby bit his lip and instantly looked away from Hoseok before he turned around and left in complete silence.

“Go after him please…” Jisoo breathed wearily and looked down with agonized eyes, Namjoon was at war with himself, he didn’t want to let Hoseok leave alone after Bobby but he also couldn’t simply leave Jisoo like this in a club alone this late.

He sent Hoseok a worried look and he returned it the same, “I will go after him, don’t stress it you both, just get home safe,” He gave Namjoon a pat on the shoulder, “Take care of her.” He motioned with his head towards Jisoo. 

“Take care of yourself.” Namjoon nodded at him before he left after Bobby.

They sat at the barstools, Namjoon ordering drinks for both of them and as soon as the shots were up Jisoo drowned them instantly, Namjoon eyed her wearily but she ignored him and grabbed his drink to drown it as well.

“Take it easy girl.” Namjoon motioned for the bartender not to spill any before he returned back to her, he ran a hand over her back soothingly. 

“This is a mess.” She whispered the words with a heavy exhale, “This stupid Jiwon is hard to deal with.”

“Don’t we all know that?” Namjoon tried to lift the mood with a light laugh but Jisoo only laid her head over her crossed forearms.

“No Namjoon, you don’t know… you don’t… this Jiwon… he is… scary…” he felt the small trembles in her figure underneath his palm and his eyes widened, for once the strong Jisoo let her strong façade fall off but for what? What had she seen? This was the first time Namjoon had perceived her this… frail?

He had known her for so long, Jisoo was known for her strong front, she was the ice goddess of their department, more like their whole college; taking shit from no one, emotions always hidden no one could know what she felt, what she knew, what she wanted; she was a puzzle to everyone.

A puzzle no one knew but Bobby.

“I want to help him, I want him to… but he is… fucked up, y’all don’t know the life Jiwon used to have… I hardly do too but he… he is not okay… he won’t leave Hanbin alone and I just… know it…” Jisoo kept mumbling the words sluggishly, Namjoon took his jacket off and wrapped it around her, she was too out of it to notice the gesture but Namjoon felt like hiding her from everything right then, the way she was stressing everything worried him.

She was wrong though.

He knew Jiwon.

Not only he knew he was fucked up, his reputation beat him in college days yes, but he also knew the life Jiwon used to have before it… the goddamn awful life.

When he used to stand sideways as a kid and watch him because he was too afraid to lend a hand or help, he was scared but he watched Jiwon live the worst life one could hope of for years while he cowered away.

If only he could turn back time and lend him that hand.

The regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! So how did you enjoy this chapter?? You wanted Jiwon, you got a Jiwon! lol
> 
> ❗️❗️I made a smol? change I’m yet to edit it out but let’s pretend I didn’t mention any tattoos on Hanbin in chapter one 🤦🏻♀️ my mistake sorries he just doesn’t have any 
> 
> *Tbh this chapter and the previous one are my fav til now; the story is starting to move deeper and deeper  
More secrets, more faults, more povs to look at everything.
> 
> **Can I say how much I like Jiwon’s and Junhoe’s characters? (Lowkey really adore Jungkook chara way too much in this one) They are both so similar yet so different, writing them is so much fun, especially their interactions w everyone around them. 
> 
> ***I didn’t want to go that deep w Junrosé in details but couldn’t???? I honestly really like their storyline and dynamics as much as doubleB in here, they bring so much within their characters. 
> 
> ****Also; how did you find that the teachers were protecting Hanbin as well? God this one is my fav scene and knight in shining armor Mino? Hoseok?  
Namjoon and Jisoo??  
The way I wanna fangirl w y’all about the hyung line in this story but don’t wanna this note to get much longer 🤦🏻♀️  
——
> 
> Drop me comments and loves I kinda need it hehehehe :3  
Also what do you wanna see more?? ((Lowkey know y’all will scream db so tell me more about side characters bcs there is so much db coming no need to stress it lol))
> 
> Side note; I might drop a bonus soon if I didn’t include it in next chap or I took long to complete next update.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> –Sometimes I wonder if everything is worth the breath  
I'm looking at you now and wondering

Trigger Warnings ahead.

.

.

The drive home was quiet, only Hanbin’s occasional hiccups and slight sobs could be heard, at least Mino was glad he didn’t pass out and he was still present.

He would send Hanbin looks through the rearview mirror while keeping up some focus on the roads but the guy was so out of it, head leaning over the window and eyes void while staring into the distance, Seokjin was there beside him but Hanbin refused any touches.

Seokjin met his eyes in a silent look, Mino didn’t know why Seokjin looked more tormented than he should, was it because Bobby was their close friend…? Or something he didn’t know about?

Mino took a look at Hanbin again and he shuddered at the thoughts of; what if he was…late? Hands gripped the steering wheel tight, his blood boiled at the images of Bobby.

Bobby forcing himself on Hanbin.

Bobby was his fried but that didn’t justify him what he did, it was wrong it was disgusting that Mino felt like blowing at him, maybe bunch him a little to knock some sense into his head, last time he remembered Bobby wasn’t like this, bobby was good fun guy… was he not?

He knew the guy, he was the one who did him his tattoos, the cuffs at his ankles.

He was drunk that night when he sprinted in happy with his friends, and they had fun if he could remember that old night two years ago when Namjoon lost a bet to Jin and dyed his hair bright pink.

He remembered how the boys sat down and went drunkenly about everything, as if he was their old friend but even when he wasn’t he still liked it, missed having that rowdiness in the house, he kept the parlor open until late hours, just to have them around a little longer.

He had been doing a tattoo and Bobby was so mesmerized by it, stuck for two hours straight staring like a kid who saw some really alien thingy, but in reality it was just him doing a sleeve tattoo for some random customer.

The customer was laughing at the company but Bobby was too drunk and carefree to bother, also the smile he offered the man was enough for him to be loved.

It was beautiful and so warm, Bobby’s smile.

He decided he liked the man then.

But again he heard the laughter when everyone made jokes of Namjoon’s hair, they were kids inside adult bodies.

Bobby came a couple of days later, said he needed a new piercing and Mino did them, then Bobby asked for his number because he needed to decide on a tattoo.

The number was an invite to some random club night Mino found himself surrounded by random teachers? Bobby wasn’t but the rest were, newly hired teachers, Mino still recalled the scoff he let out because it was impossible such people were capable of teaching new generations, but they were and he was shocked. 

That was proven when they invited him to one of their classes, he sat there at the back staring at Seokjin giving a lecture on kinematics and objects in motion and Bobby was laughing his ass off at the dumbfounded looks over his own face.

To be honest, he always sucked at studying so seeing guys his age this smart was a bit foreign, okay maybe a little absurd as well.

Jisoo was literature lecturer, Seokjin owned physics, Namjoon was an economic person, and there was Hoseok a dance coach and the fellow little guy Yoongi, if anyone would have told him he was a basketball expert he would have laughed his ass off at them but fuck the guy was… wow just wow.

“And you?” Mino stared at Bobby mending in between the mess, laughing wholeheartedly.

‘I wanna be like them, I wanna teach.’ The excitement in Bobby’s eyes was so bright it was almost blinding the way he said it like it was something of a big value for him “What major?”

‘Mathematics, calculus’ Bobby looked so confident ‘Numbers are my friends.’

Turned out Bobby was an honorable graduate student, a civil engineer. Wow.

What was he doing there again?

At that time he didn’t know just the fact It was fun to be around them, Seokjin would cook them food that sometimes sucked miserably, Hoseok and Yoongi would crash in after their tiring courses and then there is Jisoo giving special treatment for Yoongi only.

Since basically he was the kitty of the group.

There was something between him and Hoseok but the letter would let him drape himself over Bobby because for some reason Yoongi was more attached to the man than anyone else.

“Aren’t you jealous?” Mino eyed Hoseok but the man looked fondly at the pair going over a motorbike match they were betting on for weeks now.

‘Not really hmm’ Mino didn’t understand the smile over his face ‘Seeing them happy makes me happy.’

They were that selfless he was kind of surprised he found some people of his same blood.

Club nights, movie marathons, random lectures where they made fun of each other and the tattoos he did for them, Bobby’s cuffs at his ankles, the small star over Jisoo’s pinky and Seokjin losing a bet that time had him getting a belly piercing while he was totally shitfaced.

It was fun.

It was fresh and new, it was happiness in the form of young people.

But…

Mino back then was reminded nothing lasts forever.

Nothing.

Mino watched Seokjin pull Hanbin over, whispering softly “It’s okay boy here we are, we are close to home.” Hanbin didn’t respond, his teeth clattering and he was wrapping himself with his own arms, Seokjin always had that fatherly caring glow about him, always seemed so warm and safe.

It must have reached Hanbin when he scooted closer unconsciously to press over his side, Seokjin rumbled tender words over his head as he rubbed a hand over Hanbin’s arm. 

Now he thought about it, Seokjin sort of gave Yunhyeong’s vibes, the secure shelters, benign, green.

A person you could surrender to so wholly without any fears of getting hurt. 

Arriving a few minutes after, it was a hassle getting Hanbin up, Mino took him to his own apartment, laid Hanbin over his own bed when Seokjin got inside with a cup of water and pills.

Mino helped Hanbin with it but the first he took a sip, he pushed Mino roughly and dashed toward the bathroom, barely making it halfway when he vomited all over the floor and then his knees gave up on him and he dropped down, he kept dry heaving so hard as tears resurfaced his eyes.

Hanbin seemed to be aware of the mess he had made and started to panic, he looked up with frightened eyes at Mino and Seokjin worried faces.

Mino immediately crouched down, ignoring the mess and the sour smell in the room, it wasn’t like they didn’t encounter such nasty situations before “Shush, it is okay, it is okay, I will clean everything don’t fret about it.” Mino rubbed a soothing hand over his back and Hanbin’s eyes welled with more tears, lips trembled and he was about to cry like a kid, if not for the drastic situation Mino would have thought he was adorable.

Seokjin pushed at his shoulder a little and Mino looked up, Seokjin nodded for him to back off a little when he got down as well, a wet towel in hand and Mino watched how Seokjin smiled warmly, took Hanbin’s face gently in his hand and cleaned in a way he was treating a wounded animal, all the while murmuring reassuring words, trying not to scare Hanbin away from the touch.

“Come with me…” Seokjin helped Hanbin to his feet, Hanbin had to hold on to him to keep up and Seokjin let him, he took his shirt off and threw it aside before he washed his face for him and pulled him out, not before sending a look towards Mino and Mino understood he should follow after dealing with the mess.

Returning to his room, Hanbin was in fresh new clothes probably belonged to him, Seokjin beside his laying form, rubbing his knees maybe because the fall earlier hurt them, Seokjin was whispering soft words he couldn’t hear despite Hanbin having an arm over his eyes to shy away, Mino wondered why Seokjin was so good at this?

Mino let them be a little so he could take some pills himself because headache was picking up at him so fast “Why is some random guy plus Hanbin crashing in your room at this bizarre hour?”

Mino turned around and there was Seunghoon standing with a concerned frown, “Night went south,” Mino swallowed the water over the pill “Way south.”

“Is everyone okay?” Seunghoon sent him a look “Are you okay?” at that Mino cracked a smile as he tilted his head, “Not the worst I went through.”

Probably not the answer the man in front of him wanted as well but he shrugged the concern with a pat over the shoulder as he passed him off to his own room.

“Go wash your face a little and drink something.” Mino ruffled Seokjin’s hair who was sitting on the bed beside Hanbin’s curled form.

“I’m good,” Seokjin looked fatigued but also… dejected? “You really okay there Jin?” the tone was much serious, Seokjin almost winced at it, “Just worried, about Hanbin, about… Bobby is left there and Hoseok…” what about them being left with each other?

Mino looked confused and Seokjin bit his lip as he stood up, “Stay by his side, I will make some quick calls.” And he left him there, passed the other confused guy Seunghoon leaning over the door frame with a quick bow.

Mino motioned for Seunghoon to close the door and leave them alone and he did, Mino ran a hand over Hanbin’s arm “You can turn around now kid,” Mino felt the small tremor under his palm, “Everything is okay now,”

“It is not,” came Hanbin’s hoarse voice, “Want Junhoe… bring me Junhoe p-please—” Hanbin hitched breaths turned to sobs and he was heaving up so badly as if the words weighed tons over his chest “I miss him, I want him, I want Junhoe just J-June—!” Hanbin turned to crawl over Mino, eyes bloodshot and begging and he clutched to Mino’s shirt, looked like he was in so much unbearable pain.

“P-Please Mino… June… I want June…” Hanbin dropped his head and it fell over Mino’s shoulder, gesture snapped him and he instantly reassured the boy in his arms “I will, I will bring him Hanbin, but you need to rest a little while I look for him, yeah?” Hanbin shook his head frantically in refusal “Wan’ him… right now… want June…”

“I still need to look for him, I don’t know where he is,” Hanbin reached over his shoulder and grabbed something, keys? Hanbin looked at Mino as he offered them to him “Go bring him, I will wait,” Hanbin whispered, keys belonged to their apartment.

“No Hanbin unless you rest I can’t leave you.” Mino scolded as he helped Hanbin lay back under the covers, tucking him in and it seemed Hanbin understood the faster he followed the words the faster Mino could go and bring him Junhoe.

One hour passed before Mino was able to get out of the room, Seokjin was laying over the sofa, Seunghoon probably returned to his room so he slowly scooted out of the apartment, it was close to four in the morning already.

Mino was surprised by the lights on in the apartment when he got in, his steps halted when he saw both Lisa and Jennie sharing the sofa as their bed, both covered in a blanket.

A little noise from the kitchen snapped his attention, “Hey there man,” there was Jungkook over the kitchen island with both Yunhyeong and Donghyuk? What were they doing that late?

“Well, Junhoe came looking for Chaeyoung at the club then we realized she wasn’t there, he stormed off to look for her, after that both disappeared,” Jungkook explained “Girls freaked out on me so I brought them here.” He muttered sleepily as he took a sip from his beer probably to remain sober, “What? Where are they now?!” before Mino could panic Yunhyeong laid a heavy hand over his shoulder.

“Dunno if this will upset you more but they are chilling in his room.” Donghyuk said cheekily and Mino should feel protective but fuck that was a much better scenario than the one in his head. 

He wasn’t ready for another scenario like Hanbin’s within the same night. 

“Everything is good?” Mino tried to make sure and the men cracked a smile, “As good as it could get.”

“And you two?” Mino asked the couple “Was dropping my man but it seemed some mess happened, girls freaking out, Hanbin missing and figured would stay to make sure things were good.” Yunhyeong walked over behind Donghyuk to lay a kiss over his head, sneaking a comforting hand over his waist.

“He is with you right? Is he good?” Donghyuk eyed Mino for an answer and Mino didn’t know if it would be considered a lie if he said Hanbin was okay, he was calmer at least? Maybe asleep too if he wasn’t faking it.

“He is asleep now in my apartment, brought him home with me.” Mino decided to overlook the awful scenario for now and leave it at that.

Now that Junhoe was with Chaeyoung he couldn’t like intrude on them and drag the guy out, also the girls were asleep so he wasn’t about to let any guy in there.

Mino sighed as he sat with the boys for a drink before he could head back to Hanbin. 

“Tell me when that dork is up.” Mino lastly said before he grabbed his shoes and left.

He reached his apartment but a smell of smoke snapped his attention, he tilted his head and to his surprise, Hoseok was sitting on the ground with a cigarette stick between his lips.

“Hey neighbor,”

\------

Hoseok paid the bills to the taxi driver as he exited the car in front of Jinhwan’s apartment building; it was fairly late, he eyed his phone, already three in the morning, he looked at all the missed calls;

Yoongi.

He heaved a tormenting breath as he moved to his boyfriend’s apartment, he promised he wouldn’t be late but who had thought he would have a Jiwon to deal with.

Hoseok scoffed bitterly, it had been such a long time since they last had a proper encounter or informal conversation, not that he wanted it;

He preferred it that way to be honest.

He had enough of Jiwon’s bullshit, that matter was decided long time ago, but the last thing he expected was for Jiwon to pull his stunts again, thought he learned his lesson after he ruined everything last year but it seemed he was so fucking wrong, Jiwon still the same reckless impetuous person he was back then.

He was exhausted.

Hoseok entered the dim apartment, lights all out but he knew his way, he dropped his keys and wallet by the table at the front door and took his shoes off and laid them beside the wheelchair that sat there by the entrance before he headed for Yoongi’s bedroom.

The yellow lamp by the bed was still on, but Yoongi was fast asleep, phone abandoned in his hand as it seemed he fell asleep waiting for his call.

Hoseok walked with quiet steps, took the book beside him and returned it to the shelves lining the wall from ceiling to floor, filled with countless, many countless books.

It never ceased to pain him, looking at it, he was glad he didn’t have to conceal his grimace like he always did now that the little man was asleep.

Hoseok tucked the book back, fingers lingered there before he pulled them off and returned to crouch in front of Yoongi’s bed, expressions softened at the baby features of his man, the tiny nose, the lashes and pearl clear skin with small dots of moles over cheeks, he was beautiful, he never stopped appreciating his beauty not a single day.

He ran his fingers over his cheek, trailing them over his nose and then his lips, once again he was thankful Yoongi was asleep and not aware of the sorrow tearing at Hoseok’s insides, he felt like choking, he took calming breaths as he pulled the covers and sneaked in with his semi-formal suit he was wearing.

He pulled Yoongi in and laid his head over his chest, kissing his soft curls that smelled freshly washed and he hummed as it helped contain the disarray chaos inside him, he didn’t realize he was holding said man tighter than intended and Yoongi stirred in his arms.

“… you are back…” he croaked out hoarsely as he lifted himself up to look at Hoseok, it was almost uncanny the way Hoseok concealed his expressions and averted them to happy and easy ones.

He smiled “I’m sorry I didn’t reply and came back late…” Hoseok whispered as he pulled Yoongi to lay over his chest, Yoongi frowned at the layer of dimness in Hoseok’s voice.

“Something happened?” he pressed kitten like kisses over Hoseok’s jawline, made him smile softly at the gesture, Yoongi would always convert into a cat when he sensed something wrong with him, he felt bad he couldn’t hide it well this time but he was terribly worn out after what escalated between him and Jiwon less than half an hour ago.

“I’m good,”

I’m suffocated.

“I’m just tired,”

I’m sick,  _ I wanna kill myself _ .

Yoongi pawed at his face, pulled him in for a searing kiss, Hoseok gripped his waist so tight as he parted his mouth, was too tired to lead the kiss so he let Yoongi do it.

Just when Yoongi was about to move on top of him he broke the kiss, he didn’t feel like it.

He wanted a smoke.

“I will go take a shower first, I reek.” Hoseok said jokingly and the man in his arms pouted, such an endearing expression, “…can I get one of your smiles?” Hoseok really needed it, needed it for his sanity.

“Nope, go shower and when you come back I will bestow it upon you.” Yoongi sulked as he removed himself and crawled under the covers.

Hoseok sighed at the small ball, “I love you.” Hoseok didn’t know why he felt like saying the words then, it was out of context but he still leaned in and whispered them with a kiss on top of his head before he got up to leave.

“Hobi,” Hoseok hummed as he turned around to look at Yoongi on the bed, hands stilling over the doorknob. 

Yoongi eyed him up with the most unguarded stares “I… I love you much more.” And then he smiled, not those gummy ones he needed then but an emotional hurtful one, hurtful because it was meaningful and held so much, so much unspoken fears and insecurities in between, so much conflicted details engraved within them that both knew and memorized so well.

It was too much, looking at Yoongi was too much, knowing he was helpless and couldn’t do anything for him, couldn’t protect him and secure his dreams.

It was agonizing watching his most beloved person suffer because of someone’s mistakes, his own mistakes as well.

Knowing he was a failure stuck with someone for eternity to amend for all he had done, stuck dealing all the suffering and torture trying to fake he was good, he was okay daily.

He wanted to end it.

He  _ couldn’t _ end it.

Yoongi was his last silver line.

It was weird how one person could be the reason he wanted to die and live.

Hoseok opened the drawer in the living room, fumbled nervously with the stuff there until he fetched himself the packet of cigarettes he hid there one day.

His heart beat fast as he held it with shaky hands, knowing he was doing something he shouldn’t, something wrong, something he promised Yoongi he wouldn’t do again.

But he needed it, his heart palpitated as he took it and exited the apartment, just when he stepped a foot out he messily got one out, a lighter stuck there in the half used packet and when he took a desperate urgent drag he felt all his endings loose at the deprived inhale of smoke.

It felt good, burning himself inside out felt amazing, god it had been such a long time since he last tasted this bitterness over his tongue and he slid down the wall beside the door, rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand to wipe away the glossiness there after flourishing drug in his systems.

Smoke held memories, so much memories and he hated how such a sedating thing brought all the agitation and soreness back, tormenting.

_ “Don’t follow me.” Jiwon clenched his teeth as he took long strides out of the club, he stalked after him, he didn’t know why he did, if Jiwon got hurt he wouldn’t bother or give a shit in the slightest. _

_ But Jisoo begged him, she asked him to hold Jiwon back and he couldn’t refuse her, not when he saw the pain in her orbs.  _

_ He was an old friend yeah Jiwon was but all that remained as old news, now he was just a fucked person he wished he had gotten rid of long time ago, before it backlashed over them all. _

_ “Heh, don’t get full of yourself Jiwon, the only reason I’m bothering with a fuck up like you because you still own me and certain someone something, I’m not wrong, am I? Jiwon.” Hoseok scoffed, words so bitter it tasted like venom, Jiwon went rigid as he halted his steps, back still turned over and Hoseok stopped as well “also Jisoo, just because she pleaded me.” Chill night air felt freezing “S-Stop…” _

_ “Don’t know why she is still bothering with a trash like you,” _

_ “Stop talking…” _

_ “You bring more bad shit than your worth.” _

_ “I said stop!!” Jiwon yelled out loud as he turned around to look Hoseok in the eyes, Hoseok wasn’t faltered by the agonized looks or the shakes of Jiwon’s figure. _

_ “Why should I? Is it still too much truth?” Hoseok gritted the words, he was blazing, this was the reason he avoided interacting with Jiwon all this time, this why he didn’t want to be involved with him. _

_ “I don’t want to hear any of it.” _

_ “Coward, always been and always will, a coward!” The way Hoseok laughed crazily was scary, “Look at you Jiwon!!! You never fucking learn!!” Hoseok’s smile whipped to a maniac glower “You ruined us!! Ruined Yoongi and me!! And you are still ruining many more lives!!” _

_ “Don’t wanna listen don’t wanna listen don’t wanna listen…” Jiwon stuck his hands over his ears as he tried to walk away, eyes wide and shaky, he was pale as he tried to block Hoseok’s voice, Jiwon looked like he was watching a horror show of everything he feared on tape, he was sweating and extremely shaking. _

_ Hoseok grabbed him by the collar and flipped him around and Jiwon shook in the chained hold, felt cuffed under the madness in Hoseok’s eyes as he flared up more and more. _

_ Jiwon looked terrified. _

_ “When will you stop pretending like the world revolves around you Jiwon?! It doesn’t!” _

_ “P-Please H-Hoseok… plea…” _

_ “Just because people fucked up your life it doesn’t justify all the bullshit you pull on people! They hold no responsibility over it, get that through your fucking thick head.” Hoseok knocked over his head in such a taunting way before he shrugged him off as if touching him was degrading.  _

_ Jiwon went silent completely, each word seemed to cut him open and he was bleeding, he didn’t seem to bother though because it was knowing he spent his whole life bathed in his red. _

_ “What Mino did was the right thing, who would give someone like Hanbin to you? Jiwon you are a tragedy, you are a disaster and unless you fix your shit you better get the fuck away from him.” _

_ “No… no….” _

_ “Yes!! Fuck it Jiwon yes!! You will ruin him!! You will and then leave like you are the wounded one! Don’t you remember you did the fucking same shit before!! That you owe someone a much deserved apology after you did him the same!!!” Hoseok pushed him away roughly in repulse, Jiwon stumbled on his feet and fell backwards but he was in shock, still yet to comprehend physical pain. _

_ “I begged you!! I fucking begged Jiwon to go and fucking talk to him!! To apologize for ruining his life but you didn’t!!! He sacrificed everything for you and still you can’t own up and grant him his one request!!” Hoseok yelled as he clutched at his hair painfully, felt his blood turning to scorched fumes and he wanted to kill someone, maybe the fucked asshole in front of him. _

_ “He wanted to see you!! For months he cried for me to bring you and I did, threw away my dignity for him and begged you countless times to go and fucking see him but you?? Clubs and fuck nights and ruining more and more and fucking more people!! Instead of facing your fuckery and mistakes and fix them!!”  _

_ Couple girls passed them with suspicion looks, took few steps away from them and they looked scared from all the yelling but then Hoseok’s voice almost broke down in wounded whispers.  _

_ “Don’t you… don’t you think that he deserves that much closure…Jiwon? It’s been more than a year… more than a year Jiwon and still… f-fuck...” Hoseok covered his face with both hands, taking deep inhales because he felt the hot sting in his eyes and he didn’t want to cry, didn’t want to breakdown once again in front of Jiwon. _

_ “I’m sor—” _

_ “Fuck your apology I don’t need it,” Hoseok sneered at him as he pulled his hands off to glare back “maybe try saying it to him face to face if you truly mean it.” _

_ There was a moment of silence, jagged breaths and Jiwon on the ground looking spooked, sounds of muted music from the club and couple passing cars at the late hours of an awful night. _

_ Hoseok eyed him, seeing the pain over Jiwon’s expressions should have made him feel superb but it didn’t, it fouled him more and more and he wanted nothing but to kick him so hard, in which way he had any rights to look hurt? He wasn’t the one who lost his everything, he wasn’t the one holed in an apartment because he was too afraid to face the world on wheels, he wasn’t the one spent twelve months in therapy trying to fix hopeless faults, wasn’t the one frequented doctors after doctors fully aware everything was useless!! Why he had to act like he was the one hurt when he was the one who abandoned them instead of owning up to his shit and be there for them! _

_ Hoseok screamed so loud he felt the burn in his throat, the comic way Jiwon wasn’t faltered by it, still in his paralysis. _

_ “I’m scared to face him...” the words were whispered to himself more than Hoseok, but he heard him, Hoseok turned to glare down at him “Told you, you are a coward, a fucking fraidy-cat.” _

_ Jiwon looked up at him pleadingly as if asking for a way out, it disgusted Hoseok to no end, he wanted to spit on him. _

_ It was twelve months late to ask for redemption. _

_ “You have no right to complain about hurting, you deserve to be hurt Jiwon, you deserve everything, every fucking thing and unless you mend your shit, don’t expect it to get any better.” _

_ He could no longer handle Jiwon’s presence, he glared at him one last time before he stalked off, to hell with it if Jiwon caused an accident or got himself hurt, his last care in the fucking world. _

Another drag of smoke went through his lungs before he scrunched it off on the black burnt spot on the floor beside him.

He pulled another one and lit it up, how many yet? Still two left in the packet, he needed more.

Much more.

“Hey neighbor,” Hoseok didn’t expect any company at early hours of dawn, he looked dizzily up and there was Mino looking down at him.

“Hey man,” Hoseok felt loose now that his nerves were sedated and exhaustion borrowed deeper within his body.

“You look like shit,” Mino scooted to sit down on the floor beside him, “No joke, shit might look even better.” Hoseok didn’t really want to offer his last two sticks of smoke but it was called courtesy and he had to.

“Thanks man.” Mino let Hoseok light the cigarette for him, he took a deep inhale, keeping it in as he spoke “Didn’t know you live here.” And he buffed it out.

“I don’t, he does.” Mino understood who was the ‘he’ mentioned.

“I noticed he wasn’t there in the crowd of teachers, so he…” Mino didn’t complete the words and Hoseok smiled tiredly, so fucking fake “You expect him to show up to a club with a fucking wheelchair? Wheelchair Mino a wheelchair.” Hoseok rubbed at his eyes as he felt unwanted tears resurfacing along his pounding headache.

“I’m sorry… after y’all split up and most of you disappeared I didn’t hear any news about you.” Mino put an arm around Hoseok’s shoulder apologetically, Hoseok wondered why he would, it wasn’t like he was at fault here but he figured that how sympathy would look like.

“It descended so bad, had to go overseas with him, physical therapy and useless surgeries left him more scarred than fixed.” Mino grimaced at it, “So… It was true… Jiwon…?”

Hoseok laughed hysterically, “Yes Mino yes...”

“I still wonder if it was worth it saving his life that night, sacrificing my Yoongi, ruining him.” Hoseok wondered out loud, remembering that night, how catastrophic it was.

The shattered glass all over the place, Jisoo’s terrifying cries, the blood seeping off the cuts of her skin.

Seokjin on the floor, terrified from the Jiwon in front of them and thunder blowing so loud or was it his heart beating out of his head? 

Namjoon stepping on shards to take hold of Jisoo to stop her from cutting herself with more, why did she bother with Jiwon that much? Did she love him? What was so worth it about him? He was only hurting her, hurting them it was unreasonable.

_ “I had enough! I can’t keep doing this I-I… I wanna die, let me die please… can’t keep hurting y’all with me I—!” _

Why didn’t they let him die and got it over with? Hoseok wondered miserably, the way he was contemplating it for real not just a mere thought.

Yoongi was still on his feet back then, was crying for him to stop; begged him not to leave, why did Jiwon leave?

Why did he tell Yoongi to go after him back then…? Would that make him at fault or the fact Yoongi who decided it was better him dead than Jiwon?

Why did Yoongi have to adore Jiwon that much? Jiwon didn’t deserve all the affection he received from him.

He hated motorbikes, he scorned at the fact after all Jiwon still shamelessly driving them.

It was almost their death but he still…

He hated them, he wished he didn’t let Yoongi ride one, but he enjoyed it.

Enjoyed driving them with Jiwon all the time, they would go crazy with them.

But then suicidal Jiwon drove it that night, he drove it for the sole purpose of getting hit, die and get it over with but when he was about to… 

Yoongi just had to push him and take the hit.

_ Was a horrific smash more than a hit. _

He still didn’t know how Yoongi got out of it alive.

He didn’t want to remember all the blood, it bathed his skin grossly, it smelled awfully of burnt metallic and fuel and he remembered because he arrived too late.

Arrived to find a crowd and Jiwon holding a semi-dead Yoongi in his arms.

Yoongi was in a pool of red. 

Jiwon was clutching to him so hard as if the tight holds would keep him from bleeding out, would keep his soul inside his body. 

He was crying, was crying so loud he was screaming his lungs out, heard the excruciating sounds from his car parked meters away; he wondered what it felt being the reason for his loved ones’ death? What did it feel holding them still in his arms soaking his own clothes with their blood?

Hoseok had to wonder sometimes if he had gone crazy or mental, it was too much.

Who would handle that?

It was all good, he could swear it was when Yoongi got out of it alive, but when Yoongi cried for Jiwon the first he woke up and Jiwon refused to meet him?

How could someone be that ungrateful? So fucking selfish and ugly?

Come and visit? How hard would that be? You owned him your whole life at least you could have done that?

You took everything from him yet you still refused to give the simplest thing he wanted the most? He only wanted to see you fucking alive in front of his eyes, so his misery would feel worth it but…?

Hoseok didn’t want to imagine sacrificing his life for someone then be abandoned by them amidst it all?

He ruined him.

How could he not resent Jiwon for that?

They were happy, they were friends.

But then Jiwon decided instead of seeking them, lashing his demons out would solve it all.

It left everything in ruins.

Damaged, wretched and scarred beyond repair.

Why was he crying now, it was too late to cry over it once again, too late to run his tears dry, why was he telling Mino everything?

It should feel good getting it off his chest but it didn’t, it didn’t and it left a nasty feeling throughout him.

.

Hoseok stepped back into the apartment, feeling lightheaded and dizzy, he pressed a hand to his eyes as if that would lessen any nuisance inside his skull.

It took him a couple minutes leaning sideways on the wall so he could open his eyes, he was glad the place was dimly lit or he wouldn’t be standing on his feet.

He walked in counting his steps, not noticing Yoongi standing there in front of him, quiet and sullen “You don’t look good.”

It wasn’t a question, “Sit down why you are standing.” Hoseok ignored the question, “I was waiting for you, you disappeared…” Yoongi’s eyes trailed to his now wrinkled clothes “and still in your clothes…” Yoongi walked slowly towards him, the limp in his steps so prominent and Hoseok felt each hitch tear him up inside but he couldn’t move, not when Yoongi reached him and let his weight fall over his body, leaning over him.

He felt Yoongi nuzzling his neck, the gesture so affectionate yet tormenting, but then Yoongi pushed him away, when Hoseok met his yes he understood he done fucked up from the empty look.

“You smell like… smoke…” Hoseok heard the quiet whispers of his voice as he turned to limp his way back to the sofa, “I needed it.”

“I needed you to keep your promise too.” Hoseok wasn’t really feeling well for the conversation, sky already fading out to light blue of early morning and he could see it from the windows behind Yoongi.

“I kept it, I just needed a breath, my day wasn’t the best you know.” Yoongi shot him an icy look, wasn’t apathetic at all with the excuse “I hate you when you smell like smoke, smoke reminds me of everything, I don’t want to remember anything.”

It reminded Hoseok as well, he hated himself as well.

He smoked so much back then, it kept sane, it was better burning his lungs than burning himself.

“What happened?” Yoongi turned around to look him in the eyes, searching his bloodshot ones for answers, what got him the old Hoseok back.

“Jiwon.” Hoseok headed for the kitchen to swallow some pills because he could barely keep up with the drums in his head.

“J-Jiwon…?” Hoseok almost scoffed at the faltered tone of Yoongi, after everything… after everything!! Yoongi still didn’t resent or hold any grudge against that garbage one bit!

“Yes that fuckface, why do you sound so fucking hopeful?” he hated treating Yoongi that way, Yoongi had only him, he knew he should treat him the best he could but here he was losing his grip, when was the last time he did?

Last time he did so, Yoongi stopped asking him for Jiwon.

“Is he coming to visit?” Hoseok could swear his heart was shredding in his chest, his grip so hard on the glass in his hand it shook in his hold.

Why did he have to be the one letting Yoongi down over and over and over again, why did he have to be the one telling him it wouldn’t happen, that Jiwon didn’t want to see his face, why did he have to see the aching and melancholy paint his beautiful features time and time again.

Why did Jiwon have to leave with such a heavy weight to shoulder on his own? Why did he abandon them?

“No, I just saw him today.”

“Did you tell him to come visit?”

“I didn’t get the chance to have a chitchat with him, I actually don’t want to talk to him either.”

“Is that why you are smoking?  _ Still hurt _ ?” Hoseok felt the arms wrapping around him, Yoongi’s face buried in his back, “…yes… I just… I’m sorry baby I’m sorry…” Hoseok laid his hand over Yoongi’s before he turned around in his hold to face him, the sadness he always had to deal in those beautiful eyes was there… they were so beautiful… beautiful when happy, Yoongi owned the prettiest smiles and laughs but nothing remained of them.

Hoseok didn’t realize he went silent staring in Yoongi’s eyes, palm over his face, thumb rubbing soft circles over flawless skin.

“It is okay…” Yoongi reached up to rub their noses together, in a small gesture Hoseok loved so much, he didn’t know why it calmed him so much, it felt like a fluffy blanket wrapped him up and he leaned his head over Yoongi’s.

There he was Yoongi smiling at him, smiling like he wanted to wipe all the sorrow and hurt, Hoseok sniffled and he realized he was crying, fuck.

“Cry all you want Hobi… I’m here to hold you…” no, he should be the one to hold him but here he was dumping his misery and distress over Yoongi when said man had enough.

“Y’know Hobi?” Yoongi murmured over his lips, Hoseok opened his eyes to look back as an answer, Yoongi once again nudged their noses together and Hoseok had to let a tight breath he wasn’t aware he was holding “I believe one day… he will come… he will face it and come see me…”

He didn’t want to bust that bubble and let Yoongi down so he fed up to his delusions, if it made him feel better about it then to hell with it, he wasn’t about to tell him Jiwon was out there fucking around not giving zero shit about him.

No way he would; so he just hummed as he pressed a lingering kiss over his lips, the best way he could stop hearing anymore nonsense out of his mouth.

“Mino lives in this building.” Hoseok thought he would say something good for once maybe it would cheer the small man in his arms “W-Wah?” Yoongi pulled back to look at him in disbelief, it got Hoseok smiling back even though it was kind of exhausted one.

“Since when?” was that happiness in Yoongi’s eyes?

“Couple weeks he said, told me he would surprise you but I just spoiled it,” Hoseok held him back close, still needed his fair share of hugs “Act surprised then.”

Yoongi chuckled softly at that, sound muffled in his chest “When will he come?”

“Dunno, he has some stuff to deal with before he could.”

He had a Hanbin to deal with right now, but Yoongi didn’t need to know about him, didn’t need to know Jiwon was already in another’s life, Hoseok wondered what the disaster going to be this time, he just hoped Hanbin would get out of it sane and alive because to him, Hanbin looked like a really good boy.

A really fragile one.

Definitely didn’t deserve the awful life dealing him Jiwon.

_ Jiwon’s faultlines were the gravest and the most deadly, Jiwon would better be left on his own. _

_ If one favored their lives that was it. _

_ If Hanbin did.  _

.

Mino walked back into his apartment, sun already rising and he was exhausted, like he was sure if his head touched a pillow he would be knocked out instantly.

Dragging himself to his own room, sleep flew away when no Hanbin was in the bed only empty sheets, his heart sank as he went to the bed, his phone and stuff still there, but he was nowhere, his blood ran cold, he turned to leave and search for him but halted instantly in his steps.

His heart dropped again but in a much different way, Mino walked couple steps before he crouched down in front the curled form under his desk… god the view tore his heart in the most awful ways.

The way Hanbin was bowed, holding his knees to his chest while wrapped in his blanket.

What was worse the fearful look in his eyes when he noticed his presence, they shook in absolute terror as they stared back into his own, how pale he looked and how sick, Mino noted the way he held his right hand to his chest protectively, tried to press back into the corner as if Mino would actually hurt him…?

Who had done this to him…

“Y-You smell like s-smoke…” Hanbin croaked out hoarsely, Mino frowned at the odd remark “Sorry I just had one with my friend, don’t usually smoke.” Mino reassured him, talking in the quietest way he could muster so he would not terrify the boy in front of him more. 

“...y-you dun h-have them…?”

“No Hanbin no I don’t.” Mino pulled his hands up before he messily stuck his pockets out to make sure for the boy, it got a breath out of him. 

“Y-You gonna pull… me out of h-here…?” Mino’s heart needed a rest, he couldn’t handle seeing Hanbin in that way, it was unbearable, looked as if he was held by his ugly demons, it was so dark, the corner he buried himself in.

“No… no Bin, if you wanna stay there then just do…” Mino whispered the words sympathetically and Hanbin recoiled a little, pulled the blanket up to cover more of him and then he whispered back “And… June…?”

Fuck, Mino wanted to curse out loud in frustration but he held it in, still talked as quietly “Sorry… he kind of drunkenly passed out…” he braced himself for some sort of a broken expression but he couldn’t see anything when Hanbin buried his face in his knees before he pulled the blanket on top to fully disappear under it.

That was much worse.

What was he supposed to do…?

Mino was exhausted, he couldn’t even offer an optimistic talk or any counsel when he was like that, he contemplated what to do when he figured something.

He stood up to take a pen and one of the scattered papers there on top of the desk, ones filled with his sketches he had done for his tattoos, he scribbled some words on an empty one before he stuck it on the door and closed it.

‘We are just sleeping door is locked don’t fuckin’ break it’ just because the boys would freak out and break the damn door on them if they woke up and found the it locked.

Mino closed the door before he went back to Hanbin, “Hey man…” No reply.

Mino ruffled his hair before he tried again “The space can fit another person can I get invited…?” Mino waited a little more and there was it Hanbin’s confused eyes peeking back at him “Why… would you wan’ come… ‘n here…”

Mino figured Hanbin probably didn’t expect for him to ask that, more like get dragged out of there and Mino understood him when he smiled sheepishly, “Kinda exhausted and want a shoulder to lean on.”

Hanbin frown deepened but seemed to consider it a little… Hanbin slowly got his hand out to pat the spot beside him as a permission to scoot over.

Mino beamed at him and was about to move but stopped when he noticed Hanbin opening the blanket for him to hide in with him, Mino felt his guts twist when he did get in, blanket didn’t really cover enough of him since Hanbin was hogging the most part but he was okay.

Space was little but Mino realized something, or more like understood why Hanbin wanted to hide there… it felt safe to be locked away like this, surrounded by a false sense of shelter.

As much as it was a good thing, it twisted him and Mino hated the tight feeling in his chest, unconsciously clenching a fist over his heart, Mino slid down to lean over Hanbin’s shoulder, buried his face there because he felt terrible.

He couldn’t imagine what made Hanbin resort to these mental assistances, these fake approaches. 

Did he really think a mere wood as a desk would actually protect his world from everything? 

Didn’t he realize yet he was that much broken…?

Hanbin might be more damaged than he thought he was… and Mino didn’t know what to make of it.

Tormented between his own insecurities and past trying to remind him he was as fucked but still wanting to be good for the boy beside him.

For his friends.

For Jinwoo.

Mino felt a hand sneaking around his shoulder to hold him closer and he didn’t get why Hanbin would want to hold him when he was the one in need the most for that hold, but Mino was tired and he welcomed the touch when he let himself droop over him.

“I hope you never forget, you still have the world around you Bin… you don’t have to hide… we will protect you if needed…” Mino whispered as he stared blankly at the view from way down there.

It felt like Hanbin had fallen and decided to remain there.

The dawn peeking from the windows was portentous but they were in their little dusky corner, preferring fake safety instead of facing it all.

.

“Take me to his apartment please.”

Jisoo saw the hesitation in Namjoon’s reply, not that she could blame him no one would want to let anyone close to that Jiwon.

But that’s what made her special, she was the only one capable of being within Jiwon’s danger zone.

Or, everyone could if they looked past the wounded façade of his, the way he hid behind his strong front, trying to act perfect and cool.

He was farthest away from perfect and cool but no one knew, no one cared enough to know and when they do they would just… abandon him.

No one looked past his money, looks, reputation to see the real man underneath, the  _ scarred _ soul.

Jisoo did.

“Okay, but sober up a little before I drive you there.” Currently she sat in the front seat of Namjoon’s car, buried in his oversized sweater, car parked at some random highway as Namjoon insisted he wouldn’t drive her there just yet.

Namjoon’s phone rang, “Hey Jin,” phone was connected to the car system.

‘Hey Joon,’ there was a pause before Seokjin asked hesitantly ‘Everything is good?’

Jisoo kept quiet as she curled more over herself, heels off as she pressed her knees to her chest, glad Namjoon’s sweater covered her exposed skin under the ridden up dress.

Namjoon sent her a side look before he answered cautiously,

“He left with Hoseok.” There was that sharp inhale of Seokjin before he replied “Are you fuckin’ stupid?”

Jisoo knew it was her fault, it was her careless self that once again got them through this, they wouldn’t have been at the club if she didn’t call Namjoon, but it wasn’t like she had another choice either, Jiwon was losing it and she was there alone with him, with a totally wasted him.

She hated to admit she was actually scared… that she had to resort to the boys to… what? Protect her? She didn’t give a shit about herself if she got to be honest but she was scared about Jiwon, a drunk Jiwon with zero restraints, god only knew when he would suddenly snap or what the fuck he would do.

No one could stop Jiwon when he reaches one of his hard limits.

Well, she guessed she was supposed to be glad she called the boys, after what transcended tonight, if they weren’t there, who would have stopped him? Jiwon would have hit someone, her? Mino? She wondered if they were late would he have forced himself on Hanbin?

No, she hated thinking about that, he didn’t do it, he didn’t.

He didn’t make another mistake.

The boys didn’t let him.

Hoseok didn’t.

She didn’t expect him to tag with the boys, she was shocked when she saw him there with them, but what was much astounding he was the one to follow after Jiwon willingly.

Last time she checked, Hoseok couldn’t stand Jiwon’s presence at all. 

She wondered what happened, Namjoon called him but he didn’t pick up the phone, he just replied with a message for them not to worry.

It made it less worrying yeah but she was still paranoid, she wanted to go see Jiwon.

“How is he?” Jisoo quietly interrupted Seokjin going over scolding Namjoon countless times for being reckless, “Who?” he replied to her and she whispered “The boy.”

“As good as he could get in this situation,” her chest twisted “He is calm now, asleep.” She let a breath she didn’t know she had it locked in “Take care of him.”

“I will, we are at Mino’s and he is currently there with him.” that was a relief, Mino was safe, Mino was good at this, good at attending people, could be as good as Seokjin even.

Seokjin was the one who took care of her, when Jiwon… Seokjin the only one she allowed herself to breakdown in front, she couldn’t show her weakness to anyone, not even Jiwon.

She needed to  _ act  _ strong if she wanted to remain close to Jiwon, why did she bother that much with him…?

Well, he reminded her of an old precious she lost for good, it was some sort of fake attachment no one knew about.

It was a parallel route, a fake reality she was deluding herself with because she was weak, she couldn’t simply accept a mere truth that… that person was gone, Jiwon wasn’t him, he wasn’t.

She let that one go, she must protect the one left, maybe she was lulling her permanent guilt, her woke conscience that always reminded her she couldn’t rescue her loved one when she was capable, was a few minutes away from stopping it but couldn’t, so she must keep the one left safe at all costs.

Even if the costs were  _ her.  _

She failed once, she let him go, she didn’t do her best when she could and he was gone, gone for good.

Too early, way too young, so in love with her.

Scarred mistakes, lasting faults that could no longer be erased...

“Jisoo, hey are you okay?” she felt the hand at the back of her head, the gentle fingers in her locks and she snapped her head up to look at him, at Namjoon’s concerned eyes.

She didn’t realize she was digging her fingers in her forearms, holding to herself so tight, “I’m— I’m good Joon,” nickname fell her lips unconsciously, “Don’t worry, I’m good, I'm good… I’m good…” she kept repeating the words mindlessly, didn’t know why she was but the fond sad look over his face and the hand carding her hair… it made her wounds suddenly woke. 

No Jisoo, not another person to show yourself to, your ugly self, Namjoon was innocent, was good, a really good naïve boy, his life was quiet and peaceful, don’t ruin it for him.

She offered a small smile as a reassurance she knew neither of them would buy.

But he let it be, let her be like how he always did when he happened on her weak moments.

He was always patient with her, always kept her at whatever safe distance she needed, she would throw him a hint and he would pull off, just like how he pulled his hand then.

He was a good friend.

.

.

She knew the password she didn’t need to call or knock when she stepped into Jiwon’s apartment.

It was 3 am, the apartment was eerily quiet, she took off her stilettos and shrugged Namjoon’s jacket by the sofa before climbing slowly up the stairs.

She reached his bed and he was laying there shirtless with his back turned to her.

His clothes discarded all over the room, at least he didn’t break anything, she was used to clean all the messes he would leave after his breakdowns.

She didn’t mind, if it meant a little help to his awful life then she wouldn’t care at all, she would do that for him, everything for him.

Her best friend.

Her sweet reminder. 

She roamed around the bed collecting his clothes, noticed how some were dirty, he must have thrown his guts out on them.

She turned around and her eyes met with his.

“Since when you are awake…?” she whispered the words as she laid the clothes aside to sit by the edge of the bed.

He looked faint, lifeless, his just stared dully as if seeing something she couldn’t see.

“Did I even get a blink… in days?” his voice was gruff, barely audible but she heard it, she carded her small fingers through his messy hair and he closed his eyes slowly as he leaned in to her touch.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” She said as quietly, feeling the need to fix what she did earlier, she just couldn’t stand and watch Jiwon ruin his chance like that, not when he forced himself on Hanbin, not when she saw Hanbin break down by the seconds and her friend kept on acting irrationally and stupid.

Hanbin didn’t deserve that even if Jiwon was her friend.

“I was stupid I know… I keep ruining everything…” Jiwon whispered weakly, there was a little tremble to his voice and Jisoo picked up on it.

“Can’t say you weren’t stupid but you shouldn’t repeat it, Hanbin…” Jisoo took a breath “Hanbin is not a normal kid… I think you figured that by now.” Jiwon grimaced at the words and he scrunched his eyes despite them being shut already, he surpassed a groan as he buried his face deeper into her palm, as if trying to soothe an unimaginable pain through the touch.

“I know… I fucking know that yet…” his breath picked up in his throat and Jisoo tried immediately to pacify him “It’s okay… you can fix this… you can fix it, you just need to know how to treat him… you might had it tough but it seems Hanbin had it the same as you…”

“He won’t accept me, whenever I reach out to him he shuts me out.” Jisoo wished Jiwon didn’t open his eyes because the agony she saw within them was indescribable, she hated it, god she hated these looks on him.

“He was screaming Jisoo, he was screaming in my arms as if I was cutting him open…”

Jiwon’s smiles were always beautiful, everyone loved them, everyone wanted them as if they were some kind of sun they wanted to shine all times.

“H-He said he couldn’t breathe that he was s-scared… of me Jisoo he was scared of m-me, the fear and desperation in his eyes… he was scared...”

But as much his smiles were beautiful, his pain was as ugly.

“You know what killed me the m-most... when he… he begged me, he  _ begged _ me to not hurt him… he was crying for me to  _ let him go. _ ”

No one liked seeing broken Jiwon, no one liked seeing the ache and tragedy in those eyes and she was looking at them now.

She wanted to cry.

“Maybe try to know him better from afar, get his number, talk to him at night, get him to see the good in you…?” Jisoo scooted closer on the bed, her tight dress riding up her legs but she didn’t bother covering from Jiwon.

He had seen her everything as much as she had seen him.

“That’s if he bothered sparing me a glance now.” The bitterness dripped off the words like venom and Jisoo went silent.

Yeah he truly fucked up and she knew that so well, Hanbin probably lost trust in him, he might think Jiwon was wanting him for a play time, who wouldn’t with Jiwon’s joker qualities and his behaviour in the club? Unacceptable.

“I fuckin’ got a chance after so many fucking years and here you go, god making a joke of me once again.” The words were sarcastic and the laugh that followed scared her for a second, she knew what was about to happen next so…well.

“Will I ever get a rest!!” Jiwon’s voice echoed through the quiet space as he shot up from the bed to lean forward and bury his face in both hands, silently choking on surpassed sobs, he didn’t cry, if only he cried to feel better but he never did.

He kept on bottling it up over and over and over again like he was some capable being, he himself didn’t know he had sat a timer on himself, a destructive one.

Despite Jisoo’s heart drumming nervously in her chest it didn’t show on her face, if Jiwon was any little bit aware he would have seen the slight shakes in her hands when they reach out to hold on to him.

She thought physical touch would calm him but one of his hands over his hung-low face instantly caught it before it reached him.

The silence that followed made every tick of the clock louder, made the heartbeats in her chest catch up in her throat.

Yeah she definitely knew where this was going.

She was his best friend.

She was his friend with benefits.

The clutch on her wrist was bruising when he grabbed her roughly and threw her over the bed to tower over her, his figure looming over her darkly and she let him.

She was used to this.

His eyes were icy, so sharp it could cut. The rough grasps over her wrists so tight she thought they might break in his hold, so tight his hands were shaking as he straddled her and looked down at her like a prey.

He didn’t spare her a word or a look to see the hidden layer of fear underneath her calm when he dropped down to bite harshly at her skin, no soft kisses no slow touches of lips or gentle gestures.

He dragged his teeth over her neck before he sucked the skin cruelly and she couldn’t help the painful moan slipping through her lips.

It hurt but she couldn’t talk as she threw her head back to look at the ceiling, her breathes irregular and her nails digging her palms.

She couldn’t focus on which pain, the ones in her cracking wrists or the teeth sinking her collar bone, scraping it and she was sure he broke skin.

He was out of it, out of control, she knew when he shut his mind how he would be and this was it, she knew right now he didn’t see her in front of him, he was seeing his fucked up life.

He was getting his anger on the first thing in front of him and that was her.

She was the receiving end of his destruction.

He settled between her legs and grind down, one hand going out to hold both fragile wrists while his other tugged her dress roughly she heard the material rip and he was sucking her upper chest.

She bit her lip harshly to lock sounds in because at that moment nothing felt good, pain pain pain she kept counting the ticks of the clock for him to finish and just… calm down.

She wished he would calm down.

A sob escaped her lips unwillingly and she shut her eyes roughly, a tear fell the corner of her eyes, she didn’t care, only cursed herself for letting the sound out.

When would this end?

When would Jiwon find his salvation?

When would he get rescued, someone to get him out of his dimmed pit.

She didn’t know the tears and hurt were physical or they were just because she could feel it, feel the desperation falling off him, the hopelessness, the despair, the anguish misery.

Someone free him please…

She didn’t notice the movement stopping, she didn’t even see him when he halted everything and dropped his head over her chest, his mop of curls all over her and he was quivering soundlessly.

His shakes were uncontrollable.

“You are…” she could barely hear the words pressed to her skin, his hands slowly let loose on her before reaching down and he was hugging her ever so gently.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry Jisoo I’m so fucking sorry…” he kept repeating the pleas, his breathes were jagged and he sounded seconds away from suffocation.

The regret the remorse and shame in his voice tumbling down in desperate weak apologies.

She was speechless.

She didn’t know how to react, what to do, her glossy eyes wide and her hands numb from the previous locks.

“You are not him… you are not him Jisoo I want him…” Jiwon lifted his head from her chest and his eyes were bloodshot.

No tears.

Fucking cry and let it out.

But no, there was no tears but irrepressible tremors running through his body and he was shaking madly.

“The touches the kisses I don’t want this, these are not real and I can’t lie to myself anymore I…” he choked on the words, breathless “Him Jisoo, Hanbin I want Hanbin.” He pleaded as he pulled away from her before he reached the edge of the bed.

“He is mine… he is not mine…” the anguish words… when he curled over, covering himself completely with the blanket, Jisoo cried.

Cried silently in his place, at that moment she prayed for him to find happiness, find a release. 

An escape from all of this,  _ his whole life _ .

When will everything end for him?

She moved over the bed, to the lump under the covers and folded him in her arms, she laid her head over his shoulder and she felt the constant shudders underneath.

Kim Hanbin…

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE DUN KILL ME YOU GOT A JIWON POV  
We are at the end of this arc, next chapter gonna mark the end of it! yes yes yes omg I'm fucking excited!! Y'all be getting Junrose Junbin and doubleB next chapter!! 
> 
> On a much serious note, sometimes I find writing this one hard, like the angst is too much for me and I have to take breaks from it so I could actually finish it, didn't expect the angst to drag this long so I'm definitely making up for it after all of this mess ends. like fluff fluff happy happpyyyy times!  
-  
-  
for those who don't follow me of twitter, I have started my semester so I might delay the updates but hopefully not much longer than two weeks range, depends on my assignments ._. but I'm not dropping this one, not when they are about to fuc-- opppp ;)  
-  
Until next update, tell me what you think about Jiwon in the comments and everyone else hehe :3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —Let me hear your voice, speak to me  
It’s been a while since you called my name

Chaeyoung was in the kitchen when Mino strode in sluggishly, sleep-deprived and have had only a couple hours of sleep, he had to come and get Junhoe for Hanbin before the letter wakes up and throws another mess.

Lisa and Jennie were still there laying on the sofa with Lisa taking advantage of Jennie as a makeshift pillow and the boys nowhere to be found, Mino wondered where they were as he dropped on the stool and laid his head over the surface, cheek squished over it but he didn’t complain because he was fucking beat.

“You okay there…?” Chaeyoung whispered as she walked closer, Mino felt the hand petting his head and he hummed, “As good as I can get with two hours’ sleep and a hangover.”

“That sounds bad, I’m making hangover soup for everyone if you want?” Mino could hear the relaxed tone in her voice and he might feel bad for pondering if she and Junhoe had finally fucked considering her mood and the sweater she had on, way too big for her body. 

Actually, he should feel bad but fuck it they were bound to happen why fret about it plus, he had a Hanbin to deal with so Junhoe can fuck off and take care of Chaeyoung for him.

He made a mental note of giving a whole lecture to the boy on how to keep her good and safe and definitely not fucking hurt her in any way.

“Make some for Hanbin as well, he will wake up feeling worse than anyone presumably,” Mino mumbled and Chaeyoung pulled her hand off to return to stir the pot on the stove.

It smelled too good for a hangover soup.

“Is he okay?” Mino knew she discerned something from the tone of her voice and he picked his head up to take a look at her but too bad her back was turned to him he couldn’t read her.

“Wants June.” Mino didn’t beat around the bush and decided it was better to drop it out straight.

“Figured.”

Mino was perplexed before he could request anything from her she ran him over to it “I will talk him through it, make him meet Hanbin.” Mino wanted a glance of her face but she wouldn’t allow him and when she turned around he knew that was a concealed expression over her face.

“Thanks…?” Mino said dumbfounded as he watched her walk around the kitchen island to stand in front of him and then he was wrapped in her arms “Chae?”

“Happy late birthday Mino.” She whispered as she squeezed him, petted his head before she pulled back to beam at him. 

Mino was overwhelmed by surprise and sudden warm feeling he felt it in his cheeks, he was blushing, yeah he was definitely when she pinched his cheeks “Sorry I’m couple days late but y’know… it was a troubled week for everyone.”

Mino realized he had gone speechless and probably looked like a loser so he smiled back bashfully if it was the right word to describe his expressions “Don’t fret it, it’s okay lil’ girl.” He gave her a ruffle of hair and it was worth it when her smile widened “Okay someone’s birthday was yesterday and I need to wake him up soon.”

Mino cracked at the way Chaeyoung was legit skipping steps towards Junhoe’s room “Whipped…” Mino decided a nap over the kitchen island for another ten minutes would do and he snoozed off there despite the awkward angle.

Chaeyoung closed the door as she walked to the sleepy boy who was laid face down, she climbed on the bed as she ran a hand over his back but he was a heavy sleeper the touch didn’t stir him. 

She didn’t want to wake him when he looked rested for once but she had to, she had to persuade him to go and see him.

See Hanbin. 

But it also wasn’t only about Hanbin, yes Hanbin needed him but Junhoe needed Hanbin as well, she couldn’t stand it the way Junhoe wasn’t trying to resolve anything while Hanbin tried to reach for him countless times already.

Chaeyoung sighed heavily as she leaned to press her body over him, halfway laying on top as she nuzzled his neck, he probably wouldn’t feel the feather kisses though he stirred because of the weight and her hair tickling his face “Rosé…?” he whispered groggily as he tried to flip over and she let him turn on his back.

He blinked at her and she smiled softly in return, for a second there he looked dumbstruck by the view which seemed to sober him up a little bit, a pink tint shaded his cheeks and she didn’t know where the boldness came from when she reached and pressed small kisses over them, heard the hitch in his breath, last night’s kisses must have encouraged her candor but she still felt the beats of her heart and her trembling small fist holding the shirt at his chest.

“Sorry it is a day late but… happy birthday, June…” she laid a soft kiss at his jaw, just below his ear where she whispered the words delicately.

“It is my birthday…?” Junhoe sounded confused and she laughed a little as she pulled back to look into his eyes, his long dark bangs covering them, she ran her fingers through to push his hair back, “Hmm… yes it is… yesterday was march 31.” 

Their faces were so close and Chaeyoung wondered how was she withstanding the stare she was receiving, their bodies this close, the way his hands were at her waist? No, they slid down to rest on her hips, palms too big for her thin frame. 

She loved how small she felt in his arms.

“Thanks, Rosé…” his voice was languid, one of his hands moved to run through her smooth strands of hair, tucking some behind her ear and he wasn’t meeting her eyes, more like his own were following the movement of his fingers where they run her hair and trailed down her cheek with the back of his fingers, feather-like touches as they reached down her jaw and neck and she felt the fire left in their wakes. 

Goosebumps littered her skin, she shivered when he pulled the collar of the sweater down to expose her shoulder and when he pressed his finger to the bruise he left the night before she bit her lip.

“It’s real…” he whispered as he pushed the strands of hair over her shoulder, he pulled her down and he was mouthing over the mark, wet and warm and she trembled, arms giving up on her as she tumbled over him, his hand ran over her back up and down as he kissed the same spot on her neck and she squirmed, tried to disappear from the shyness she was feeling, tried to bury herself in him, unconsciously letting out a soft gasp when he took her skin between his teeth. 

He stopped then.

She thought she had done something wrong, overwhelmed and slightly panicked from her lack of experience when he halted everything, but when his arms wrapped her up and held her rather so tight against him, she was confused, didn’t know if she felt calm, would her scorched skin and trembling body be considered calm?

At least she knew she didn’t ruin any moment, not when she felt the inhale he took when he nuzzled her hair, laid a kiss she felt over her head.

“You should be more careful of sneaking into my bed like this,” Junhoe tugged her back to meet her eyes, he smirked lazily “I’m not a good boy and you know it.” 

He bit her red cheek.

She yelped in surprise and pulled away, hand over her frantic heart and the other on her bitten cheek as she heard his outrageous laugh fill the room, it was so genuine and beautiful it felt like forever since she last saw him this… happy? 

She made him happy…

“Stop staring at me like that…” he whispered breathlessly after his laughs subsided, it took Chaeyoung a minute to realize she was straddling his stomach and his hands over her thighs, she might as well be considered as red as the sweater she was sporting.

“I said stop staring,” he gritted the words slightly, hands squeezed her thighs and she snapped out of it, her hair fluffed around her when she adorably shook her head, pouting her lips and that might have been worse than her stares for Junhoe because he felt like taking all of her and never let go.

“I made you hangover soup, get up,” Chaeyoung noticed she had strayed from her original plan and decided to backtrack a little “You did?” Junhoe was in awe as he rubbed his thumb over her smooth skin and she tried, she really tried to ignore the amount of blush covering her skin “Yeah, eat and take some for Hanbin,”

At the mention of his friend’s name Junhoe stilled and she urged herself not to worry much “Where is he?” she didn’t expect the calm response as he got up, held her waist so she wouldn’t fall backward as he scooted her a little to sit on his lap.

“At Mino’s, said he will wake up soon and he wants you.” Chaeyoung said quietly and Junhoe went silent “Wants me…” he muttered to himself more than her and she noticed the mixture of agony and guilt flickering through his eyes “Yeah he wants you and you should go see him,” she pawed at his cheeks so he would meet her eyes and when he finally did she smiled despite the worry she felt mirroring his own.

“It will be okay… don’t worry about it, what could go wrong hmm?” she muttered softly, hands still at his face as she pulled him a little to rest his forehead on hers, a moment of silence followed where he seemed to contemplate it, he then nudged her nose to get her attention “What could go wrong heh? _You_ will have to deal with me when shit goes wrong,” the smile was tired, “a warning.”

She didn’t mind that actually, it wasn’t like she wasn’t dealing with him and his tantrums for the past week, plus the disaster of the night before so… “I can manage that…” she smiled shyly and he rolled his eyes “One day you will regret all of this, silly.” He flicked her forehead before he suddenly got up and she fell backward with a ‘huff!’

He hovered above her with both hands at each side of her face, he was a bit considerate of not pressing on her hair.

Settled between her knees, he stared down at her with unrecognizable expressions. 

She had to hold both hands at her chest to calm down the surprise caused by the sudden change of position and his hunting eyes.

The stare stretched so long and she started to stutter incoherent words, had to avert her eyes but that was a wrong move, her neck was exposed and he seemed to find his home there when he kissed her over it tenderly, whispering a quiet “you will regret this… all of this… _one day_…” and he kissed her again, his lips remained pressed over her skin, not really moving, his hands not really touching, it seemed like he was having a moment with himself to keep control and pull off.

And then he was on his feet, “I will go wash my face, want my breakfast so I could go.”

“Y-Yes!” she jumped from the bed and he cracked at her flustered behavior, cheeks so red and pretty he gave it a tap with the back of his forefinger before he was out of the door.

Hanbin huh… does he really need me…?

What has gone wrong?

Junhoe splashed cold water over his face to clear his clouded head, he missed him… he missed Hanbin so much and he almost felt his chest constrict at the fact he had to face him after so long, yes a week was so fucking long. 

What low point did Hanbin reach now that he was telling them he needed him? 

Junhoe refused to admit his fears, to surrender to his paranoia, was he scared of facing Hanbin after acting stubborn, an ass to him and basically to everyone?

Or was he scared that… that Hanbin might have fallen while he was nowhere around to hold him together...

It was getting the best of him and he wanted to go, wanted to see him as fast as possible, no longer scared of facing Hanbin but just wanted to make sure he was good, nothing majorly bad happened to him, why was he at Mino’s even? What happened yesterday?

Junhoe walked into the living room and saw from afar Chaeyoung waking Lisa with a birthday wish and a bear hug and he laughed at the dumbfounded girl on the receiving end, why was looking at that girl warmed him that much, it was unreasonable the amount of control she was having on his emotions.

One moment he was ignited and the next he was distracted by her distant voice and her genuine smiles.

She was so pretty.

“Whipped.”

Junhoe snapped out of it at the gruff mumble of the voice and he turned around to see Mino yawning and wiping the sleep off his eyes.

“Shut up,” Junhoe grumbled as he stood on the other side of the marble surface, just so he could stare at the girl at the far end of the living room.

“Can I trust you with her though, are you a good guy? Junhoe.” Junhoe was taken aback by the serious tone of Mino, said man was staring at him crucially, waiting for an honest answer.

Was he a good guy? He wasn’t.

“I’m not,” Junhoe gave away no emotion when he took a spoonful of soup, he would have appreciated the delicious taste but it felt bitter with the topic they were having.

“You wouldn’t hurt her, would you?” Mino was persistent, it was annoying he almost scorned. 

Because he did hurt her, just the other night and he didn’t want salt on his fresh wounds.

Junhoe didn’t answer.

It was rude but he didn’t feel obligated to answer the man, the girls then interrupted the scene and Junhoe wondered how did Rosé pick up on his foul mood that easily, he felt it when she purposefully walked behind him and brushed her hand over his back in a way no one would see it.

“I will go now,” Junhoe motioned for Rosé to bring him the food he was supposed to take for Hanbin and she did.

“Fix it.” Mino sent him a look and Junhoe tried to ignore how knowing that stare was, it unsettled him.

Mino followed silently after him but didn’t make any sound and when they reached his room, Mino closed the door after him for privacy.

But there was no Hanbin.

Where was he? Junhoe flipped around to call for Mino but noticed the blanket at an odd place, he trailed his eyes and there was Hanbin asleep under a table.

Junhoe felt the sting in his eyes at the gravity of the drop in his chest, oh god, oh fucking god, Junhoe took a deep shuddering inhale as he reached over and crouched down, when was the last time had he seen Hanbin crawl under a fucking table? Junhoe didn’t recall it even, two years ago? One year ago?

No wonder Hanbin was calling for him, Hanbin needed him this much but where was he? Hanbin had fallen this low, where the fuck was he?

Junhoe didn’t even grasp the wet drops rolling down his cheeks as he reached a hand to pet Hanbin’s messy curls, it was overgrown, neglected, the pale skin, chapped lips, the small form wrapped up to sink on himself.

The more Junhoe stared the more he felt the shake in his hand, he pulled it off to stare at the tremble of it, he was scared, he was scared of this Hanbin, this Hanbin was the most damaged and it scared him because this broken Hanbin brought with him every detail of every awful night they went through together.

But he wasn’t with him this time, left him alone to deal with it. 

Memories… 

Memories played through his head like running tape;

It flashed like snippets in his head, Hanbin’s shouts, when he tried to take hold of him, when he felt Hanbin’s stinging slap over his face and the way he ran to crawl under his desk.

When Junhoe tried to pull him out but he cried, no, he screamed deafeningly to be let go, let there, let die.

It was the night his mother ruined everything, called him degrading shit, hit him on the face; how Hanbin pulled last second resulting in her nails tearing through his cheek, the blood mixed with salty tears trailing down his pale skin.

Why did he keep such details locked inside him, why didn’t he burn these memories. 

Junhoe sometimes had to wonder what would it feel like to forget everything. 

Every mistake, every painful encounter, every nightmare he had gone through. 

Why did he have to remember how he pushed her away roughly on instincts, how she had fallen on the floor as he yelled at her to fuck off and slammed the door in her face.

Why did his mother have to be that goddamn wicked?

What had Hanbin done wrong?

Being himself.

Wanting to be himself.

Junhoe laid a hand over his mouth to muffle any sounds tried to slip out, he let himself down on the floor when he felt weak, he leaned on his hand to hold his weight because he didn’t know why he was reliving his memories then.

Why was he recalling Hanbin’s mother, Hanbin’s shattered self, his ex fuck up and the blood over his hands when he punched him so fucking hard. 

How he smashed his face. 

It felt alleviating as much as tantalizing.

But it also felt satisfactory as fuck.

Who was he to tell Hanbin he wasn’t worth it? What was about Hanbin not worth fighting for? 

Hanbin might be a bit insecure about himself, not his fault he had family issues and corrupted childhood, wasn’t he supposed to stay for him and save him?

Change that definition for him?

Make him love himself?!

Hanbin was worth it, worth it, worth it, worth it, wor—

There was a weight on him,

Junhoe trailed his dilated eyes down slowly to the figure crawled over his lap or more like settle between his knees, Junhoe looked wide-eyed in shock at Hanbin burying himself in his arms.

Hanbin clutched to his shirt, face tucked under his chin nuzzling into his neck, Hanbin was taking deep inhales, deep chokes breathes as if his lungs were longing for him.

He was trembling in his arms, trembling was an understatement to the rough shakes of the smaller body.

“I-I… I missed you… I m-missed you so much J-June…” Hanbin muffled the words in his neck, wet drops fell over and Junhoe felt them over his skin, they burned “I’m sorry sorry s-sorry June…”

“Hanbin, listen to me Hanbin—” Junhoe couldn’t get a word out, Hanbin kept going over and over until Junhoe wasn’t following anymore, couldn’t hear Hanbin over the buzz in his ears, “Calm down I’m not mad Hanbin I’m sorry—”

“No, it’s me, I was scared, I was scared I would… lose you… felt like I’m losing you…” Hanbin’s voice broke down in whispered words but what was he even saying?

“You know you won’t ever lose me right?” Junhoe seemed to sober a little to take hold of Hanbin’s shoulders and push him back a little so they could meet eyes, “how many times have I told you that?” It was almost unbearable to look into Hanbin’s red swollen eyes.

Especially when he was telling lies…

He was so ready to let Hanbin go if he let loose his grasps… and it felt like Hanbin was…

He was so ready to give up on him… without a fight. 

Junhoe was ashamed, guilt cloaking him up because that’s what he was good at, acting irrational, fuck things up and then guilt, yeah guilt as if that would justify him letting Hanbin go the past week alone until he crumbled the way he was in his arms…

Junhoe didn’t hear the hushed reply when Hanbin said ‘Felt like I… I did…’

Junhoe just pulled him to his chest and hugged him because no word would excuse what he had done or said, what he felt, how he acted, Junhoe hoped his frantic heartbeats and trembling hands would deliver how sever the aching he was feeling.

It felt good, how Hanbin let all his weight on him, as if surrendering to the safety of his embrace, he didn’t deserve that unconditional love but he was bad and he took it, just like how he took many things that he definitely didn’t deserve, didn’t validate the bad outcomes of his greed when he did so.

It took a long while that he thought Hanbin had dozed off on him, he stroked his hair slowly, petting his back the way Hanbin liked for extra flakes of security.

It was when Junhoe dared to look down at him he noticed the red and purple on Hanbin’s skin, the bruises over his neck…

God no…

No no no nononono—!

“Hey… June? June are you okay?” Hanbin called to him but his eyes couldn’t focus when he gripped his shoulders hard “these, tell me why you have these on your neck?”

Junhoe pulled his collar down roughly and his eyes widened at the continuation of the colors trailed there, dark and deep. 

Junhoe probably couldn’t control his expressions but he knew he looked angry more than scared then, Hanbin’s eyes widened noticeably as he stumbled back and tried to stand up on his wobbly legs.

He swayed on them as he reached a mirror on the dresser and his hands touched them slowly, cautiously, Junhoe couldn’t see his face but he knew when Hanbin tried to keep it together miserably, it looked like that when Hanbin tried to dig his nails in them but stopped when he seemed to recall he wasn’t alone.

Hanbin took a couple of minutes before he turned around, faking a casual look as he hiked his collar up to hide them vainly.

“It seemed I drunkenly made out w-with someone last night…” the words didn’t sound like they would convince anyone, not Hanbin himself, not Junhoe.

“You sure about that? Does it have anything to do with your breakdown?” words were too much truth Hanbin went nervously quiet, it showed in the way he was fiddling with his hand and biting his lips, Junhoe sighed, breaking his sharp demeanor. 

Hanbin still didn’t trust him with his issues, looked like he wouldn’t ever do, Junhoe decided he might have to make terms with that new fact and accept it because it seemed that was what their upgraded relationship going to be.

“Go shower, I brought some soup Rosé made for us.” Hanbin wiped at his eyes to get rid of the wetness left in them, stayed there spacing out for a while, Junhoe stood up when he didn’t reply “want me to wash you myself or what?”

That seemed to snap Hanbin and he was stumbling out of the room instantly before he locked himself in the bathroom.

Nothing changed...

Not all aftershocks could be fixed it seems. 

\---

Hanbin stared at his reflection in the mirror, not really the reflection, but the bruises glaring back at him, how was he standing still yet? His world was tilting but his eyes remained fastened to them, so hideous, disgusting.

Just like the many marks he had to watch fade off his body since he was a little harmless boy.

Just when he thought his mom’s claws were the last ones to paint his skin.

Hanbin wanted to tear them, he didn’t want them there, the further he stared the further his memories felt present, yesterday felt more real, everything _terrifyingly_ real.

_He is mine!_

Hanbin shuddered visibly as he held to himself, winced when he clutched to his forearms, he had to take off his shirt to see the grips of yesterday’s imprinted on his skin, the way Bobby dug his fingers deep his arms had their engraves on them.

He took a deep inhale, calm Hanbin calm calm, not the right time to think of this, not when everyone is outside… not when they are believing you are good, it is enough what you have caused them yesterday.

Stop just stop depending on them, stop dragging them in, stop hurting them please Hanbin get a grip get a fucking grip g-get a… a sob escaped him and he choked on his silent cries, felt his body give up on him when he slowly let himself down until his knees touched the floor, white grips on the sink as he rested his forehead on them.

They will fade they will fade they will fade they will disappear and you will be goo— Hanbin slid a hand down to pat his chest, where his heart was shredding itself.

He cried, he cried silently and it felt overpowering because he wanted to scream, wanted to tear the marks off his body, Bobby had no right to leave him alone with them, alone to remind him how awful everything turned out to be, how he was used, how he was once again not worth it.

Bobby, who thought so little of him.

Not enough not enough not enough nothing was enough for anyone to love him and Bobby did, did show him, did remind him how mortifying that feeling was.

Left him with inscriptions to remind him he was nothing nothing at all, just a disposable person, random fuckbody, random _no one_.

Hanbin didn’t want to remember the way he was held in his arms, the fingers digging his flesh, the drunken meaningless kisses, they meant nothing, nothing at all after he saw him kiss all those random strangers right in front of him, the images nauseating Hanbin didn’t want them flashing in his head, the truth to ring whenever he looked at his reflection in the mirror. 

Those colors weren’t painted out of love, they were placed to hurt him, only hurt him and he didn’t need more reasons to despise himself.

His crack littered self.

Deep breaths deep breaths… 1 2 3 4 once more 1 2 3 4 take a breath…

Hanbin heaved up to calm himself, heard a knock on the door “Brought you a change of clothes from Mino.”

“Put them in his room.”

How easy was it to fake being alright, _it was goddamn difficult._

As if a trance shattered by Junhoe’s voice, Hanbin stood up on unsteady feet, tears cold on his cheeks when he wiped them, tried his best to avoid his form in the mirror when he stepped into the shower, scalding hot one was what he needed then.

Many things were piercing his head all at once, where should he begin even, a lot happened last night it made him dizzy thinking about them.

He wasn’t really present enough when the encounter with the teachers happened, couldn’t catch just the deafening blow when Bobby called him mine.

That wasn’t a welcoming thought at all, Hanbin scrubbed harder, Bobby had been held by them, unstable Bobby… Bobby looked so… untamed… not like the collected _safe_ Bobby he had known, nothing about him yesterday he knew, a new version he was clueless about.

Yesterday…

He couldn’t believe he was in a place where _his teachers_ had to keep him protected from Bobby… just how horrific that night had escalated… that Bobby was…

Mino taking care of him, Seokjin was his name? The guy did everything for him, despite not knowing him the guy attended to him like he was a friend of his.

He couldn’t remember the words the man was whispering but he could remember how sedating and soft his voice was when he kept murmuring nonsense to him.

He needed to thank each one of them.

And Junhoe…

He got his Junhoe but what else?

He couldn’t yet tell him anything, it scared Hanbin the way he couldn’t get a word out because Junhoe would explode.

If he knew the damage and bruises were Bobby’s… he would punch him, he would definitely break a nose and Hanbin didn’t want that, didn’t want a mess, to put his best friend in situations that would do him more harm than any good.

He had to deal with everything on his own if he didn’t want another mess and he truly didn’t, felt drained of his energy as he dragged himself out of the water to wrap up, ignored his dreadful reflection in the mirror when he existed to grab the clothes left for him.

Hanbin kept the towel over his neck when he walked into the kitchen to see the boys there, Junhoe and Seokjin, he took a look around for Mino and he found him crashed on the sofa in the living room, head resting over Seungyoon’s lap, wrapped in a blanket like a burrito, he must be really tired.

Hanbin made loud steps to make himself noticed and the boys turned to face him, Seokjin immediately broke out in a wide smile “There you are boy! Morning.” Hanbin didn’t know why but there was that thing about the guy that made him feel safe, harmless, trustworthy? He smiled back as he sat at the stool beside him.

“Morning… sorry for the trouble yesterday.” Hanbin looked shyly and the man laid a hand at his back, rubbing it reassuringly “Don’t mention it, as long as you are good,” he said then paused a little before he continued “we all had to take part of the responsibility for what had been done.”

What had he done.

Hanbin was glad Junhoe was a little bit further away to pour him the soup so he couldn’t hear them.

“Still, I was a hustle, I still am.”

“You aren’t, you are a good boy Hanbin, just got accidentally dragged into this.”

Accidently dragged heh…

Hanbin tugged at the towel around his neck, felt more cautious of the hidden colors there.

Thankfully Junhoe interrupted the conversation and Seokjin stood up, “I will leave then, I needa catch up with a shower before I deal with my students’ miserable tests.” Seokjin said, “That shit sucks you both wouldn’t know ughh.” He grumbled as he walked his way to the door and both of them respectfully followed.

“It couldn’t be that bad?” Junhoe laughed at the sulking man, Seokjin dramatically looked in horror at him “y’all handwritings can’t be read not to mention the results I get for simple physics…it's sad so saaaadd.” Seokjin looked seconds away from mopping which was sort of endearing for a teacher so it got both of them laughing.

Seokjin took notice of the embarrassment he was putting himself through so he coughed and straightened his back, gotta act like a proper teacher.

Junhoe thanked him modestly, knowing he was a teacher and had to take care of his friend, “Don’t mention it you both. I just had to make sure Hanbin is good before I get going.” He said and Hanbin smiled sheepishly, tried not to feel cautious of how much of a burden he was, everything felt less bad with Junhoe’s arm heavily rested around his neck. 

“I’m good, don’t worry.” Hanbin got a hair ruffle in return and an honest smile “tell Mino when he wakes up we should meet sometimes.”

“Sure.” Junhoe waved at him, was about to close the door when Seokjin turned to meet Hanbin’s eyes.

“Keep it together, time fixes everything.”

\---

Time fixes everything…

Time

Waiting…

Hanbin retreated to Mino’s room by afternoon, said man was still snoozing in the living room, Seunghoon was out for his work, Seungyoon went out a couple hours ago to buy groceries since there was literally nothing edible in their apartment and Junhoe left to check on Chaeyoung to see if she had returned home already, Junhoe had asked if he wanted to go back to their apartment but Hanbin wasn’t ready to act normal in front of many people so he just remained curled in Mino’s bed.

Lost in countless thoughts he hadn’t noticed when the door opened, it was when a weight dipped the bed and he felt arms wrap him up Hanbin knew Junhoe had returned, Hanbin’s hand moved to lay on his, as if that was some sort of reassurance Junhoe relaxed and buried his face in his back.

It was quiet but both knew they weren’t there for sleeping.

They wanted a promise, a guarantee that things were going towards something good.

“I’m okay…”

Hanbin whispered as he rubbed circles over Junhoe’s hand, said guy didn’t seem to realize he was holding him that tight, though Hanbin was welcoming the pressure, needed it even, the safety of returning into his friend’s arms.

The fact Junhoe was the one holding him, not him holding said boy made everything feel less heavy, easing.

“Are you?” Junhoe mumbled against his shoulder 

“I am…”

Lies.

Lies were good.

Good as long as they lasted.

Did Hanbin know that?

That they would come crashing down on him when everything gets exposed?

“Then let me hold on a bit more, I wanna feel okay too.” Junhoe pulled him so they were pressed cordially close.

“Stay…” Hanbin whispered the word, almost inaudible “Stay here, don’t leave.”

He just needed Junhoe that much.

“I won’t… won’t ever do that…”

Hanbin smiled, yeah he did unawarily and he meant it, not a fake but a releasing one as if he was letting some weight off his ribs.

“You are my friend, my first friend,” Junhoe’s hand moved to stroke his curls, “my brother, brothers don’t have a choice of abandoning one another.”

“Woah… suddenly getting sentimental on me.” Hanbin twisted around to meet Junhoe’s eyes, said guy smacked him on the head before he let go to lay on his back and Hanbin followed to lay on his back as well, there was a silent moment, both staring at the ceiling.

“So…” Hanbin trailed as he took a glance at his friend “am I safe now?”

“_Am I _safe?”

Guess no one felt secure about what happened, at least it meant both felt scared of losing the other, Hanbin wondered if that was an oath there that they would be in this together until the end.

“Dunno, you are? But at least it means we both are in it together?”

“Can I be in it with you two as well?” some small voice peeked from the door and Hanbin saw Donghyuk there with only his head tucked in.

Hanbin felt like crying for some reason, maybe he just felt overwhelmed, maybe because he missed them so much, hurt them so much. 

Or he was that much emotionally unstable.

Hanbin couldn’t form a word when his eyes welled up, he stuck his arms out like a baby, Donghyuk took a couple seconds to react, Junhoe complained as he called him out “just come in and close the door.”

Donghyuk seemed to snap out of it, beaming so wide when he kicked the door shut and jumped into Hanbin’s arms, Donghyuk had his head over his chest, rubbing his face as if he was a kitty and Hanbin giggled at the gesture, a single tear rolled down along the laugh, Junhoe watched them snuggle together, bed too small for the three of them Junhoe felt like if he turned a little he would fall over.

Donghyuk was laying on top of Hanbin as if he weighed nothing but for once Hanbin wasn’t complaining as he petted the younger boy’s head.

“Okay, I can’t breathe, move.” Hanbin pushed at him and Donghyuk rolled over to fall between his two friends, “Now you both hug me because I fuckin’ deserve it.” Donghyuk bossed them as he grabbed the blanket to cover them “you both been asses to deal with you know that right?” He sent them judging looks “both of you will do whatever I tell you for the next week.”

“One week sounds so little in comparison,” Junhoe mumbled quietly before he sighed “but whatever.” Just like his bipolar behaviors, Junhoe tugged at his waist and pulled him closer, flipped on his side so he wouldn’t tumble off the bed and also so he could rest his head on Donghyuk’s shoulder, Junhoe closed his eyes as if Donghyuk’s embrace was where he resided the best.

Donghyuk felt giddy at the affection Junhoe was showing him, it rarely happened outside his breakdowns so it felt nice to be wrapped in his arms out of nothing, even though he asked for it but Junhoe’s thumb rubbing circles over his stomach made everything as genuine as it could get.

“Hey, I’m kinda jelly…” Hanbin pouted, “I’m supposed to be the one in the middle.” He grumbled and Junhoe reached his hand to pull him closer as well, Hanbin objected but still he let his cheek rest on Donghyuk’s chest as he pressed sideways against him, it felt the warmest to lay there.

Junhoe returned his hand over Donghyuk’s tummy and the guy beamed like a child, Hanbin followed it with his hand just beside Junhoe’s.

It kind of was everything Donghyuk needed, to see them together in the safety of one another, he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t alarmed and anxious, been worried about them and their constant breakdowns, not to mention comforting them both and feeling the helplessness he felt back there gnawed at him. 

He needed them to hold him like that.

To feel they still held on to _him_, he wasn’t useless, they also needed him not just the two of them alone.

Donghyuk couldn’t sleep for a while, one hand of his over Hanbin’s and the other wrapped around Junhoe’s shoulder, said man was snoring lightly with his breath fanning against his neck, Hanbin was just taking his chest as a pillow, he was cramping but both of them were peacefully asleep in his arms he couldn’t risk ruining the beauty of the moment

It took him a while to doze off after them.

.

.

.

“Still asleep?”

“Yeah, they are…”

“What the fuck it is already four,”

“Yunhyeong said to let them be.”

“But,”

“Well, be brave and try waking them.”

“Nope, no, thanks, let them enjoy my room.”

“Also Lisa, stop taking pictures for god’s sake and shut the door.”

Said girl beamed at her phone before she tiptoed out of the room, giggling to herself and Mino facepalmed, Jennie sighed tiredly at her friend’s childish antics.

Chaeyoung already left home and now they were in Mino’s living room, Yunhyeong generously cooking them food in the kitchen, Seunghoon about to arrive home and currently Seungyoon had his head over Mino’s lap as he laid over the sofa scrolling through his phone.

“You still haven’t told us about yesterday, what exactly happened?” Lisa walked to both men, nonchalantly pushing Seungyoon’s phone to his face to snap him from his absurd focus, said guy scowled at her but she laughed and stuck her tongue out before she flopped on the floor and leaned on Mino’s leg.

“Anyone told you I’m some fuckin’ cushion here?” Mino kicked her but she didn’t budge, “Jennie come take them away from me please~” Mino whined but Jennie ignored him as she ogled Yunhyeong’s cooking, already drooling at the aroma of delicious food, Yunhyeong giving her bites each now and then just because she looked adorable with her dilated eyes. 

“Hopeless god spare me.” Mino rubbed a hand over his face but then Lisa looked up at him “You didn’t answer.”

“Wasn’t it obvious I’m dodging the question?”

“It was but—”

“Leave it be.” at the sharp cut of Mino’s voice she recoiled, Seungyoon had to peek from his phone to check on Mino, said man trying to conceal the slip of his tone, Seungyoon took Mino’s hand in his own as a sign of comfort, he rested them on his chest as he kept scrolling with the other as if nothing happened.

Both kids decided it wasn’t their place to intrude, Lisa just muttered a ‘whatever’ and shrugged. 

It was another hour when Yunhyeong’s patience ran thin, his food was getting cold and everyone was nagging him but he didn’t want to eat without the kids, he fairly made feast for them to cheer up.

Like how they always lit up when he brought them breakfast or cooked them food.

They had been depressed for a week now, Donghyuk even dragged him out of their apartment because he was losing it as well, even made him baby him for the whole day until they returned and surprise, it seemed worse than when they had left.

The first they woke up Donghyuk ran off his arms to look for his friends, by the time he followed after he found them huddled together which was an adorable familiar scene to come back to.

Yunhyeong forbid anyone from disturbing them but they were taking forever, he knew none of them had a peaceful sleep in a while but he also made food, they could eat then go back to their corne, Yunhyeong sighed. 

He stepped into the room, the sun already going down in golden rays when he tried waking them, he reached for Donghyuk first, fought the urge to coo at him and the way he was snuggling into Junhoe’s back, cheek squished adorably, Hanbin was pressed between him and the wall but all over they were making it possible to fit three men on one single bed.

He threaded his fingers through his boyfriend’s messy hair, ever so gently so he wouldn’t startle him, it took several strokes for said boy to slowly peek an eye open at whoever was messing up his hair, when their eyes locked he immediately broke in a sleepy smile, so bright for his dozing self.

“C’mon dinner is ready baby.” Yunhyeong leaned over Junhoe to press a kiss over his head before he pulled off, seeing Donghyuk this relaxed finally was relieving, but then Junhoe grumbled: “You literally flirting on top of my head.” He buried his face in the pillow and both guys chuckled, “envious?” Donghyuk’s voice was cutely gruff from sleep when he taunted his friend, his arms sneaking around him for a warm bear back hug.

“Get your clingy boyfriend off my back.”

“You know you are his favorite.” Yunhyeong laughed as he gave the cranky boy a hair ruffle and Donghyuk beamed at him “made y’all your favorite food so get up.”

At the mention of food Junhoe was the first to be up, hair a mess in all directions Yunhyeong had to run his hand through to tame it for him, Junhoe too sleepy he just sat there by the edge of the bed for the man to get it good for him.

Donghyuk got up “Hanbin is still sleeping? Wow.” He nuzzled into Hanbin’s neck annoyingly, just to ruin his sleep, he chuckled when Hanbin groaned at him, pressed his face to the wall as if that would get him away from his cheeky younger friend.

“C’mon hyung~~” Donghyuk whined as he back-hugged him, rubbing his cheek over his shoulder “Get up~~”

“So annoying god.” Junhoe rolled his eyes “He is cute.” Yunhyeong chuckled at him. 

“Just because he is your boyfriend.”

“He is my boyfriend because of that.”

Hearing the words, Donghyuk turned to meet Yunhyeong’s eyes, a shy, red tint covering his cheeks, god he was so beautiful.

“C’mon baby I will set the table, wake him up.” He said as he walked out, “_Baby_.” Junhoe mocked only to receive a much-deserved kick from Donghyuk, said boy still red in the cheeks, it was the way Yunhyeong felt that overwhelming when he doted on him like… a real baby… it made him feel so loved… 

Junhoe finally cracked a smile at the flustered boy, “Drag Hanbin with you I’m going.”

“Sure.”

By the time Donghyuk had Hanbin out of the bed and into the living room, everyone was settled on the floor with food in the middle “table won’t fit our massive family so we are eating on the floor.”

It was the way Seunghoon mentioned ‘_our family’_ got everyone frozen for a second before they cooed at him “What?” he sent them a suspicious look and his boyfriend, Seungyoon nudged him with his elbow along a dumb smile which got him more confused.

“We truly look like a family heh?” Mino mumbled to himself as he munched on his food “Your cooking is freakin’ superb Yun.”

“Welcome.”

It was a mess, Hanbin for a second stood baffled there, what was Taehyung and Jimin even doing there? Donghyuk had run to his boyfriend, taking a bite of his plate before taking all of it.

Junhoe was like always bickering with Jennie over food because he wouldn’t dare say it out loud but pigs.

They just had really big appetites, Jimin tried to fill in for both of them but it seemed the food Yunhyeong made was that good and it was close to six pm, they must be starving.

“Stop spacing you won’t get any with these two pigs—owww!” Lisa whined when Jennie smacked her with the spoon, Taehyung offered his cold glass of juice for her to soothe the sting on her forehead.

Family…

The front door opened and there was Jungkook striding in “Finally!” they called him out and he smiled “Brought the ice-cream but none told me y’all will eat without me.” He passed Hanbin by the hallway “why you standing here, let’s sit.” He pushed Hanbin into the living room before he went to drop the ice-cream in the fridge.

“Make some space.” Jungkook snug himself between Jimin and Lisa “man there is no space.”

“This is my boyfriend.” Lisa shot him a glare and he smiled knowingly, both communicating with their eyes before Jimin offered him a plate with food.

“This is a mess.”

This is a big family…

A really big family…

A happy place that Hanbin never got to experience before.

He grew up in a cold home, lived a few years alone with only Donghyuk and Junhoe.

But it was never this noisy, this chaotic.

Hanbin never experienced that feeling of a warm home filled with random laughs, random bickering, and the bizarre talks thrown here and there.

Hanbin found himself in a daze as he snuggled in between Yunhyeong and Donghyuk, they looked at him in confusion but Hanbin looked shaken and overwhelmed as he tried to find some small space he felt the most belonged to, most familiar with, he would have sat beside Junhoe, but he didn’t want to join the mess at the other side.

Preferred to look at it instead.

“Here open your mouth.” Donghyuk offered and Hanbin did hesitantly, got a mouthful of delicious food and Donghyuk beaming along with a background noise he didn’t mind having for a while.

It was the distraction he didn’t know he wanted or needed, at some point he felt really full with how Donghyuk stuffed him, he rested his head on Yunhyeong’s shoulder as he listened to the random talk he was having with Mino and Seunghoon about getting a hair dye, Yunhyeong wanted to go blonde it seemed, he whispered it was a surprise for Donghyuk since the boy nagged him about it for a while now. 

Distracted from the conversation; Hanbin watched how the younger ones were cleaning the mess, collecting the dishes, he could hear them in the kitchen fighting behind him over who’s going to wash the mountain there.

They settled on rock paper scissors, resulting in Lisa Jungkook and Jimin dealing with the heaps in the sink.

“No ice-cream until we finished!” they all laughed at how riled Lisa was because she ended up doing the dishes on her own because the boys were as much hopeless, stayed behind her sitting on the counter, making useless remarks each now and then as if it would help the chorus get done faster.

“What a good housewife.” Jungkook’s remark wasn’t needed Lisa flipped around and splashed him with water, his laughs filled the place and she sighed tiredly “Jimin, pretty please get him away from me, he is annoying.”

“You allow her to call your boyfriend annoying?” Jungkook looked dramatically hurt at him “she can say whatever I actually dun mind.” Jimin shrugged purposely to upset him.

“HA!” Lisa shouted in victory as she high-fived Jimin with her slippery hand, “traitors.”

“Deserved.”

.

.

.

Hanbin didn’t get a break, it was the weekend and everyone were settled on staying for the night, he found himself snuggled between Junhoe and Mino watching a movie.

The room wouldn’t fit one extra person if there was any to add, but the commotion of the day didn’t allow one negative thought to invade him.

Even when he was cautious someone would point out the marks he had barely hidden under his collar, no one did, as if they were something natural, or maybe someone had told them not to? He unconsciously scratched them each now and then, Junhoe seemed to notice, he took him away a little and he had his friend cutting his nails for him.

Hanbin blushed in embarrassment, have gotten caught like that but Junhoe only shrugged ‘don’t want you to hurt yourself.” He had said and Hanbin went quiet as he watched him trim them all neatly.

Hanbin didn’t notice when he had dozed off on Junhoe’s shoulder, but when he woke up it was morning and he was on the sofa covered in a blanket he recognized as Mino’s.

Everyone seemed to retreat the night before because no shoes were at the front door and no random bodies laid in the living room like that crazy sleepover they had before.

“Coffee?” Hanbin sat beside Mino at the kitchen island, “Morning.”

“Here, morning,” Mino offered him a hot cup.

“Was it your idea, the mess yesterday?” Hanbin wondered as he sipped on the hot drink. “Not really, they just did it for fun, y’know y’all were emos the whole week and club night didn’t do that well.”

“Sorry about that.” Hanbin stared at the cup in his hand, “Why apologize? It wasn’t your fault what transpired.” Mino sent him a firm look, “it’s only natural to keep you safe.”

Safe… safe from Bobby.

What a joke.

“Thanks, I will try not to be a burden next time—”

“God Hanbin, you are not, just don’t keep goin’ over it like that!” Hanbin was shook with how riled Mino was, “Listen Hanbin,” Mino took an inhale to calm a bit “Bobby is my friend, but I’m not gonna defend him, what he had done was terrible and so wrong,”

Hanbin listened silently, wanted to see where he wanted to go with the conversation before he makes a fool of himself there “but I know him, I know he isn’t a bad person,” Mino ran a frustrated hand through his morning messy hair “there must be something, I don’t know why he had done that but he…” Mino seemed to struggle with forming his thoughts, as if he, as well, was confused about that night.

I mean, you don’t go making out with random people in front of someone you told you want them then you force yourself on said one and ending it with shouting they are fucking yours when they are definitely not.

Hanbin should really feel mad, maybe even hate him but he wasn’t, he was just… consumed.

As if he was dejected? Wounded? Not really resentful nor spiteful like he should be and that was weird.

“It’s okay… I’m okay I’m not that weak and I’ve definitely gone through worse than this.” Maybe it hurt because it reminded him of those worse times.

Hanbin didn’t like the sympathy in Mino’s eyes as if he held the responsibility of things he had no control of, the damage was already done no point having that sympathy now.

So Hanbin smiled “as long as I have y’all around… it’s not like I have a choice to sulk around, right?” Hanbin took hold of Mino’s hand on the table and the man flinched as if he was pulled out of a haze, Hanbin squeezed his hand.

“A family, we are a family.”

Yeah, sometimes random strangers you meet throughout your life feel more close to a family than the real ones you have. 

They bring with them real happiness, irreplaceable memories, _a home_.

Hanbin smiled.

\---

Jisoo was sitting on Jiwon’s bed, wearing one of his big sweaters she sported after giving him and herself a shower, had stayed since that disastrous night now it was Sunday’s, she hummed a soft tone she used to sing when she was a kid but now it was a lullaby for Jiwon when he needed some serenity.

Jiwon was quiet since then, didn’t say much, didn’t eat either barely had juice she forced him to drink and couple bites from some poorly made sandwich she knew Jiwon liked because it was homemade.

She replied a message to Namjoon checking on her and Jiwon, typed a reassuring ‘it’s quiet’ before she left the phone to return her hand over Jiwon’s head. 

She carded her fingers through his curls where he had his head over her lap, he always did when he felt lost, had to find someone to stick to so he wouldn’t lose himself, someone to anchor him.

As she sat there, her mind wandered off a bit, she was worried. 

Worried about how Jiwon would go tomorrow to his classes, had ditched the past week he couldn’t afford to ditch another one, yes he might be one of the dean’s favorites but that favoritism wouldn’t last if he kept slacking like that.

“You ready to go tomorrow?” she spoke quietly knowing he was awake for a while now.

“Are there alternatives?” he murmured, breath ghosting over her bare skin.

“Not really, although it would feel less bad if you agreed to send him a message.” He sank deeper into her, as if hiding from that option, despised it.

“No… Hoseok said to keep away from him… he knows better…” 

Hoseok…

Jisoo grimaced as she recalled yesterday’s, how Jiwon spilled everything as he sunk himself into the hot water, she was washing his hair but she was also listening to his confessions. 

How he told her about the encounter with Hoseok, how he threw every ugly truth in his face like they were nothing to him, how he left him alone to deal with both issues at hand at the same awful time, Jisoo pitied him, dealing both Hanbin and… Yoongi simultaneously was close to madness, at least for Jiwon, adding Hoseok to the mix was like pouring fuel to his burning flames. 

No wonder he broke down that night; when he told her, all made sense, she knew a meeting with both Jiwon and Hoseok wouldn’t pass as peacefully and that’s what she had feared the most, it happened anyway which was why she got Jiwon over her lap for two days now. 

Jiwon was barely recovering, barely making it back out of his cave after last year’s disaster now there went Hoseok and kicked him right back in, resulting in the Jiwon she had, the Jiwon who felt more like a lost kid than a grown-up smart man.

When was he not?

Who was at fault? Countless, not even Jiwon knew how many had ruined him.

She also didn’t.

“You know that was his anger speaking…” another poor attempt to convince him, to justify Hoseok’s vile words.

If she got to be honest with herself then she couldn’t really blame Hoseok for what he had said, all of them were her friends despite Jiwon being a favorite, she knew when not to pick sides, she knew Hoseok had all the rights to say what he had said, after all, Jiwon took his happiness from him, but at the same time Jiwon didn’t do that intentionally as well.

It was a chain effect, pain resulting in pain resulting in more pain all because of their deep faultlines that none of them had control of or was responsible for their existence. 

Some days it felt hopeless to keep going above these unstable grounds but Jiwon was still trying to stand shakily and as long as he was trying then she guessed she had to as well.

“But he is right… I should stay away from him…” Jiwon whispered, “… you know Jisoo… I’m not that confident with myself either…” Jisoo frowned at the sudden confession “What do you mean?”

“… I also don’t trust myself with him… how do I expect anyone to do so…” he then met her eyes and the resignation was so clear there.

“… I want him… so badly but… I’m afraid he won’t be safe with me… _no one_ is safe with me…”

Oh…

So Jiwon was also aware of that fact...

It would take a lot for anyone to admit they were fucked up.

Jiwon did…

And here they all thought he was in denial after last year but it seemed he also understood he was the hidden tripwire in their lives.

“If you plan to back off then apologize,” Jisoo eyed him rather firmly “Don’t repeat mistakes.” Meaning the man who he was yet to apologize to for a whole year now.

“C-Can’t face him… can’t g-get his cries out of my head.” Jiwon once more buried his face in her lap, heaving up a little, he was trying to remain composed, it didn’t appear like it was working for he stuttered a cloaked breath.

“You will do, either way, he is your student.” It seemed to ring a bell in his head, the obvious fact she said and his grip tightened over the blanket he pulled to his chest.

“It’s easier to call him and let him know you are sorry, at least he won’t be scared to face you tomorrow, or you wouldn’t be.”

He eyed her once more, looking up at her with pleading eyes as if asking for another course of action but she slowly shook her head, leaned forward to bring his phone at the drawer next bed.

“But…”

“Do it… you will realize later it’s much better than running away from your fears.”

Jisoo watched him take the phone, he didn’t have a number but he did have an app to call him with.

Jiwon seemed to panic as he sat up, looked ruffled and messy with his tangled hair and wrinkled clothes.

He bit his lip as he ran a nervous hand through his mob of hair, then he was on his feet, Jisoo watched him pace the room, finger hovering above the call icon “Do it.”

When the phone started to ring, he jumped over the bed to snuggle closer to her, as if she would keep him grounded, safe, but she wondered keep him safe from what?

The phone kept ringing and his anxiety was picking up with each peep, she could feel it pouring off him in waves and she wondered if he was going to draw blood from his continuous chewing on his bottom lip.

“He is not picking… he is not…” she helped him lay back down over her legs, ran her fingers soothingly over his back, “Don’t forget it’s already crossed midnight, he might be asleep.”

“B-But…”

“Send him a message.”

Jisoo wondered if Hanbin was asleep or just didn’t want anything to do with Jiwon anymore.

She hoped for the first one.

\---

Hanbin was laying in his bed late at night, for once they let him off to sleep alone, as much as he liked their company but he also wanted some alone time to sort out his mind and scattered thoughts, having them constantly there for two days made it impossible to get some figuring done.

Which was why he couldn’t get a blink of sleep that late, tomorrow is Monday, Monday meant Jiwon’s class, the main reason he wanted to sort out himself as fast as possible before morning arrived.

He couldn’t afford to go there unprepared, he wouldn’t know what to expect and that would spur his panic, he definitely didn’t want that.

Hanbin kept flipping on his bed, thoughts in a jumbled mess as he pulled the blanket to tuck it under his chin, it was a little too hot to cover up like that but nothing Hanbin was doing was making any sense to him anymore.

He groaned as he flipped another time but he toppled off the bed with a loud thud.

Hanbin laid face down on the floor for a passing minute not moving as if his systems had stopped functioning abruptly but suddenly he flipped and he was staring at the ceiling, hand going up to trace his neck, the coil in his chest was there as his memory jerked off to remind him of Bobby.

Kim Jiwon.

Hanbin bit his lip when he felt them tremble, _it hurt_.

Remembering what Bobby did, hurt.

Looking at the marks he left on his body, hurt.

Knowing Bobby wasn’t genuine about him, hurt ten folds much more.

To have those awful reminders glaring back at him whenever he looked at his reflections, they weren’t as pretty like that distant night, they were dreadful and he wanted to scrub them off.

Why did he say he was _his_?

After all that harm he had done?

A single tear rolled down the side of his face as he blinked at the ceiling.

What did that night make of everything?

Lies.

Bobby was a liar, Bobby didn’t care about him at all.

Bobby was playing him.

Was he?

How was Bobby right now?

Did he regret everything? Did he feel as adrift as him?

Did he feel like he’s suffering the loss of him just like how the feeling was gnawing at his insides?

Hanbin didn’t want to cry, it shouldn’t feel like a heartbreak, was it a heartbreak?

Or was it him once again reminded he wasn’t worth it enough for anyone to genuinely want him for themselves, he hoped Bobby would but why did he think Bobby was going to be any different, he wasn’t, it was much more obvious now.

Hanbin knew, Hanbin knew they were two worlds apart, but he kept thinking it was magically possible to cross them and… and what Hanbin? You really thought that was easy? That was a chance? Delusional… such a pity…

What does Bobby mean to you?

What do you know about him?

What did he know about him…?

Nothing.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise but he truly didn’t know much, close to nothing, why was he even attached to the man when he knew almost none about him?

What did that make of him?

Hopeless.

Hopeful?

It hurt knowing he couldn’t have him, he wanted Bobby to have him.

…

… did he actually…

At the presence of the idea Hanbin felt petrified, he wanted him.

Was that… no no he didn’t like him, he didn’t didn’t didn’t he didn’t…

Did he?

God, Hanbin was getting more terrified the more his thoughts escalated.

Because the more that thought got closer to the truth the more the pain would get harder to pass by, and he didn’t want to get over someone he had no relationship with.

Hanbin was wallowing in his little box, didn’t realize he crawled to his desk to sit under it, head resting sideways on the wooden surface.

He hiccupped, the small sound followed by a small sniffle.

He rubbed his eyes a little too roughly to wipe the tears, he was a little calmer though, he was at his makeshift shelter and he was safe.

Even though the marks were there as well with him but he tried to ignore them when he pulled the collar up to hide them, hide them from who? He was alone but it still made him ashamed, in pain, amidst a memory he despised so much.

His phone rang.

Hanbin didn’t feel like responding, not at all but a few buzzes followed, who would call that late?

It must be an emergency and that dragged him out of his small space, Hanbin crawled to grab the phone before he returned to his corner once more.

_‘Can you answer me?’_

_‘One minute is enough, maybe less’_

_‘Just answer I need to talk to you’_

_‘Please Hanbin’_

Hanbin was shaking, the phone fell off his hands when he couldn’t feel his fingers.

_Bobby_

_Bobby_

_It was Bobby._

Hanbin breathing picked up as he felt not tears but a hot burn in his eyes.

He clawed at the bruises unconsciously, he needed to thank Junhoe for cutting his nails for him, the man understood him so well, he would have shredded his neck.

The screen lit again, filling the quiet room in deafening rings, Bobby was calling him again.

Before he could realize what he was doing, he pressed the answer icon.

Why did he pick up?

Hopeful or hopeless?

The room was illuminated by the phone screen as Hanbin stared at it with utmost fright.

He couldn’t begin to speculate anything when the shaky voice of Bobby filled the quietness.

Worn out and scrapped, yes Bobby’s voice was naturally husky but this time it felt like his throat was torn and his voice not used in a long while.

‘H-Hanbin?’

The call of his name did things to him, awful things, he wanted to cry so hard.

He should answer, he wanted to answer but he couldn’t as tears finally escaped his eyes, Hanbin bit at the back of his hand to muffle his sobs.

One must have lost him because he heard the sharp inhale at the other end of the line.

Hanbin hugged his knees to his chest as he rested his wet cheek on top, felt so vulnerable, the phone in front of him at the floor on speaker.

‘I’m… Hanbin I’m sorry…’

Was he?

‘I— I don’t know how to say it, what to say, didn’t expect you to answer me at all,’ he was rambling ‘b-but I— I shouldn’t have done t-that…’

It was uncomfortable to hear his voice, Hanbin felt like his own throat tearing up from the aridness.

‘You listening right?’

He was, he wanted to tell him but he feared only sobs would form out of his mouth so Hanbin buried his face into his knees.

Bobby went silent for a moment, Hanbin didn’t receive only shallow breaths.

‘I h-hurt you… the last person I would wanna hurt but I did and— God Hanbin I’m sorry… so sorry… I’m…’ Bobby’s voice trailed off to whispered sorries.

Another moment of shaky breaths, it sounded like Bobby was suffocating.

Did Bobby experience the same feelings he had always felt?

Why the thought felt that much dreadful?

“Liar…” 

Hanbin didn’t comprehend he finally replied, what did he reply even, he just spoke through his trembling voice, he sounded truly done for and just… broken.

“You are a liar…” Hanbin whispered to the deafening silence. 

‘I mean it… I swear Hanbin,’ how could he believe when the proofs were littering his skin, his neck, and bruised arms. 

“You touched them, you kissed them right in front of me a-and now I… I can’t get the awful i-images out of my head… they are killing me…” Hanbin couldn’t breathe, confessing everything should feel relieving but he felt so weak, so exposed like an open wound. 

“I’m not any different than them…” Hanbin sniffled as he rested his head sideways, felt dizzy “you made me feel… w-worthless…” it took everything in Hanbin to whisper the word, didn’t know if Bobby heard it or not. 

Why was he putting himself out that way?

Desperate. 

Hopeful?

That if Bobby knew he was hurting this bad he wouldn’t leave him to deal with the pain alone, somehow take it all away, fix it. 

See Hanbin? This is why you always get yourself broken, the trust the blind hope you put yourself through with people who clearly showed you they are more than capable of destroying you, why do you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again?

‘You are not, god… Hanbin you are not worthless I’m sorry I-I… fuck I didn’t mean to make you feel this way, never, you are m-much more than that… you w-wouldn’t know how…’ Hanbin wanted him to complete but Bobby didn’t, went quiet that Hanbin wondered if he had hung up. 

_‘I’m sorry…’_

The weak whisper… it was so heavy Hanbin felt like crumbling under the gravity of it, it was different than the previous ones, it felt… resilient, it felt so fragile Hanbin had to clutch to his chest so tight to stop his heart from beating out of his ribs. 

He wanted a real touch to implant the words, to cover his bruises with it. 

‘I wouldn’t ask for you to forgive me but… but I… I want you to be okay, know that I regret it, all of it, _hurting you_… Hanbin… I’m sorry… so sorry…’

“Stop apologizing…” Hanbin couldn’t stand his sorries anymore, his heart was about to stop and his eyes began to sting so badly. 

“One is enough Bobby, one is enough… enough for m-me…” Hanbin’s voice faded out to a cry and Hanbin immediately covered his mouth with his swallowing sleeves to muffle it.

Why hearing his voice hurt, why hearing Bobby being hurt, hurt him even more than he already was, why it riled him to hear the strong composed Bobby this… weak… fragmented, he hated it.

He had always thought Bobby was a complete person, hearing him this far away from complete, wrecked? Yeah, he sounded wrecked and Hanbin couldn’t stand it because he knew how painful that feeling was and he didn’t want Bobby to feel it.

Hanbin didn’t realize he wasn’t thinking about himself anymore, that his concerns all laid over the man who felt as much shattered as him, he couldn’t grasp Bobby would be that much affected because of him, that… did Hanbin mean that much to him?

He so desperately wanted to have faith in that so he could conceal the awful night littering his colored skin, anything but that night.

Bobby went silent for a minute as if he didn’t know what to say back, Hanbin waited, tears cold and drying over his cheeks as he stared at the on-going call displayed on the screen.

If only Bobby was there in front of him.

Hanbin wanted him there so he could see the sincerity in his eyes, how real he was, how much truth lied into his words, into his apologies.

But would he be ready to witness the broken Bobby? The image total opposite to the one he had built of him, the strong wilding Kim Jiwon, the walking _perfection_.

Hanbin didn’t know what to make of the fact he wasn’t as what he had thought all along, that he as well, might have similar faultlines to him.

He didn’t want to believe Bobby had them. 

These dangerous deadly hidden monsters.

‘Are you okay…?’

“I’m good…”

‘I want you to… I’m sorry…’

“Told you to stop,”

‘Can’t… can’t…’

“It’s okay…”

Was it?

‘It’s not Hanbin… god… I shouldn’t have done it on the phone, should have faced you but…’ Bobby took a shaky inhale as if calming himself a bit.

Hanbin let him take his time, more because he was tired, too tired and exhausted, energy had gone out of him amidst the things happened lately.

Including this call.

This Bobby.

‘… I fear facing you… facing what I have done… I’m scared the damage I have caused is so big…’

It was.

But Hanbin didn’t think this Bobby would want to know that one extra truth.

‘… Just be okay Hanbin… I’m s— just be okay be okay be… okay…’ 

Hanbin kept quiet as he listened to Bobby’s low voice, tried his best to keep his eyes open but they felt dry and burning so he closed them. 

Bobby went soundless as well, Hanbin thought he had hung up but he didn’t, he took the phone in his hand, he stared at Bobby’s face in the icon as he ran his finger lightly over it, he sniffled. 

‘Don’t cry…’ 

“I’m not, my nose is just stuffed, these not tears.”

Hanbin pressed his knees to his chest for warmth as he held the phone close between, he didn’t feel like moving to his bed, it oddly felt peaceful being surrounded by his shelter and Bobby’s presence, he leaned his head sideways on the surface of the desk as he kept all his focus on his hearing. 

On Bobby’s voice. 

‘Wish I was there, I would have wiped them for you…’

“I would have cried more, I know myself…”

‘... a crybaby…’

“Maybe…”

‘I… would hold you…’

If Hanbin wasn’t half dozing off thanks to his cotton head he would have fretted about this but he was half gone with zero filters over his mouth and rationality. 

“Hmm…”

‘... would let you cry it in my arms…’

His voice… 

‘Wanna hold you… show you how much I… I want you… need you, how much I mean my… words, apologies, how I regret hurting you…’

Hanbin didn’t know if he was hearing the words or just conjuring them in his half state of conscious but he could delude himself in a dream, for now, realities weren’t as hearten after all. 

“I… want you here… too…”

Late-night confessions were the most honest, the truest, just real words and feelings. 

The most dangerous. 

“Want you to show me… I’m deserving it… for once, I’m worth being loved…”

Hanbin was half sleep talking, yet there was that single teardrop falling down the side of his cheek, Hanbin unconsciously gripped his chest, held the phone close with the other. 

‘Hanbin… you are… _you are worth it._’

Was it all a hallucination?

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :3  
+Sorry for taking this long to update this one, it got really long like it had crossed 18k, I had to cut the last scene y’all gonna have it next chapter ;)  
+For now hope you enjoyed this 13k monster, it was such a relief writing some happy moments there, even though some stuff are piling especially with Junbin but there is a reason for everything ig… *whistling*  
+Also Jundongbin where y’all at the ones who wanted them together again ~  
+Junrosé are like the relationship we all know we not gonna have irl lmao they are wholesome <33  
+And finally, DoubleB, god, conversations on the phone are so real and hurtful, I had my heart twisting when I wrote that ‘I wanna hold you’ ._.  
+So much to talk about in here but I would let y’all talk to me about it, would love to see the comments you leave <3  
Next time won’t take this long hopefully, see ya lovelies <333


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —Was I asking for too much?  
I only wanted to be happy!  
Why?  
Why...

Monday morning.

Hanbin woke up cramped under his desk, totally passed out the night before unwarily.

He groaned as he stretched his legs out, cracking few joints in the process, he opened his eyes only to notice the phone in his hand, time read past seven in the morning when he unlocked it there was Bobby’s conversation still opened.

The time stamp on the call read 5 hours… Bobby had kept the call on until a couple of hours ago…

_‘goodnight Hanbin’_

Bobby’s message read; Hanbin’s heart was beating so loud.

It was real, Bobby’s voice in his head was real, his call and the words he whispered to him the night before… it wasn’t dreams.

Hanbin shot up from under the desk, accidentally smacking his head with the surface but he ignored it as he stood there rummaging through his closet for an outfit, suddenly determined to go see him, go to his lecture and see his teacher.

Throwing a random fit on his bed he made a dash for the bathroom, Donghyuk sleepily there brushing his teeth “C’mon I wanna shower.”

“Waght—” Donghyuk replied with his foam-filled mouth, it took couple minutes before said boy was out, sending Hanbin suspicious looks but Hanbin ignored him as he locked the door behind.

Showering took him ten minutes before he was fresh with mint scent, it was when he stood naked in front of the mirror he once again took notice of the marks he somehow had foreseen in his rush to go see Bobby.

He ran his fingers on them, didn’t want to feel sullen about them but he somehow did, but he tried to urge himself that once Bobby is there he would make them better.

Make them hurt less.

He just needed to see him, he wanted a face to face word and maybe a single touch to make last night’s words more factual.

More sincere.

It was real and Bobby said… he was worth it…

Did he really say he was worth it?

Hanbin wanted to see, wanted to _believe _badly so despite his gnawing anxiety he was trying so hard to suppress, he still pushed himself to go and see for himself.

Hanbin could hear the commotion outside now both boys were up and trying to get ready for another hectic week of lectures.

He wore a black long-sleeved shirt with high collar in hopes to cover up the colors he had, not ready for anyone to judge him for them and definitely not his mother hearing about any of it.

But it didn’t work, no matter how much he tugged on them they still peaked, he sat there on his bed somehow sulking for a way to hide them.

He didn’t notice the time running short, there was a knock on the door and he was out, “C’mon I made poor breakfast for us.” Donghyuk beamed at him as he dragged him out of the room.

“You call cereals a ‘made’ breakfast?” Hanbin sat at the stool beside Junhoe who was swallowing the remaining milk in the bowl.

“Well, morning.” Hanbin greeted him and he replied a ‘morning’ back as he poured himself another bowl “wow.”

“Stop judging I have three lectures today.” Junhoe shot him a criticizing look and Hanbin frowned “weren’t they just two?”

“He moved one so he could sync with Chaeyoung’s ones.” Donghyuk smiled slyly and Junhoe glared at him “someone is grumpy today hehe.”

Hanbin smiled at their bickering, then Donghyuk made a sudden loud ‘oh!’ and both guys looked at him, Donghyuk grinned as he disappeared only to return with a piece of fabric in his hand, actually more than one, _scarfs_.

“I asked Liz for them since she has countless.” Donghyuk rounded the table and was standing in front of Hanbin, he fumbled with them, he had three different colors at hands, it wasn’t hard to pick a fit since Hanbin was sporting a black shirt with matching black pants.

Donghyuk wrapped the red one around his neck, fumbled a little with it before satisfaction spread on his face “there you go, all secured and hidden.”

Hanbin was kind of baffled, a pick tint colored his cheeks as he touched the fabric softly “knew you would be cautious of them, didn’t want you to skip lectures y’know?”

Donghyuk took his bowl to munch on his mixed colored cereals “Thank you…” Hanbin felt suddenly safe and protected, it was merely a piece of fabric but it hid them away, also his friends _protecting _him this way… he was grateful and it even made him a bit emotional he hugged Donghyuk.

“Tell me if you need different colors, I can steal more from Liz.” He winked and Hanbin cracked a smile.

.

.

Hanbin was restless, the whole day tugging at the scarf around his neck, why did he decide it was a good idea to take classes today? Where did he come up with that decision it was a good idea to face Bobby so shortly after?

Well, after yesterday’s phone call, Hanbin _wanted _to see Bobby so bad, just to perceive the man behind the call, behind the dim voice.

He even prepared himself so eagerly in the morning but dammit where all that energy had gone to?

He was quite apprehensive? He shouldn’t but Bobby didn’t seem at a good place the night before and Hanbin felt responsible to make sure… what? After that night you should have gotten rid of any concerns about said man but here you are forgetting yourself and fretting about the man who abused you and littered your skin with bruises you are trying so hard to hide behind a scarf you borrowed from your friend.

Hanbin grimaced at his nasty thoughts, the split bipolar behavior.

He apologized for them, forget these thoughts now Hanbin, why suddenly flipping on yourself, you decided to meet him, then go on with it until the end, show some bravery.

Bravery hah, he wanted to scoff at himself.

The more time clicked closer the more his thought cascaded in shambles, Hanbin didn’t know how to separate them no more.

Yes, he apologized countlessly but he still had flashbacks to the club night, shuddering at the memory of Bobby kissing another, Bobby touching him after, Bobby violating him.

Bobby shouting in front of everyone he was _his_.

Bobby apologizing to him continuously after.

Bobby telling him he was _worth it._

Restless, agitated Hanbin found himself bracing himself at the last seat in the furthest back row of the hall waiting for Bobby to arrive.

He knew it, he had to have Bobby and face him to get over it, he needed a fresh memory, a good one to lay over the ones in his head.

He wanted to forget it desperately.

To trust the sorries he heard from him.

It couldn’t help he was fidgeting alone, he looked around for Junhoe but boy wasn’t there yet, anxiety gnawed at him as he ogled the door for said boy.

Hanbin cowered over himself, tried to mask himself the best, all the while his hand kept patting over his thrumming heart for temporary calm he knew he was about to lose any second Bobby walked in.

Lecture was about to start when Junhoe walked in, Chaeyoung following in toe behind him, looked so small walking behind his back, he wanted to call for them but he was the furthest seated and he also concealed himself so well they couldn’t possibly notice him.

Junhoe looked around as if searching for him but didn’t seem to find him so he settled somewhere, he sat at one of the front rows, Chaeyoung taking the seat beside him.

His phone beeped and he almost jumped at the sound, “fuck…” Hanbin cursed nervously, why it felt like he was taking one of his final exams, it shouldn’t unsettle him like this but he was fussing so bad.

‘Where are you?’

It was Junhoe, Hanbin sighed as he replied ‘at the back rows.’

Junhoe took another glance around as he squinted his eyes, it took him a couple minutes to see him ‘wow, was that necessary?’

‘Well, I think?’

People started to arrive and Hanbin took deep breaths to sedate himself, hand going between his heart and the scarf to fiddle with it and then back over his heart, he wiped the sweat surfacing his skin but he felt hot within his skin, burning, he was almost catastrophic, remember to breathe Hanbin, he will arrive soon and you will see there is nothing to worry about and it is okay, Bobby wasn’t using you, Bobby wasn’t lying, Bobby was apologetic and regretful and you are not a victim, _not at fault._

Bobby will make it feel better.

He kept chanting until Bobby walked into the hall, the sudden quietness didn’t help at all it felt like his thoughts froze along with it but still, his insides felt the loudest especially when he noticed Bobby not bothering to cover the fact he was searching for him immediately.

He looked bad, so bad, yeah he looked as handsome as ever but no, he could see the exhaustion, the tired features, his apprehension, his body movement nervous unlike each time collected composure.

Hanbin didn’t know if he wanted to be seen or not but he didn’t have a choice when their eyes met and unlike every time’s cocky smile he received an extremely remorseful look.

Bobby almost looked ashamed when he averted his eyes and Hanbin sunk deeper into his seat, calm down Hanbin, calm down this is what you wanted to see, this is what you wanted right? You saw it and it is real it is real, _it is_ but why are you wishing you hadn’t witnessed this now? Why are you wishing he is smiling smugly instead of this disorientated _Kim Jiwon_? 

He is at fault Hanbin, he knows he is at fault and regrets it, you are _not_ at fault Hanbin it should make you feel better but why are you fucking sad?! Why are you about to cry… for him Hanbin not over yourself you are about to cry because he is in pain? Why would having him in pain, pain you that much as well?

Does it hurt that much knowing he is feeling the same horrible feelings you have?

Yes.

It did.

Bobby was a mess.

He was everything opposite the usual cheerful teacher, no smiles, curt replies, sullen expressions, and stressed words, tense energy was pouring off him and he was wiping sweat forming over his skin continuously, some of his hair sticking to his forehead and he had to let two buttons undone which didn’t seem to work he took his jacket off couple minutes later.

Hanbin was nibbling at the tips of his fingers to keep from drawing blood of his lips.

A mess, Hanbin watched him make a big disarray of himself; he couldn’t focus, couldn’t get his hands to lay numbers on the board, they shook with the effort and Hanbin could feel his heart tatter in his chest, it must be awful, he wanted desperately to hold his hand and stop it from trembling.

One hour through the lecture and Bobby had to brace himself over the podium with both hands to take couple breaths.

Everyone was uneasy and murmuring between them, sending him alarmed looks but he only waved his hand “I’m good, just give me a minute I’m good.”

Who was he lying to?

Another half-hour went by agonizingly slow, watching Bobby felt like torture to Hanbin, he no longer thought about himself he just wanted to run there and settle him down a little.

Students started to tell him off, worried and frantic that he would faint any minute then and Hanbin felt the same.

For a second Hanbin didn’t know if he imagined it or not but Bobby almost lost his footing and Hanbin was about to sprint down there, his hands were gripping hard over his lap as he tried to remain seated and collected. 

But that was hard. Watching this Bobby was so fucking hard. 

“You don’t look good please Mr. Jiwon.” Some girl he knew by Yeji hassled and fellow approval been heard after, Hanbin was thankful for them he really wanted anyone to tell him to lay it off for the day. 

It couldn’t help Bobby refused to look anywhere near him, avoided him at all costs he couldn’t even tell him with his eyes that he it was okay, he should end it there.

“Please Mr. Jiwon, just call it off, we can take extras next time.” Felix, a student he recognized by the thick voice added and Bobby hung his head low, silent as if at war with himself to consider it or not, Hanbin found himself praying for Bobby to accept.

“We don’t want anything bad to happen to you, it is only a half-hour left.” Bobby let out a deliberate sigh and smiled crookedly at them.

“Since when y’all ask for extras?” Bobby joked and the students whined at him “Sir we can take a whole two hours extra now just please take care of yourself.” The drop of Bobby’s smile to a warm sincere one tugged at the students’ hearts Hanbin saw the adoration in their expressions, he felt it too.

“Okay kids, I’m sold, take y’all leaves.” Bobby turned his back on them and they started to fill out the hall, each student said a warm good wish, told him to take care and they want him good and healthy next time.

No one was able to see the looks on Bobby’s face since he had his back slightly turned.

Junhoe was there waiting for him at the door but Hanbin remained rooted to his spot, his eyes must have said it all because Junhoe just turned around and left quietly, no expression gave away what that meant but Hanbin had more to stress about then so he let it be.

He noticed Chaeyoung laying a tentative hand on his lower back before the door was shut.

Bobby didn’t turn just when he heard the click of the door, he let his weight fall on the desk behind him as he rubbed at his throat, he scrunched his face as if severely tormented.

Hanbin watched and he bet he was feeling exactly the same.

“B-Bobby…” Bobby’s eyes blew open in shock as he flipped around to meet Hanbin’s just a couple feet away.

“H-Hanbin.” Hanbin couldn’t convince himself he wasn’t hurt by the unconscious step Bobby took back, he looked down, small fingertips peeking from his oversized sleeves to fiddle with the hem of his shirt nervously.

What are you doing here Hanbin?

Are you here comforting him or seeking comfort from him?

It was hard when both of them looked as bad.

He wanted to comfort him but he also wanted comfort from him…

_You are so awful_, wouldn’t that make you selfish? Look at him Hanbin he is barely keeping it together.

Hanbin didn’t notice he went quiet and was nervously picking at the scarf around his neck almost tugging it down to show the bruises Bobby drunkenly left there.

Bobby noticed and he grimaced, “God Hanbin I’m sorry I’m so fuckin’ sorry I’m sorry—” The words fell off his lips excessively which only fired Hanbin’s nervousness.

“I know I know you’ve told me.” Hanbin murmured faintly and Bobby inhaled erratically before he took a pace around, hand over his face as if it would tranquil his head a bit.

“How can I fix this Hanbin tell me what can I do? What should I do?” Bobby stopped to look around and his eyes fell on Hanbin’s “I can’t take this anymore Hanbin i-it’s suffocating me—” as if on cue Bobby’s breath hitched “I— tell me what should I do what should I do Hanbin— _say it_.”

Hanbin wanted him to do whatever, anything to make him forget that night, erase it from his memory, that Bobby wasn’t a bad person that Bobby wasn’t meant to hurt him back then, Bobby cared enough to fix him for real, wanted him for real.

He unconsciously rubbed at his neck where the marks itched there, his fingers scratched his skin lightly as he looked down, Hanbin almost felt embarrassed of asking, the words stuck heavily in his throat.

“Hanbin...” Bobby pleaded, a low whine slipped Hanbin’s lips.

Do it Hanbin, tell him, tell him it is now or never.

“Anything Bobby _anything_, get me to forget that night.” Hanbin’s breathed each word, calm Hanbin calm, remember to let some air in. 

Hanbin seemed to forget he was supposed to comfort him instead, lost in the need of the awful feelings to be erased, he wanted them to be gone and Bobby was presenting him with that opportunity, an offer to request whatever.

Bobby listened to him kind of lost, frowned as he tried to understand what Hanbin wanted “I-I h-hate these… do something about them p-please...” Hanbin bared his neck and realization started to sink in Bobby’s expressions “I can’t handle them a-anymore…” Hanbin scrubbed harshly at the marks, glad his nails were short and couldn’t get much damage done but still his skin turned red “I don’t wanna remember that n-night, _please please please _B-Bobby—”

Hanbin’s words were barely audible as he tried to shy within himself, lowering his head to hide his eyes behind overgrown bangs.

“Can I…” Bobby reached a hand out and Hanbin threw every fear of the touch, his need to _forget_ overcoming his usual anxieties.

“_Please…_” Hanbin walked with shaky feet, word fell like a pleading as he rested his forehead on Bobby’s shoulder.

As if permitting Bobby to touch him.

Hanbin felt arms wrap him up and he was buried in Bobby’s chest in a tight, really warm hug.

Bobby’s fingers carded through his hair firmly and the other laid flat on his back, his face tucked in his neck and he heard the deep inhale Bobby took of him as if he was deprived of it for the longest.

He could swear he felt Bobby shudder from it as he held strongly to him, Bobby could definitely hear his heart drumming against his ribcage, the hotness surfacing his skin.

Hanbin couldn’t feel his body, his whole weight leaned against the man holding him up on his feet.

Oh how much he fought against this.

_How much he longed for this._

To be held in someone’s arms like he meant the whole world to them.

And that’s what Hanbin felt at that moment, Bobby’s hold was as if he ached for it, extreme and so desperate as if holding someone he missed since forever. 

His missing piece. 

Hanbin nuzzled Bobby’s neck, inhaled the addictive scent and let himself thrive in it, calm him down and it did, Hanbin felt like an addict as he took another inhale, the breathe was like a drug he needed so much to sedate his nerves.

The thick fingers in his hair felt like calm spells falling over him.

How long was it since he last felt this serene?

Was this what he needed?

Hanbin decided no thoughts were needed just touches, thoughts never brought any good after he needed to shut his mind and just indulge in Bobby all over him.

Hanbin nosed at his jawline, eyes closed and hands weakly holding on to Bobby’s white shirt over his stomach.

Bobby pulled back a little to look at him and when he opened his eyes slowly, the look he met was indescribable, the number of emotions, pain, hurt and longing Hanbin almost whined at them as he averted his eyes down.

Bobby’s big palms still there at his waist keeping him pressed close, they were so close Hanbin could feel the measured breaths on his skin.

He trembled, he was so nervous and hyperaware of finally having the touch of his teacher.

_His teacher._

Hanbin felt the heat dangerously creep his face and down his neck to wrap around his drumming heart within his chest, he breathed, no, he was already panting excessively over a mere hug.

Bobby turned them around and Hanbin was leaning against the podium, the surface pressing just a bit above his lower spine.

And then Bobby was back with the soft gesture, tapping Hanbin’s cheek softly with his nose and Hanbin tilted his head sideways to bare his neck, hands moving up weakly, trailing Bobby’s chest to feel the frantic heartbeats that matched his.

It made him happy.

Bobby tugged at his scarf to unwrap it, fingers let two buttons undone, allowing the black shirt to fall off one shoulder and there was Bobby dragging his soft lips over every mark and bruise he left that night, Hanbin’s breath hitched, feather touches caused goosebumps to rise his skin and when he felt a wet tongue Hanbin moaned sensitively.

Bobby’s fingers dug into his waist at the sound and he was kissing his neck fully now, as if covering awful reminders with new flourished touches, making them feel better, unblemished, _pretty_.

So when Hanbin would look at them again he would remember the frenzied heartbeats underneath his trembling palms, Bobby’s scent clouding his senses and soft lips kissing him ever so gently.

Hanbin’s hands fisted Bobby’s shirt and he panted hard, Bobby’s warm wet mouth was too much, he trailed it all the way from his one exposed shoulder where his shirt tugged down all the way up his neck to cover his throat with nips and licks, he left ghost kisses along his jawline, his cheeks and over his ear, Hanbin let small soft sound with each touch.

Bobby’s open mouth hovered his ear and he breathed heavily, he could feel the hot inhales, Bobby whispered, thoroughly winded “I’m sorry…” a delicate kiss “I’m so sorry…” another faint one, Hanbin felt his knees buckle underneath him but Bobby was quick to wrap him around the waist, Hanbin was grateful for both the desk behind him and Bobby’s arms because he felt like falling apart any second then.

Bobby moved to bury his face in his neck “I shouldn’t have done that to you…” he could feel the guilt so protruding in the weak words “I wish I could take everything back… you don’t deserve what I’ve done to you…” Bobby’s breath caught midway and Hanbin’s heart drummed uncontrollably.

“I shouldn’t be anywhere close to you but I… I’m selfish, I’m greedy and I’m taking advantage of you right now…” Bobby held him tighter Hanbin wondered how was he even breathing in the suffocating hold, but still he couldn’t form a word, what could he say? Bobby was confessing everything. 

“Because I’m afraid you won’t allow me to touch you anymore…” Bobby kissed his chest faintly, apologetically, laid his lips just where his collarbones met.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry...” Bobby chanted the words and Hanbin felt his heart clench agonizingly, was Bobby aware of the apologies falling his lips like prayers?

Hanbin shrugged his arms from their tucked place between their bodies to wrap Bobby around the neck, he buried Bobby’s head deeper in his hold; laid kisses on his temple, his hair all the while petting him tenderly “I’m gonna forget it… you should forget it too…” Hanbin held his face in both hands as he drew him down and kissed him on his forehead in an emotional gesture to plant the words.

He almost thought the shaking came from Bobby crying but he wasn’t, he was thankful he wasn’t, he didn’t think he could handle Bobby crying in his arms, it was already too much.

This was the first time he got to be the one comforting, he was used to people taking care of his breakdowns, as awful as that might sound, holding Bobby now; he felt how heavy it weighted to see someone close that much in pain.

Hanbin wished to take it all away.

It was unbearable, did his friends feel that way when they attended to him? He forced himself to push the guilt down for another night to dwell on more.

He had an unstable Bobby in his arms to attend for now.

Hanbin stayed silent for a while, waited for Bobby to come down a little from his fit, Hanbin knew when he felt the palms at his waist rubbing his back up and down leisurely along his spine.

Hanbin shuddered, Bobby grasped his shirt and tugged it more down his one exposed shoulder, he was kissing his collarbone again, sucking it tenderly following the scrap of teeth with his hot tongue; Hanbin threw his head back, eyes staring hazily at the high ceiling as Bobby continued his wet touches all over his shoulder.

The bite was quivering Hanbin let a whimper slip through his lips, hands fisted Bobby’s mob of hair but said man didn’t stop, kept the kisses all the way down his shoulder until he reached his arm where the shirt laid almost at his elbow, lips over the colors his strong grips left that night.

He was having a make-out session with his teacher.

In their lecture hall.

Where his teacher was kissing him like his life depended on it.

Hanbin whined, eyes fell shut and he gritted his teeth, _he was so turned on._

Fuck.

Bobby groaned and Hanbin realized he let the curse out loud, he almost didn’t recognize his hoarse voice.

Hanbin didn’t expect it when Bobby wedged his leg between his knees, pressing his thigh to his apparent bulge and Hanbin groaned throatily. 

He bit his lip hard when Bobby rubbed him, he let his head fall on Bobby’s shoulder with audible gasps, _god it felt so good. _

Hanbin couldn’t fight the urge to grind against Bobby’s thick thigh and he did shamelessly to receive a bite on his shoulder. 

It felt good, so good, even with him biting his lips, throaty noises still escaped him and when Bobby raised his knee to press hard against his dick Hanbin gasped out loud and followed the noise with a lewd moan, grinding desperately as he clutched hard around Bobby’s neck. 

Bobby’s hand laid flat on his chest then moved dangerously down, _dangerously slow_, Hanbin squirmed under the touch, oh god he wasn’t about to—

“_Oh god—_” Hanbin gasped when Bobby palmed his hard dick, squeezed him through the fabric, he was moaning shamelessly, both fists at Bobby’s shoulder to hold tight for his sanity, he buried his face in his neck to shy away from everything.

Oh how long he wanted this, fantasized about it, wet dreams and jerking sessions to the thoughts of his teacher touching him, kissing him, _fucking him._

Hanbin kept moaning while Bobby kept the tease, he wanted skin on skin, wanted Bobby to touch him more, much more than the slow strokes and thick thigh in between.

“I’m gonna make you forget every awful memory I left you with.” Bobby planted the words with a kiss just under his ear and Hanbin inhaled shakily.

“Please please please—” he didn’t comprehend he was begging at that point, he just wanted the flames surrounding him inside out to burn him whole.

“Don’t beg me Hanbin, I will do anything for you…” Hanbin whimpered and Bobby kissed him once again along his neck following the movement with tugging the zipper of his pants down just enough to slip his hard leaking dick out, flushed hot in Bobby’s big hand.

Hanbin drew a moan at the touch, the vibration traveling all the way where his lips pressed to Bobby’s neck.

Hanbin watched Bobby pull away to give his palm a lick, not meeting his eyes while he did it, Hanbin gaped at him, Bobby then took him again, he gasped at the smooth slide, oh god it felt so good.

“Tell me before you come,” Bobby whispered as he planted a kiss on Hanbin’s flushed cheek, Hanbin barely found it in him to nod back.

He was a mess in Bobby’s arms.

Bobby continued to jerk him off, he moved back a little to look at Hanbin writhing in front of him, “Ahhh… B-Bobby… please... ahh—!” Hanbin cried at an accidental rough squeeze and Bobby groaned with him “What Hanbin, tell me, _baby_.” Hanbin moaned at the adornment, he loved it.

_Loved it so much._

“Please- please Bobby pleae—” Bobby burrowed his nose beside Hanbin’s, lips hovering dangerously close “tell me baby tell me _I’m listening to you…_” Bobby’s stranded voice made him shiver, Hanbin’s hands moved to hold tight around his neck, Bobby didn’t mind the fingers digging his skin as he watched Hanbin’s shaky eyes look back into his, glazed over and fluttering.

It was a quiet moment Hanbin’s eyes never left Bobby’s, tried to collect his words but only a small whisper escaped him “_B-Babbi…”_ Hanbin sighed against Bobby’s parted lips and he heard the hitch in his breath as he fastened his movement “Wanna ahh… come, gonna come, Babbii…” Bobby’s eyes were hunting when he let go and Hanbin whined loudly.

Bobby left a lingering kiss just at the corner of his mouth before he dropped down on one knee in front of him.

For a second there Hanbin freaked out, feeling Bobby’s hands at his hips, he immediately tried to pull him back on his feet “Bobby, what a-are you d-doing?” Hanbin couldn’t be blushing any more than he was, words stuttering out of his mouth.

“Get up please Bobby—” Bobby sent him a steel look and Hanbin lost the words, all in a jumbled mess “I’m just being practical, can’t let you stain your and my clothes with your cum here y’know?” Hanbin covered his face with both hands in embarrassment, though his red ears were a dead giveaway, Bobby’s chuckles filled the place.

“_Oh god, how beautiful you are…_” Bobby said breathlessly, staring hazily up at him and Hanbin found himself lost in them, hands halfway down as he stared into the dazed looks.

He was speechless, how was his heart still beating in his chest? It should be out of his ribcage by now.

Bobby smiled lopsidedly and Hanbin just then realized how much he missed it, that enchanting smile everyone loved, that he loved so much.

Hanbin was so starstruck he didn’t notice when Bobby gave his length a long slow lick from the base and up to wrap his mouth around his head, swallowing him in and Hanbin hunched forward with a gasp at the sudden sensations, wet and hot he needed to breathe.

Bobby had the audacity to shoot him a playful look before he closed his eyes as if savoring the taste as he popped his head, Hanbin felt the tip touch the back of his throat and it was too much not to come when he grazed his dick with teeth lightly, Hanbin moaned on top of him so loud.

“Ahh… I’m g-gonna come hnngg B-Bobby…” Hanbin panted and Bobby pulled his whole shaft out of his mouth, Hanbin could have come from the look of it only, the strings of saliva and precum connecting Bobby’s glistening red lips with his dick.

_Breathtaking._

Bobby held his dick in hand as he gave it a peck on the tip before he stuck his tongue out and laid the leaking head over it, “Fuck B-Bobby just g-get it in…” Hanbin didn’t know why that even embarrassed him after everything they had done. 

Hanbin place his hands on Bobby’s cheeks, pressing lightly so he would return his tongue in but Bobby mischievously tugged at his dick and Hanbin almost fell forward with the intensity of his orgasm, cum over Bobby’s tongue and a little getting caught over his upper lip, Hanbin groaned so loud at the visual.

Especially when Bobby swallowed it all, darted his tongue out to lick his lips before he gave his head a little suck to wipe the cum left there, Hanbin whined in oversensitivity, his hands on Bobby’s cheeks pushed him away “S-Stop…” he heaved hard, Bobby looked him up cheekily as he licked his lips clean once more, Hanbin felt the rush of heat return back to his face.

Give it a rest, please.

When he was sure Bobby wouldn’t tease him again, Hanbin leaned back to catch his breath as he watched Bobby still on one knee tucking him in and making him presentable again but then he felt a weight on his stomach and Bobby was hiding his face there, arms going around to hold him feebly, Hanbin’s heart swelled at the _weak _gesture.

It hurt.

“Are you okay there…?”

Hanbin threaded his fingers through the curls, carding them softly in a calming motion but Bobby still refused to pull off, shook his head as a no but still he muffled ‘I’m good— I’m fine just…’

“...it’s okay… it’s okay, shush…”

They remained like that for five minutes close soundlessly, everything felt serene and just _right_.

Soon Bobby was on his feet, had his whole body leaned heavily on his, he smelled divine, fucked out Hanbin wanted to bury himself there and pass out from everything.

When was the last time he felt this content?

Bobby wrapped him up again, their bodies left no air between, pressed flush against each other in a pleasant moment.

Hanbin’s trailed his hands on Bobby’s chest, fixing the shirt and busying himself with fastening the undone buttons as Bobby rested his forehead on his, noses against cheeks and lips thin hair apart.

Hanbin felt the hardened bulge at his hip and he bit his plush lip “You… erm…” Hanbin blushed under the intense stare of Bobby that was pouring into him. 

“Hmm…?” Bobby hummed mindlessly, looks shifting dizzily between Hanbin’s eyes and mouth, Hanbin squirmed in his arms.

“You… y’know… still didn’t get off…” Hanbin met his eyes and he was blushing so hard he felt like burning under the stare.

“Doesn’t matter, this is about _you,_ not me.” Bobby nudged his nose softly in reassurance and Hanbin frowned, what reason was that?

“I will deal with it later, for now, I’m good with you... feeling content in my arms…” Bobby closed his eyes as he pressed his lips lightly at the corner of his mouth before he pulled back slightly and Hanbin felt his heart swell in his chest, god he wasn’t used to this _faultlessness_. 

To the fond look in Bobby’s eyes. 

What had he done to receive such treatment?

Everything was magical, unreasonably good, almost perfect. 

No, it was definitely _perfect_.

Hanbin found himself staring at Bobby’s lips while breathing each other’s air.

Minutes passed where Bobby’s forehead still laid on his and their noses still nuzzling together as if none of them were strong enough to pull away.

But their lips never met. 

Hanbin wanted them to meet.

Bobby’s arms tightened around him as if their minds ran the same and Hanbin lost it in the parted lips in front of him, alluring and mouthwatering.

Bobby only parted his lips more and let Hanbin kiss him in whichever way he wanted, Hanbin didn’t bother tilting his head as he buried his tongue in Bobby’s mouth, smashed their noses together in a desperate really desperate kiss Hanbin didn’t know how to let it fill the thirst within him.

His hands moved over Bobby’s cheeks and neck, sucking Bobby’s lips, biting them and licking his way through and Bobby was sucking his tongue, god he was delicious he was out of breath but couldn’t let go, moaned impatiently, impatient for what? He didn’t know, he was just that much deprived of those lips and he wanted them, wanted them so badly.

They pulled apart barely a little, eyes meeting hazily. 

Bobby gave a minute for Hanbin to get a breath as he littered his jawline with open-mouthed kisses just as impatient and up to his cheek and over his ear and the hot pants made Hanbin shiver. 

“_Hanbin_…” 

Bobby murmured his name and Hanbin pulled at the back of his collar roughly to bring him back for another searing kiss.

Bobby almost pushed Hanbin back over the desk with the intensity of the kiss, oh god how he loved Hanbin’s lips, perfect, he could get drunk on them daily and he bit them only to receive a needy whimper back, sinful, Hanbin was all over sinful and Bobby almost drew blood from those lips as he ravished them harshly but they weren’t harsh for Hanbin, they were perfect lust filled kisses he craved so much.

Bobby’s hands moved all over Hanbin’s body and the guy lost all air in him and by the time they pulled apart none had any.

The stare between their eyes held everything they couldn’t say or understand, it stretched so long until Bobby broke it with a hand around Hanbin’s head, pulled him in, more like cradled his head to his chest with a soft kiss on his temple.

He pulled off, Bobby not meeting his eyes as he fixed his shirt back, fingers grazing the marks in ghost touches with meaningful stares trailing after them “hope they are… pretty now…” he whispered before he wrapped them in the scarf to secure them away.

They were, they already _felt_ pretty to Hanbin.

“You… you okay now right...?” even though Hanbin asked him just a while ago, he still felt like making sure again, it might be annoying but he couldn’t ignore the ting of worry, not when he saw Bobby that shook because of him, not when he was staring at him this close and could see how tired he was, how hazy his eyes were.

“More than okay…” Hanbin was lost in the smile that graced Bobby’s lips he didn’t expect the kiss on the tip of his nose, so tender and affectionate.

“Let me get you home.”

Hanbin agreed, only because Bobby looked seconds away from collapsing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene I couldn’t include in the last chapter but jfkgjfkghg YES the doubleB y’all craved for plus a really early update~  
It has finally started… lots of db coming~  
Ignore the typos this is poorly edited and it's five in the morning ;_;  
Hope you liked it and definitely wanna hear from ya!! Tell me in the comments <3  
p.s enjoy the good times while they last, bye~


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